Writing Wedding Invites: Navigating The Plus-One Conundrum

Planning a wedding is no easy feat, and deciding on the guest list can be one of the most challenging parts. When it comes to plus-ones, there are a few key considerations and etiquette rules to keep in mind. While you want to accommodate everyone, budget and space constraints may not always allow for it. Here are some tips to help you navigate the tricky waters of wedding plus-one invitations.

Married, engaged, and cohabiting guests traditionally receive a plus one

As a couple, you may not have the budget or space to accommodate every single guest bringing a plus one. In this case, it's standard practice to only allow married, engaged, and cohabiting guests to bring a plus one. This is a clear and easily explainable criterion that can help you stick to your budget.

When addressing your wedding invitations, it's important to be clear about who is and isn't invited. If a guest is married or engaged, the outer envelope should include their name alone, and the inner envelope should include their name and their partner's name or "and guest" if you don't know their partner's name. If you're sending online invitations, include the names of both the guest and their plus one at the beginning of the email.

If a guest is single and not receiving a plus one, both the outer and inner envelopes (or the online invitation) should include only their name. This is a gentle way to communicate that they are not offered a plus one without having to state it explicitly.

Remember that every wedding is different, and there are no set rules about who you should and shouldn't invite. Ultimately, your wedding day should reflect what you and your partner want.

Everyone in the bridal party should get a plus one

It is important to remember that your wedding party has given you their time, love, and energy, and they have also spent a lot of money on attire, lodging, and transportation for multiple events. They deserve a plus one.

How to Address Plus Ones on Invitations

If you are sending online invitations, include the names of the invitee and their plus one at the beginning of the email. If you are sending paper invitations, the outer envelope should include only the invitee's name, and the inner envelope should include their name "and guest".

The term "plus one" grants an invited guest permission to bring someone with them to your wedding. It gives single guests the opportunity to bring a date and is also offered to friends and family in serious or long-term relationships, especially if you don't know the primary guest's partner well.

Who Gets a Plus One?

While there are no set rules, standard wedding etiquette dictates that members of the couple's immediate family, wedding party members, and outlier guests who won't know many other attendees should receive a plus one. If you are on a tight budget, you can create an "A" list of guests who should absolutely receive a plus one, and a "B" list of guests who you would like to include if possible.

How to Notify Guests

The invitation envelope says a lot. If it has the invitee's name alone, they are not offered a plus one. If it is for the invitee "and guest", then they are offered a plus one. It is best to be clear and upfront about plus ones to avoid any confusion.

Include the plus one on the invitation

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, it's important to be clear and direct about who is invited. This is especially important when it comes to plus-ones, as you don't want any confusion or unexpected guests on your special day. Here are some instructive guidelines on how to include plus-ones on the invitation:

Traditional Outer and Inner Envelopes

Very traditional wedding invitations have an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope addresses the recipient (the guest you know personally), and the inner envelope lists all the names of those who are invited, such as children or plus-ones. For example, the outer envelope would have "Mrs. Valerie Smith," and the inner envelope would include "Mrs. Valerie Smith & Guest." This method makes it clear that a plus-one is being offered.

Single Envelope or Online Invitations

If you're using a single envelope or sending online invitations, be sure to address all invitees clearly and upfront. If the couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. For instance, "Mr. James R. Smith and Ms. Anna Jones." If you're allowing a guest to bring a casual date, write your friend's name and then "and guest." For example, "Ms. Emily Brown and guest."

Wording for Unmarried Couples

For unmarried couples living together, it is best to address both parties on the outside and inside of the invitation. If they live separately, each party should receive their own invitation if their address is known. If not, address the invitation to the primary guest and include the partner's name inside. If you're unsure about their relationship status, use "invited guest" instead of a name.

Handling Requests for Plus-Ones

Be prepared for guests who don't receive a plus-one to reach out and ask for one. It is recommended to respond kindly and firmly, explaining your limitations, such as budget or venue capacity. You can say something like, "We'd love to include everyone, but our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family. We appreciate your understanding, and we hope to see you there!"

Seating Arrangements

Consider the seating arrangements when creating your guest list and plus-one options. It's important to seat solo guests with people they know or with outgoing and friendly couples they can mingle with comfortably. This will create a communal feel and help them meet people organically.

Be mindful when seating couples and single guests

When it comes to seating, it's important to be mindful of the dynamic between couples and single guests. Creating a "singles-only" table might give the impression that you're corralling your single friends together. Instead, try placing them between outgoing and friendly couples they'll likely get along with. This will create a more communal feel to the event and help them meet people more organically.

When addressing the outer envelope, write the guest's first and last name, without adding "and guest". This allows the guest who is invited to understand that the invitation is directed towards them. Once they open the card, they will be able to see the "plus one". The "and guest" does not need to be on the envelope.

If you invite a guest who is single and they are not getting a plus one, both their outer and inner envelope should include their name only.

A guest who does get a plus one should have their name alone on the outer envelope, with their name and "and guest" on the inner envelope.

If you are sending online invitations, include the names at the beginning of the email.

It's also important to remember that not everyone needs a plus one. Feel free to be selective on your special day and only give plus ones where you think they are needed.

Be prepared for people to ask if they can bring a plus one

Even if you make it clear that only certain people are allowed to bring a plus one, you should still be prepared for people to ask if they can bring one.

Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette advises that you first enquire further about this requested addition. Their relationship might have become more serious since you sent out the invites. If this is the case, do what you can to include their partner.

However, if you don't have the room, it's okay to reply with something kind, such as: "We would love for you to bring a guest, but this is a very intimate affair." It's best to do this over the phone or in person, rather than via email.

You might also want to consider the following:

• Be polite and consistent when faced with guests asking for plus ones.
• Look at each request individually and consider logistical factors like budget, venue capacity, and rules.
• You'll need to consider how that plus one might affect the environment of your wedding day.
• If you've decided that only the wedding party can bring a plus one, you could say: "We wish we could allow everyone to bring a plus one, but as we faced some limitations in being able to do this, we were only able to allow wedding party members to bring a guest."

Frequently asked questions