Kindly Keep Your Wedding Child-Free: Phrasing Etiquette

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding on a guest list. One of the most controversial topics surrounding weddings is whether or not to invite children. If you've decided on a child-free wedding, it's important to communicate this clearly and politely to your guests. Here are some ways to phrase a no children policy on your wedding invitations to ensure your special day goes smoothly.

Be clear and direct

Being clear and direct about your wedding being an adults-only affair is a tricky task. You want to be polite, but at the same time, you don't want to offend or upset anyone. Here are some ways to be clear and direct about your no-children wedding invite:

Be Direct and Clear

Use clear, understandable language. Simply saying "no kids" or "no children" won't be enough. Be specific about which age groups are not invited. If you would rather people under 18 years old stay home or want a 21+ affair, state that clearly. Here are some examples:

• "We respectfully request no children under the age of 16 to the reception."
• "No children under the age of 16 will be permitted."
• "We respectfully advise this is an adult-only event (18+)."
• "We politely request no children attend the ceremony and reception. Thank you in advance for understanding."
• "Our wedding is adults only."
• "We regret that we are unable to invite children to the wedding. We hope that you can join us and enjoy a 'day off' in our company."
• "We are very sorry, but due to restrictions at our venue, we cannot accommodate children."
• "Unfortunately, we cannot accommodate children – thank you for your understanding."

Address the Invitations Properly

Tradition dictates that only those named on the invites are official guests at the wedding. So, make sure you specifically name your intended guests on your paper or digital invitations. If you're mailing formal invitations with an outer and inner envelope, the outer envelope features the guest's mailing address, while the inner envelope includes the title and last name of each guest. If there is no inner envelope, be as clear as possible on the outer envelope.

Share the Message Across Multiple Platforms

It's a good idea to reinforce your message across all platforms where people will hear about your wedding. Add a note about your adults-only occasion on your save-the-dates, invites, wedding website, and follow-up messages. Highlight it on your RSVP cards with wording like "Only Adults Invited" or "Sorry, No Children."

Be Consistent

It is important to be consistent with your "no children" rule. You can make clear exceptions for the children of immediate family and/or your wedding party, but be sure to let other guests know about these exceptions.

Be Prepared for Pushback

Even if you've used clear wording, shared via word of mouth, and posted a note on your website, be prepared to get some pushback. Remember, it's your wedding day, and you and your partner get to decide who's invited. Be sensitive when dealing with upset parents, but don't back down.

Address the invitations to adults only

When addressing your wedding invitations to adults only, it's important to be clear and direct. Here are some ways to phrase it:

Be Direct

A straightforward and concise approach is often best. Try something like:

• “Please note, this is an adults-only celebration."
• “Please join us for an adult reception at six o'clock."
• “Adult (18 and older) reception to follow."
• “We respectfully request no children under 16/18 at the reception."
• “The bride and groom request that this be an adults-only reception."

Emphasise Space or Budget Constraints

If your venue has limited space or you're working with a tight budget, you can explain this in the invitation:

• “Due to limited venue space, adults only please."
• “Due to budget/space limitations, we are unable to extend the invitation to children."
• “Although we adore your children, due to budget/space constraints, we ask that only adults attend."
• “We'd love to have [child's name] there, but unfortunately, we're limited by budget/space constraints. We hope you can still make it."

Offer Alternative Arrangements

If you're providing babysitting services or have a child-friendly area at your venue, you can mention this:

• “Regrettably, our chosen venue is unable to accommodate children. Professional babysitting will be provided at the hotel."
• “Our venue has a strict no-under-18s policy, but we will have a separate room for children with a babysitting service."
• “Children will be looked after in the nursery during the ceremony but are welcome to join us in the main hall for the reception!”

Be Consistent and Make No Exceptions

It's important to apply the adults-only rule consistently to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. Make it clear that this rule applies to all guests:

• “We are unable to accommodate children at our wedding."
• “We would like our special day to be an adult-only occasion."
• “Please be aware that this will be an adults-only wedding."
• “Unfortunately, we cannot invite children to our wedding, but we hope that the advance notice means you are still able to attend."

Address the Invitations Properly

When addressing the envelopes, only include the names of those invited. For example:

• Outer Envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Sullivan
• Inner Envelope: Mike and Annie

This makes it clear that only the adults are invited and helps to avoid any misunderstandings.

Explain your reasons

Explaining your reasons for not wanting children at your wedding can be tricky, but there are ways to do it politely. Here are some reasons you could give to your guests:

Numbers and Budget

If you have a large number of guests with children, it might be helpful to explain that inviting all the children would significantly increase the guest list. You could say something like:

> “We regret that due to the large number of children within our family and friends, we have decided to make our wedding day an adult-only occasion."

Or, if you are on a tight budget, you could explain that you are only able to accommodate adult guests:

> "While we would like for the children to attend, our budget only accommodates adult guests at our wedding."

Venue Restrictions

If your venue has restrictions on accommodating children, you can explain this to your guests. For example:

> "We are very sorry, but due to restrictions at our venue, we cannot accommodate children."

> "Our venue has a strict no-under-18s policy, so we are unable to welcome children to the wedding."

Childcare

You could frame it as giving parents a day or night off and a chance to celebrate without worrying about their children. For instance:

> "We love your kids, but we thought you might want the night off. Book a sitter and dust off those dancing shoes!"

> "We regret that we are unable to invite children to the wedding. We hope that you can join us and enjoy a 'day off' in our company."

Consistency

If you want to avoid any potential accusations of favouritism, you could explain that you are being consistent with your policy and only allowing immediate family children to attend:

> The rule applies to every guest, the only exception being immediate family children. We want to make sure that other guests know that these are the only children who will be present at the wedding.

Safety

If there are any safety concerns at your venue, you could mention this as the reason for not inviting children:

> "Due to safety reasons at our venue, we are unable to extend this invitation to children."

Be consistent

When it comes to phrasing your wedding invitations to politely indicate that children are not invited, consistency is key. Here are some tips to ensure your message is consistent:

Make Clear Exceptions

It's perfectly acceptable to make exceptions for the children of immediate family members, bridesmaids, ushers, page boys, and flower girls. However, be sure to let other guests know about these exceptions to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. Being transparent about who is invited will help your guests understand your decisions.

Address Invitations Clearly

When addressing your invitations, be sure to include the names of only those who are invited. Avoid addressing invitations to "The Smith Family" if only the parents are invited. This clarity will help prevent any misunderstandings.

Provide Advance Notice

Give your guests with children plenty of advance notice about your adults-only policy. This will allow them to make the necessary childcare arrangements well in advance of your wedding day. You can include this information on your wedding website, save-the-dates, or even through word of mouth.

Use consistent wording across all your communication channels, including invitations, response cards, and your wedding website. Here are some examples of consistent wording you can use:

• "We kindly request this be an adult-only wedding."
• "Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate children at our wedding."
• "Please note that this is an adults-only celebration."
• "We respectfully request no children under the age of 16 at the reception."
• "We politely request that there be no children under the age of 18 at the reception."

Remember, it's important to be sensitive and considerate in your wording. Avoid phrases like "We thought you'd appreciate a night off!" or "To give you the opportunity to really let your hair down..." as they may come across as patronising to parents. Instead, focus on phrases that emphasise your desire for a child-free celebration while still being respectful of your guests' needs.

Offer alternatives

If you are looking for ways to politely decline children at your wedding, here are some suggestions for phrasing your invitations to offer alternatives.

If you are inviting children to part of the wedding, you could say:

• "We are delighted to welcome children to the ceremony and early reception. However, from X pm onwards, the wedding will be adults only."
• "Children outside the wedding party are not invited for the ceremony, but are welcome for the reception from X pm."
• "We would like our special day to be an adult-only occasion, however, we would like to open the invite up to your children at the evening reception at X pm."
• "Following the ceremony and drinks reception, please join us for an adults-only reception at X pm."

If you are allowing babies, you could say:

• "Please note that this is an adult-only wedding. However, you are welcome to bring infants under 12 months."
• "Adults only (exception for infants under six months)."

If you are happy to invite children but want to keep costs down, you could say:

• "As much as we would like to invite all the children of our loved ones, we will only be able to welcome over-18s at our wedding due to budget constraints."
• "While we adore your children, our budget will only allow us to accommodate adult guests at our wedding."

If you are inviting certain children, you could say:

• "Unfortunately, as much as we’d love to invite all of our friends’ children, we can only accommodate a few close family children. We hope that you will understand this decision and that you will still be able to join us on our special day."
• "In order to meet guest number restrictions, we are only able to extend our invitation to the children of close family and/or our wedding party."
• "Due to space constraints, we are only able to invite the children of immediate family to our wedding."

If your venue doesn't allow children, you could say:

• "We are very sorry, but due to restrictions at our venue, we cannot accommodate children."
• "Due to safety reasons at our venue, we are unable to extend this invitation to children."
• "Our venue has a strict no-under-18s policy, so we are unable to welcome children to the wedding."

If you are happy to pay for a creche or babysitter, you could say:

"We will be providing a creche, please see our wedding website for further details."

Frequently asked questions