Selecting Your Bridesmaids: A Guide To Choosing Your Squad

Choosing your bridesmaids can be a daunting task, but it should be an enjoyable experience. It's important to remember that your wedding is about you and your partner, and it's okay to be selfish when making your decision. You'll want to select people who understand how important this day is for you and are committed to helping you create an amazing day. Here are some factors to consider when choosing your bridesmaids:

- Family: Sisters are often the first choice, and including your fiancé's sister can be a great way to build a connection. If you have a close brother, including him as a bridesman is also a modern touch.

- Friends: Think about your lifelong best friends, whether from childhood or adulthood. Choose friends who are supportive, friendly, and easy-going, and who you can easily talk to.

- Compatibility: It's important that your bridesmaids get along with each other. Avoid individuals with strong or abrasive personalities who may cause drama or tension within the group.

- Availability: Consider the availability of potential bridesmaids. Demanding jobs or busy family lives may make it difficult for some people to fulfil the role.

- Responsibilities: Bridesmaids typically have various responsibilities, such as organising the bridal shower and bachelorette party, helping to choose dresses, and providing emotional support. Choose individuals who are reliable and trustworthy.

- Budget: Being a bridesmaid can be expensive, so consider your budget and whether you can cover certain expenses for your bridesmaids. Discuss any financial concerns with your friends beforehand.

- Number of Bridesmaids: There is no rule that the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen should be equal. Feel free to have mismatched numbers or include a bridesman.

Consider your closest friends and family

Choosing your bridesmaids can be a daunting task, especially if you have a large group of friends and family members to choose from. Here are some tips to help you narrow down your choices and select your bridesmaids from your closest friends and family:

Make a List of Your Closest Friends and Family

Start by creating a list of your best friends and family members who you feel closest to. This list can include your sisters, cousins, or even your future sister-in-law. While you may feel close to other female family members like your mother or aunt, they may not expect to be asked as bridesmaids, as this role is usually filled by peers. If you have a large family, consider asking younger family members to be junior bridesmaids, flower girls, or ring bearers.

Decide on Your Non-Negotiables

Make sure to reserve a few spots for your closest friends or family members—those who you can't imagine getting married without. These are the people who have been by your side through thick and thin and will continue to support you on your wedding day.

Consider Their Availability and Reliability

Think about the availability and reliability of your potential bridesmaids. Do they have busy schedules, demanding jobs, or family commitments that may make it difficult for them to fulfil the role? Choose bridesmaids who are responsible, trustworthy, and able to attend all the wedding events, such as the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner.

Evaluate Group Dynamics

If you plan to have joint events with your full wedding party, consider how your potential bridesmaids and groomsmen get along. Are they friendly and cordial, or is there potential for drama and conflict? Aim for a group that transitions easily between different friend groups to avoid any added stress on your big day.

Be Mindful of Budget Constraints

Being a bridesmaid can be expensive, with costs for accommodations, travel, gifts, and parties adding up quickly. If you know a close friend is in a tough financial spot, have an honest conversation with them before making the official ask. Let them know you'd love to have them as a bridesmaid but also offer alternative ways for them to be involved, such as giving a speech or serving as an usher.

Remember, choosing your bridesmaids is a personal decision, and you should select the people who will make you happiest and most supported on your special day.

Remember bridesmaids can be men

When it comes to choosing your bridesmaids, it can be a daunting task to narrow down your list of friends and family to just a few people. However, it's important to remember that your bridal party should ultimately be made up of those closest to you, who you want by your side throughout the entire wedding process. While it's traditional to have female bridesmaids, don't forget that bridesmaids can be men too! Here are some things to consider when selecting your bridal party, including your man of honour or bridesman:

Bridesmaids Can Be Men Too

There's no rule that says your bridal party has to be all women. If you have a close male friend or brother, don't be afraid to ask them to be a part of your special day. A male member of the bride's bridal party is often called an attendant or a bridesman, and they can play the same role as a bridesmaid. This includes offering emotional support, helping with wedding planning tasks, and standing by your side on the big day.

Dress Code for Male Bridesmaids

When it comes to dress code, there are no hard and fast rules. Male bridesmaids can either wear the same outfit as the groomsmen or match their suits to the bridesmaid dresses. The most important thing is to make sure they feel comfortable and confident in whatever they're wearing.

Advantages of Mixed-Gender Bridal Parties

Having a mixed-gender bridal party can add a unique and modern twist to your wedding. It also ensures that you're surrounded by your favourite people, regardless of their gender. This can make your wedding day even more meaningful and memorable.

Communicate with Your Fiancé

It's important to communicate with your fiancé about your bridal party choices. Discuss whether you want an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen for symmetry in photos, and decide together how many people you want in your bridal party.

Be Mindful of Dynamics

If you plan to have events with your full wedding party, consider the dynamics within the group. For example, if one of your potential bridesmaids recently broke up with one of the groomsmen, you may want to take that into account to avoid any potential strife.

Responsibilities of Male Bridesmaids

Male bridesmaids can take on similar responsibilities as their female counterparts. This includes supporting the bride emotionally, assisting with wedding planning tasks, and participating in pre-wedding events. They can also be involved in the bachelorette party or bridal shower, or take on a more active role in setting up or cleaning up at the wedding venue.

Remember, the most important thing is to choose the people who will support and celebrate with you on your wedding day, regardless of their gender.

Evaluate their availability and reliability

When choosing your bridesmaids, it's important to evaluate their availability and reliability. This is because your bridesmaids will play a major role in your wedding, and you'll want to be certain that you can depend on them.

First, consider their availability. Are they able to attend any and all events, such as your bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner? If your potential bridesmaid has a demanding job or busy family, it may be difficult for her to fulfil the bridesmaid role. Be mindful that you don't want to overload your bridesmaids with extra obligations, especially if they already have a lot on their plate.

Next, assess their reliability. Choose bridesmaids who are responsible and trustworthy, as you'll be relying on them for some significant wedding planning tasks. Look for friends who will answer your emails, show up on time, and maybe even be a little early. They should also be good at providing emotional support, as there might be a few pre-wedding meltdowns. It's also helpful if they're organised and know what you like, as they may be involved in planning your bachelorette party.

Remember, it's okay to be selective about who you choose as your bridesmaids. This is your special day, and you want to be surrounded by people who will enhance your joy and minimise your stress. So, take the time to evaluate the availability and reliability of your potential bridesmaids to ensure you have a supportive and dependable bridal party.

Think about the size of your wedding

The size of your wedding will play a part in determining the number of bridesmaids you choose for your wedding party. While you can have as large or as small a bridal party as you want, traditionally, the number of bridesmaids is chosen according to the number of people attending the wedding.

For instance, if you are inviting under 50 guests, you should have no more than 3 bridesmaids and a maid or matron of honour. For a larger wedding party, say, 150-200 guests, you can have as many as 12 wedding attendants. However, keep in mind that the bigger your bridal party, the bigger the dent in your wedding budget. This is because brides are often responsible for some bridesmaid expenses, including the group's bouquets, thank-you gifts, day-of transportation, and accommodations.

If you are set on having a large bridal party but are worried about the cost, there are ways to reduce expenses. For example, you could ask your bridesmaids to wear dresses they already own or choose a less expensive option for their bouquets. You could also suggest that they do their hair and makeup themselves.

On the other hand, if you have a large guest list but want to keep your bridal party small, you can still find ways to include your friends and family. For example, you could ask them to be ushers, ceremony readers, or candle lighters. You could also have them participate in the wedding festivities, such as the bachelorette party or bridal shower.

Ultimately, the number of bridesmaids you choose is up to you, and you should select the people who will make you happiest and most supported on your special day.

Be mindful of their financial situation

Being a bridesmaid can be expensive. Not only do bridesmaids have to pay for their dresses, but they are also often expected to contribute to throwing the bridal shower and bachelorette party, as well as covering other expenses such as gifts, travel, and accommodation. It's important to be mindful of your potential bridesmaids' financial situations and to be clear about any financial expectations upfront.

Be upfront about financial expectations

Be clear about what expenses your bridesmaids will be expected to cover, and give them an honest estimate of how much these expenses will cost. This will allow them to make an informed decision about whether they can afford to be a bridesmaid. It's also a good idea to set expectations about the level of involvement you want from your bridesmaids. For example, if you want a very involved wedding party, it may not be a good idea to ask friends or family who live far away or have busy schedules.

Offer alternative ways to contribute

If you have friends who want to be involved but can't afford to be a bridesmaid, consider offering them alternative ways to contribute to your wedding. For example, you could ask a musically inclined friend to perform at the reception or a talented writer to pen a poem or essay to share at the ceremony.

Be understanding if someone declines

If someone declines your offer to be a bridesmaid, try to be understanding. They may have personal reasons for not being able to participate, and it's important to respect their decision. Remember, just because they can't be a bridesmaid doesn't mean they can't still be involved in your wedding in some way.

Keep travel expenses in mind

If your bridesmaids live far away, they will likely incur travel expenses. If you are willing and able to cover these costs, then by all means, ask them. Otherwise, it may be more considerate to ask someone else.

Remember, it's not just the financial cost

Being a bridesmaid is a time-consuming role, and it's important to choose people who have the time and energy to commit to it. Your bridesmaids will be expected to attend multiple events and help with wedding planning, so be mindful of their other commitments and choose people who you know will be able to make the necessary time.

Frequently asked questions