Planning A Wedding Post-Deployment: A Guide For Couples

Planning a wedding can be challenging, especially when one or both partners are in the military. Military couples often face the difficulty of squeezing their wedding in between deployments or trainings or rushing to schedule one before an overseas move. Deployment dates are rarely set in stone, making it crucial to allow some buffer time between the homecoming date and the wedding. Many military couples opt for a quick legal ceremony first, followed by a larger celebration later when they have more flexibility. Planning a wedding around deployments can be overwhelming, with factors such as venue, guest list, and financial considerations adding to the complexity. Effective communication and managing expectations become essential, especially when the couple has to navigate long periods apart due to military obligations.

Planning a wedding ceremony after a private legal ceremony

Planning a wedding can be challenging when one or both parties are in the military due to unpredictable schedules, long distances, and deployments. Some couples opt for a quick, legal "courthouse wedding" to obtain their marriage license before deployment, followed by a larger wedding celebration later on.

If you're planning a wedding ceremony after a private legal ceremony, here are some things to consider:

Location and Activities

The beauty of a commitment ceremony is that you can choose any location you desire, whether it's your dream destination or a place that holds special meaning for you as a couple. Consider what activities you want to do on your wedding day and incorporate them into your plans.

Timing and Scheduling

When choosing a date for your wedding ceremony, consider the unpredictable nature of military life. Avoid planning too close to deployment dates, as they are subject to change. It's advisable to schedule the ceremony at least a month after the expected homecoming date. You may also want to consider other significant events, such as graduation weekends, to make it easier for family members to attend both occasions.

Involving Family and Friends

A wedding may be the last chance to see friends and family for a while, especially if you're marrying into the military and won't have a choice in where you live. Try to involve your loved ones in the ceremony and celebrations.

Traditions and Rituals

Traditional wedding ceremonies typically include a welcome or introduction by the minister, followed by the exchange of vows and rings, and a first kiss. Non-denominational ceremonies may include rituals such as lighting a unity candle, handfasting, jumping the broom, or planting a tree.

Vows and Legal Documents

Since you will already be legally married, the vows during your wedding ceremony will be different. You can personalize your vows to reflect your unique journey and relationship. Remember to take care of any necessary legal documents before the ceremony, such as powers of attorney, lease agreements, and marriage certificates.

Budget and Celebration

The celebration can be as elaborate or simple as you desire. You can treat it like a traditional wedding in terms of budget and include elements such as a bridal party, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and a reception.

Remember, there is no "right" or "wrong" way to plan your wedding. Each couple's situation is unique, so choose what works best for you and your partner.

Choosing a wedding date that works with military schedules

Planning a wedding date around a military schedule can be challenging due to unpredictable timelines and the need for approved leave. Here are some strategies to help choose a date that works for everyone:

Firstly, it is important to understand the constraints of military life. Service members often work on holidays and significant dates, and they cannot simply take time off whenever they wish. They must request leave and have it approved by their chain of command, which can be difficult to obtain during training, schooling, or deployment. Therefore, it is crucial to communicate and work around your partner's schedule and commitments.

Secondly, while deployment dates are never certain, service members usually have an idea of their deployment timeline. It is advisable to avoid planning a wedding right before or immediately after a deployment, as this can be extremely stressful. Instead, consider scheduling the wedding at least a month after the expected homecoming date to increase the chances of your partner being able to attend.

Thirdly, certain dates are more favourable for military weddings. Many units offer three or four-day weekends during holidays such as Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Labor Day. It is more likely for leave to be approved during these periods, and the long weekends also benefit your guests' attendance. You could also consider planning the wedding around your partner's graduation from Boot Camp or Basic, allowing family members to attend both events.

Finally, many military couples opt for a quick, legal courthouse wedding to obtain their marriage license before deployment or moves, followed by a larger celebration in the future when their schedule is more flexible and predictable. This approach ensures that the necessary paperwork is completed, and the new spouse can access military benefits.

Remember, flexibility is key when planning a military wedding. Dates may change, and adjustments may be required along the way.

Preparing for the possibility of long-distance communication

Planning a wedding is challenging enough without the added complexity of military life. Deployment dates are rarely set in stone, and the unpredictable nature of military life can make it difficult to plan a wedding date. It is important to be prepared for the possibility of long-distance communication and the challenges that come with it.

Firstly, be aware that communication options may be limited. Wi-Fi may be spotty or non-existent, and your partner may have to queue to use a computer or phone. Discuss the possibilities in advance and set reasonable expectations. Decide how often you expect to communicate and via which methods. Will it be through phone calls, emails, Skype, messenger apps, or letters? Be mindful that communication options can change, and your partner may not always be able to communicate as frequently as you would like.

Secondly, be prepared for one-way communication. Often, only the service member can initiate phone calls or arrange Skype locations, which can leave the other person feeling helpless and frustrated. To mitigate this, consider using a text-based relationship resilience tool like Love Every Day, which can help you maintain intentional communication as part of your daily routine.

Thirdly, keep your conversations positive. While it is important to be honest about your struggles, try not to let them dominate your conversations. Address issues as they arise to prevent them from becoming bigger problems. If you find that communication is becoming burdensome, adjust the frequency of your conversations to keep them fresh and exciting.

Finally, find ways to maintain closeness despite the physical distance. Pick a time each day to focus your thoughts on each other, such as playing the same song at the start or end of your day. Hide notes for each other to discover, whether tucked into gear or left around the house.

Remember, long-distance communication can be challenging, but with open and honest discussions, realistic expectations, and creative solutions, you can stay connected and support each other through the deployment.

Legal documents and paperwork for married military couples

Planning a wedding is challenging enough without the added complexity of military life. Deployment schedules, training exercises, and unpredictable timelines can make it difficult for military couples to find a suitable wedding date. As a result, some couples opt for a quick courthouse wedding to obtain their official marriage license, followed by a larger celebration at a later date.

Regardless of the style of wedding, there are several legal documents and paperwork requirements that military couples should be aware of. Here is a comprehensive guide to help you navigate the necessary paperwork:

• Marriage License and Certificate: Obtaining a marriage license is the first step in legalizing your union. This can often be done in a single afternoon, regardless of military schedules. It is a convenient way to ensure you have the necessary documentation before any deployments or Permanent Change of Station (PCS) moves.
• Military Identification Cards: Both spouses must possess valid military identification cards to be eligible for military marriage benefits. These can be obtained at the installation ID facility. Additionally, notify your chain of command of your intent to marry and provide any necessary documentation to ensure your marriage is legally recognized by the military.
• Update Marital Status: After the wedding, visit the finance office and update your new marital status. This step is crucial as married service members are entitled to a higher Basic Allowance for Housing. If your spouse is foreign-born and applying for US citizenship, inquire about potential reimbursement of associated expenses.
• Estate Planning: Review and update your estate plan, including wills, trusts, and power of attorney. This ensures that your spouse and dependents are provided for in the event of your death. It is advisable to consult with experienced military law attorneys to navigate the legal implications of military marriage and divorce.
• Financial Planning: Understand the financial implications of marriage, including income tax changes, survivor benefits, and eligibility for military spouse benefits such as housing allowances and healthcare coverage. Military OneSource offers free MilTax services to assist with tax guidance.
• Enrollment in DEERS: Ensure that your spouse enrolls you in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS), which is the Department of Defense's eligibility system for military benefits. This step is crucial for accessing military benefits, including healthcare coverage through TRICARE.
• Name and Document Changes: If either spouse changes their name, update all relevant documents, including driver's licenses, Social Security cards, and legal documents such as wills or power of attorney.
• Military Protocols and Traditions: Familiarize yourself with military traditions, protocols, and rules. These can include rules about public displays of affection, social media posts, base security, standing for the national anthem, and more. Understanding these protocols will help you navigate military life as a married couple.

Remember, as a military couple, you have access to free legal assistance through Military OneSource. They can provide guidance on powers of attorney, lease and rental contract reviews, family law, and more. It is essential to stay organized and proactive in handling the necessary paperwork to ensure a smooth transition into military married life.

Including military traditions and uniforms in the wedding

Military weddings are not all that different from civilian weddings. However, there are some traditions and customs that set them apart. The most notable distinction is the inclusion of military uniforms and the arch of swords or sabers.

Uniforms

The bride, groom, and service members in the wedding party usually wear their uniforms. The specific type of uniform depends on the formality of the wedding, the season, and the military branch. For instance, Mess dress uniforms are worn for ultra-formal and formal weddings, while Class-A or Service dress uniforms are appropriate for semi-formal events. The Navy's dress uniform, for example, switches from blues to whites around the beginning of summer. It is up to the couple to decide whether they and their attendees will wear uniforms, and this should be specified in the invitation.

Arch of Swords or Sabers

The arch of swords or sabers is a traditional ceremony where the couple recesses through an arch formed by military swords. Typically, 6-8 military members are required for this detail, and they should be treated as wedding guests and seated at tables. They may also participate as groomsmen or ushers. Only commissioned and non-commissioned servicemen and servicewomen may take part in the arch of swords. The last two men in the arch lower their swords in front of the couple, momentarily detaining them, while the sword bearer on the right gives the bride a gentle "swat" on the rump and welcomes her to the appropriate branch of service. This step is omitted if the bride is in the military.

Other Traditions

Other military wedding traditions include seating arrangements, where military members of higher rank are seated just behind the immediate family members of the couple. If the parents are not present, the commanding officer may sit at the front with the family. Additionally, the chaplain and their spouse are customarily invited to the reception.

Frequently asked questions