Wedding Invite Etiquette: No Children, No Problem

Planning your wedding and deciding whether to invite children or not can be a tricky task. It is important to be clear and consistent with your guests from the beginning to avoid any confusion or upset later on. While some parents may be delighted to have an evening without their children, others may be offended if their whole family is not invited. Here are some ways to politely let your guests know that your wedding will be child-free.

Be clear and consistent

When it comes to informing your guests that you won't be inviting children to your wedding, it's important to be clear and consistent in your communication. Here are some tips to help you navigate this sensitive topic:

• Be Direct and Specific: Use clear and direct language to state your adults-only policy. Simply saying "no kids" or "no children" may not be enough. Specify the age groups that are not invited, such as anyone under 18 or stating it as a 21+ event. This ensures there is no room for confusion or misinterpretation.
• Provide Advance Notice: It's important to inform your guests about your adults-only policy as early as possible. Include this information on your save-the-date cards, wedding website, or even through word of mouth. This gives parents ample time to make childcare arrangements, which they will appreciate.
• Address Invitations Properly: When addressing your wedding invitations, be sure to only include the names of the invited guests. Avoid addressing it to "The Smith Family" if only the parents are invited. This helps to avoid any misunderstandings or assumptions that children are also welcome.
• Consistency is Key: Apply your "no children" rule consistently across the board. While you may want to make exceptions for children of immediate family or those in the wedding party, be sure to communicate these exceptions clearly to your guests. This helps to avoid any confusion or hard feelings.
• Avoid Making it About the Children: When explaining your adults-only policy, refrain from making it personal or about specific children. Statements like "we don't want kids at our wedding" or "your child is too loud" can be hurtful and offensive. Instead, focus on the fact that you want your guests to relax and enjoy themselves, and you felt it best to have an adults-only event.
• Stand Your Ground: You may encounter some pushback or disappointed guests, but it's important to stand firm in your decision. Remember, it's your wedding day, and you are entitled to create the guest list that suits your vision. Be sensitive to parents' feelings, but don't feel guilty about your choice.

• "We kindly request this be an adult-only wedding."
• "We regret that we are unable to invite children to the wedding. We hope you can join us for a 'day off' and enjoy adult company."
• "We respectfully request no children under the age of 16 attend the reception."
• "We love your children, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under the age of [insert number]."
• "While we love to see children laugh and play, our wedding will be an adult-only kind of day."

Address the invites to parents only

If you want to make it clear that your wedding will be adults-only, it's best to avoid addressing the invitations to parents only and not naming their children. This is because there is a risk that they will assume their children are also invited.

However, if you are set on addressing the invites to parents only, here are some ways to do so:

Outer envelope

• "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham"
• "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson"
• "Mr. Alan Thompson and Mrs. Emily Thompson"

Inner envelope

• "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany and Mx. Kelly"
• "Alan, Emily, Roger, Chance, Miss Jennifer, and Miss Lily"

If you are using single envelopes, all invited parties should be clearly stated on the front. You can replace children's individual names with "and Family" or "The Abraham Family".

It's also a good idea to add a line to your RSVP card, such as "We have reserved ___ seats for you at the reception".

Explain your reasons

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky decision. It's important to remember that it's your wedding and your rules, but it's also key to be sensitive to your guests' needs. Here are some reasons you might choose to exclude children from your wedding and how to explain this to your guests:

Numbers

If you have a large number of guests with children, this could significantly increase your guest list and your costs. You could explain this to your guests by saying:

> "Regrettably, we are unable to accommodate children unless they are named on the invitation."

> "We regret that due to the large number of children within our family and friends, we have decided to make our wedding day an adult-only occasion."

> "Due to guest number restrictions, we are only able to extend the invite to the children of close family/or our wedding party."

> "As much as we would like for the children to attend, our budget only accommodates adult guests."

> "We love your children, however, due to budget restrictions, we can only invite children aged 18 and older to our wedding."

Space

If your venue has limited space, you might choose to exclude children to ensure all your guests are comfortable. You could explain this by saying:

> "We are very sorry, but due to space restrictions at our venue, we cannot accommodate children. We hope you understand and can still join us on our special day."

> "Unfortunately, we are only able to accommodate children in the wedding party at our reception."

> "Whilst we love little ones, we kindly request a child-free wedding."

Type of Event

You might want your wedding to be an adult-oriented event with adult activities and entertainment. You could explain this to your guests by saying:

> "We respectfully request no children under the age of 16 to the reception."

> "Please note that this is an adults-only celebration."

> "We respectfully request no children at our wedding celebrations. We hope you understand and can still join us on our special day."

> "Although we love your little ones, this is an adult-only affair."

> "We love your kids but thought you might like a night off. Adults only, please!"

> "To give all our guests the opportunity to celebrate without having to worry about little eyes and ears, we politely request no children."

> "Whilst we love to see children laugh and play, our wedding will be an adult-only kind of day."

Childcare

You might want to give parents a night off and encourage them to relax and let their hair down. You could explain this by saying:

> "We regret that we are unable to invite children to the wedding. We hope that you can join us and enjoy a 'day off' in our company."

> "To allow all wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry, we respectfully ask that no children attend our celebrations."

> "We hope you will understand our decision to make the wedding children-free, and take the opportunity to let your hair down and celebrate in style!"

> "We thought you would like the night off, so we are having an adults-only wedding."

Venue Restrictions

If your venue has an adult-only policy or limited space, you can use this as a reason to exclude children. You could say:

> "We are very sorry, but due to venue restrictions, we cannot accommodate children."

> "Our venue does not accommodate under 18s, so we are unable to invite children to the wedding."

> "Due to safety reasons at our venue, we are unable to extend this invitation to children."

> "Due to the nature of our venue, we are unable to invite under-18s to our wedding."

Be mindful of parents' feelings

When deciding on a wedding guest list, it's important to be mindful and gentle with people's feelings. This is especially true when it comes to parents who may be sensitive about whether or not their children are included in the celebrations. Here are some tips to consider when addressing "no children" on wedding invites while being mindful of parents' feelings:

Be Compassionate and Considerate

It's important to recognise that some parents may be disappointed or upset by the decision to exclude children from the wedding. Be compassionate and considerate of their feelings, even if you ultimately choose to stand your ground on the matter. Remember that they may have wanted to share in your special day, and try to understand their perspective.

Provide Clear and Direct Communication

When communicating your adults-only policy, do so in a clear and direct manner. Avoid addressing the invitations only to the parents, as this may imply that their children are also invited. Instead, be explicit about who is invited by addressing the invitations to the specific guests you would like to attend. This will help to avoid any confusion or assumptions.

Give Advanced Notice

It's important to give parents plenty of notice about your adults-only policy so that they have enough time to make childcare arrangements. Include a note on your wedding website or mention it in your save-the-dates to give them a heads-up. This will not only be appreciated by parents but will also help to avoid any last-minute conflicts or surprises.

Be Consistent in Your Approach

Apply your "no children" rule consistently across all guests to avoid any potential favouritism or hurt feelings. You can make exceptions for children of immediate family or those involved in the wedding party, but be sure to communicate these exceptions clearly to all guests. This will help to avoid any misunderstandings or hard feelings.

Offer Alternative Options

If possible, consider providing alternative options for parents, such as recommending local babysitters or childcare services. You could also suggest a separate area or room at the venue where children can be supervised, allowing parents to attend while still having easy access to their little ones. This shows that you are mindful of their needs and want to help make the necessary arrangements.

Choose Your Wording Carefully

When addressing "no children" on the invitations, choose your wording carefully to avoid offending any parents. Avoid statements like "we thought you'd appreciate a night off" or "to give you the opportunity to really let your hair down," as these can come across as patronising and insensitive to the challenges of finding childcare. Instead, opt for more neutral and polite phrases, such as "we kindly request this be an adult-only wedding" or "we respectfully request no children under the age of 16 at the reception."

Offer alternatives

• Address the invitations to the parents only: Carefully address each invitation with the names of those you are inviting, including their names on the envelope. You could also add a line onto your response/RSVP card saying “we have reserved [number of seats] for you at the reception".
• Call your guests: Make a phone call to those with kids and explain your decision over the phone.
• Use your wedding website: If you have a wedding website, mention your no-kids request there. This is a great place to slip in a note about keeping your bash adults-only and recommend any babysitting options in the area.
• Be clear about your request: Use clear, understandable language. Simply saying "no kids" or "no children" won't cut it. Be specific about which age groups can't attend.
• Provide alternative entertainment for kids: If your budget allows, you could hire a professional babysitting service to supervise in a separate room at your wedding reception site. You could also craft kid-friendly and fun meals, like a pizza-making station or a breakfast-for-dinner mini-buffet.

Frequently asked questions