Wedding Guest List: Deciding Who To Invite

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and deciding on a guest list is one of the first big tasks couples encounter. The number of people invited will impact venue selection, wedding style, and, most importantly, the budget. The average wedding guest list size in the US is 117, but your target number may be more or less. There are two schools of thought when it comes to figuring out how many guests to invite: choosing a venue first and basing the guest count on its capacity, or creating a guest list and then selecting a venue.

To start, couples should sit down with their partner and other stakeholders and write down a list of family, friends, colleagues, etc. This list can then be divided into three categories: most important, somewhat important, and not important. From there, couples can trim down the list as needed, keeping in mind that they don't have to invite anyone they don't want to, especially if they're trying to keep numbers down.

Prioritise your favourite people

Wedding planners agree that your favourite people should be at the very top of your guest list. Wedding planner Jove Meyer asks, "Does spending time with them bring you joy?". He suggests that each partner create a document titled "I Am So Excited to Have These People at Our Wedding". Write down the names of your favourite people in the order they come to you without overthinking it. Once you have listed the friends and family who come to mind first, skim through your phone to see who you text or hang out with often, and who makes you happy. Once you both have your full list, compare notes and talk about it, ensuring that you both feel good about who is and is not on the list.

It is also important to consider your budget and venue. Wedding planner Susan Norcross of The Styled Bride urges her clients to set aside about half of their budget for the venue and catering. Once that's done, create a guest list that works within those parameters.

Don't invite people you've lost touch with

You may still have fond memories of summer days by the pool with your childhood neighbours or late-night college pizza runs with your floormates, but that shouldn't guarantee them a spot on your guest list. Wedding planner Chanda Daniels says, "If you wouldn't take that person out to a $300-plus meal—think of the cost per person for an average wedding—then they don't need to get a wedding invitation. This is an intimate time, not a BYOB party!" This holds true even if you were invited to their wedding months or years ago. Wedding planner Jove Meyer adds, "Sometimes people grow apart, friendships change, like seasons, and that is okay. If you have not spoken to or been in touch with someone whose wedding you were invited to five years ago, I do not think you have to invite them."

It's also worth noting that if you're having a small wedding, deciding who to invite may be harder—or much easier, depending on how you look at it. The guest groupings above may be helpful as you start your guest list. If you're having a micro wedding, you might only invite immediate family and best friends. But if you're having something a little bigger, you might expand that to include close family and friends. It really all depends on the vibe you're going for and who you want to be present.

Another option that wedding planner Laetitia "LT" Townson is seeing a lot these days is inviting only immediate family and closest friends to the ceremony, but expanding the guest list for the reception. This is a great solution if you want an intimate, private wedding but a lot of people you "must" invite.

Consider your budget and venue

Considering your budget and choosing a venue are crucial steps when planning your wedding and deciding on your guest list. These two factors are interlinked and will influence many other aspects of your wedding day.

Budget Constraints:

Start by discussing your budget and how much you are willing to spend on your wedding. The guest list size is directly proportional to the cost; the more guests you invite, the higher the cost. Consider the overall wedding expenses and how many people your budget can accommodate. A general rule of thumb is that a certain percentage of your budget will be spent on food and drink per head, so this is an easy way to calculate the impact of guest numbers.

Venue and Capacity:

The venue you choose will play a significant role in determining your guest list. Consider the style and size of your wedding venue, as this will dictate the number of guests you can invite. If you have a small, intimate venue, you may only be able to accommodate a few guests, whereas a large, spacious venue can cater to a more extensive guest list. Check the venue's capacity and any restrictions they may have on guest numbers. Some venues have minimum guest requirements, especially for peak season weddings, so be sure to ask about this.

Venue Location:

The location of your venue can also impact your guest list. If you choose a remote or destination venue, some guests may not be able to travel, which can significantly reduce your numbers. In this case, you may need to consider providing accommodation for guests, which can also impact your budget. Alternatively, a local venue may be more accessible to guests, and you can expect a higher RSVP rate. Consider the transport options and accessibility of the venue, especially for elderly guests or those with young families.

Seating Arrangements:

Consider how you plan to set up the venue and the seating arrangements. If you opt for a formal, sit-down meal, you will need to organize the seating plan and ensure that guests are comfortable. In this case, the venue's capacity in terms of seating and table arrangements will be a crucial factor. On the other hand, if you choose a more casual, standing cocktail-style reception, you may be able to accommodate a more fluid guest list, and the venue capacity may be less of a constraint.

In summary, when deciding on your guest list, the budget and venue are key considerations. These factors will influence the style and atmosphere of your wedding and ensure that your day is tailored to your vision. It is essential to be mindful of costs and the practical constraints of the venue to ensure a memorable and enjoyable celebration for you and your guests.

Don't let parents add guests you don't know

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a tricky process, especially when it comes to parents wanting to invite guests. It's important to remember that this is your day, and you shouldn't feel pressured to invite people you don't know. Here are some tips to handle this situation:

• Set clear boundaries: Communicate your wishes clearly to your parents and let them know that you don't want them to invite guests you don't know. Be firm and polite in your approach.
• Involve them in other ways: While you may not want your parents to invite guests, involve them in other aspects of the wedding planning. This can include decisions about the cake, music, decorations, or any other details that are less critical but still important. This way, they still feel included and valued.
• Offer a limited number of invites: If you feel comfortable, you can give your parents a limited number of invites to allocate as they wish. For example, you could say, "We're happy to accommodate five guests of your choice." This way, they can invite a few people they are close to without taking up too much space on your guest list.
• Be understanding but assertive: Recognize that your parents are likely excited about your wedding and want to share this special moment with their friends. While you should be empathetic, remain assertive in your decision-making. It's okay to say no, and it's important that your parents respect your wishes.
• Discuss financial contributions: If your parents are contributing financially to the wedding, they may feel more entitled to invite guests. Discuss the budget and contributions clearly, and explain that the cost per guest is significant. This may help them understand why you need to be selective about the guest list.
• Create a united front: It's important that you and your partner present a united front when discussing guest lists with your parents. This will show that you are both in agreement and will make it harder for your parents to try to persuade you individually.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you should be surrounded by people who are meaningful to you. Don't be afraid to stand your ground and make decisions that align with your vision for the day.

Account for plus-ones

Plus-ones

Who Gets a Plus-One?

According to wedding planners, anyone living with a significant other, even if they are not married or engaged, should be invited with a plus-one. If you have no idea who someone is dating, then you don't have to invite a plus-one for them.

Plus-ones for anyone who does not have a long-term or live-in partner are more discretionary. Most couples approach this on a case-by-case basis. For example, a former coworker who doesn't know your friends and family may warrant a plus-one to make them more comfortable. However, if your guest list is getting too long, cutting the plus-ones you don't know and who aren't in serious relationships is a good option.

It is also standard to give a plus-one to anyone in the bridal party, and to outlier guests who won't know many other attendees.

Who Doesn't Get a Plus-One?

Guests who are casually dating don't need to be granted a plus-one, especially if they are always with a new partner. If you have the budget, a last-minute plus-one can be allowed. It is also not necessary to give a plus-one to single guests who will know other people at the wedding.

How to Notify Guests of Plus-Ones

How you notify your guests about plus-ones starts on the envelope. Traditional wedding invitations have an outer and inner envelope. The outer layer addresses the recipient (the guest or couple you know personally) and the inner paper then lists all the names of those who are invited, like children or plus-ones. If it's your name alone on the outer envelope, they are not offering a plus-one. If it is for you and a guest, it will say so.

This is not always the case, particularly with more modern invitations. If you’re only including one envelope or sending an online invitation, be sure to address all invitees clearly and upfront. If the couple is invited, list both guests by their full names. If you’re allowing a guest to bring a casual date, write your friend’s name and then “and guest.”

Plus-One Etiquette for Guests

Plus-one etiquette also applies to guests. If your invitation did not include a plus-one, do not arrive at the wedding with an uninvited guest. If the person who was going to attend with you is no longer coming, ask the couple if you can bring someone else. Politely accept their response, even if it's "no."

Frequently asked questions