Addressing Engaged Couples: Wedding Invitation Etiquette Simplified

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, it's important to follow proper etiquette to respect your guests and ensure a smooth process. For engaged couples, the correct way to address them depends on their living situation and your relationship with them. If the couple lives together, their names should be included on the invitation, with the woman's name first, followed by and and the man's name. If they don't live together, they should each receive a separate invitation. It's also worth noting that using Mr. and Mrs. with the man's name can be seen as outdated or offensive to some, so using Ms. and including both partners' full names is often a safer choice. Additionally, avoid assuming that the woman will take her partner's last name. Address them by their current names and avoid any predictions about their future titles.

Addressing engaged couples as Mr. and Mrs

When addressing an engaged couple as Mr. and Mrs., it is essential to follow proper etiquette. Here are some guidelines to ensure your invitations are respectful and clear:

Use Their Current Names

It is important to address the couple by their current names, especially if you are unsure whether the future wife will take the husband's last name. Assuming a name change can be seen as presumptuous and may cause frustration or offence. Therefore, use their names as they are at the time of sending the invitation.

Format for Outer Envelope

For a heterosexual couple, the outer envelope can be addressed as "Mr. [Husband's First Name] and Mrs. [Wife's First Name] [Husband's Last Name]." If you are aware that the wife-to-be will be taking her future husband's name, you may address them as "The Future Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's first and last name. This approach, however, may not be well-received by all couples, so use it with caution.

Format for Inner Envelope

The inner envelope can be addressed more casually. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's Last Name]" or " [Husband's First Name] and [Wife's First Name]." If the couple has expressed sensitivity about the wife's name being left out, you can include her name in the inner envelope: " [Husband's First Name] and [Wife's First Name] [Husband's Last Name]."

Same-Sex Couples

When addressing a same-sex couple, either name can go first. Use Mesdames for female couples and The Messrs. for male couples.

Avoid Assumptions

It is best to avoid assumptions about name changes. Unless the couple has specifically stated their intentions, it is wise to include both names. Also, consider the possibility of a postponed wedding or other unforeseen circumstances.

Ask if in Doubt

If you are unsure about how to address an engaged couple, the simplest solution is to ask them directly. They will appreciate your thoughtfulness and respect for their preferences.

Addressing unmarried couples

When addressing an unmarried couple, it is important to consider their living situation and the level of formality of the wedding. Here are some guidelines to follow:

Unmarried Couples Living Together

If the unmarried couple lives together, their names should be included in the invitation, connected by "and". Use one or two lines, depending on the length of their names. The woman's name is usually listed first, followed by the man's name. For example:

Ms. Mary Ann and Mr. Tom Thumb

123 Address Street

City, ST 10000

Unmarried Couples Not Living Together

If the unmarried couple does not live together, there are two options for addressing the invitation. You can write their names on separate lines, in alphabetical order:

Ms. Mary Ann

Mr. Tom Thumb

123 Address Street

City, ST 10000

Alternatively, you can send the invitation to the person you are closest to. In this case, the outer envelope would be addressed to that person only:

Mr. Bob Knots

123 Address Street

City, ST 10000

Formality and Titles

The level of formality of the wedding should also be considered when addressing unmarried couples. In formal invitations, courtesy titles such as "Mr.", "Mrs.", and "Ms." are generally abbreviated, while all other words such as "Street" or "Boulevard" are spelled out. Middle initials are not used, so either write out the middle name or omit it.

For unmarried women over the age of 18, use the title "Ms.". For unmarried men over the age of 18, use the title "Mr.".

Other Considerations

When addressing unmarried couples, it is important to avoid making assumptions about their future marital status or name changes. Do not refer to them as "The Future Mr. and Mrs." unless you know for sure that they plan to get married and the woman intends to take the man's last name. Always use their current names at the time of sending the invitation.

Addressing couples with different last names

When addressing wedding invitations to couples with different last names, it's important to follow the correct etiquette to ensure your guests feel respected and honoured. Here are some detailed guidelines to help you address invitations to couples with different last names:

Outer Envelope Addressing:

For heterosexual couples with different last names, the woman's name is always listed first. Write their names on the same line if they fit; otherwise, list them separately. Here's an example:

"Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

If the couple has different last names due to one partner having a hyphenated last name, use the hyphenated name for that individual. For example:

"Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Sarah Kennedy-Smith"

Inner Envelope Addressing:

For the inner envelope, you can use a less formal format. Simply use the first names of the couple or a combination of their first and last names. Here's how it could look:

"Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David"

Alphabetical Order for Same-Sex Couples:

When addressing same-sex couples with different last names, it is acceptable to put either guest's name first or list them alphabetically by last name. For example:

"Ms. Scarlett Sager and Ms. Marie Turner"

Professional Titles:

If one or both individuals in the couple have professional titles such as "Doctor" or "Captain", these titles should be included and will usually precede the person's name. For instance:

"Captain Jessica Forsyth and Mr. Jason Forsyth"

"Doctor Katherine Herman and Doctor Gary Shepherd"

Unmarried Couples Living Together:

If the couple is unmarried but lives at the same address, address the invitation to both people on one line. List the person you are closest to first, unless one partner has a higher rank. For example:

"Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee"

In summary, when addressing couples with different last names, always use their full names and titles, list the woman's name first for heterosexual couples, and feel free to use a more casual tone on the inner envelope. Remember to double-check each guest's preferences and specifics to ensure your invitations are personalised and respectful.

Addressing couples with hyphenated last names

When addressing an engaged couple with a hyphenated last name, it is important to follow the correct etiquette to ensure your invitations are properly formatted and to avoid causing offence. Here are some guidelines to help you address your invitations to couples with hyphenated last names:

Use Separate Lines: It is generally recommended to write the names of the couple on separate lines. This helps to avoid a cluttered appearance, especially when dealing with long names. For example:

> Ms. Mary Smith-Jones

> Mr. Michael Jones

Woman's Name First: When addressing a couple with a hyphenated last name, the woman's name is typically listed first, followed by the man's name. This is a standard rule for addressing married couples with different last names.

> Ms. Mary Smith-Jones and Mr. Michael Jones

Use Appropriate Titles: When addressing a married woman with a hyphenated last name, it is more appropriate to use "Ms." instead of "Mrs." unless you know her personal preference. "Mrs." is not technically correct when a woman hyphenates her last name.

> Ms. Mary Smith-Jones and Mr. Michael Jones

• Avoid Assumptions: Do not assume that the woman has taken her husband's last name. Always use the individual's current name at the time of sending the invitation. If you are unsure, it is best to ask the couple directly.
• Consistency in Titles: Ensure that you use consistent titles for both individuals. For example, if you use "Mr." for the man, use "Ms." or "Mrs." for the woman, rather than just their first name. This shows respect for both individuals.

> Ms. Mary Smith-Jones and Mr. Michael Jones

Following these guidelines will help you correctly address your wedding invitations to engaged couples with hyphenated last names. It is important to be mindful of individual preferences and to avoid making assumptions about name changes.

Addressing couples with the same last name

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with the same last name, there are a few etiquette rules to follow. Firstly, for heterosexual couples, the traditional format is "Mr." followed by the husband's first and last name, and "Mrs." followed by the wife's last name. However, many modern women prefer to have their full name included instead of being lumped in with their husband, so an alternative format is to list the husband's full name followed by the wife's full name, separated by "and". For same-sex couples with the same last name, either name can go first.

Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

Alternatively, if the couple prefers to have the wife's full name included:

Outer envelope: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

It is important to note that addressing an engaged couple as "The Future Mr. and Mrs." is generally considered poor etiquette, as it assumes that the future wife will be changing her last name. Instead, it is better to address the couple by their current names at the time of sending the invitation.

Frequently asked questions