Calmly Dealing With Drama-Prone Bridesmaids

Bridesmaid drama is an inevitable part of the wedding planning process. From clashing opinions on attire to complaints about expenses, it's essential to understand your bridesmaids' perspectives and manage expectations early on. Here are some tips to handle drama with your bridesmaids:

- Choose your bridesmaids carefully. Opt for those who will uplift you and your relationship throughout the planning process and the wedding day.

- Set clear expectations about pre-wedding events, dress styles, time commitment, and financial contributions early on.

- Respect their time and budget. Understand that your bridesmaids have their own lives, jobs, and commitments. Keep communications concise and respectful.

- Deal with issues promptly. Don't let conflicts fester—address them directly and seek resolutions.

- Prioritize your relationship with your partner. Remember that the wedding is just one day, and your marriage is what matters most.

When bridesmaids dislike their outfit

Bridesmaids are supposed to be your support system on your journey to the altar, but that doesn't mean they won't have their own opinions about their wedding day attire. When bridesmaids dislike their outfits, it can cause tension and drama within the bridal party. Here are some tips to handle the situation:

Involve Bridesmaids in the Decision-Making Process

Involving bridesmaids in choosing their outfits can help prevent discomfort and ensure they feel good about their wedding day look. This can be done by allowing them to select the style of their dress while the bride picks the colour, or by giving them the freedom to choose an alternative to the traditional dress, such as a jumpsuit. It is important to remember that everyone's style and comfort levels vary, so discrepancies in dress preferences are natural.

Compromise

If a bridesmaid dislikes their outfit, try to work out a compromise. It is the bride's wedding, but it is the bridesmaid's self-esteem and money at stake, so finding a middle ground is essential. The bride could suggest picking the colour scheme and allowing the bridesmaids to choose a dress style that flatters their body type and that they feel comfortable in.

Be Mindful of Budgets

Being a bridesmaid can be expensive, so it is important to be considerate of your bridal party's budgets when choosing their outfits. Select reasonably priced dresses or work together with your bridesmaids to find an option that aligns with their style preferences and financial constraints.

Choose Your Battles

Not every disagreement is worth fighting for. If a bridesmaid dislikes their outfit, consider whether it is more important to uphold your vision or preserve your friendship. If the issue is causing significant tension, it may be best to let go of your expectations and find a compromise.

Communicate Openly

Open and honest communication is key to resolving any conflict. If a bridesmaid dislikes their outfit, encourage them to share their concerns respectfully and suggest alternative options. Likewise, the bride should communicate her expectations clearly and be willing to listen to her bridesmaids' perspectives.

Remember, the wedding day is about honouring the couple's decision to join their lives together, and it is not worth losing friendships over dress choices. Flexibility, empathy, and compromise can go a long way in ensuring everyone feels valued and respected.

When bridesmaids grumble about expenses

Bridesmaids complaining about expenses is a common issue. Being in a wedding party is expensive, and money is a tricky topic. It's important to remember that your bridesmaids have their own personal finances to consider, and that being a bridesmaid is already a significant financial commitment.

Firstly, be considerate. It's likely that your bridesmaids will only wear their chosen outfits for a few hours, so don't make them spend a lot of money on something they may not wear again. Choose a reasonably priced dress, or work with your bridesmaids to find a dress that suits their style and budget. You could also suggest that they wear shoes they already own, or offer to pay for their hair and makeup as a thank-you gift. Try to be mindful of other expenses, too. For example, a crazy-expensive bachelorette party might be out of budget for some.

If someone in the group continues to make remarks about money, try to find a compromise. Sit down with them one-on-one and discuss their pain points. Perhaps they can skip a pre-wedding event or fly to your destination separately. It's also important to be clear about your expectations, but also be mindful and respectful of the fact that your bridesmaids have lives and finances outside of your wedding.

Remember, it's normal and encouraged for your bridesmaids to be honest about what they can afford. Doing so will alleviate a lot of the financial stress that often comes with being a bridesmaid.

When someone feels left out

• Be considerate and respectful of their feelings. Think about the aftermath of not asking them and be prepared to face any fallout head-on.
• Communicate honestly and directly. Explain your decision and why you had to make it. Be clear that it was a difficult choice for you and that you value their friendship.
• Involve them in other ways. Ask them to participate in the wedding in a different capacity, such as doing a reading or helping with the planning. This can help them feel included and valued.
• Be mindful of their financial situation. If the person feels left out because they can't afford to be a bridesmaid, consider ways to reduce the financial burden, such as choosing a reasonably priced dress or letting them wear their own shoes.
• Check-in and offer support. Ask if there are any external factors affecting their behaviour and offer a shoulder to cry on if needed.
• Preserve the friendship. Cutting someone from the wedding party can often end the friendship. Prioritize preserving the relationship before making any emotionally-charged decisions.

Remember, it's your special day, and you should be surrounded by people who will support and lift you up. However, it's also important to handle these situations with care and consideration to avoid hurting feelings and maintain friendships.

When someone tries to steal the spotlight

It's your wedding, and you don't want a bridesmaid stealing the spotlight from you. Here's what you can do:

Don't overshare

Your bridesmaid may want to criticise every decision you make, causing you to doubt yourself. Avoid asking for her opinion on every little detail. Be confident in your decision-making and don't change your wedding vision just because one person disagrees with you. Remember, your wedding vendors are the experts.

Let her choose her attire—within reason

A bridesmaid who loves the spotlight may complain about having to wear the same dress as everyone else. To avoid this, give your bridesmaids a choice of a few specific dresses in complementary hues and styles. That way, your diva bridesmaid can wear something "unique" but won't upstage you.

Keep her busy

A bridesmaid who loves the limelight will likely be willing to help out with wedding-related tasks, so give her some! She can plan the wedding shower, create welcome baskets for out-of-town guests, assemble favours, and more. Be sure to heap praise upon her as tasks are completed.

Give her a (specific) speaking assignment

You don't want your bridesmaid putting on a ten-minute musical performance during your reception, so give her a different venue to show off her talents. Perhaps she can give a short speech during the rehearsal dinner (with a time limit!) or perform a reading during the ceremony. Just be sure to give her very specific and detailed instructions so that things don't get out of control.

Assign a "bridesmaid buddy"

If you're concerned about your diva bridesmaid's behaviour, ask one of your fellow bridesmaids, preferably someone who knows her well, to keep her in check. This "bridesmaid buddy" can be a source of positivity and can work with your troublesome bridesmaid on speeches or other tasks to ensure everything goes smoothly.

Avoid "firing" her

While technically, it's your wedding and you can do what you want, it's not recommended to fire a bridesmaid. When you "fire" a bridesmaid, you're effectively ending your relationship with that person. Remember why you asked this person to stand beside you in the first place and focus on those good qualities instead of the not-so-great ones.

Remember what matters

At the heart of it, your wedding is about celebrating the relationship between you and your future spouse. Yes, it's a bonus to have an amazing bridesmaid squad, but it's not the most important part of your wedding day. Maintain a positive attitude and put your energy into the tasks you need to get done rather than worrying about bridesmaid drama. Hopefully, your good attitude will be contagious and your bridesmaids will follow suit!

When people aren't meeting expectations

It's important to remember that your bridesmaids are your friends and that they are human. They may not be meeting your expectations for a variety of reasons, including busy personal lives, budget anxiety, high expectations, or insecurities. Before pointing fingers, reflect on whether your expectations are reasonable and consider that their behaviour may be stemming from another stressor.

• Communicate honestly: Talk to your bridesmaid directly and let her know how you feel. Be open and honest about your expectations, but also be willing to listen to her perspective. Remember that she is likely trying her best, and there may be underlying reasons for her behaviour.
• Set clear expectations early on: Let your bridesmaids know what you expect of them in terms of duties, financial contributions, and attendance at pre-wedding events. Be considerate of their finances and personal commitments, and give them a clear overview of what is expected, so they can plan accordingly.
• Be empathetic and compassionate: Understand that your bridesmaids have feelings, lives, budgets, and personal priorities outside of your wedding. Be empathetic to their situations and try to find compromises where possible. For example, if a bridesmaid is struggling financially, work with her to find a dress that fits within her budget.
• Show gratitude: Thank your bridesmaids often and give them thoughtful gifts to show your appreciation for their efforts. A little gratitude can go a long way in boosting morale and encouraging your bridesmaids to meet your expectations.
• Choose your battles: Not every disagreement is worth fighting for. Decide which issues are truly important to you and be willing to let go of the smaller ones. This will help maintain harmony within your bridal party and prevent unnecessary drama.
• Keep the tone relaxed: Your bridesmaids will follow your lead, so if you remain relaxed and happy, they are more likely to do the same. Try not to let the stress of wedding planning affect your relationships with your bridesmaids. Take a step back if needed and focus on what truly matters.

Frequently asked questions