Unlocking My Best Self: A Man's Guide

Being chosen as a best man is a huge honour and a significant responsibility. The role is often given to the groom's closest friend or relative, and it involves being the groom's right-hand man and confidant throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. A best man's duties include planning the stag do, writing a speech, helping to choose the groomsmen's attire, and keeping the wedding rings safe. But being the best man goes beyond just completing a checklist of tasks – it's about providing emotional support, being a source of excitement and positivity, and generally being the groom's rock. It's also about stepping up and taking charge when needed, whether that's by coordinating the groomsmen, offering to help with wedding planning logistics, or simply making sure everyone is where they need to be on time. Ultimately, the best man plays a key role in ensuring that the wedding is one of the greatest days of the groom's life.

Be a source of support

Being a source of support is a key aspect of being the best man you can be. This involves being supportive of your loved ones, your community, and those around you. It also means being supportive of yourself.

Being a source of support for others means being there for them when they need emotional support or a listening ear. It means being honest with them and giving them constructive feedback when they need it. It also means being kind and respectful, but also having strong boundaries and not letting people walk all over you.

Being a source of support for yourself means taking responsibility for your own behaviour and emotions. It means not compromising your values and sticking to your morals and beliefs, even when others try to pressure you into doing otherwise. It also means taking care of your physical and mental health, and making sure you have the energy and resilience to be there for others.

• Be emotionally available: When someone you care about needs emotional support, be there for them. Let them know that you are willing to talk and listen without judgement. Admit if you feel helpless or unsure what to do or say, and work through it together.
• Be honest and give feedback: Being supportive doesn't mean blindly agreeing with someone or letting them continue down a self-destructive path. A true source of support will be honest and give constructive feedback when needed. This could be pointing out when a friend is making a bad decision or telling a partner when they have hurt your feelings.
• Set boundaries and stick to them: Being supportive doesn't mean letting people walk all over you or take advantage of your kindness. Learn to say "no" to things you don't want to do and set clear boundaries with the people in your life. This will ensure that you don't burn out and can continue to be a source of support for those who need it.
• Practice self-care: You can't pour from an empty cup. To be a source of support for others, you need to first take care of yourself. This means getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and eating healthily, and making time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. It also means being aware of your own emotions and taking responsibility for them, rather than taking out your stress or negativity on others.
• Build a support system for yourself: You don't have to go through life alone. Build a network of supportive friends, family, or even a therapist who you can turn to when you need advice, a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on. This will help you process your own emotions and challenges so that you can be fully present and supportive of others.
• Be a positive role model: Being a source of support isn't just about what you say, it's also about what you do. Lead by example and show others how to be supportive by treating people with kindness, respect, and compassion. This will inspire them to do the same and create a positive ripple effect.

Remember, being a source of support is about striking a balance between giving to others and giving to yourself. It's about being strong enough to hold space for others while also holding space for yourself.

Plan the stag do

Planning a stag do can be stressful, but it doesn't have to be! Here is a step-by-step guide to planning an epic stag do that the groom and the rest of the gang will never forget.

Establish Who's Planning

Before you begin, you need to establish who's in charge. Typically, one person is tasked with planning the stag do (often the best man), but sometimes the role is shared between two or three people. If you're planning with others, decide who will be responsible for what – one person might handle the budget and payments, while another organises timings and transport.

Plan the Guest List

Start by putting together a provisional guest list. This should come from the groom – it's important to stick to his list and not add anyone else. Ask him for the contact details and any relevant information about each person, such as dietary requirements or medical conditions.

Create the Group Chat

Now, create a group chat with everyone involved in the planning (but usually not the groom). In the chat, introduce yourself and explain that you'll be planning the stag do. Ask everyone to introduce themselves, so that people who are less familiar can have a bit of an introduction.

Decide on a Budget and Duration

Ask the group about their budget to get an idea of how much people are able to spend. Give a ballpark figure that's in line with the type of stag do the groom wants. For example: "Hey everyone, [groom] is keen to do a weekend stag do in London. I can't give a final figure yet, but would everyone be comfortable spending between £X and £X?"

Propose Chosen Dates

Once you know the budget and duration, start thinking about dates. Ask the groom for three to five dates that he's free, then propose these to the group and ask them to select which ones they can do. Choose a date that works for the majority of the group, and for any key people the groom wants to attend.

Communicate a Payment Plan

Before booking accommodation and activities, communicate a payment plan with the group. You want to give people enough time to pay the full amount without leaving yourself out of pocket when making bookings. Ask for a deposit from attendees – a substantial payment to secure deposits for accommodation and activities, with the remaining amount paid in one or two further instalments.

Choose a Theme or Main Activity

It's a good idea to have one or two main activities that shape the stag do. This could be an adrenaline-fuelled activity, a live event, or a bar crawl. If you want to include a theme, you could base it on one of the groom's hobbies or interests.

Book Accommodation

If the stag do involves an overnight stay, book accommodation that allows stag parties and check-in and check-out times, as well as any ground rules such as noise curfews.

Organise Transport

If the stag do is abroad, book flights at the same time as the accommodation. Make sure everyone has a valid passport. For a local stag do, you can book taxis or mini buses, or look into train travel.

Draft an Itinerary

With the main logistics organised, draft an itinerary. Include arrival and check-in times, activity details and locations, estimated durations, any free time, and the expected end time. If flights are involved, include these details and timings too.

Update the Group

Send the itinerary to the group, along with any additional activities that require props, outfits, or gifts for the groom. This is also a good time to ask the group for feedback and ideas for smaller activities and games.

Plan Games and Smaller Details

Brainstorm ideas for smaller details and games to make the stag do memorable. This could include pranks, dares, rules, and forfeits.

Collect Final Payments

Chase any outstanding payments and be mindful when doing so – some people may feel embarrassed about missing the deadline.

Send Final Itinerary

If there have been any changes, send out a final message with all the details the group needs to know.

Have a Great Time!

The final, and most important, step is to enjoy the stag do! Don't panic if things don't go exactly to plan.

Write a speech

Writing and delivering a best man speech can be daunting, but there are some tips you can follow to create a memorable one. Here is a step-by-step guide to help you write and deliver an engaging, witty, and heartfelt speech:

Step 1: Understand the Importance of Your Best Man Speech

Your speech is an integral part of the wedding reception. It is your opportunity to celebrate the groom, entertain the guests, and showcase your support for the newlywed couple. Typically, the best man's speech is funnier than the maid of honour's speech, which tends to be more emotional.

Step 2: Start Crafting Your Speech

Begin by writing down all your thoughts, feelings, and memories associated with the groom. This free-writing exercise will help you gather your ideas and spark your creativity. Think about every story, anecdote, or event that involves the groom and make a list of these. Include humorous, interesting, or endearing moments that showcase his personality and your relationship.

Step 3: Use a Template as a Guide

Most best men have never written a wedding speech before, so it's normal to feel lost about where to start. Using a template can provide a helpful structure for your speech. While you should infuse your speech with your personality and experiences, a template will give you an idea of what to include.

Step 4: Create Unique Opening and Closing Lines

The opening and closing lines of your speech will leave a lasting impression on your audience. Find an engaging opening that grabs their attention and sets the tone. End with a memorable closing that ties back to the theme of your speech and expresses your well-wishes for the couple. Consider using a quote or an inside joke that is appropriate and inclusive.

Step 5: Add Personal Touches

Share stories, anecdotes, and experiences that showcase the groom's personality and your relationship with him. Include funny, heartwarming, or embarrassing moments that the audience will connect with. Additionally, express what the groom means to you and why you were chosen as the best man. Talk about his positive attributes, such as always having your back or giving great advice.

Step 6: Practice and Calming Techniques

Practice your speech as much as possible. Rehearse it multiple times to familiarise yourself with the content, timing, and flow. Practising in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend can help refine your delivery and build your confidence. Additionally, find ways to calm your nerves before and during the speech. Deep breathing, visualisation, and having a drink (in moderation) can help relax you.

Step 7: Connect with the Audience

Maintain eye contact, speak clearly, use hand gestures, and express your emotions genuinely. Ensure your speech is audible and that you are addressing the entire audience, not just the groom or your friends. Remember to include the bride in your stories and speak about her in a positive light. Keep your speech concise, engaging, and focused on celebrating the couple.

Step 8: Address the Happy Couple and Wish Them Well

Amidst all the fun stories and anecdotes, don't forget to talk directly to the couple. Look at them, express your support, and wish them a happy and fulfilling future together. Finally, make the toast, asking everyone to raise their glasses to the newlyweds.

Step 9: Delivery Techniques

There are a few options for delivering your speech: reading from a script, using bullet points or cue cards, or memorising your speech. Reading from a script is the safest option, especially if you are nervous. Using bullet points or cue cards gives you flexibility but ensures you don't go off-script. Memorising your speech is challenging and requires significant practice, but it allows for a more natural delivery. Alternatively, you can memorise just the opening and closing and refer to your script for the rest.

Step 10: Find Your Speaking Style

Discover your unique speaking style by observing different comedians or speakers. Exaggerate your style to make your speech engaging and entertaining. Whether you're deadpan, sarcastic, energetic, or playful, own your style and use it to captivate the audience.

Step 11: Best Practices

• Relax, smile, and express yourself with facial expressions that add to the humour.
• Gesture with your hands to emphasise your points and engage your audience visually.
• Move around the space if you wish, alternating between a few spots on the stage.
• Project your voice, maintain a steady pace, minimise filler words, and vary your intonation.

Step 12: Mindset Reframes

Even with preparation, you may still feel nervous. Reframe your mindset by focusing on enthusiasm rather than confidence. Remember that you are there to entertain and that your enthusiasm for your best friend and the couple will shine through. Enjoy yourself, and your speech will be a memorable success!

Help choose suits

Choosing a suit can be a daunting task, but it doesn't have to be. There are a few key things to keep in mind that will help you select the perfect suit for any occasion.

First, consider the occasion. Are you attending a formal event, a job interview, or a casual outing? The type of suit you wear will depend on the event. As a general rule, a well-tailored navy or dark charcoal suit with a modern fit is a good starting point for most occasions.

Next, determine your budget. Suit prices can vary widely, from $100 to $1000. A good middle ground is a suit ranging from $300 to $500, which offers a balance between quality and value.

Now, let's talk about fit. The best way to describe a great suit is a streamlined suit—clean lines, clean hems, and minimal excess fabric. The fit will depend on your body type. If you have a slim build, opt for a slim-fit suit, which tapers down to the waist. For bigger guys, a modern or classic fit suit will provide more room to move.

When it comes to the jacket, consider the number of buttons and vents. A three-button, single-breasted jacket is a good choice for tall men as it minimizes their height. On the other hand, short men should opt for a one or two-button jacket, which creates a longer "V" shape and maximizes their height. Round men should go for a one or two-button jacket, keeping it buttoned unless sitting down.

The type of lapel is also important. Notch lapels are the most common and versatile, while peak lapels are more formal and work well for shorter men. If you have a rounded facial shape, a peak lapel will balance out your features. For those with sharp features, a shawl lapel, often seen on tuxedos, will soften your features.

Lastly, consider the fabric. Wool is the most popular choice for suits as it is durable, wrinkle-resistant, water-resistant, and breathable. Cotton suits are lightweight and breathable, making them ideal for summer, while linen suits are durable, moisture-protective, soft, and hypoallergenic.

By keeping these tips in mind, you'll be well on your way to choosing the perfect suit and becoming the best-man you can be!

Be organised

Being organised is a key part of becoming the best man you can be. Organisation can help you to achieve your goals and make the most of your time, and it starts with planning. Planning out your week, including your leisure time, can help you to be more productive and ensure you're making the most of your free time. Planning can also help you to achieve your goals, so it's important to set goals for yourself. Ask yourself what you want to accomplish and set appropriate goals in response. It's also important to be flexible, though, and not to get too bogged down in planning. You need to be able to adapt to changing circumstances and not let your plans control you.

Organisation also involves taking responsibility for your own behaviour. This means owning your faults and failures, as well as celebrating your accomplishments. It's important to be honest with yourself and others, and to stick to your commitments. This will help you to build trust with others and become a more reliable person.

Organisation also involves taking care of your physical and mental health. This includes getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet and exercising regularly. It's also important to give your mind a rest by taking time to relax and unplug from the world. This could involve spending time with friends or having some alone time.

Finally, being organised means managing your finances responsibly. This means not spending money you don't have and saving for the future. It's also important to be informed about the world around you, so try to stay up to date with current affairs.

Frequently asked questions