Responding To Wedding Rsvps: Guide To Crafting Your Reply

RSVPs are an important part of wedding planning, allowing couples to confirm their guest numbers and finalise everything from seating plans to budgets. When replying to an RSVP, it's essential to respond promptly and follow the couple's instructions. Here are some key tips on how to reply to a wedding invitation RSVP:

1. Respond as soon as possible: Don't delay and try to respond before the due date. It's courteous to the couple and helps them with their planning.

2. Follow the provided instructions: If they request an RSVP via their wedding website, don't send a text message. Respect their preferred method of communication.

3. Include your full name(s): Write your name(s) exactly as they appear on the invitation, including any requested titles (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss).

4. Indicate your response: Clearly state whether you are attending or not. If you are attending, provide the total number of guests.

5. Meal selection: If requested, indicate your meal preference and any dietary requirements or allergies.

6. Special prompts: Respond to any fun prompts or questions from the couple, such as song requests or marriage advice.

7. Personal note: Include a brief personal note to the couple, expressing your well-wishes and excitement for the wedding.

8. Declining an invitation: It's proper etiquette to respond with a definitive No and a gift from their registry if you can't attend.

9. Don't add extra guests: Only those invited should respond and attend. Don't add additional guests or substitute your plus-one.

10. Use the provided stationery: If a response card and envelope are included, use them to reply. Don't go rogue unless instructed otherwise.

Responding to a physical invitation

• Respond promptly: It's important to respond to a wedding invitation as soon as possible. This helps the couple finalise their numbers, create a seating plan, and confirm their budget. Even if you're unsure about your attendance, it's courteous to let the couple know, so they can plan accordingly.
• Understand the invitation: Take note of any specific instructions or details included in the invitation. For example, if you've been allocated a plus-one, your invitation will typically include the words "and Guest" or "+1". If your invitation doesn't include these, it's best to assume you haven't been offered a plus-one.
• Fill out the RSVP card: If the invitation includes a separate RSVP card, fill it out accordingly. Provide your full name, your response (attending or not attending), the number of guests attending, and any other requested information, such as dietary requirements or song requests. Use a pen, preferably blue or black ink, and avoid using checkmarks when confirming your response. Instead, use numbers to indicate the number of guests attending or declining.
• Follow the tone and formality: When writing your response, match the tone and formality of the invitation. If it's a formal invitation, use titles and last names. For example: "Mr. and Mrs. Smith accept with pleasure (or regret) your kind invitation for the wedding on [date]." For an informal response, you can be more casual: "Thank you for your invitation! We will happily be attending. Looking forward to it! Love, Sally and Harry."
• Return the RSVP card promptly: Make sure to send back the RSVP card within the specified timeframe. Use the provided pre-addressed and pre-stamped envelope, if included. This helps the couple receive your response without any delays.
• Inform the couple of any changes: If you've accepted the invitation but can no longer attend due to unforeseen circumstances, it's important to inform the couple as soon as possible. Call them or send a message to let them know, as they may need to inform the caterers or make other arrangements.
• Send a gift if you're declining: If you're unable to attend the wedding, it's a thoughtful gesture to send a gift from the couple's registry along with your regrets. This is a nice way to show your support for their special day, even if you can't be there in person.

Replying to a digital invitation

Replying to a digital wedding invitation? Here's what you need to know:

Firstly, it's important to respond promptly. Check your schedule and consult with anyone else included in the invitation, then make your response as soon as possible. This will help the couple plan ahead and finalise numbers for catering and venue capacity.

When it comes to the tone of your response, take your cue from the invitation itself. If the digital invitation is formal, your reply should be, too. A formal response should be written in the third person, following the wording of the invitation. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Harold McGowan accept with pleasure (or regret that they are unable to accept) your kind invitation for [date].

If the invitation is informal, your response can be more casual. Write in the first person and keep your reply brief but sincere. For instance:

> Dear [Couple's Names],

>

> Thank you for your invitation. We are delighted to accept and look forward to sharing in your special day.

>

> Best wishes,

> [Your Name(s)]

If you need to decline, an informal response might look like this:

> Dear [Couple's Names],

>

> Thank you so much for inviting us to your wedding. Unfortunately, we won't be able to make it as we'll be out of town. We're so sorry to miss it, and we wish you all the best for your big day!

>

> Love,

> [Your Name(s)]

When responding to a digital invitation, be sure to follow the instructions provided. If the couple has requested that you RSVP via their wedding website, be sure to do so. Similarly, if they've included a specified email address, use that email address for your response, even if you have a different one on file.

Lastly, don't forget to include your name(s) in your reply!

What to do if you can no longer attend

It can be tricky to know what to do if you can no longer attend a wedding you've already RSVP'd 'yes' to. Here are some steps to follow to ensure you handle the situation with grace and courtesy:

Step 1: Inform the Couple as Soon as Possible

It is important to let the couple know of your change of plans as soon as possible. Contact them using the method they specified for RSVPs, whether that's via phone, email, or their wedding website. It is unfair to the couple and those on the waiting list to delay your response.

Step 2: Express Your Regrets and Gratitude

When informing the couple that you can no longer attend, be sure to express your sincere regrets and gratitude. Let them know how honoured you were to be invited and how disappointed you are to miss the big day. A simple, heartfelt message will suffice, and there's no need to overexplain or provide a lengthy excuse. For example, you could say, "I'm so sad to let you know that I won't be able to make it to your wedding. I'm so honoured that you wanted to include me in your special day, and I wish you both all the best."

Step 3: Consider Sending a Gift or Card

Although it is not expected of you, you may want to consider sending a gift or a card along with your regrets to show your well wishes. This is especially thoughtful if you are unable to attend due to a non-urgent reason. A small gift from the couple's registry or a heartfelt card can go a long way in showing your support and excitement for their marriage.

Step 4: Avoid Substituting Your Plus-One

If you can no longer attend, refrain from substituting your plus-one. The couple has likely put a lot of thought into their guest list, and it may cause logistical issues for them if someone they did not plan for attends. Respect their wishes, and understand that they will have their reasons for not offering a plus-one to single guests.

Step 5: Refrain from Changing Your Mind

Once you have RSVP'd 'no,' it is essential to stick to that decision. Changing your mind back and forth can create unnecessary stress and complications for the couple. Wedding planning is intricate, and they will have already adjusted their numbers, seating chart, and budget based on your initial response.

Remember, it is perfectly normal to decline a wedding invitation if you can no longer attend. Life is full of surprises and conflicts, and the couple will understand that. Just be sure to follow the steps above to handle the situation politely and considerately.

What to include on your RSVP

When it comes to RSVPing to a wedding invitation, there are a few key things you should include in your response to ensure clarity and help the couple with their planning. Here's what you should cover:

Names

Include the names of everyone in your party who will be attending. It's important to write your name(s) exactly as they appear on the invitation, including any titles (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss). This helps the couple finalise the seating plan and place cards.

Number of Guests

Indicate the total number of guests attending. This is crucial for the couple as it helps them finalise numbers for catering and other arrangements. Be mindful of the number of guests you're bringing, especially if you plan to bring children. If you're invited with a plus one, include their full name.

Response

Clearly state whether you're attending or not. This is the primary purpose of the RSVP, and it's helpful to respond as soon as possible. Use phrases like "accepts with pleasure" or "regrets that they are unable to accept".

Meal Selection

If requested, provide your meal preferences or any dietary requirements/allergies. This helps the couple plan the catering accordingly. Initial your meal selection if there are multiple guests responding on the same card.

Special Requests/Prompts

The couple may include a fun request, such as a song or drink request, or a favourite memory. Responding to these adds a personal touch and helps the couple with their planning, especially if they're stocking a bar or creating a playlist.

A Personal Note

Include a brief, sincere message to the couple. This could be well wishes, congratulations, or a simple expression of your excitement to attend.

Promptness

Respond to the RSVP by the deadline, or as soon as possible. This is one of the most important aspects of wedding RSVP etiquette. It helps the couple finalise their plans and ensures you have a seat and meal at the wedding.

Remember to follow the couple's instructions and use their preferred RSVP method, whether it's a response card, email, or online form.

RSVP etiquette

Responding to a wedding invitation is an important duty for any guest. Couples use the information provided in RSVPs to finalise their guest list, create a seating plan, and confirm their budget. Here are some tips to ensure you are a thoughtful guest when it comes to RSVPs.

Respond promptly

As soon as you receive a wedding invitation, you should respond to the hosts. It is recommended to take no longer than a full weekend to make your plans and respond. This will allow the couple enough time to invite someone else if necessary and to finalise their numbers.

Follow the instructions

Make sure to read the invitation carefully and follow the steps outlined by the couple. For example, if they request that you RSVP via their wedding website, do not send a text message. If they ask for the full name of your plus one, do not use a nickname. It is important to follow the instructions to avoid confusion and extra work for the couple.

Don't request a plus one

If your invitation includes the words "and Guest" or "+1" after your name, you have been allocated a plus one. If your invitation does not include these words, it is safe to assume you have not been offered one. In this case, do not ask the couple if you can bring a guest. Due to budget and venue restrictions, it may not be viable to offer plus ones to single guests.

Only RSVP if you are certain

Once you respond, the couple will slot you into the seating chart, pay for your meal, and make other necessary arrangements. If you are not sure if you can attend, hold off from responding until you are certain.

Be mindful of children

If the couple has specified that the wedding is a child-free event, it is important to respect their decision.

If you have received a traditional invitation, it may come with a separate RSVP card and pre-addressed envelope. The RSVP card may include a pre-printed template with specific questions or be left blank for you to write your own response.

If the card has a pre-printed template, fill in the requested details, such as your response, the number of guests, and any dietary requirements. Use your first and last name to avoid confusion, especially for large weddings.

If the card is blank, write a brief personal response to confirm your name(s), attendance/non-attendance, and any other requested details. Match the tone of your response to the tone of the invitation (formal/informal) and consider your relationship with the couple.

If no RSVP card is provided, or you have received a digital invitation, the couple will likely have left instructions on how to RSVP online. This may be via a wedding website or a specified email address.

To RSVP via a wedding website, type in the URL from the invitation and follow the prompts. Fill in all the requested areas before clicking "send" or "confirm".

To RSVP via email, respond using the email address provided on the invitation. In your email, include your name, the number of guests attending or declining, and any other information requested, such as entrée choice or song requests.

Declining a wedding invitation

If you need to decline an invitation, it is proper etiquette to RSVP via the host's preferred method with a "no" or "regrets". It is never okay to not respond at all. It is also a nice gesture to send a handwritten note or call the couple in addition to expressing your regrets.

Even if you cannot attend, it is important to send the couple a wedding gift from their registry. Do not change your mind once you have declined, as this can cause issues with final guest counts for catering and seating.

If you are unable to attend after initially accepting, it is important to inform the couple as soon as possible. Only back out if the circumstances are serious, such as an illness or emergency. Apologise to the couple and let them know you appreciate their preparation for your attendance.

Frequently asked questions