Family-Only Weddings: How To Politely Limit Guest Lists

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. While it's your special day, you may feel pressured to invite certain people, like extended family members, out of a sense of obligation. However, it's important to remember that your wedding is about celebrating your love with the people who are closest to you and bring you joy. So, if you're only inviting family, be sure to consider your budget, the venue's capacity, and whether you want to include children. Ultimately, it's your day, so don't be afraid to stand your ground and make the guest list work for you.

Wording for family-only invites

The wording of your wedding invites will depend on who is hosting the wedding. If it's just you and your partner, you can omit the host line altogether. If you want to include your parents' names, you can use a phrase such as "Together with their families".

• Together with their families
• Together with our families
• Together with their parents
• With the support of our families, we are excited to...
• It is with joy that, together with their families...

The next line is the request line, where you invite your guests to join you on your big day. Here are some examples:

• Request the honour of your presence
• Request the pleasure of your company
• Invite you to join them for their wedding day
• Invite you to celebrate with them
• Would love for you to join them

Next, you'll want to include the names of the happy couple. Traditionally, the bride's name is listed before the groom's, but you can arrange the names in the order you prefer.

After that, include the date and time of the wedding, followed by the location and any reception details.

• [Host line] [Couple's names] invite you to join them as they exchange vows on [date] at [time] at [location]. Reception to follow.
• [Host line] Request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of [couple's names] on [date] at [time] at [location]. Dinner and dancing to follow.
• [Host line] [Couple's names] are delighted to invite you to their wedding on [date] at [time] at [location]. Drinks and dancing to follow.
• [Host line] [Couple's names] request the honour of your presence at their wedding celebration on [date] at [time] at [location]. An evening of merriment and festivities to follow.

Who to invite

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be a challenging part of wedding planning. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

The most important factor in deciding who to invite is whether that person brings you joy and loves and supports you. It's your wedding, so you should be surrounded by people who will be happy for you and whom you will be happy to see. Think about the people you text or hang out with often and who make you happy. These are the people who should be at the top of your guest list.

If you are having a small wedding, you may want to consider only inviting immediate family members from both sides. If you are not close to certain family members and don't want them at your wedding, it is perfectly acceptable not to invite them. Family drama and feuds are common, and if you haven't spoken to a family member in a long time, you may not want to extend an invitation to them.

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, there are a few etiquette rules to follow. For formal invitations, use full names and titles on the outer envelope, such as "Mr." and "Mrs." On the inner envelope, you can be more casual and use first names. If you are inviting children under 18, list their names on the inner envelope, and if you are not inviting children, simply omit their names.

Who Not to Invite

On the other hand, there are people you may want to leave off your guest list. If you wouldn't take someone out for a $300-plus meal, then they probably don't need to be invited to your wedding. This includes people you have lost touch with, even if you were invited to their wedding years ago. It's okay to grow apart from people, and you shouldn't feel obligated to invite them just because they invited you to their wedding.

You also don't have to invite people just because they are family. If you have relatives who don't support your relationship or constantly cause drama and tension, you can choose not to invite them. It's important to stand your ground and not give in to emotional blackmail or invite fishing.

Finally, consider your budget and venue constraints when creating your guest list. These factors may limit the number of people you can invite, and it's perfectly acceptable to lean on these reasons when deciding who not to invite.

Who not to invite

Deciding who not to invite to your wedding can be a difficult task. Here are some tips to help you decide:

People Who Cause Drama

It's best to avoid inviting anyone who could potentially cause drama or conflict. This includes people who are quick-tempered, prone to starting fights, or generally create negative drama. If you feel that a certain individual may fall under this category, it is recommended to have an honest conversation with them beforehand to set expectations.

People Who Are Not Supportive of Your Marriage

Your wedding day should be filled with people who are excited and supportive of your union. Avoid inviting anyone who is not supportive of your marriage, especially if they may be disruptive during the celebration.

People You Don't Really Care About Inviting

If you are questioning whether or not to invite someone, or feel obligated to do so, it's probably best to cut them from the list. Only invite people who you genuinely want to be there and who will bring a smile to your face.

People With Potential Health or Safety Concerns

Depending on the circumstances, such as flu season or a pandemic, it may be wise to not invite immunocompromised individuals or reduce the number of guests altogether.

People Who Struggle With Alcoholism

If you are planning to have an open bar, consider excluding individuals who struggle with alcohol addiction. While it may be challenging to have this conversation, it is better than dealing with potential issues during your special day.

Co-workers You're Not Friends With

While you may feel obligated to invite your co-workers, it is not necessary to do so unless you are actually friends with them and spend time with them outside of work. Keep wedding talk at the office to a minimum, and limit posts about the wedding on social media to avoid any hurt feelings.

Remember, it's your wedding day, and you should invite whoever you want. Be compassionate and considerate of people's feelings, but don't feel pressured to invite anyone out of obligation.

How to tell family they aren't invited

Deciding on your wedding guest list can be a difficult task, especially when it comes to family members. Here are some tips on how to tell family they aren't invited to your wedding:

Be Compassionate and Considerate

It's important to be mindful of your family members' feelings. They may genuinely want to share in your special day, so try to be gentle and compassionate when delivering the news. Remember that they might feel left out, even if you don't intend to exclude them.

Choose an Appropriate Communication Channel

Avoid using text messages, emails, or social media to deliver the news. Opt for a phone call or, even better, an in-person conversation. This approach will allow you to explain your decision more sensitively and clearly.

Be Honest and Genuine

Explain the reasons why you can't invite them. Be open about any falling out, strained relationships, or budget and space constraints. If there are toxic family members you don't want to invite, be honest about it, but do so gently.

Offer Alternative Ways to Celebrate

If you feel bad about not inviting certain family members, suggest other ways to include them in the celebrations. For example, you could have a second, more intimate reception for those who couldn't attend the main event. This could be a backyard cookout, a cocktail party, or a family dinner.

Stand Your Ground

Once you've made your decision, avoid arguing about it. If the uninvited family member starts debating your choice, politely but firmly decline to discuss it further. Don't give in to emotional blackmail or pressure from other family members. It's your wedding, and you have the right to decide who will be there.

Suggest Post-Wedding Catch-Up

If there are family members you're not close with or haven't seen in a while, suggest catching up after the wedding. This way, you can reconnect without the pressure of inviting them to the wedding.

Invitation etiquette

The first line of most traditional wedding invites is where you mention the host. Nowadays, it's common for the couple to host the wedding along with both sets of parents. In this case, you could use "Together with their families" or "With the support of our families, we are excited to..." as your opening line.

If you're inviting a family, use the adults' titles, such as "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" on the envelope, and their first names on the invitation itself. If the couple isn't married, name the person you know best first.

If you're inviting children under 18, you only need to include their names on the invitation, not the envelope. If you're not inviting children, don't name them on either the envelope or the invitation. To make this clear, mention on your wedding website that children aren't invited, e.g. "We regret that we cannot invite children to the ceremony or reception, as the venue will not accommodate them."

If you're inviting guests who are living with a significant other, even if they aren't engaged or married, they should be invited with a plus-one. However, plus-ones for guests who don't have a long-term or live-in partner are more discretionary.

Your wedding invitations should include the date and time of your nuptials, including the year, and the full street address of the venue. You can include recommended hotels and parking information on your wedding website.

After the ceremony details, include a line or two about the reception, e.g. "Drinks and dancing to follow."

Invitations should also include a dress code, e.g. "Formal" or "Casual."

Finally, remember to give yourself plenty of time to assemble and mail your invitations, and consider which return and RSVP address to use. It's best to use one address for both, to avoid confusion.

Frequently asked questions