Uninvited: Strategies For Saying 'No' To Wedding Dates

Planning a wedding can be a stressful task, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. One of the most common problems is whether to allow guests to bring a plus one, which can cause guest lists to double. While it's nice to let guests bring someone, it's not always feasible due to budget and space constraints. To avoid this, it's best to be honest and clear from the start, using strategies like addressing invitations correctly and making use of RSVP cards.

Be honest and direct about the rule

Being honest and direct about your wedding guest list is the best policy. It's your wedding, and you don't owe anyone an explanation for your decisions, but being upfront and clear will help your guests understand and avoid any potential drama or hurt feelings.

Firstly, decide on a blanket rule for plus-ones and stick to it. This could be that no guests are allowed a plus-one, or only guests with a spouse or long-term partner can bring a date. Having a clear rule will make it easier to communicate your wishes and avoid any confusion or exceptions.

When addressing your wedding invitations, be very clear about who is invited. If you are allowing plus-ones, write "Mr John Smith plus Guest". If not, simply write "Mr John Smith". For families, be specific and address the invitation to each individual family member you are inviting, rather than "The Smith Family".

You can also use RSVP cards to reinforce your message. Write the names of the invited guests on the card yourself, and add a section stating the number of seats reserved for them. For example, "We have reserved _1_ seat in your honour".

If you have a wedding website, use the FAQ section to address the issue of plus-ones. You can explain that due to budget and space limitations, you are unable to accommodate additional guests. You could also mention that only guests specifically named on the invitation are invited.

Finally, be prepared for some guests to push back or ask for exceptions. It's up to you how strictly you want to enforce the rule, but remember that making exceptions for some guests may lead to hurt feelings among others. Be polite and gentle when turning down requests, and offer an alternative if you can, such as celebrating with them after the wedding.

Remember, the most important thing is that you want to have a great time with your loved ones. If you don't want a guest's date to attend, you have the right to say no, and if a guest reacts badly, do you really want them at your wedding anyway?

Address invitations correctly

Addressing your wedding invitations correctly is key to ensuring your guests understand who is and isn't invited. When sending out your wedding invitations (and save the dates), it's vital to address them clearly and correctly. When you write your guests' names on the outer and inner envelopes, make it obvious who is invited. If you are allowing plus ones, the invitation should read "Mr John Smith plus Guest". If there is no "plus guest", the guest should understand that they aren't allowed to bring a date.

When addressing families, it's best to be specific and name each person who is invited. Writing "The Smith Family" is too ambiguous and could lead to confusion. Instead, address the invitation to "Mr and Mrs John and Sarah Smith". This makes it clear that only the named people are invited.

If you are allowing plus ones, be sure to include their names on the RSVP card. This avoids any confusion and prevents guests from bringing a plus one who wasn't accounted for. You can also add a section saying ""We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honour", filling in the blank with the number of people invited from that party.

For unmarried couples, it is best to address the invitation to both parties on the outside and inside of the invitation. If they live separately, send each person their own invitation. If you don't have their information, it is acceptable to address it to the primary guest and include the name of their significant other on the materials inside. If you are unsure of the relationship status, use "invited guest".

Make it clear on the RSVP card

Making it clear on the RSVP card that guests cannot bring a plus one is a great way to communicate your wishes. Here are some tips to ensure your message is clear:

Write the Guest's Name on the RSVP Card

One effective strategy is to write your guest's name on the RSVP card yourself, leaving no space for them to add anyone else. This way, your guests will understand that only the named person is invited, and there is no room for interpretation.

Specify the Number of Reserved Seats

Another approach is to add a section on the RSVP card that clearly states the number of seats reserved for the guest. For example, "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honour." Filling in the blank space with the number of invited guests will make it clear that plus ones are not allowed.

Be Consistent with Your Wording

Ensure that the wording on the RSVP card matches the invitation. If you are inviting a family, address the invitation specifically to the family members who are invited, rather than writing a general "The Smith Family." This will help to avoid any ambiguity.

Provide Additional Information on Your Wedding Website

Consider including an FAQ section on your wedding website to address any questions about plus ones. This can be a great way to politely but firmly communicate your wishes and provide additional context for your decision. For example, you could write:

> Q: Can I bring a date (plus one) to your wedding?

> A: Unfortunately, due to budget and space limitations, we cannot accommodate additional guests. We appreciate your understanding on this matter.

Be Proactive and Informal in Advance

Before sending out invitations, you can take the opportunity to mention your "no plus ones" rule in casual conversations with friends and family. Explaining your reasons for this decision (such as budget constraints or limited venue space) can help to soften the message and make it more understandable for your guests.

Remember, it is essential to be consistent and clear in your communication about not allowing plus ones. Combining these strategies will help ensure that your guests understand your wishes and avoid any potential confusion or hurt feelings.

Add an FAQ to your wedding website

Wedding Website FAQ

Unfortunately, we have a strict guest list to stay on budget. Our celebration is strictly RSVP only. We will only be able to accommodate those listed on your wedding invitation.

Due to [space/constraints or safety restrictions], we are unable to accommodate children at our wedding.

The dress code for our wedding is semi-formal/cocktail attire. Think cocktail dresses or a suit and tie or a sports coat.

The weather in [location] in [month] is usually [description].

After the ceremony, the wedding party will be taking pictures nearby for around an hour. Guests can head straight to the reception hall, where we will be serving finger foods and beverages during a cocktail hour.

Will there be food and drinks during cocktail hour?

After the wedding ceremony, we will be serving light passed hors d'oeuvres accompanied by an open bar. We invite you to toast to our nuptials with a curated selection of wine, beer and our signature cocktail.

Will there be any vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free or special diet options?

Yes, we can accommodate special dietary restrictions. Please contact us ahead of time so we can cater to your needs.

All guests are invited to [event] on [date].

Explain your reasoning

There are many reasons why you may want to restrict guests from bringing plus-ones to your wedding. The most common reason is that you have a limited budget and seating capacity. Allowing all guests to bring a plus-one could cause your guest list to double in size, which may not be feasible for you.

To avoid any potential drama or hurt feelings between wedding guests, it is best to have a blanket rule for plus-ones. This means either every guest is allowed to bring a date, or no one is. If you do decide to allow plus-ones, you could come up with a rule, such as "only guests that are married or cohabiting are allowed to bring their partner".

Another option is to only invite close friends and family members to the ceremony and wedding breakfast, and then invite more people to the evening reception. This can give you enough space to allow guests to bring plus-ones to the evening-only, or you could invite plus-ones as evening-only guests.

If you decide not to allow plus-ones, it is important to communicate this to your guests clearly and in advance. You can mention this in casual conversation when discussing your wedding plans, and explain your reasoning, such as financial limitations or space constraints. When sending out invitations, address them correctly to specify who is invited. For example, "Mr John Smith" indicates no plus-one, whereas "Mr John Smith plus Guest" indicates that a plus-one is allowed. You can also make this clear on the RSVP card by specifying the number of seats that have been reserved.

Remember, it is your wedding, and you don't owe anyone an explanation for your decisions. However, explaining your reasoning may help your guests understand and avoid any potential conflicts or hurt feelings.

Frequently asked questions