Destination Wedding Guest List: Who Makes The Cut?

Planning a wedding is stressful, and one of the most challenging aspects is creating the guest list. This is especially true for destination weddings, where the guest list can make or break the event. Here are some tips to help you create the perfect guest list for your destination wedding.

- Start with a realistic budget and venue capacity in mind. The number of guests you can invite will depend on your budget and the venue's capacity.

- Prioritize close loved ones and immediate family members. Think about who absolutely must be there and go from there.

- Don't feel obligated to invite everyone you're not close with, even if they invited you to their wedding. It's your day, and you should only invite people you truly want to celebrate with.

- Be mindful of plus-ones. You don't have to give a plus-one to every guest, but be consistent with your rules. For example, you could only allow plus-ones for married or engaged couples or those in long-term relationships.

- Consider making your wedding adults-only. This can help reduce the number of guests and create a more intimate setting.

- Be fair with family and friends. Try to invite the same number of people from each side to avoid hurt feelings.

- Don't rush the process. Take your time to create the perfect guest list, as it impacts many other wedding elements.

- Utilize a guest list manager or spreadsheet to keep track of guest information, RSVPs, and dietary restrictions.

- Remember that not everyone you invite will be able to attend, especially for a destination wedding. You can expect about half of your invited guests to attend, so don't be afraid to invite more people if your budget and venue allow.

Consider the venue capacity and your budget

When it comes to planning a destination wedding, the venue capacity and your budget are two of the most important factors to consider when creating your guest list. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Start with a Realistic Budget

The number of guests you can invite will depend on your budget. From the cost of feeding your guests to ordering place settings and centrepieces, your headcount will have a significant impact on your spending. Therefore, it is crucial to set a realistic budget before finalising your guest list. This will help you determine how many invites to send out, ensuring you only invite the number of guests you intend to pay for.

Understand the Venue Capacity

Before finalising your guest list, it is essential to know the maximum capacity of your chosen venue. Be sure to stick to that number and avoid inviting more people than the venue can accommodate. It is generally advised to invite a few more guests than the venue capacity, anticipating that some guests may decline. However, inviting significantly more guests than the venue can hold will create problems later if everyone accepts.

Prioritise and Trim Your List

Create a prioritised list of guests, starting with those who are most important to you and your partner. This could include immediate family, wedding party members, close family, extended family, and other friends or colleagues. Be prepared to trim your list if needed, starting from the bottom and working your way up until your numbers match your budget and venue capacity.

Consider an A-List and B-List

Another strategy is to create an A-list and a B-list. Your A-list comprises must-invite guests, while your B-list includes those you would still like to attend but can do without. Send invitations to your A-list guests first, and if you receive enough declines, you can then send invitations to your B-list guests. This approach ensures you stay within your budget and venue capacity while maximising the chances of your desired guests attending.

Manage Expectations

When creating your guest list, be mindful of the expectations of others, especially if they are contributing financially. Traditionally, the couple gets a third of the guest list, while each set of parents gets a third for their friends and relatives. However, if one side of the family is larger or has more friends, you may need to adjust these proportions. Be transparent about the numbers with your parents and set clear boundaries to manage expectations effectively.

Stick to Your Numbers

Once you have determined your maximum guest count, avoid changing the guest list unless it is to remove people. Adding more guests after finalising the list can create logistical challenges and increase costs. Ensure your parents are aware that the list is finalised, and they should not invite anyone else without consulting you.

Be Selective with Plus-Ones

Deciding on a policy for plus-ones can help manage your guest list numbers. You may choose to only offer plus-ones to those in long-term relationships or married/engaged couples. Be consistent with your policy, and consider writing the plus-one's name on the outer envelope of the invitation to avoid confusion.

Consider an Adults-Only Event

An effective way to reduce your guest list numbers is to make your wedding adults-only. While this may be disappointing for some parents, it can also provide them with a kid-free night to enjoy themselves. Just be sure to communicate this decision gently and clearly to the parents in your guest list.

Remember, creating a guest list for a destination wedding requires careful consideration of your budget and venue capacity. Be organised, stay within your limits, and don't be afraid to make tough decisions. Good luck with your planning!

Prioritise close family and friends

When it comes to a destination wedding, it's beneficial to break up the guest count into three categories: "The Elopement", "Friends and Family", and "Free For All". "The Elopement" includes you, your partner, and roughly 2-10 other people. "Friends and Family" is more like 30-60 people, and "Free For All" is everybody you know, 75+.

However, it's important to remember that more people than you think will not attend your wedding. It's beneficial to start with those people who are in your life today and have been for the last six months. This includes immediate family and very close friends. Start with your VIPs and go from there.

If you have a larger guest list, be aware that you won't get the chance to interact with everyone. Do you want to spend a lot of time making small talk with lots of people, or would you rather celebrate with a tight-knit group?

Your siblings and their spouses will take precedence over, say, your dad's golf buddies. Here is a rough outline of how to prioritize:

• Immediate family (parents and siblings)
• Wedding party members (bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc.)
• Close family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, first cousins)
• Extended family members (distant relatives like great-aunts and uncles, second cousins, etc.)
• Other friends, co-workers, etc.

If you're on a modest budget, keeping your numbers lower will help keep costs down and create an intimate setting.

Decide on a plus-one policy

Deciding on a plus-one policy is an important aspect of creating a guest list for a destination wedding. Here are some considerations to help you determine your approach:

Numbers

First, consider the number of guests you can invite. This will depend on factors such as your budget and the capacity of your chosen venue. It's important to be realistic and only invite as many people as you can comfortably accommodate. Remember that you may need to pay for each guest, even at an all-inclusive location, as packages often only include a set number of guests.

Categories

When deciding on your plus-one policy, you may find it helpful to divide your guest list into categories. For example, you could have an A-list of must-have guests and a B-list of those you would like to invite if space and budget allow. Another way to categorise your guest list is by allocating a certain number of invitations to the couple, and then giving each set of parents a portion of the list for their friends and relatives.

Rules

Once you have an idea of numbers and categories, you can start to set some rules for plus-ones. You might decide that only married, engaged, or long-term couples get a plus-one, or that single guests can bring a date if you've met their partner before. Be consistent with your rules to avoid causing offence, and make sure everyone involved in the planning process is clear on the policy to avoid any confusion.

Children

Whether or not to invite children is another key consideration. If you opt for an adult-only wedding, you'll need to let parents know in advance so they can make alternative arrangements. However, if you're having a destination wedding, some parents may have to bring their children with them, so offering to help them find a babysitting service during the ceremony and reception could be a good solution.

Flexibility

Remember that your guest list doesn't have to be set in stone. It's a good idea to have a few people on a reserve list in case you receive more declines than expected. However, try to avoid inviting more people than your venue can accommodate, as this will only cause problems later on if everyone RSVPs 'yes'.

Communication

Clear communication is key when it comes to your plus-one policy. Be transparent with your families about the numbers and categories you're working with, and make sure they understand the rules you've set. This will help to manage expectations and avoid any last-minute surprises.

Be mindful of children

When it comes to children and your destination wedding guest list, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Firstly, it's important to be mindful of the costs that both you and your guests will incur. Destination weddings often require travel and accommodation expenses, which can quickly add up, especially if you have a large number of young guests and their parents. To keep costs down, you may want to consider limiting the number of children on your guest list or even having an adults-only wedding. This can be a delicate matter, so it's essential to approach it sensitively and communicate your decision clearly to your guests.

Another factor to consider is the experience you want to create for your guests, especially if they are travelling a long way to attend your wedding. A destination wedding can be an opportunity for guests to enjoy a unique location and explore a new culture. However, overplanning the itinerary can be stifling for guests, especially parents who are travelling with children. It's important to allow for downtime and flexibility in the schedule so that guests can rest, relax, and choose their own adventures. This can include leaving gaps between major events, such as the welcome dinner and the wedding ceremony, or offering a list of suggested activities that guests can opt into rather than a mandatory packed schedule.

Additionally, when creating your guest list, it's essential to be mindful of the dynamics between adult guests and children. If you have a mix of families with and without children attending your wedding, consider how you can create a balanced and inclusive experience for all. This may involve providing activities or spaces that are child-friendly, ensuring there are appropriate meals or snacks for younger guests, and being mindful of the impact of noise or chaos caused by children on adult guests.

Finally, when deciding whether to include children on your guest list, consider the ages and personalities of the children in question. If you have many young children or babies, their needs and routines may require more attention and accommodation. On the other hand, older children or teenagers may be more independent and able to enjoy the wedding celebrations alongside the adult guests. Ultimately, the decision to include or exclude children from your destination wedding guest list is a personal one and should be made based on your own preferences, budget, and the dynamics of your guest list.

Avoid verbal invites

Creating a guest list for a destination wedding can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to avoiding verbal invites. Here are some tips to help you navigate this challenging situation:

• Be Clear and Firm: When dealing with family members or friends who may be inclined to issue verbal invitations, it is crucial to be clear and firm in your communication. Explain that the guest list is finalised and there is no room for additional guests. Be assertive and let them know that verbal invitations are not acceptable.
• Set Boundaries: If a family member, such as your mother, is the one issuing verbal invitations, it is important to set boundaries. Inform her that you will not accept any financial contributions from her if she continues to overstep your boundaries. This may be a difficult conversation, but it is necessary to establish clear boundaries to prevent further issues.
• Involve Your Partner: Discuss the situation with your partner and present a united front. Let your family members know that you are making these decisions together and that the guest list is non-negotiable. This will help to reinforce the importance of respecting your wishes.
• Be Mindful of Budget and Venue Constraints: When creating your guest list, consider your budget and the capacity of your venue. These factors will help you determine the maximum number of guests you can invite. By having a clear understanding of these limitations, you can explain to family members that there is simply no room for additional verbal invitations.
• Offer Alternative Ways to Celebrate: If family members or friends are insistent on including certain individuals, suggest alternative ways to celebrate with them. For example, you could propose a more intimate gathering before or after the wedding, such as a bridal shower or a post-wedding dinner, where you can include those who couldn't make the guest list.
• Be Consistent: Ensure that your rules regarding invitations are applied consistently across the board. This will help to avoid any accusations of favouritism or unfairness. If you decide that only close family and friends will be invited, stick to that rule for everyone to avoid any misunderstandings.

Remember, it is your special day, and you have the right to decide who will be a part of it. By being clear, firm, and consistent, you can navigate the tricky waters of avoiding verbal invitations gracefully and maintain a harmonious relationship with your loved ones.

Frequently asked questions