Small Wedding, Big Impact: Curating Your Guest List

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and one of the most challenging aspects is creating the guest list. The size of your guest list will impact your budget and venue, so it's important to be thoughtful and intentional when deciding who to invite. Here are some tips to help you create a small wedding guest list:

- Start by setting a realistic budget and determining the maximum capacity of your venue. This will help you understand how many people you can afford to invite and accommodate.

- Create an A-list and a B-list. Your A-list should include people who are absolutely essential, such as close family members and friends. The B-list can include other guests you would like to invite if space and budget allow.

- Be mindful of plus-ones. You don't have to offer a plus-one to everyone, especially if you're keeping your wedding small. Consider only offering plus-ones to guests in long-term relationships or those you have met.

- Limit the number of children. If you want a child-free wedding or want to keep the numbers down, gently let the parents in your crew know that your wedding will be an adult-only affair.

- Be upfront and honest. Manage expectations by clearly stating that not receiving an invitation doesn't mean the person is any less loved or valued.

- Stick to your guns. It's your wedding, and you should invite the people who are closest to you and will add to your special day. Don't feel pressured to invite people out of guilt or obligation.

- Communicate your wishes for an intimate event. Let your parents and contributing parties know that you plan to have a small wedding, and ask them to limit their guest lists as well.

- Consider a destination wedding. Destination weddings typically involve a smaller group of guests, so you can feel more comfortable inviting only your nearest and dearest.

Be realistic about your budget

The size of your guest list will likely have the biggest impact on your wedding budget. The more guests you invite, the more money you'll spend, so if you're on a tight budget, keeping your guest list small will help you save on all aspects of the wedding, from food and drink to stationery and flowers.

Crunching the numbers might not be the most glamorous part of wedding planning, but it's an important step. Talk to your partner to figure out how many guests your wedding budget will allow you to invite.

If your budget is tight, you may want to consider an elegant micro-wedding with your closest friends and family.

Before you dive into making your guest list, it's a good idea to draft a rough guest list and then visit potential venues, so you can choose a space that can accommodate your party size. If you already have your venue nailed down, make sure you know its maximum capacity and stick to that number.

If you're paying for the wedding yourself, you may want to increase your stake in the guest list, and that's okay. If other people are contributing, they may feel entitled to a significant portion of the guest list, so it's important to have a conversation with them about this.

One approach is to divide your guest list so that the couple gets half, and each set of parents gets a quarter. But all family dynamics are different, so have this conversation early to arrive at a resolution that sits well with everyone.

If you're struggling to trim your guest list, try eliminating whole "groups". For example, you could decide not to invite any coworkers, or leave off all cousins. This might be easier, or at least more "fair", than only inviting some people from these groups and not others.

Another way to keep numbers down is to make your wedding adults-only. You'll have to break the news gently to parents, but they may be happy to have a kid-free night.

Remember, it's your day, and there's no rule that says you have to invite anyone you don't want to.

Make it adults-only

Making your wedding adults-only is a quick way to reduce your guest list. You may have to gently break the news to parents, but they may be happy to have a child-free night.

If you are worried about offending people, be honest and upfront from the beginning. Explain that your wedding is going to be intimate and that you are limiting numbers. It might be helpful to remind people that not being invited doesn't mean they are any less loved or valued.

If you are still concerned about offending people, you could arrange a more relaxed dinner or a low-key party after the main event so that everyone who wants to celebrate with you gets the chance.

If you are worried about the practicalities of managing a large number of children, you could consider hiring a wedding nanny or babysitter. This person could be responsible for entertaining the children and making sure they are safe, giving parents peace of mind and allowing them to relax and enjoy your wedding.

If you are set on an adults-only wedding, make sure you give parents enough notice so that they can make alternative arrangements for their children.

Limit plus-ones

Limiting plus-ones is a great way to keep your wedding guest list small. Here are some tips to help you navigate this sensitive topic:

Set Clear Criteria

It is important to establish clear and consistent criteria for determining who gets a plus-one. This could include allowing plus-ones for married, engaged, or cohabiting guests, as well as those in long-term relationships. Be mindful of the social dynamics and consider the impact on your seating chart. If you are part of the wedding party, it is customary to offer a plus-one as a token of appreciation for their time and support.

Communicate Early and Clearly

Put your plus-one information on your wedding website as soon as possible. When addressing invitations, be explicit about who is invited. Address the envelopes to the specific individuals, and if a plus-one is allowed, include "and guest." You can also add a line to your RSVP cards indicating the number of seats reserved to avoid any confusion.

Be Mindful of Singles

Create a seating plan that fosters a comfortable dynamic for solo guests. Avoid placing them between couples, especially those prone to PDA! Instead, seat them with outgoing and friendly couples to create a communal feel and help them meet people organically.

Prepare for Questions

Be prepared for guests to reach out and ask about bringing a plus-one. Inquire about the status of their relationship and be open to including their partner if the relationship seems serious. If you don't have the capacity, it is okay to politely decline, explaining that it is an intimate affair.

Be Consistent and Firm

Establish your rules and stick to them. This will help eliminate any perception of favouritism. Remember, it is your special day, and you don't need to feel obligated to provide plus-ones if it doesn't align with your vision or budget.

By following these tips, you can effectively limit plus-ones and manage your guest list while maintaining sensitivity and tact.

Prioritise close loved ones

When it comes to making your wedding guest list small, one of the most important things to do is to prioritise close loved ones. This means focusing on your closest family members and friends who you couldn't imagine celebrating without. Here are some tips to help you prioritise your loved ones when creating your small wedding guest list:

Identify your VIPs

Start by making a list of your very important people, or VIPs. These are the individuals who are closest to you and your partner, such as parents, siblings, grandparents, and close friends. They are the people you absolutely must have at your wedding. This list will be the foundation of your guest list and will help you ensure that those who are most important to you are there to share your special day.

Consider your budget and venue

The number of guests you can invite will depend on your budget and the size of your venue. Before finalising your guest list, have a realistic idea of how many people you can afford to host and how many people your venue can accommodate. This will help you determine if you need to make further cuts to your list or if you have room to include additional guests.

Be selective with plus-ones

To keep your guest list small, you may need to limit the number of plus-ones you offer to your guests. Consider setting criteria for who receives a plus-one, such as long-term partners or spouses. Communicate this criteria clearly to your guests to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.

Evaluate your relationships

When deciding who to include on your guest list, evaluate your relationships with the people you're considering. Take into account how often you speak to them, how close you are, and how likely you are to see them in the future. If it's been a while since you last interacted and your wedding is still a long way off, you may decide that it's not necessary to invite them.

Be honest and upfront

Be honest and upfront with friends and family members who are not invited. Explain that your wedding is going to be small and intimate, and that you're limited by budget and venue constraints. Let them know that your decision doesn't reflect how much you value your relationship with them. If possible, do this in person or over the phone to give them an opportunity to ask questions and share their thoughts.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment with the people who matter most to you. By prioritising close loved ones, you can create a meaningful and intimate celebration that aligns with your vision.

Be mindful of the B-list

Creating a B-list for your wedding can be a tricky process, but there are several ways to navigate it without causing any guest list faux pas.

Make B-List Decisions Early

If you think you might need to separate your guest list into an A-List and B-List, make that decision as soon as possible. This will give you time to decide who is on which list, as well as figure out arrangements for invitations and RSVP deadlines.

Organise Intentionally

When creating your B-List, organise it in order of priority. Put those who feel really important but didn't quite make the cut at the top, and those who would be nice to include but are not necessary towards the bottom. This way, if you have any declines from your A-List, you know exactly who to invite next.

Make a Separate List for Family and Close Friends

The last thing you want is for friends to compare when they were invited and realise they may have been on the B-List. To decrease the chances of this happening, decide what qualifies someone for the A-List versus the B-List, and apply that logic consistently.

Send Invitations Early

If you have a B-List, send your A-List invitations out around 12 weeks in advance. This will give you plenty of time to see who can't make it before getting your B-List invites in the mail.

Have Two Sets of RSVP Cards

Print two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines. The first, going out with the A-List invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of around eight weeks before your wedding. The second set, which will go out with the B-List invitations, should have an RSVP deadline around three weeks before your wedding, lining up with traditional etiquette.

Mail the B-List Invites at Once

Choose a date as the deadline for adding B-List guests to your "invited" list, and mail all of those B-List invitations on the same day. This will help you keep track of who you've added and ensure that invitations are arriving in a timely manner.

Frequently asked questions