Deborah Chan
Ring bearers are a cherished part of any wedding ceremony, adding a touch of innocence and charm to the occasion. Typically, ring bearers are young boys between the ages of three and eight, though this is not a strict rule. They are often close relatives or friends of the couple, such as nephews or cousins. The role of the ring bearer is to carry the wedding rings down the aisle, either on a pillow or in a box, and present them to the bride and groom during the ceremony. It is important to prepare the ring bearer for their role, including practising their walk and ensuring they are comfortable with the ring pillow. In addition, clear communication with the ring bearer and their parents is crucial to ensure a successful experience.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Age | Between 3 and 8 years old |
| Relationship to the couple | Close relatives or friends of the couple, e.g. nieces, nephews, or children of close friends |
| Temperament | Confident, comfortable, and able to handle the pressure of being in front of a large crowd |
| Attendance at pre-wedding events | Wedding rehearsal and any other pre-wedding events where their presence is required |
| Practice | Trying on their outfit and practicing walking down the aisle with the ring pillow |
| Communication | Clear communication with the ring bearer and their parents about expectations, responsibilities, and potential challenges |
| Attire | Formal attire that complements the wedding party's outfits and is comfortable for the child to wear, considering the weather and venue conditions |
| Ring Pillow | Custom ring pillows with strings attached to secure the rings, or boxes made of wood or glass |
| Rings | Real or fake rings, depending on the age and maturity of the ring bearer |
What You'll Learn
Explain the role and its importance
The role of the ring bearer is to present the wedding rings to the bride and groom at the altar. In a traditional wedding ceremony, the ring bearer is usually a young boy, typically aged between three and ten years old, who walks down the aisle carrying the rings on a small pillow. The role is usually given to a child who is close to the couple, such as a nephew, son of a close friend or family member, or child of the maid of honour or best man.
The ring bearer is an important role as they are responsible for bringing the wedding rings to the altar, which are required for the betrothed couple to exchange during the ceremony. The ring bearer usually walks down the aisle after the maid of honour and bridesmaids and before the flower girl and bride. Once the ring bearer reaches the altar, they hand the rings to the officiant or best man. Depending on their age, the ring bearer may then stand at the altar with the rest of the wedding party or sit down with their parents.
The ring bearer tradition is believed to date back to ancient Egypt, where it was customary for an adult to carry precious gems and jewels to the altar on a decorative pillow during wedding ceremonies. In the medieval era, a young child would carry the ring on a pillow so wealthy families could show off their wealth, as pillows were considered rare and a symbol of riches.
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Practice walking down the aisle
Walking down the aisle can be a daunting task for a young ring bearer, so it's a good idea to practice beforehand. Here are some tips to help your ring bearer feel confident and comfortable on the big day:
Practice makes perfect
If possible, organise a rehearsal at the wedding venue so that the ring bearer can familiarise himself with the space. If that's not feasible, choose a large open area, such as a park or garden, to practice walking down the aisle. Mark out a path to simulate the aisle and place a 'mock' altar at the end, perhaps using a chair or a table. The more realistic the practice, the better, so try to recreate the atmosphere of the wedding as much as possible. Explain to the boy that there will be lots of people watching, and play some music similar to what will be played at the wedding.
Show, don't tell
Young boys may not understand abstract instructions, so it's important to demonstrate what you mean. Show him how to hold the pillow as if it's a delicate cake, rather than a frisbee. If he's old enough, explain that he should walk slowly and carefully, and that he should not run or rush down the aisle.
Make it fun
Practising should be an enjoyable experience for the boy, so keep it light-hearted and fun. Offer words of encouragement and praise throughout, and be sure to end the practice session with a treat or reward.
Involve the parents
It's likely that the ring bearer's parents will be present at the wedding, so don't hesitate to ask them to get involved in the practice session. They can help to guide their son down the aisle and offer reassurance if he feels nervous.
Be flexible
Remember that young boys may be prone to tantrums or stage fright, so be prepared to adapt your plans if things don't go exactly as rehearsed. It's important to stay calm and flexible, and to ensure that the ring bearer feels supported and comfortable.
Alternative options
If the ring bearer is too young to walk down the aisle, there are other ways to include him in the ceremony. For example, he could be carried by his parents, pulled in a decorated wagon or stroller, or pushed in a personalised baby walker. Alternatively, he could skip the processional altogether and simply be included in the wedding programme with a cute biography and photo.
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Choose a ring pillow or box
The ring bearer's pillow or box is an important part of the wedding ceremony. It highlights the role of the rings in the wedding and symbolises the couple's commitment and love.
The pillow or box should be unique, aesthetic, and creative, just like other focal points of the wedding like the banquet, the bridal gown, and the wedding cake. It should complement the rings and make them stand out.
Pillow
The fabric of the pillow is important—choose a smooth and strong fabric that won't tear or have loose threads that could cling to the rings. The colour of the pillow should complement the rings and make them stand out. Ensure that the pillow can securely hold the rings in place. If the material is slippery, you can modify it by adding ribbons to attach the rings.
Box
A ring box can be a good alternative if you want to break from tradition. Boxes are a good option if you want to avoid tying or sewing the rings to a pillow. They come in various styles, such as treasure chests, briefcases, or glass boxes. You can also choose a box that matches your wedding theme, such as a seashell for a beach wedding or a pumpkin for an autumn wedding.
Other Alternatives
In addition to pillows and boxes, there are other creative options for ring bearers to carry the rings:
- A themed object that matches your wedding theme, such as a horseshoe for a western-themed wedding.
- A ring dish or holder, which can be customised with a message and used as a jewellery holder after the wedding.
- A pocket watch ring holder, a classic vintage piece that can be easily carried in an inside pocket.
- Your pet, with the rings attached to its collar or a flower necklace.
- A handmade sign with a fun message, such as "Just wait till you see her" or "Has anyone seen the rings?".
Remember, the most important thing is to choose an option that suits your wedding style, venue, season, and personal preferences.
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Decide on real or fake rings
When it comes to deciding whether the ring bearer should carry real or fake rings, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it is important to assess the age and maturity level of the child. If the ring bearer is very young, it might be best to opt for fake rings to reduce the risk of them being lost or damaged. In this case, you can purchase fake rings that look similar to the real ones, or get creative with candy rings or even a "ring security" briefcase.
Another option is to give the ring bearer the real rings, but only right before they walk down the aisle. This minimizes the risk of losing the rings and ensures they are only in the child's possession for a short time. However, this option requires careful coordination with the wedding party to ensure a smooth handoff.
Some couples choose to have the best man hold onto the real rings, while the ring bearer carries fake rings or even an empty ring box or pillow. This eliminates any worry about losing the rings and allows the ring bearer to participate in the ceremony without the added pressure of carrying valuable jewelry.
Ultimately, the decision comes down to personal preference and comfort level. It is worth noting that most people agree that fake rings are a sensible choice, especially for younger ring bearers, to avoid any potential disasters.
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Pick an outfit
When it comes to picking an outfit for your ring bearer, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, the wedding dress code will largely inform the ring bearer's outfit. For example, if the wedding is a black-tie affair, a tuxedo and dress shoes would be appropriate. For a more casual wedding, a button-down shirt or polo shirt would be suitable.
It's also important to consider the venue and time of year to ensure the ring bearer will be dressed appropriately for the weather. If it's going to be warm, opt for lightweight and breathable fabrics such as linen. If it's going to be cold, consider a suit or tuxedo to keep them warm.
In terms of specific outfits, there are many options available. Here are some ideas to consider:
- Tuxedos: A tuxedo is a classic choice for a ring bearer and can be found at retailers such as Nordstrom, J.Crew, and Brooks Brothers.
- Suspenders: Suspenders can add a touch of charm to the ring bearer's outfit and can be paired with a button-down shirt, vest, or blazer.
- Bow ties: A bow tie can be a cute and stylish addition to the ring bearer's outfit, especially if it coordinates with the wedding colour scheme.
- Shirts: Depending on the formality of the wedding, the ring bearer could wear a dress shirt, a polo shirt, or a casual button-down shirt.
- Shorts or pants: For warmer weather, shorts can be a comfortable option, while pants can be more appropriate for cooler temperatures or more formal weddings.
- Accessories: Don't forget to consider accessories such as shoes, socks, and a pocket square to complete the look.
Remember, comfort is key! Ensure that the outfit is not too itchy or tight, as this could lead to a cranky ring bearer. It's also a good idea to provide a few outfit options to the ring bearer's parents, as they are typically responsible for purchasing the outfit.
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Frequently asked questions
Ring bearers are usually boys between the ages of 3 and 8. However, this is not a strict rule, and you can select a boy outside of this age range based on their maturity and ability to handle the responsibility.
Ring bearers are often close relatives or friends of the couple, such as nephews, nieces, or the children of close friends.
The ring bearer's outfit should be consistent with the rest of the wedding party. You can choose an outfit within the same colour scheme and match the level of formality. For young boys, tiny tuxedos, suits, or khakis with bow ties and suspenders are a popular choice.
The ring bearer is responsible for carrying the wedding rings down the aisle during the ceremony and presenting them to the bride and groom or the officiant/best man at the altar.
