Inviting Gay Guests To Your Wedding: Etiquette Guide

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations to gay couples, there are a few options. If the couple is unmarried, it's best to address each person individually with the appropriate title, writing each name on a separate line, just as you would for an unmarried heterosexual couple. The order of the names doesn't typically matter, but if unsure, arrange them alphabetically. If the couple is married, you can write both names on the same line, separated by and, with each name given its own title, e.g. Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith. Alternatively, you can use the plural form of the title, e.g. The Messrs. Dan and John Smith. The same rules apply if a couple has a hyphenated last name.

Invitation wording for non-binary individuals

When it comes to wedding invitations, LGBTQ+ couples may need to adjust the wording to accurately reflect their relationship. This is particularly true for couples that include one or more non-binary individuals, who may want to avoid gendered language and heteronormative traditions.

Non-binary individuals may identify as an intermediate or separate third gender, identify with more than one gender, no gender, or have a fluctuating gender identity. They may also use gender-neutral pronouns such as "they/them", or neopronouns such as "xe", "ze", "sie", "co", and "ey".

• Use gender-neutral language and avoid gendered pronouns such as "he/him" and "she/her". Instead, use "they/them" or the individual's name. For example, "Alex invites you to share in a celebration of their love with their partner, Jamie."
• Avoid gendered prefixes such as "Mr.", "Ms.", and "Mrs.". Instead, use gender-neutral options such as "Mx." (pronounced em-ex), "Ind." (short for individual), "Pr." (short for person), or "Misc." (short for miscellus, the Latin word for "mixed"). For example, "Mx. Alex Jones invites you to their wedding ceremony."
• Use gender-neutral terms such as "marrier" or "celebrant" instead of "bride" or "groom". For example, "You are cordially invited to the wedding of Alex and Jamie, where they will affirm their love as celebrants."
• If you are inviting a non-binary individual with a partner, you can use gender-neutral language to indicate that they are a couple, such as "Alex and their partner, Jamie, request the honour of your presence at their wedding."
• When addressing the outer envelope of the invitation, list the names of the couple alphabetically on separate lines, without titles. For example:

Alex Jones

Jamie Smith

On the inner envelope, you can use last names only, or include gender-neutral titles before their last names. For example:

Mx. Jones and Mx. Smith

Alex and Jamie

Remember, every couple is different, and it's always best to ask what their preferences are if you're unsure.

Alphabetically listing names

For example, if you are inviting a couple with the same surname, you could write:

> Messrs. Charles and John Green

Or, if you would prefer to use their first names:

> Mr. John Green and Mr. Charles Green

If the couple has different surnames, you should still list the names alphabetically. For example:

> Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green

If you are inviting a female same-sex couple, you could write:

> Mrs. Amanda Jones and Mrs. Jane Williams

Or, if they have the same surname:

> Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams

If you are inviting a non-binary couple, you could use gender-neutral language and write:

> Mx. Taylor and Mx. Ash

Titles and last names

When addressing a wedding invitation to a same-sex couple, the key considerations are their marital status, their titles, and their last names.

Married Couple with Different Last Names

If the couple is married and has different last names, both names go on the same line and are separated by "and". This format is the most common, as many married same-sex couples choose to keep their last names. For example:

> Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green

Married Couple with the Same Last Name

If the couple shares the same last name, it would be confusing to pluralize "Mr." or "Mrs.". Instead, use the French plural forms: "Messrs." (short for "messieurs", the plural of "monsieur") for a male couple, and "Mesdames" or the abbreviated form "Mmes." for a female couple. For example:

> Messrs. Charles and John Green

> Mmes. Anna and Emily Andrews

Alternatively, you can use "Mr." or "Mrs." with each name, and write their shared last name twice:

> Mrs. Anna Andrews and Mrs. Emily Andrews

Unmarried Couple

If the couple is not married, traditional etiquette suggests addressing each person individually, with their names written on separate lines. The order of the names doesn't typically matter, but if you're unsure, arrange them alphabetically. For example:

> Mr. George Bellafante

> Mr. Thomas Jones

Married Couple, One or Both Are Doctors

If one person is a doctor, it is acceptable to use "Dr." or "Doctor" instead of "Mr." or "Mrs.". For example:

> Dr. Rob Jones and Mr. Ryan Jones

If both people are doctors, you can put "Drs." or "Doctors" at the beginning of the address:

> Doctors Maria Constantine and Laura Constantine

Couple with Other Distinguished Titles

Apply the same rules for military personnel, judges, reverends, etc. as you would for doctors. For example:

> The Honorable Josephine Wood and Mr. Jonathan Wood

> Captains Josephine and Jonathan Wood, US Navy

Attorneys

If you’re addressing someone who is an attorney, use “Esq.” after their name. For example:

> John Smith, Esq.

Married gay couples with the same last name

When addressing a wedding invitation to a married gay couple with the same last name, there are a few options you can consider. Here are some detailed and instructive guidelines to help you with the wording and format:

Using Formal Titles

Address each member of the couple with the appropriate title, such as "Mr." for men and "Mrs." for women. For example, "Mr. John Graham and Mr. David Graham" or "Mrs. Jane Clint and Mrs. Sarah Clint." You can also list the last name once, like "Mr. John and Mr. David Graham" or "Mrs. Jane and Mrs. Sarah Clint."

Selecting Plural Titles

Instead of using "Mr." or "Mrs." for each individual, you can use the plural titles "Messrs." for a male couple and "Mesdames" or "Mmes." for a female couple. For instance, "Messrs. Charles and John Green" or "Mmes. Anna and Emily Andrews." These are French plural titles but are acceptable in English formal addresses.

Alphabetical or Preference Order

When deciding the order of names, you have a few options. You can list the names in alphabetical order, especially if you can't decide who to put first. For example, "Mr. Adam Irvine and Mr. Bob Irvine" or "Mrs. Claire Rockefort and Mrs. Diana Rockefort." Alternatively, if you are primarily inviting one half of the couple and extending a courtesy invitation to their partner, list the invitee's name first. In this case, consider the person you are inviting as the first name, followed by their partner. For example, "Mr. Roger Gonzalez and Mr. Alex Gonzalez." If you don't have a preference, feel free to choose whichever order you think sounds better or more natural, but try to maintain consistency in your invitations and envelopes.

Professional Titles

If one or both members of the couple are doctors, you can replace "Mr." or "Mrs." with "Dr." or "Doctor." For instance, "Dr. Rob Jones and Mr. Ryan Jones" or "Doctors Maria Constantine and Laura Constantine." Similarly, if they are lawyers, you can add "Esquire" after their names.

Remember, these are general guidelines, and it's always a good idea to ask the couple about their preferred format if you are unsure. Different same-sex couples may have different preferences, and they will likely appreciate your consideration in inquiring about their preferred titles and name order.

Same-sex wedding invitation wording samples

When it comes to same-sex wedding invitation wording, there are no strict rules, but it's important to include key details in a clear and concise way. Here are some samples to guide you:

Sample 1

Host Line:

Together with their families, [Bride 1] and [Bride 2] request the pleasure of your company...

Request Line:

To celebrate with them as they exchange vows and commit their lives to each other.

Action Line:

Please join us on [date] at [time] at [venue name and address].

Reception Line:

Reception to follow at [reception venue name and address].

Sample 2

Host Line:

[Groom 1] and [Groom 2], together with their loving families, invite you to share in their joy...

Request Line:

As they celebrate their union in marriage.

Action Line:

Please be with us on [date] at [time] at [venue name and address].

Reception Line:

Join us for a reception immediately following the ceremony at [reception venue name and address].

Sample 3

Host Line:

With great happiness, [Bride 1] and [Bride 2] invite you to share in their special day...

Request Line:

As they pledge their love and commit their lives to each other.

Action Line:

Your presence is requested on [date] at [time] at [venue name and address].

Reception Line:

A celebration will follow at [reception venue name and address].

Sample 4

Host Line:

[Groom 1] and [Groom 2], together with their families, request the honour of your presence...

Request Line:

As they unite as one, celebrating their love.

Action Line:

Please join the festivities on [date] at [time] at [venue name and address].

Reception Line:

Reception and dancing to follow at [reception venue name and address].

Sample 5

Host Line:

With joyful hearts, [Bride 1] and [Bride 2] invite you to be part of their wedding celebration...

Request Line:

As they exchange vows of love and commitment.

Action Line:

Join us on [date] at [time] at [venue name and address].

Reception Line:

A reception will follow, and your presence is requested.

Formatting and Addressing Tips:

• When addressing same-sex couples, consider their marital status. If the couple is unmarried, address each person individually with their preferred title and name on separate lines or use "and" to separate their names on one line.
• For married couples, write both names on the same line, separated by "and," with each name preceded by their title (e.g., Mr., Mrs., etc.). Alternatively, use the plural form of the title (e.g., "The Messrs.").
• If one or both spouses have the same last name, you can use the format "The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams" or "Mrs. Amanda and Jane Williams."
• When in doubt, consider asking the couple about their preferred greeting to ensure accuracy.
• Remember to include key details such as the names of the invited guests, hosts, wedding location, date, time, and any reception information.
• Avoid abbreviations for venues and addresses to prevent confusion.
• Keep the wording simple, clear, and easy to understand, adding a creative flair to reflect your style.

Frequently asked questions