Calm Best Man Speech Nerves: A Practical Guide

Being the best man at a wedding is an honour, but it can also be nerve-wracking. Many people find public speaking challenging, and a best man's speech is often the first time they have to address a large group. It's natural to feel anxious, but there are several strategies to help you stay calm and deliver a great speech. From practicing your speech to reframing your nerves as excitement, you can learn to manage your anxiety and confidently celebrate your friend's special day.

Practice your speech until it bores you

Practice is key to calming your nerves before giving a best man's speech. Even if you are a seasoned public speaker, there is something about a best man's speech that can stir up your nerves. The more you practice, the better. Run through your speech in full at least three times, and do so with another person if possible. The more you familiarise yourself with your speech, the more confident you will feel delivering it.

Recording yourself reading your speech is a great way to practice. Listen back to the recording repeatedly—on your commute, before bed, whenever you can. This will help you memorise your speech and make you feel more comfortable with the sound of your own voice. Writing your speech out by hand can also aid memorisation.

Practising your speech will also help you to perfect your delivery. Remember to vary your pace—don't speak too quickly or too slowly. A conversational tone is best, with pauses and short breaks to allow your audience to react and process what you are saying.

Practising your speech will also help you to pinpoint the best places to include jokes and allow you to prepare any ad-libbed lines you might want to include. Practise your non-verbal communication, too, such as smiling and making eye contact with your audience.

Visualise yourself giving the speech

Visualising yourself giving a great speech is a powerful tool to help you feel more confident and less nervous. It's a technique that's been recommended by public speaking coaches like Lynn Kirkham.

So, when you practice your best man's speech, and immediately before you take the stage, think about how your ideal presentation would go. Visualise yourself giving your speech and blowing your audience away. You might even say to yourself, "You can do this!" or "I can't wait to tell everyone about this!" Some people find that repeating "Yes!" over and over again works wonders to decrease nerves.

It's important to remember that not every speech will go exactly as visualised, and that's alright. The purpose of this exercise is to help bolster your confidence. You cannot and should not expect to predict an audience's response.

You can also take a deep breath and then think of your favourite speaker. Perhaps envision Abraham Lincoln giving a battlefield speech. Be inspired by their poise and try to emulate this as you take the stage.

Reframe nerves as excitement

It is perfectly normal to feel nervous about giving a best man's speech. In fact, public speaking is the No. 1 fear for many people! But there's no need to worry, as the audience will be rooting for you. They are not expecting a flawless performance, and they will be primed to laugh at your jokes and enjoy your stories.

A simple mindset shift can help you harness your nervous energy and use it to your advantage. Research shows that nervousness and excitement are both high states of arousal, so you can manipulate your mind-body connection to make what you're feeling seem positive. By telling yourself that you're excited, you can trick your body into switching the circuits. Instead of feeling anxious, you'll feel eager to share what you have to say.

Athletes and artists often admit to feeling nervous before a performance because they care about doing a good job. Similarly, your nerves as a best man speaker stem from your desire to deliver a great speech. Remind yourself that the audience wants you to succeed and will be hanging on your every word.

So, in the lead-up to the wedding, keep telling yourself that you're excited to give the speech. This will help you reframe your nervousness as excitement and ensure that you step up to the podium with confidence.

Make eye contact and smile

Making eye contact with your audience is a crucial aspect of public speaking. It helps to create a sense of connection and trust with your audience, allowing them to feel more engaged in your speech. While it may be tempting to keep your head down and read from a piece of paper, this can make it challenging to connect with your audience and may even signal a lack of confidence.

Instead, challenge yourself to look up and make eye contact with the people around you. This can be a difficult task, especially if you're feeling nervous. However, it's important to remember that your audience wants you to succeed. They are likely anticipating your speech with excitement and are primed to laugh at your jokes and enjoy your stories. Knowing this should help boost your confidence and make eye contact a little easier.

Before you begin your speech, take a moment to stand up and smile at all the guests. This simple action can help to put both you and your audience at ease. A smile can be a powerful tool to connect with your audience and can even add as much warmth and laughter as any witty lines you've written. So, don't forget to rehearse your non-verbal communication, such as smiling and making eye contact, just as you would practice your speech.

When it comes to making eye contact, you don't need to maintain eye contact with one person for the entire speech. In fact, that may make both you and your audience feel uncomfortable. Instead, try panning your eyes around the room, looking at different people for a few seconds at a time. This technique can help you feel more comfortable and make the experience of speaking to a large group feel more like a series of one-on-one conversations, which may come more naturally to you.

Remember, it's perfectly normal to feel nervous about public speaking, and it's okay to let those nerves show. In fact, a little nervous energy can add to the excitement of your speech. So, if you stumble over your words or need a moment to gather your thoughts, don't be too hard on yourself. Smile, take a breath, and continue on. Your audience will appreciate your authenticity and efforts, and they'll likely be more focused on how your speech makes them feel rather than on any minor mistakes you may perceive.

Read the room

Reading the room is an important part of giving a best man's speech. Knowing who you are speaking to and tailoring your speech to the audience will help you deliver a great tribute to the groom. Here are some tips to help you read the room and give an inclusive speech:

Know Your Audience

Before the big day, find out who the couple has invited to the wedding. This will give you an idea of the different groups of people you will be speaking to and help you tailor your content accordingly. Consider whether the groom has invited colleagues, older family members, children, or non-English speakers. Knowing your audience will help you choose appropriate jokes and stories that will resonate with everyone.

Avoid Inappropriate Jokes

While it's important to include humour in your speech, be mindful of the tone and content of your jokes. Avoid anything that could be considered sexist, crude, or overly rude. Instead, focus on the unique and light-hearted aspects of the groom's personality and your friendship. This will ensure your speech is both funny and respectful.

Be Mindful of Cultural Sensitivities

If there are guests from different cultural backgrounds, be aware of any cultural sensitivities. Avoid making assumptions or telling jokes that rely on specific cultural knowledge. Keep your speech inclusive and accessible to all guests, regardless of their background.

Opt for Universal Topics

When in doubt, stick to universal topics that are likely to be understood and appreciated by a diverse audience. Topics such as the couple's relationship, shared experiences with the groom, or light-hearted anecdotes about the wedding planning process are usually safe choices.

Monitor Guest Reactions

During your speech, pay attention to the guests' reactions. Are they laughing at your jokes? Are they nodding along with your stories? Are there any signs of discomfort or confusion? Adjust your delivery as needed to ensure your speech is well-received by the entire audience.

Seek Feedback

Before the wedding, consider practising your speech in front of a diverse group of friends or family members. They can provide valuable feedback on the content and delivery, helping you fine-tune your speech to ensure it resonates with a variety of guests.

Frequently asked questions