Franklin Dean
Planning a wedding is stressful, and one of the first steps is figuring out who to invite. This includes the tricky issue of deciding who gets a plus-one. Plus-ones can be a big problem because, often, there isn't enough room in the budget for extra food, drinks, and favours. So, how do you word your wedding invitations to include or exclude a plus-one for your guests?
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| If the plus-one is known | Include their name on the invitation |
| If the plus-one is unknown | Add "and Guest" to the envelope |
| If there is no plus-one | Only include the name of the guest on the envelope |
| If the guest is married or engaged | Their spouse or fiancé should be invited |
| If the guest is in a long-term relationship | Their partner should be invited |
| If the guest is single | A plus-one is a nice gesture, but not at the expense of people you wanted to invite |
What You'll Learn
Who traditionally gets a plus one?
Traditionally, there are several types of guests who get a plus one. Firstly, those who are married should be able to bring their spouse. This is considered standard practice and good manners, even if the couple getting married has never met the spouse. The same goes for those who are engaged or living together – their fiancé or live-in partner should be invited.
Secondly, it is common courtesy to offer a plus one to members of the wedding party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen. This is a way to show appreciation for their support and commitment throughout the wedding planning process and the wedding day itself.
Thirdly, it is also traditional to offer a plus one to guests who are travelling long distances to attend the wedding, especially if they won't know anyone there besides the couple getting married. This ensures that they have a comfortable and enjoyable experience at the wedding.
Finally, it is generally expected that if one person in a social group (e.g. coworkers) is given a plus one, then everyone in that group should be offered the same. This avoids any potential hurt feelings or favouritism.
Of course, the couple getting married has the final say on who gets a plus one, and their decision may be influenced by factors such as budget and venue capacity. It is important to establish clear and consistent criteria for offering plus ones to avoid any confusion or hard feelings.
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Creating a clear and elegant message
When it comes to wedding invitations, it's important to strike a balance between clarity and elegance in your wording. Here are some tips to help you craft a clear and elegant message for your wedding invitations, specifically regarding plus ones:
- Traditional invitations: If you're using traditional wedding invitations with an outer and inner envelope, the outer envelope should include the name of the guest you're inviting. If they have a plus one, their name can be added to the outer envelope as well. The inner envelope should then include the guest's name and "and guest". This makes it clear that they are invited with a plus one.
- Modern invitations: For more modern invitations, whether you're sending a single envelope or an online invitation, be sure to address all invitees clearly and upfront. If a couple is invited, list both of their full names. If a guest is allowed to bring a plus one, write the guest's name followed by "and guest".
- Numbers: A simple and elegant way to indicate the number of seats reserved for each guest is to write the exact number on the invitation. This gently conveys that they cannot bring a plus one without having to state it explicitly. For example, on the RSVP card, you can write "_____ of 2 will be attending" to indicate that there is only one additional seat available for a plus one.
- Online invitations: For online invitations, include the names of the invited guests and their plus ones at the beginning of the email. This ensures clarity and avoids any confusion or assumptions about who is invited.
- Singles: When inviting single guests who are not offered a plus one, include only their name on both the outer and inner envelopes of a traditional invitation. For modern invitations, address the invitation to the individual without adding "and guest". This communicates that they are invited without a plus one.
- Married couples: As a rule of thumb, married couples should be invited together. Include both names on the invitation, with the woman's name appearing first. This can be done for both traditional and modern invitations.
- Engaged and cohabitating couples: Similar to married couples, engaged and cohabitating couples should also be invited together. Include both names on the invitation, regardless of the invitation style.
- Be consistent: Establish your own rules and be consistent in their application. For example, if one person in the wedding party is offered a plus one, everyone in the wedding party should be offered the same. This avoids any perceptions of favouritism.
- Be mindful of seating arrangements: When creating your seating plan, be mindful of singles and avoid seating them between married couples or overly affectionate pairs. Instead, seat them with outgoing and friendly couples to create a communal feel and help them meet people organically.
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What to do when someone asks for a plus one
When someone asks for a plus one, there are several things to consider before responding.
First, it's important to understand the guest's relationship status. If they are married, engaged, or in a long-term committed relationship, it is generally considered appropriate to include their partner in the invitation. However, if the guest is casually dating or single, there is no obligation to offer a plus one.
Next, consider the size and intimacy of your wedding. If you are planning a small and intimate ceremony, it is understandable to decline plus one requests. Be honest and gentle in your response, explaining that you are only inviting your nearest and dearest to the celebration.
Another factor to consider is your budget. Weddings are expensive, and each additional guest increases the cost. If your budget is tight, it is perfectly acceptable to decline plus one requests. Be transparent about your financial constraints, as most guests will understand the financial burden of hosting a wedding.
Additionally, assess the guest's relationship with the couple getting married. If the guest is a close friend or family member of the couple, it may be more important to them to have a plus one. In these cases, try to accommodate their request if possible, as it could make a significant difference in their comfort and enjoyment during the wedding.
Finally, be consistent in your plus one policy. If you've established specific criteria for offering plus ones, stick to them. Making exceptions for certain guests while declining others could lead to hurt feelings and tension.
Remember, it's your wedding, and ultimately, the decision is yours. Be gracious and considerate in your responses, and don't be afraid to say no if it doesn't align with your vision or budget.
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How to address wedding invitations for plus ones
The task of drafting a guest list for your wedding can be challenging, especially when it comes to deciding who gets a plus one. While it would be ideal to allow everyone to bring a plus one, budget and space limitations often make this impossible. So, how do you go about letting your guests know if they can bring a plus one or not?
Firstly, it is important to establish clear criteria for who will receive a plus one. Traditionally, married, engaged, and cohabitating guests receive a plus one. It is also common to offer a plus one to everyone in the bridal party as a token of appreciation for their efforts and support. If you have the budget and space, you may also consider offering a plus one to single guests who may feel uncomfortable attending alone.
Once you have decided who will receive a plus one, it's time to address the invitations. If you are sending physical invitations, the outer envelope should include only the guest's name, regardless of whether they are receiving a plus one. The inner envelope should then include the guest's name followed by "and guest" if they are receiving a plus one. If you know the name of the plus one, you can include it on a separate line below the guest's name. Alternatively, you can send a separate invitation to the plus one directly. For online invitations, include the names of both the guest and the plus one at the beginning of the email.
It is also important to be clear about the number of seats reserved for each guest to avoid any confusion about whether children are invited. This can be done by including the exact number of seats on the RSVP card. Finally, be prepared for guests to reach out and ask about bringing a plus one. If you are unable to accommodate their request, it is best to reply kindly and personally, explaining that your celebration is intimate and space is limited.
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How to politely say no plus ones
Deciding who gets a plus one at your wedding can be a tricky task, and it's not always possible to accommodate everyone. Here are some tips and tricks on how to politely say no to plus ones on your wedding invitations:
Be Clear and Elegant
When it comes to wedding invitations, it's important to be clear and delicate at the same time. A short, sweet, and elegant way to convey this message is to specify the exact number of seats that have been reserved for each guest. This way, they will gently understand that they cannot bring a plus one without it having to be explicitly stated. For example, you can write "We have reserved X number of seats in your honour". This tactic can also be useful for addressing the "children or no children" issue.
Address the Invitation to the Guest by Name
When you are not inviting a plus one, the wedding invitation wording is simple: only include the name of the guest on the envelope. Be careful about whom you address the invitation to. Rather than saying "You are invited to our wedding", address the invitation to the person by name. This may be easy to ignore, so you can also add something more obvious like "X number of seats are reserved in your honour".
FAQs on Your Wedding Website
FAQs on your wedding website are a great way to explain things to your guests without having to address them directly. You can add an FAQ about plus ones, such as "Q: Can I bring a plus one to your wedding? A: Unfortunately, we're on a tight budget and have limited space, so we can't afford for all our lovely guests to bring their own guest. Plus ones are therefore by invitation only, and we ask other guests to please not bring a plus one. Thank you so much for understanding!"
Stick to Your Guns
If you and your partner have set hard-and-fast rules for your wedding guest list, it's important to stick to them. If you start making exceptions for one couple or person, the word may get out, and you may feel pressured to add more people to your guest list. If a guest writes in a plus one on their RSVP card, address it right away by calling them and graciously explaining that, unfortunately, their plus one is not invited due to budget or space limitations.
Be Upfront
If a guest still brings up the topic of a plus one, be polite but firm. You can say something like, "I'm so sorry, but due to budget limitations/venue capacity, we can't justify plus ones". Remember, it's your wedding and you don't need to explain yourself. However, if you want to add additional reasoning, such as "plus ones we don't know well", you can.
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Frequently asked questions
If you are sending a physical invitation, the traditional way to indicate a guest is invited with a plus one is to include "and Guest" on the envelope. If you are sending online invitations, include the names of the guest and their plus one at the beginning of the email.
For a physical invitation, the outer envelope should include the guest's name alone, and the inner envelope should include the guest's name and "and Guest".
If you know the name of the plus one, you can include them on the invitation with the guest, listing their name on a separate line below the guest's name. You can also send a separate invitation to the plus one directly.
If you don't want guests to bring a plus one, only include the name of the guest on the envelope.
