Deciding Your Wedding Shower Guest List: A Guide

Planning a wedding shower guest list can be a challenging task, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. The guest list for a wedding shower is usually more intimate than a wedding, so it's best to limit the list to your nearest and dearest. While it's common to invite only women, co-ed wedding showers are becoming more common, with some brides including close male friends or relatives.

It's important to consult with the bride-to-be about how many guests she feels comfortable with and who her must-have guests are. The host, usually the maid of honour, will have the final say on the guest list, but it's essential to ensure that all invitees are also invited to the wedding to avoid offending anyone.

When creating your guest list, consider the budget, the wedding guest list, the venue capacity, and the possibility of multiple showers. It's also crucial to remember that a wedding shower is not a bachelorette party, so the guest list should focus on close family and friends rather than a final night out with the girls.

Some people you can include on your guest list are immediate female family members, close family relatives such as grandmothers, aunts, cousins, and nieces, the bride's closest female friends, and male members of the bride's wedding party.

Happy planning!

Keep the guest list short

It's important to remember that your wedding shower is not the same as your wedding—you don't have to invite everyone who will be at your wedding to the shower. In fact, keeping the guest list short and intimate can make the event more special and memorable. Here are some tips to help you narrow down your guest list:

Firstly, consider the size of your venue. If you're planning a bridal shower in someone's home, a small restaurant, or a intimate space, you'll obviously be limited in terms of numbers. This can be a good starting point to frame your guest list and keep things manageable. You don't want your guests to feel cramped and uncomfortable. An intimate setting will encourage conversation and create a cozy atmosphere.

Next, prioritize those closest to you. This event is meant to celebrate you and your partner, so ensure that the people attending are those who truly know and care about you. Consider your immediate family, close friends, and perhaps any relatives or friends who have played a significant role in your life. These are the people who have likely supported you throughout your relationship and will continue to do so in the future. Their presence at your wedding shower will make the event all the more meaningful.

If you're having a bridal shower, you might also want to consider the guest list in relation to your bridesmaids and groomsmen. It can be a nice gesture to include all of your bridesmaids, as they are part of your wedding party and have likely taken on additional responsibilities to support you. However, this is not a requirement, and you can certainly keep the guest list smaller if you prefer. The same goes for groomsmen at a Jack and Jill shower—their inclusion is optional but can be a fun way to involve your partner's closest friends.

Finally, don't feel obligated to invite everyone out of courtesy. This is your celebration, and you should feel free to make it as personalized as possible. If there are people you feel obligated to invite but who you barely know or rarely see, it's probably best to leave them off the guest list. This might include distant relatives, coworkers you don't socialize with outside of work, or even certain friends of your parents. Remember, a shorter guest list means more quality time with those in attendance.

Only invite people who are also invited to the wedding

When it comes to planning a wedding, one of the most challenging parts is finalising the guest list. It's important to remember that weddings are a celebration of your love, and only those closest to you should be invited.

One of the most important rules of wedding shower etiquette is to ensure that all invitees to the bridal shower are also invited to the wedding. The exception to this rule is an office shower, where colleagues, regardless of whether they are invited to the wedding, will throw a celebration at the office.

Bridal showers are typically more intimate than weddings, so it's a good idea to keep the guest list short and limited to your nearest and dearest. This means you don't have to invite the plus ones of friends invited to the wedding, or acquaintances of your parents. You also don't have to invite friends of your future spouse unless you're close to them.

The bride is the star of the show, so all of her friends should be first on the guest list, including the bridesmaids. If some of the bride's close friends are not in the wedding party, they too should be invited.

If you have co-workers whom you're close with and socialise with outside the office, you can include them in the wedding shower celebration. However, you're not obligated to invite all of your colleagues, and it's considerate to avoid talking about your bridal shower planning in the office around anyone not invited.

Ultimately, the wedding party host decides who makes the bridal shower guest list, but the couple's input is necessary. Be sure to sync up with your shower host before sending out invites to make sure you're on the same page.

Include long-distance friends and family

It's common for bridal showers to be intimate affairs, with only the nearest and dearest in attendance. However, that doesn't mean long-distance friends and family should be excluded. Here are some tips for including them:

Inviting Long-Distance Guests

It is perfectly acceptable to invite all women who are invited to the wedding to the bridal shower, regardless of their location. This is proper etiquette, and it's important for the hostess to stay neutral and not assume who will or will not attend. The only exception to this is that you should not invite someone to the bridal shower if they are not invited to the wedding.

Considering Multiple Showers

If a large portion of your guest list lives in another part of the country, it is perfectly fine to have a second, smaller shower in that area. This allows those friends and relatives to celebrate and shower the couple with gifts. For example, friends may host a shower where the couple currently lives, and a relative may host another in their hometown.

Virtual Options

Even if you're sure long-distance guests won't be able to make it, sending them an invitation shows that you're thinking of them. You can also include a virtual component to your bridal shower so they can join in the festivities from afar. This could be as simple as setting up a Zoom meeting and enlisting a bridesmaid or another family member to provide tech support.

Timing and Travel

When deciding on a date for the bridal shower, be mindful of any travel arrangements that long-distance guests will need to make. Communicate with the bride to get the best possible dates and send out invitations with plenty of notice to allow guests to make travel plans.

Gifts and Obligations

If you invite long-distance guests, it is important to make clear that they are not obligated to send a gift or attend the bridal shower. You may want to specify that gifts are not necessary, especially if you are close to the guest in question.

Co-Ed Showers

Today, it is not uncommon for bridal showers to include men, especially if there are bridesmen in the bridal party. This is known as a Jack and Jill shower, and it can be a great way to involve more of the couple's friends, particularly if the bride is not traditional.

In conclusion, while bridal showers are typically intimate gatherings, there are many ways to include long-distance friends and family. By sending invitations, offering virtual options, and considering multiple showers, you can ensure that these guests feel included and celebrated during this special time.

Invite the couple's children

When it comes to deciding who to invite to a wedding shower, the guest list should be kept short and intimate, with only the couple's nearest and dearest in attendance. This includes the couple's children and soon-to-be step-children.

While a wedding shower is typically an adult event with activities that children may not be interested in, it is still important to invite the couple's children and any soon-to-be step-children. It is up to the host to determine whether the celebration will be child-friendly and if a kid's menu is required.

If you are hosting a wedding shower, it is a good idea to consult with the couple about their preferences and comfort level regarding the number of guests. It is also important to note that only people invited to the wedding should be invited to the wedding shower, and vice versa.

The wedding shower is a chance for the couple's closest friends and family to gather and celebrate, and including the couple's children in this celebration can make it even more special. It gives the children an opportunity to feel involved in the wedding festivities and creates a memorable experience for the whole family.

However, it is essential to consider the activities and atmosphere of the wedding shower when deciding whether to invite children. For example, if there will be explicit games or activities, it may be more appropriate to make it an adult-only event. Ultimately, the decision to invite the couple's children rests with the hosts, and they should feel free to choose what works best for their celebration.

Co-ed showers are common

Co-ed wedding showers, also known as Jack and Jill parties, are becoming increasingly common. They are a more modern take on the traditional bridal shower, which tends to be female-only. A co-ed shower is a great way to include your partner in the fun and is often more relaxed, as it's not beholden to any traditions.

Co-ed showers are usually hosted by the wedding party, friends, and/or family. The guest list typically includes close family and friends of both the bride and groom, and can also include the couple's parents, siblings, grandparents, and wedding party. It's important to note that anyone invited to the shower must also be invited to the wedding.

The number of guests at a co-ed shower is usually around 30 or more. If you're struggling to narrow down the guest list, focus on including those who are very special to you.

When it comes to the theme, choose something that everyone will enjoy. A co-ed shower can take the form of a boozy brunch, wine tasting, backyard barbecue, or a formal seated dinner.

• Stock the Bar: Guests bring booze and barware so the couple can start their married life with a fully stocked bar.
• Bon Voyage: Guests bring items related to the honeymoon, such as sunglasses, luggage tags, or even contribute to airfare.
• Honey-Do: Guests bring items for the couple's new home, like tools, cookware, and cleaning products.
• Lawn and Garden: Perfect for outdoorsy couples, guests bring outdoor tools and equipment, followed by a barbecue or bonfire.
• Around the Clock: Guests are assigned an hour of the day and bring a gift related to that time frame, such as a coffee maker or bed sheets.

Frequently asked questions