Asking Your Besties: How To Propose To Your Bridesmaids

Bridesmaids play an important role in the wedding process, from planning to emotional support. It is therefore customary for brides to give their bridesmaids gifts as tokens of appreciation. These gifts are usually given during the week of the wedding, with the rehearsal dinner being a popular choice. Brides often opt for personalised and practical gifts, such as makeup bags, coffee cups, or jewellery. Some brides may also choose to give their bridesmaids two gifts: a small token when they are first asked to be a bridesmaid, and an official gift later on.

Gifts for bridesmaids: what to give and when

Being a bridesmaid is a huge commitment, so it's customary for brides to give their bridesmaids gifts as tokens of appreciation. While it's not mandatory, it is highly recommended. These gifts can be given at different times, and there are a few options to consider.

Firstly, it's important to distinguish between a bridesmaid proposal gift and an official bridesmaid gift. A proposal gift is usually given when asking someone to be your bridesmaid, while the official gift is given later. If you're on a limited budget, it's better to opt for a thoughtful thank-you gift instead of a proposal gift.

When it comes to the official bridesmaid gifts, there are three common approaches to timing:

• A few days before the wedding: This is a good option if you want your bridesmaids to wear or use the gift on the wedding day. It's also suitable for destination weddings when everyone is already in town and spending time together.
• At the rehearsal dinner: This is the traditional and most popular choice. All your bridesmaids will be present, and you won't have to worry about gifting on the wedding day itself. It's a good idea to give the gifts at the end of the dinner so that your bridesmaids don't have to worry about them for the rest of the evening.
• On the wedding day: This option is usually chosen when the ceremony and reception take place at night, and there is a bridal brunch or luncheon. It can also work if some bridesmaids are arriving late or on the day of the wedding. However, it's generally best to give all the gifts at once if possible.

As for what to give, practical gifts are always a good choice. Think about what your bridesmaids might need throughout the wedding weekend, such as tumblers, hand cream, or fragrance. Personalised items like makeup bags, coffee cups, or jewellery boxes with their initials are also sure to be well-received. If you want to go the extra mile, you can add a gift tailored to each bridesmaid's tastes.

The average amount spent on a bridal party gift is $75 to $100 per person, but you can spend more or less depending on your budget. It's also acceptable to spend a little extra on the maid of honour or someone who has gone above and beyond.

Paying for bridesmaids' dresses and other costs

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour, but it can also be a major financial commitment. While there are no hard-and-fast rules about who pays for bridesmaids' dresses and other costs, there are some traditional expectations and modern takes on financial etiquette to consider. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this potentially tricky topic:

Who Pays for Bridesmaids' Dresses?

Traditionally, bridesmaids are expected to pay for their own dresses. However, this tradition varies depending on the location. For example, in the US and Australia, it is customary for each bridesmaid to cover the cost of their dress. On the other hand, in the UK and Ireland, the bride or couple usually pays for the bridesmaids' dresses.

If you are the bride, it is essential to be upfront about expected costs with your bridesmaids from the beginning. If you have a specific dress in mind that is more expensive, consider subsidising the cost or offering to pay for it as a thoughtful gesture. Be mindful of your bridesmaids' budgets and give them enough time to save up for the dress. Alternatively, you can opt for a mismatched theme, allowing bridesmaids to choose a dress within a specific colour scheme, which can be more affordable and flexible.

Other Bridesmaids' Costs

In addition to the dress, there are other costs that bridesmaids typically cover. These include:

• Accessories: Bridesmaids are usually expected to pay for their own shoes, jewellery, and other accessories. However, if you insist on specific items or matching accessories, it is considerate to offer to pay for them or include them as a gift.
• Hair and Makeup: If you want your bridesmaids to have their hair and makeup professionally done, it is customary to cover the cost as a thank-you gift. Otherwise, you can make it optional and let them decide if they want to pay for these services.
• Travel and Accommodation: Bridesmaids typically cover their travel expenses and accommodation for the wedding. If you, as the bride, request them to stay at a specific venue or location, consider covering the cost to lessen the financial burden.
• Bachelorette Party: Bridesmaids usually cover the costs of the bachelorette party, including their share of the bride's expenses. However, for destination trips, they are not expected to pay for the bride's travel costs. It is essential to communicate and plan these expenses together to find a solution that works for everyone.
• Bridal Shower: The bridal shower is often hosted and paid for by the maid of honour or the bride's family. However, if the bridesmaids are hosting, they may be expected to contribute to the costs.

Remember, open and honest communication about finances is crucial. Be transparent about expected costs, and if any of your bridesmaids have concerns or limitations, work together to find compromises or alternatives.

Planning and paying for the bridal shower and bachelorette party

Planning the Bridal Shower:

The bridal shower is traditionally hosted and paid for by the bridal party, led by the maid of honour and supported by the bridesmaids. However, it is not uncommon for family friends or other close family members, such as aunts or grandmothers, to host and fund the event. The host of the bridal shower is typically responsible for the costs, which can range from a few hundred to thousands of dollars, depending on the guest list size and venue.

Planning the Bachelorette Party:

The bachelorette party is usually planned by the bride's close friends, including the maid of honour and a small group of bridesmaids or friends. The costs of the bachelorette party are typically shared between the event attendees rather than being covered by a single host.

Combining the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party:

Some brides choose to combine the bridal shower and bachelorette party into a single event to save money and make it easier for guests, especially those travelling long distances. This combined event can still achieve the purposes of both separate celebrations with careful planning.

Timing and Guest List:

Bridal showers typically take place a few weeks to a few months before the wedding, usually as a daytime affair in the late morning or early afternoon. Bachelorette parties, on the other hand, occur farther out, one to four months before the wedding, and can span an entire night or weekend. The guest list for a bridal shower usually includes the bride's wedding party, close female friends, and family, with a headcount of 25 to 50 people. In contrast, bachelorette parties have a smaller guest list, with only a handful of the bride's closest friends in attendance.

Venue and Activities:

The venue for both events can vary depending on the bride's preferences, budget, number of guests, and desired vibe. Bridal showers can be held at homes, restaurants, banquet halls, gardens, or event spaces. Bachelorette parties often involve a night out at local bars, clubs, or wineries, or a day extravaganza with various activities. Bridal showers typically include gift-giving, games, refreshments, and socialising, while bachelorette parties are more focused on the bride's interests, such as bar hopping or a spa weekend.

Budgeting and Costs:

When budgeting for a bridal shower, consider costs for the venue, decorations, food and drink, favours, entertainment, and gifts for the bride. For a bachelorette party, costs may include venue hire, decorations, food and drink, entertainment, and travel expenses if it is a weekend getaway. Remember to keep costs reasonable, as the bridal party will also have other wedding expenses to consider.

Communication and Invitations:

Clear communication is essential when planning these events. Ensure you set expectations for guests and provide details about the event's timing, location, and any specific activities or themes. It is important to send invitations that clearly state whether it is a bridal shower, bachelorette party, or a combination of both, to avoid any confusion.

By following these guidelines and tailoring the events to the bride's preferences, you can successfully plan and pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette party, creating memorable celebrations for the bride-to-be.

Emotional support for the bride

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour, but it's also a big responsibility. The bride has chosen you as someone she trusts and wants by her side on her big day, so it's important to provide her with plenty of emotional support. Here are some ways you can be there for the bride:

Be a Calming Presence

The lead-up to a wedding can be incredibly stressful for a bride, so it's important to be a calming influence. Offer reassurance and remind her that everything will work out as it should. Be a supportive friend, validate her feelings, and encourage her decisions.

Offer Practical Help

Planning a wedding involves a lot of work, so offer to help with practical tasks. This could include assisting with party favour preparations, setting up or tearing down the venue, or creating centrepieces. The bride will appreciate having some of the workload taken off her shoulders.

Support Her Wardrobe Choices

Attend bridal appointments with the bride and offer your honest and constructive feedback. Remember, this day is about her, so be mindful of her vision and preferences. Be there for her first bridal appointment, as this may be when she finds her dream dress.

Be Mindful of Her Finances

Wedding planning can be expensive, and the bride may be facing financial pressures. Be considerate of her budget when planning events or suggesting ideas. It's also good to communicate openly about your own financial means and set clear boundaries on what you can and cannot afford.

Provide a Listening Ear

Remember that the bride may be experiencing a range of emotions, from excitement to stress to cold feet. Be there to listen and offer a safe and non-judgmental space for her to express her feelings.

Keep the Bride's Best Interests in Mind

It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of the wedding and the various events leading up to it. Remember that the focus is on the bride, so ensure that any disagreements or issues among the bridal party don't add to her stress. Be united in your support for the bride and always keep her best interests at heart.

Wedding day duties

On the wedding day, the bridesmaids are there to help ensure everything goes smoothly for the bride, the maid of honour, and the majority of the wedding guests. Here are some duties to keep in mind:

• Get ready with the bride: This includes answering any incoming texts or calls, making sure she eats and stays hydrated, pouring celebratory drinks, and helping her with her dress, shoes, jewellery, and veil.
• Provide getting-ready snacks: If no other arrangements have been made, it's the bridesmaids' job to provide snacks and drinks for the bride, her mother, the photographer, and beauty stylists.
• Be the "bride tribe": Act as a point of contact for guests and vendors. Ensure all members of the wedding party and any special family members have their flowers. Help guests navigate the venue, directing them to parking areas, bathrooms, exits, and the bar or refreshments station.
• Participate in the ceremony: Be in place at the ceremony venue on time and ready for your cues to walk down the aisle. During the ceremony, hit your rehearsed mark and fulfil any other assigned roles.
• Be photo-ready: Stick together with the other bridesmaids for group photos after the ceremony.
• Be model guests: Mingle and chat with other guests, enjoy the food and drinks, sit at your assigned dinner table, participate in guest-related activities like signing the guest book or visiting the photo booth, listen to speeches, witness the special dances, and dance!
• Maintain a stress-free send-off: Help the maid of honour, coordinator, or the couple's parents assemble items that need to be transported out of the reception venue at the end of the night. Make sure all guests find their cars or get onto the right shuttle buses, and that the couple's overnight bags make it to their wedding night hotel room.

Remember, the role of a bridesmaid is crucial to the day. While not all bridesmaid duties are glamorous, it's an exciting role that allows you to make lifelong memories with your closest friend!

Frequently asked questions