Choosing Your Bridesmaids: A Guide To Picking Your Wedding Crew

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and choosing your bridesmaids is one of the most important decisions you'll make. It's essential to pick the right people to support and celebrate with you on your special day. This blog will offer a step-by-step guide to selecting your bridal party, from creating a list of candidates to considering their availability and compatibility with other members of the wedding party. We'll also explore the duties and expectations of bridesmaids and provide tips for managing difficult conversations with friends or family members who don't make the cut. By following this guide, you'll be able to choose your bridesmaids confidently and ensure that your wedding day is filled with love and joy.

Who to include: family, friends, or co-workers?

When it comes to choosing your bridesmaids, it's important to select people who are closest to you and will support you throughout the process. Here are some tips to help you decide who to include in your bridal party:

Family

Sisters are often the first choice for bridesmaids, and including your fiancé's sister can also be a great way to strengthen your bond with her. If you have a close brother, including him in your bridal party is a modern touch that will be a sweet addition to your wedding day.

Friends

Best friends, whether from your childhood or adult life, are also a common choice for bridesmaids. These are the people you go to for support and who you love to have fun with. When considering friends as bridesmaids, think about how often you talk to them and spend time with them. If you find yourself spending a lot of alone time with someone and vibing well together, they could be a great addition to your bridal party.

Co-workers

While it's not necessary to include co-workers in your bridal party, if you have a work friend who feels like a sister, you may want to consider asking them. Keep in mind that leaving work relationships at the office can sometimes be the best approach, especially if you don't have room in your bridal party or as a guest.

Ultimately, the choice of who to include as bridesmaids is yours, and it's important to select people who will enhance your wedding experience and support you. It's also crucial to manage expectations and be respectful of your potential bridesmaids' time, financial situation, and other commitments.

How many bridesmaids to pick?

The number of bridesmaids you pick is completely up to you and your budget. The most common number of bridesmaids is 3 or 4, but anywhere between 1 and 12 is considered normal. If you want to include 10 bridesmaids in your wedding party, that's fine. If you only want a maid of honour or one bridesmaid, that's fine too. You don't even need to have any bridesmaids at all!

If you're worried about how your photos will look, talk to your wedding photographer. They will be able to advise you on how to make your wedding party look good in photos, even if the numbers are uneven.

The number of bridesmaids you have will depend on your budget, the size of your venue, and the formality of your wedding. Bridesmaids are expensive, so make sure you consult your budget before asking anyone to be a bridesmaid. Each bridesmaid will bring an additional cost, including their dress, shoes, jewellery, accessories, flowers, food, gifts, and transportation. If you want your bridesmaids to have a certain hairstyle or shade of nail polish, you'll also need to pay for that.

The size and layout of your venue will also impact the number of bridesmaids you have. If you're getting married in a small space, you might not be able to fit many people. If you're getting married in a large space, a small number of bridesmaids might look odd.

The formality of your wedding will also impact the number of bridesmaids. Very formal weddings typically have between 6 and 10 bridesmaids, whereas casual weddings often have just one or two.

What are your expectations of them?

When it comes to your bridesmaids, it's important to manage your expectations. While it's your big day, it's also important to remember that being a bridesmaid is a big commitment, and your bridal party should be made up of people who are willing to take on the responsibility.

Firstly, it's important to be clear about the financial and time commitment involved. Being a bridesmaid can be expensive, and it's important that your bridesmaids are aware of the costs involved, and that you are sensitive to their budgets. From the bridesmaid's dress to the bridal shower, bachelorette party, hair and makeup, travel, accommodation and gifts, the costs can quickly add up. Be clear about what you are willing to cover, and be mindful of your bridesmaids' budgets.

Secondly, your bridesmaids should be people who are supportive of you, your fiancé, and your decisions. They should be tolerant, friendly, easy-going, and good listeners. They should be invested in your happiness and be able to provide emotional support.

Thirdly, your bridesmaids should be dependable and accountable. They should be committed to their role and be able to complete any tasks you delegate to them well and on time. If a bridesmaid has a demanding job, family commitments, or other priorities, they may not be the best fit.

Finally, it's important to remember that your bridesmaids are there to support you and enhance your joy in the lead-up to your wedding. They should be fun and positive people who will make your wedding celebrations more memorable and special.

In summary, when choosing your bridesmaids, look for people who are supportive, dependable, and committed to your happiness. Be clear about the financial and time commitments involved, and be mindful of your bridesmaids' budgets and other commitments.

Will they be committed and supportive?

When it comes to picking your bridesmaids, it's essential to choose friends or family who'll be supportive of you, your fiancé, and your decisions. Helpful bridesmaids can help ease the weight of wedding planning.

Your bridesmaids should be tolerant, friendly, and easy-going. They should be people you can easily talk to without having to censor your words. They should be good listeners, positive, and, most importantly, invested in your happiness.

Ask yourself: Will they be there when I need them? Are they accountable? Can I delegate tasks and be sure that they'll complete them well and on time? If the answer to any of these questions is 'no', you might want to rethink your choice of bridesmaid.

If their work is particularly demanding or they have other urgent priorities, such as family, pregnancy, or study, they may not be the best fit. Friends who live far away may have difficulty participating in the activities and events you've planned.

Planning and celebrating a wedding takes time. With activities like wedding dress shopping and fittings, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, and recovery brunches, being a bridesmaid is the equivalent of a part-time job. If having your squad by your side at these events is important to you, choose bridesmaids who have the time.

Weddings are not cheap, and being asked to be part of someone's wedding party comes with financial obligations. When you add up the cost of the bridesmaid's dress, bridal shower, bachelorette party, hair and makeup, travel, accommodation, and gifts, bridesmaids can expect to pay anywhere from $900 to $3,350. If the monetary cost of being a bridesmaid is too high, it can result in tension and resentment.

How to respectfully turn down a friend?

Deciding on your bridesmaids is a difficult task, and it's important to remember that you should choose people who are supportive, tolerant, friendly, and easy-going. They should be people you can talk to without censoring your words and who are good listeners.

But what if you are on the other side of the coin, and you are the one being asked to be a bridesmaid? What if you don't want to, or can't, take on the role? Here are some tips on how to respectfully turn down a friend:

Be Honest

It is important to be honest with your friend. Explain your reasons for not wanting to be a bridesmaid, whether it's due to time, financial, or other commitments. Honesty is the best policy and will help to avoid any misunderstandings or hard feelings later on.

Consider Your Friendship

Think about your relationship with the bride-to-be. Is this someone you see yourself being friends with in five or ten years? If so, they are more likely to understand your situation and be transparent with you. However, they may still be upset or disappointed by your decision. Weigh your circumstances and their feelings before making a decision, to avoid any brash or reactive remarks that you might later regret.

Show Gratitude

Express how thankful you are to have been considered for the role. Let them know that you are flattered and honoured that they thought of you to stand by their side on their wedding day. This will help to soften the blow of your rejection and show that you value your friendship.

Celebrate Their Engagement

Even if you can't be part of the wedding party, you can still show your support for the couple by treating them to a celebratory brunch or cocktails. If you enjoy hosting, plan a mini-party at your place to showcase your enthusiasm for their engagement. This will help to smooth things over and show that you are still excited for them, even if you can't be part of the bridal party.

RSVP and Send a Gift

Make sure to RSVP to the wedding on time, and consider sending a gift from their registry along with a card expressing your well-wishes. This will show that you are still thinking of them and want to be part of their special day, even if you can't be a bridesmaid.

Be Mindful of Your Communication

If you are unable to commit due to personal wellness, a busy schedule, financial constraints, or other reasons, be mindful of how you communicate this to the bride. It's important to be honest, but also tactful and graceful. You don't want to come across as flippant or uncaring, so take the time to explain your situation thoughtfully.

Remember, it's okay to say no to being in a wedding party. Putting yourself first doesn't make you a bad friend, and by following these tips, you can respectfully decline while still maintaining your friendship.

Frequently asked questions