Addressing Wedding Invites: The Proper Etiquette Guide

Wedding invitation etiquette can be a complex and contentious issue. The traditional way to address a married couple with the same last name is Mr. and Mrs. [First name] [Last name], but this construct has fallen out of favour with many modern women as it lumps the wife's name in with her husband's and omits her first name. A more modern approach is to write out both first names and the joint last name, for example, Mr. [First name] and Mrs. [First name] [Last name]. For married couples with different last names, list each full name with an and between them to indicate marriage. For unmarried couples living together, place their names on two different lines to indicate that they are not legally married.

Married couples with the same last name

When addressing wedding invitations to a married couple with the same last name, there are a few etiquette rules to follow. Firstly, it's important to consider the couple's relationship and titles. For a heterosexual couple, the outer envelope is typically addressed using "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's first and last name. For instance, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". In the case of a same-sex couple, either name can go first.

However, many modern women may prefer to have their names included instead of being lumped in with their husbands. In this case, the outer envelope can be addressed as "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren".

When addressing the inner envelope, you can drop the first names and use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the couple's last name, or you can use the first names of the couple, e.g. "Thomas and Michelle". For example:

> Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"

> Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

>

> Outer envelope: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"

> Inner envelope: "Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

If you are inviting children along with their parents, their names should be included on the inner envelope, listed in order of age, with the oldest first. For boys under 13, use "Master" instead of "Mr.", and for girls under 18, use "Miss".

Married couples with different last names

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with different last names, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to list their names on the same line, with the woman's name first. If the combined names are too long to fit on one line, list them separately. Here is an example of how the outer envelope can be addressed: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez". The inner envelope can be more informal, such as "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David".

If the couple has children, there are a few options for how to include them on the invitation. If the children are under 18, their names can be listed on the inner envelope, while the outer envelope is reserved for the parents' names. For example:

"Outer envelope: Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe

Inner envelope: Mr. John Smith, Ms. Jane Doe, and Joe Smith"

Alternatively, you can use a family title, such as "The Smith-Doe Family" or "The Roberts and Smith Family". It is important to respect the wife's choice to keep her maiden name and not assume that she has taken her husband's last name. Avoid addressing the couple as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" unless you know for sure that she has changed her name.

When addressing a married couple with different last names, it is also essential to use their correct titles (Mr., Mrs., Ms., etc.). If you are unsure about their preferred titles, it is best to ask them directly rather than assume. Remember, the inner envelope can be more casual, so you can use just their first names if that feels right for your wedding invitations.

Single invitees

When addressing wedding invitations to single guests, the proper prefix should be used. For male guests, use "Mr." and then his full name. For female guests, use "Ms." and then her full name. For non-binary guests, use the abbreviation "Mx." and then their full name.

If the single guest is a widow, it is best to ask if she prefers to be addressed using her married name or her husband's name. Some widows may also prefer to be addressed as "Ms."

Similarly, a divorced woman may use either "Mrs." or "Ms." depending on whether she goes by her married name or her maiden name.

If the single guest is under 18, no title is necessary.

If the single guest has a professional title, such as "Doctor", "Reverend", "Judge", or "Colonel", traditional etiquette suggests that you spell out the title. For example, "Reverend James Porter". However, if you'd prefer a more modern look or need to save space, you can use abbreviations, e.g. "Mr. James Porter, Jr.".

If a single guest has been offered a plus-one, don't indicate this on the outer envelope. Reserve "and guest" language for the inner envelope only. For example, on the outer envelope: "Ms. Ali Johnson", and on the inner envelope: "Ms. Johnson and guest".

Families with children

When addressing wedding invitations to families with children, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to decide whether you want to specify which family members are invited. If you want to be specific, write the names of each family member, starting with the parent(s) and listing the invited children in order of age below. Here is an example:

> The Simpson Family

> Mr. and Mrs. Homer Simpson

> Mr. Bart Simpson

> Miss Lisa Simpson

If you are inviting children under the age of 18, their names should only be included on the inner envelope. Boys under 18 do not need a title, while girls under 18 can be addressed as "Miss". Here is an example:

> Outer envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham

> Inner envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham, Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany, and Mx. Kelly

If you do not want to call out specific family members, you can simply address the envelope to the entire family:

> The [Family Name] Family

Alternatively, you can use the family name or the names of the parents on the outer envelope:

> The Simpson Family

> or

> Mr. & Mrs. Homer Simpson

Then, on the inner envelope, list the first names of all invited family members:

> Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie

> or

> Homer, Marge, Bart, Miss Lisa, and Miss Maggie

If you are inviting children over the age of 18, they should receive their own invitation. Here is an example:

> Outer envelope: Ms. Audrey Abraham

> Inner envelope: Ms. Abraham

Remember to use the appropriate titles and be consistent with the format you choose. The outer envelope is generally more formal, while the inner envelope can be more casual.

Guests with distinguished titles

When addressing wedding invitations to guests with distinguished titles, such as doctors, lawyers, judges, or military personnel, it is proper etiquette to address them by their title. If a couple has different titles, the guest with the higher-ranking title should be listed first, regardless of gender.

Doctors

Outer envelope:

• "Dr. Anne Barker and Mr. Peter Underwood"
• "Dr. Anne and Mr. Peter Underwood" (if the doctor uses their partner's surname socially)
• "Doctors Anne and Peter Underwood" (if both parties are doctors)

Inner envelope:

• "Dr. Barker and Mr. Underwood"
• "The Doctors Underwood"

Military Personnel

Outer envelope:

• "Lieutenant Jonathan Kelly, US Navy and Mrs. Jane Kelly"
• "Captains Jane and Jonathan Kelly, US Navy" (if both spouses have military titles)

Inner envelope:

• "Lieutenant Kelly, US Navy and Mrs. Kelly"
• "The Captains Kelly"

Lawyers

Outer envelope:

• "Michelle Brown, Esq. and Mr. John Brown"
• "Michelle Brown, Esq. and John Brown, Esq." (if both parties are attorneys)

Inner envelope:

"Mr. and Mrs. Brown"

Judges

Outer envelope:

"The Honorable Gina Rodriguez and Mx. Alice Rodriguez"

Inner envelope:

"Judge Rodriguez and Mx. Rodriguez"

Frequently asked questions