Choosing Your Bridesmaids: When To Ask And How Soon

Choosing your bridesmaids is one of the most important and fun parts of wedding planning. While it can be overwhelming, it's important to remember that you can have as many or as few bridesmaids as you like. The average number is around four to five, but this can vary depending on the size of your wedding and your personal preferences. It's a good idea to give yourself at least a month to consider your options and make a decision, and the rule of thumb is to ask your chosen bridesmaids between eight months to a year before your wedding. This gives you plenty of time to organize activities and for your bridesmaids to plan their attendance.

Wait until you know your wedding date

Knowing your wedding date before asking your bridesmaids is essential for several reasons. Firstly, it allows your bridesmaids to make an informed decision about their availability. They may have prior commitments, such as another wedding, a baby, or a move, that could prevent them from accepting the role. By providing the date, you give them the necessary context to assess their ability to participate.

Additionally, knowing your wedding date helps prevent you from holding your bridesmaids' calendars hostage. Without a date, you are essentially asking them to keep their schedules open for an unspecified period, which may lead to frustration and unfair expectations. Finalising at least the month and year of your celebration shows respect for their time and allows them to plan accordingly.

The timing of your request is also crucial. It is recommended to wait at least a month after getting engaged to choose your bridesmaids. This gives you time to thoughtfully consider your options and ensure you are making the right choices. Rushing into decisions may lead to regret and strained friendships. The general rule of thumb is to ask your bridesmaids anywhere between eight months to a year before your wedding. This timeframe provides ample opportunity for planning activities, such as choosing dresses and organising the bachelorette party.

While it can be tempting to involve your friends in the excitement of your engagement immediately, it is prudent to wait until you have a clear vision for your wedding. By knowing your date and giving yourself time to reflect, you can make informed decisions about the number of bridesmaids and the specific individuals you want by your side. This approach ensures that you create a well-rounded bridal party that complements your wedding plans and supports you throughout the planning process.

Take a few weeks to think about it

It is important to take your time when deciding on your bridesmaids. While it may be tempting to ask all your friends to be in your bridal party as soon as you get engaged, it is recommended that you wait at least a month, if not a few weeks, to mull over your options. This is a big decision and it is important to choose wisely.

Firstly, you want to ensure that you have your wedding date set before asking your bridesmaids. This will allow your bridesmaids to have a better idea of whether or not they can commit to the role. It also gives you time to figure out other wedding details, such as the type of bridal shower and bachelorette party you want, which may influence how many bridesmaids you choose and who you choose.

Secondly, it is worth considering the availability of your potential bridesmaids. While you may want to ask your best friend from college to be a bridesmaid, if she has a demanding job or a busy family, it may be difficult for her to fulfil the role. In this case, it is best to be understanding and not add any extra obligations to her plate.

Thirdly, it is important to reflect on how your potential bridesmaids and groomsmen get along. If you are planning a joint bachelor and bachelorette gathering, you may want to consider the relationships within the group. For example, if one of the potential bridesmaids recently broke up with one of the groomsmen, it may not be the best idea to have them both in your bridal party.

Finally, it is crucial to be certain before you make the big ask. Once you ask someone to be in your bridal party, you can't rescind the offer. So, while you may be excited about your recent engagement, be intentional about who and when you ask. Take the time to really think about the people in your life and who you want there for you throughout the entire wedding planning process and beyond.

Know as many wedding details as possible

Knowing as many wedding details as possible before choosing your bridesmaids is important for several reasons. Firstly, it allows you to make an informed decision about the number of bridesmaids you want to include in your bridal party. For instance, if you're planning a large wedding with 150 or more guests, a larger bridal party of 10-12 bridesmaids may be more appropriate. On the other hand, for a smaller, more intimate wedding of around 50-60 guests, a smaller bridal party of no more than four bridesmaids is recommended. Knowing the size of your wedding and the number of bridesmaids you want can help you narrow down your choices and ensure you don't feel pressured to ask every friend to be a part of your bridal party.

Additionally, knowing the wedding details in advance can help you set clear expectations for your bridesmaids' roles and responsibilities. This includes their involvement in wedding planning tasks, such as dress shopping, planning the engagement party, and assisting with DIY projects. It also includes their financial responsibilities, such as purchasing their dresses, hair, and makeup. By being transparent about these expectations early on, you can avoid potential conflicts or misunderstandings with your bridesmaids.

Furthermore, having a clear vision for your wedding, including the bridal shower and bachelorette party, will enable you to choose bridesmaids who align with your ideas and are excited to support you throughout the planning process. It will also help you ask your bridesmaids with confidence, providing them with enough information to make an informed decision about accepting the role.

Lastly, knowing the wedding details will help you create a timeline for asking your bridesmaids. While there is no hard and fast rule, it is generally recommended to ask your bridesmaids anywhere between eight months to a year before your wedding. This gives them enough time to plan and make the necessary arrangements without feeling rushed.

Be engaged for at least 60 days

While it can be tempting to rush into choosing your bridesmaids as soon as you're engaged, it's recommended that you wait at least 60 days before popping the question to your friends. This grace period will give you time to make a thoughtful decision about your bridal party and prevent any rushed choices. Here are some reasons why waiting for at least 60 days after your engagement is beneficial:

Finalise the Wedding Date

Before asking your friends to be your bridesmaids, it's essential to have a confirmed wedding date. This is crucial because your chosen bridesmaids need to know if they can commit to that specific date. They may have other commitments or life events, such as another wedding, a baby, or a move, that could clash with your wedding. By waiting for at least 60 days, you'll have a better chance of finalising the date and ensuring your bridesmaids' availability.

Determine the Size of Your Bridal Party

The first step in choosing your bridesmaids is deciding how many you want by your side. This decision is crucial because it will impact the dynamics of your bridal party and the overall wedding atmosphere. Take the time to consider your vision for the wedding and the number of people you want to include in your bridal party. By waiting 60 days, you can thoughtfully consider your options and make a more informed decision.

Plan the Type of Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party

Before choosing your bridesmaids, it's beneficial to have a clear idea of the bridal shower and bachelorette party you want. The type of celebration you envision may influence the size and composition of your bridal party. For example, if you're planning a destination bachelorette party, you may want to ensure that your bridesmaids are willing and able to travel. Waiting 60 days gives you time to plan these details and ensure your bridesmaids are on board with your vision.

Consider Your Budget

The cost of being a bridesmaid can add up quickly, and it's essential to be mindful of your friends' financial situations. During the 60-day grace period, you can start planning the gifts you want to give your bridesmaids and thinking about the expenses they may incur. This consideration will help you choose bridesmaids who are excited and able to participate fully in your wedding celebrations.

Enjoy the Early Days of Your Engagement

The time immediately following your engagement is special and deserves to be savoured. Take these first 60 days to celebrate your love and enjoy the excitement of being newly engaged. This period will also give you a chance to gather your thoughts and start planning your wedding vision, including the selection of your bridal party.

Have a follow-up conversation

After the initial excitement of being asked to be a bridesmaid, it is natural for a person to have some stress or apprehension about assuming the role. It is a good idea to meet with each bridesmaid within the first few weeks of asking to discuss your overall wedding vision and their role and responsibilities.

Be sure to ask them if they have any questions or concerns, and address any worries they may have about the financial implications of being a bridesmaid. Discuss the type of bridal shower and bachelorette party you want, and be clear about the kind of support you will need from them. This will help manage their expectations and give them a clear idea of what to expect.

It is also a good opportunity to discuss the wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses, and to give them a heads-up about the costs. You can also use this time to talk about shoes, hair, and makeup, and give them time to save.

Getting everyone on the same page early will help as you move towards your big day.

Frequently asked questions