Deborah Chan
Wedding vows are a declaration of love and a promise to your future spouse. They are also a public proclamation to your family and friends. Writing your own vows can be exciting but also daunting. The key is not to overthink it. It's important to think about your relationship, your commitment to your partner, and the structure of your big day. You can write them in a vow book, which also makes for a great memento, or repeat after the officiant. You can also choose to exchange vows privately before the public portion of the ceremony.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Format | Self-written vows can take any format and include any content. |
| Content | Include 3-6 specific and meaningful promises that reflect your relationship and intentions for the future. |
| Delivery | Write the vows down in a vow book or booklet, rather than trying to memorise them. |
| Tone | Include humour and stories, but avoid anything that may be embarrassing or sensitive. |
| Process | Don't expect to write your vows in one sitting; take breaks and come back to them with fresh eyes. |
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What You'll Learn
Make them personal
The most important thing to remember when writing your wedding vows is that they should reflect the unique bond between you and your partner. You can make your vows personal by customising them and adding your own touches. While traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, self-written vows can take any format and include any content you see fit.
Writing your own vows is a chance to create promises that resonate with you and your partner, and to vocalise your love and hopes for the future. You can include anything that reflects your relationship and your intentions, such as a sentimental tale about when you first met, or a funny story that highlights your partner's quirks.
You can also make your vows personal by injecting humour and sharing stories about your partner. You can even quote a passage from your favourite book or a line from your favourite film. However, remember to keep your vows uplifting and avoid anything that might be embarrassing or sensitive.
It's a good idea to start writing your vows at least three months before the wedding. This will give you time to brainstorm and refine your ideas. You can begin by asking yourself some questions, such as: Where did we meet? Was there a specific moment when I realised I loved this person?
> "I, [Name], take you, [Partner's Name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
> "I promise to laugh with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen and learn from you, and speak to you with encouragement."
> "I vow to always let you have the last fry and to never steal your side of the bed unless it's too cold on my side. I promise to love you even when you're hangry, and to always share my snacks with you."
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Include promises
Wedding vows are a declaration of love and a serious, lifelong commitment made in front of many witnesses. They are also a look into the couple's love story, what they hold dear, and what they will value in their marriage.
The key to writing wedding vows is not to overthink them. They should be completely yours and suit you and your partner. You can include anything that reflects your relationship and intentions for the future, from sentimental tales to funny stories.
The heart of wedding vows, however, is the promises. Without specific promises, you are not reciting vows but telling a story. You can include only serious promises or a mix of serious and playful ones. Focus on promises that are specific to you, your partner, and your relationship. Be concise, specific, and choose promises that feel very special to your unique relationship dynamic.
- "I promise to stand by your side while you face the world, to listen to you when you speak."
- "I promise to love you through the good times and bad. To choose our love every single day."
- "I promise to keep finding new ways to love you as we continue this journey together."
- "I promise to laugh with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals."
- "I promise that our love is that of soulmates—the blurring of self and the deep entanglement with another."
- "I promise to be your partner in all things, your biggest fan and your honest critic."
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Add humour and stories
Wedding vows are a serious commitment, but they don't have to be serious in tone. Humorous vows are a great way to express your commitment and love in a light-hearted manner. They can showcase the playful side of your love and the fun dynamics of your relationship.
If you're writing your own vows, you can include anything that reflects your relationship and your intentions for the future. This could be a sentimental tale about when you first met, or a funny story or inside joke that highlights your partner's quirks.
- Start with the basics and the serious promises you want to make. Then, think about how you can add humour to these promises. For example, you might talk about how your partner has always supported you, and add a funny memory related to this.
- Think about what you and your partner have in common—your similar quirks, tastes, and hobbies. For example, "I can't wait to watch Mean Girls with you for the 800th time".
- Include funny family anecdotes that have been talked about for years. Keep it light-hearted and stick with playful points, like joking about rooting for opposing football teams.
- Include an inside joke or funny moment—most couples do this naturally, as they enjoy making each other laugh and smile.
- If you're stuck for ideas, you can use funny wedding quotes written by famous authors, such as: "Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash” - Dr. Seuss.
- Keep it meaningful and avoid anything that could be offensive, controversial or embarrassing to your partner. Less is more when it comes to funny vows.
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Write them down
Writing your own wedding vows is a great way to personalize your ceremony and celebrate what makes your relationship unique. It is a declaration of love and an important public speech. It is also a tremendous undertaking. You might feel the pressure to perfectly and authentically capture your love, hopes, and promises.
Writing your vows down in a vow book or on paper is a great way to ensure you don't forget anything important and to make your vows more impactful. You can pick out a vow book together or even make one—it doesn't have to be fancy, just something nice and personal. You can also write your vows down on paper to refer to during the ceremony. This way, you can make eye contact with your partner and your guests, rather than having your head down on a page.
However, don't try to memorise your vows. It's a good idea to get to know the words so well that you can make eye contact, but if you forget one word or line, your mind might go blank and you'll freeze. Writing your vows down ensures that you don't leave anything out and that you can deliver them with expression and feeling.
It's a good idea to start writing your vows early. You don't want to be rushing them the night before the wedding. Take breaks and come back to them with fresh eyes and ears. You might want to write down a rough draft of all your feelings and ideas and then narrow it down and refine it into your final vows.
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Practice delivery
The key to delivering your wedding vows with confidence is to practice. Even if you decide to memorise your vows, practicing will help you refine your delivery and ensure your words have the desired impact.
Practice Calming Techniques
It's normal to feel nervous about delivering your vows. To help you feel more confident, practice calming techniques such as deep breathing or meditation.
Practice Reading Aloud
Read your vows aloud as you rehearse. This will help you identify any areas that need clarification, as well as spots where you can pause for effect. Practicing aloud will also help you refine your tone and pace, ensuring your delivery is clear and engaging.
Practice with Purpose
As you practice, focus on bringing your vows to life through voice and gesture. Allow your personality to shine through, and don't be afraid to inject humour or share personal stories. However, be mindful to steer clear of anything that might be embarrassing or sensitive.
Practice with Timing
Keep in mind the recommended length of 1-2 minutes for delivering your vows. Practice with a timer to ensure you stay within this timeframe. This will help maintain your guests' engagement and attention.
Practice Eye Contact
While it's important to have your vows written down, avoid getting glued to the paper during your delivery. Practice making eye contact with your partner as you speak, creating a more intimate and heartfelt moment.
Practice with Feedback
Consider sharing your vows with a trusted friend to get their feedback. They can provide valuable input on the content and delivery, helping you refine your vows to make them even more impactful.
Remember, the more you practice, the more comfortable and confident you'll feel on your wedding day. So take your time, embrace your unique style, and let your personality shine through as you deliver your vows.
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Frequently asked questions
Your wedding vows should reflect your relationship and your promises for the future. They can take any format and include any content you see fit. You might want to include a mix of funny stories, romantic tales, and declarations of love.
Writing your wedding vows can be exciting but also daunting. Try not to overthink it. You can write down your thoughts and intentions and refine them into vows, or you can let your ideas stew in your mind before writing them down. It's a good idea to take breaks and come back to them with fresh eyes.
It's not recommended to memorise your wedding vows. Instead, write them down in a vow booklet so that you can make eye contact and use gestures to bring your vows to life.
It's a good idea to sync up with your partner on the theme, tone, and overall delivery of your vows. You might even choose to exchange vows privately before the public portion of the ceremony. However, if you want your partner to hear your vows for the first time during the ceremony, you can still make sure you're on the same page by discussing general logistics.
