Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Listing Names Gracefully

Wedding invitations are a chance to make a memorable first impression on your guests. However, the task of addressing envelopes can be tedious and stressful. It requires careful consideration of formality, relationship status, titles, and more. The traditional approach uses titles and full names, while modern alternatives skip titles or use nicknames for a less formal feel. For married couples with the same last name, the outer envelope often lists the husband's full name, but some prefer to include both partners' full names or first names only. Married couples with different last names can list either name first, and same-sex couples follow similar rules. Unmarried couples are addressed alphabetically or based on closeness, and single guests use Ms. or Mr. unless under 18. Plus-ones are included by name or as and guest. Addressing guests with official titles, inviting families, and indicating children's inclusion also require careful consideration. Ultimately, the approach to listing names on wedding invitations depends on personal preference, relationship dynamics, and the desired formality.

Married couples with the same last name

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with the same last name, there are a few different ways to do so, depending on the couple's preferences and the level of formality desired. Here are some examples:

For heterosexual couples, the traditional way to address the outer envelope is to use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's first and last name. For example: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". If the couple prefers, the wife's name can be included as well, like this: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren". For the inner envelope, you can use either their full names or just their first names, such as "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle".

If the married couple is a same-sex couple, either name can go first. You can use titles such as "The Mesdames" or "The Mssrs." followed by both first names and the couple's last name. For example: "The Mesdames Suzanne and Deborah Jones" or "Mr. Robert and Mr. Peter Smith". Alternatively, you can use "Mrs. and Mrs." or "Mr. and Mr." followed by their full names.

In general, it is considered more formal to use full names and titles on the outer envelope, while the inner envelope can be slightly more casual and may include just the first names of the couple.

It's important to consider the couple's preferences when addressing the invitations. Some modern women may prefer to have their full name included on the outer envelope rather than being addressed as "Mrs." with their husband's name. It's also a good idea to find out guests' pronouns before addressing the envelopes.

Married couples with different last names

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with different last names, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to use full names and avoid nicknames or abbreviations. The general format for addressing an outer envelope to a married couple with different last names is to write out each full name with "Mr." or "Mrs.", and you can choose to list the names alphabetically or start with the person you are closest to. Here is an example:

> "Mrs. Leslie Knope and Mr. Ben Wyatt"

If you prefer to be more informal, you can list the names without titles, but this is usually reserved for casual weddings such as a backyard barbecue or brunch in the park.

For the inner envelope, you can be less formal and use one of two options: titles + last names, or first names only (but only if you are very close with the couple). Here is an example of how to address the inner envelope:

> "Mrs. Knope and Mr. Wyatt" or "Leslie and Ben"

If the couple has children under the age of 18, you would follow the same format as above and add the children's names in order of age on the second line. For children over the age of 18, it is recommended to send separate invitations.

It is also important to note that some women may have a strong aversion to having their names left out or being addressed as "Mrs." only. In such cases, it is recommended to use "Ms." followed by their full name. Additionally, if the woman is a doctor, it is appropriate to use "Dr." as the title.

Same-sex married couples

When addressing wedding invitations to same-sex married couples, the same etiquette applies as for any other couple, married or unmarried. If the couple has the same last name, you can write their names on the same line, using their titles and separating their names with "and". For example, "Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith" or "Mrs. Amanda Jones and Mrs. Jane Williams". Alternatively, you can use the plural form of the title, for instance, "The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams" or "The Messrs. Dan and John Smith".

If the couple has different last names, both names should still be written on the same line, with their individual titles and separated by "and". For instance, "Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green".

If one partner has a hyphenated name, this name should be listed last. For example, "Mr. Andy Dwyer and Ms. April Ludgate-Dwyer".

For the inner envelope, you can be less formal and use titles and last names, or just first names if you are very close with the couple. For example, "Mr. Brown and Mr. Smith" or "Dan and John".

When in doubt, consider asking the couple for their preferred greeting.

Unmarried couples

When addressing wedding invitations to unmarried couples, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, if the couple lives together, both guests' full names should be included on the invitation, even if you are not acquainted with the partner. In this case, you can find out the name of the partner by checking social media, asking a mutual friend, or simply asking the guest.

If the couple lives together, you have two options for how to format their names. You can either list their names alphabetically by last name on separate lines, for example:

> Mr. Ross Geller

> Ms. Rachel Green

Or, you can list both names on the same line, starting with the person you are closest to. If you are equally close to both, go alphabetically. For example:

> Ms. Rachel Green and Mr. Ross Geller

If the unmarried couple does not live together, it is ideal to send a separate invitation to each person. However, it has become more acceptable to send one invitation to the primary invited guest, and include the other guest's name on the inner envelope.

Individuals

When addressing wedding invitations to individuals, the general rule is to use their full, formal name and the appropriate title. If you are unsure of their middle name, you can omit it, but never use initials or abbreviations.

For single, unmarried women over the age of 18, "Ms." is the appropriate title. For those under 18, "Miss" is more acceptable.

> Outer envelope: Ms. Elizabeth Lemon

> Inner envelope: Ms. Lemon

If the unmarried female guest is under 18, you would address the envelopes as follows:

> Outer envelope: Miss Donna-Jo Tanner

> Inner envelope: Miss Tanner

For single, unmarried men over the age of 18, "Mr." is used. If the male guest is under 18, no title is necessary.

> Outer envelope: Mr. George Costanza

> Inner envelope: Mr. Costanza

If your guest identifies as non-binary, you can use the honorific "Mx." If you are unsure, it is best to ask for their preferred title.

> Outer envelope: Mx. Courtney Andrews

> Inner envelope: Mx. Andrews

For widowed women, it is best to inquire if they prefer to be addressed using their married name or their husband's name. Some widows may also prefer "Ms."

> Outer envelope: Mrs. George Devereaux

> Inner envelope: Mrs. Devereaux

Similar options are available for divorced women. You can use "Ms." or "Mrs." with either their ex-husband's last name (if they still use it) or their maiden name, depending on their preference.

> Outer envelope: Mrs./Ms. Cookie Lyon

> Inner envelope: Mrs./Ms. Lyon

If the individual guest has a distinguished title, such as a judge, priest, or member of the military, this takes precedence and is used in place of the standard titles. For example, for a judge:

> Outer envelope: The Honorable Sonia Sotomayor

> Inner envelope: Judge Sotomayor

For a priest:

> Outer envelope: Father Damien Karras

> Inner envelope: Father Karras

The same traditional etiquette rules apply to individuals as with couples when it comes to inner vs. outer envelopes. The outer envelope is more formal, while the inner envelope is slightly more casual and may include only first names if you are very close with the individual.

For a single female:

> Ms. Lemon or Elizabeth

For a single female under 18:

> Mr. Costanza or George

For a divorced female:

> Mrs./Ms. Lyon or Mrs./Ms. Holloway

Frequently asked questions