Asking Family To Be Bridesmaids: Making The Request Special

Asking your family to be your bridesmaids is an important part of wedding planning. While it can feel like a daunting task, it should be a fun and memorable experience for both you and your future bridesmaids. There are many ways to ask your family to be your bridesmaids, from in-person meetings to creative proposals. It is recommended to ask your family members individually, either in person or via a phone call, to avoid pressuring them into accepting. You can also send them a thoughtful gift, such as a personalized puzzle, candle, or a box of treats. However, it is important to respect their decision if they decline your offer. Being a bridesmaid is a significant commitment, so it is crucial to clearly communicate your expectations and provide them with enough time to plan and prepare for the wedding.

Asking in-person or over a video call

Asking your family members to be your bridesmaids is an important and exciting part of wedding planning. Here are some tips and ideas for how to ask them in person or over a video call:

In-Person Ideas:

• Create a special outing or event: Make it a memorable occasion by planning a fun activity or get-together. This could be a dinner, a game night, or even a slumber party with your favourite movies and snacks.
• Gifts and gestures: Consider giving them a small token of your appreciation, such as a personalized gift box, a puzzle, a bouquet of flowers, or a customized tote bag or t-shirt. You can also include a heartfelt note expressing your thoughts and feelings.
• Pop the question creatively: Use creative ways to pop the question, such as a DIY balloon pop with a special message inside, a scavenger hunt with clues, or customized cookies or wine bottles with the question written on them.
• Private conversations: While it's exciting to ask your family members, avoid doing it in front of a large group to ensure they don't feel pressured. Opt for private, individual conversations, whether it's during a casual get-together or a dedicated one-on-one meeting.

Video Call Ideas:

• Personalized gifts: If you're asking over a video call, you can still incorporate gifts. Send them a gift box with treats and a personalized note, or mail them a customized puzzle or a floral card with the question tucked inside.
• Creative backdrops: Set up a fun backdrop for your video call, such as a balloon arch or festive decorations. You can even include a handwritten note with the question that they can open during the call.
• Virtual activities: Engage in virtual activities together, such as a flower-arranging class or a virtual scavenger hunt. This adds an interactive element to your proposal and makes it more memorable.
• Sincere conversations: During the video call, express your thoughts and feelings sincerely. Share memories and let them know how much it would mean to have them by your side on your special day.

Remember, when asking your family members to be your bridesmaids, it's important to be mindful of their feelings and give them the option to gracefully accept or decline the offer. Being a bridesmaid is a significant commitment, so ensure they understand the expectations and responsibilities involved.

Sending a personalised gift box

Something Wearable

Add an item that your family members can wear on your wedding day or during the preparations. Some ideas include:

• A personalised necklace, bracelet or earrings with their initials or a heartfelt message.
• A robe or pyjamas, perfect for getting ready together on the morning of the wedding.
• A pair of flip-flops with their names on them, ideal for giving their feet a break from heels during the reception.
• A customised T-shirt or jacket with "bridesmaid", their name or a fun message.

Something for Self-Care

Include something to help your family members relax and unwind, such as:

• Personalised bath bombs or scented candles.
• Lotion or hand sanitiser with a pleasant fragrance.
• A manicure kit or a set of nail polishes.
• A sleep mask to ensure they get a good night's rest before the big day.

Something to Use

Add an item that your family members can use during the wedding celebrations or in their daily lives:

• A pair of wine glasses, champagne flutes or tumblers, perhaps with a bridal theme or their names on them.
• A wallet, journal or makeup bag, either personalised or in a colour that matches your wedding theme.
• A plant or a bouquet of flowers, along with a handwritten card.
• A map, sunglasses or a customised luggage tag if you're having a destination wedding.

Something Personalised

Make your gift box extra special by including something personalised, such as:

• A handwritten note expressing your appreciation for their friendship and asking them to be your bridesmaid.
• A photo of you and your family member, along with a personalised frame.
• A message in a bottle, with a beautiful note adorned with roses and beads.

Something for the Day Of

Get your family members excited about the wedding day by including something they can use during the celebrations, such as:

• Bridal robes or hangers for their dresses.
• Comfortable slippers or foldable flats, perfect for giving their feet a break.
• A fun pair of sunglasses, perhaps with their initials, for an outdoor wedding.

Explaining the time and financial commitment

When asking your family members to be your bridesmaids, it's important to be transparent about the time and financial commitments involved. Being a bridesmaid is a significant responsibility, and it's crucial that your family members understand what is expected of them. Here are some details you can provide to give them a clear picture of the role:

Time Commitment:

• Pre-wedding events: Bridesmaids are usually expected to attend pre-wedding events such as the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner. These events are important for celebrating the upcoming wedding and bonding with the bridal party.
• Planning and preparation: In addition to attending events, bridesmaids often play a role in planning and preparing for the wedding. This may include helping with decorations, seating arrangements, picking up the cake, and assisting with any last-minute details. It's a good idea to let your family members know how much input you'd like them to have in the planning process and what tasks you envision them taking on.
• The wedding day: On the wedding day itself, bridesmaids are expected to be by the bride's side, providing emotional support and ensuring she has an enjoyable and stress-free experience. This includes getting ready with the bride, being photo-ready, and participating in the reception celebrations.

Financial Commitment:

• Bridesmaid dress and accessories: One of the biggest expenses for bridesmaids is the dress and any required accessories. On average, a bridesmaid dress costs $208, with alterations costing an additional $70. It's helpful to let your family members know if you plan to choose the dress or allow them to pick their own within a specific colour scheme or style.
• Shoes and additional accessories: Bridesmaids may also need to purchase shoes and other accessories to match their outfit. On average, accessories cost around $120. However, this can be reduced by choosing affordable options or reusing items they already own.
• Hair and makeup: Professional hair and makeup services for the wedding day typically cost around $132. Communicate your expectations for hair and makeup early on. If you want your bridesmaids to have a certain look, consider covering this cost as a gift to them.
• Travel and accommodations: Depending on the location of the wedding and pre-wedding events, travel and accommodation expenses can add up quickly. On average, bridesmaids spend $115 on travel and $205 on accommodations. If possible, offer to help with these costs or look for ways to reduce expenses, such as booking hotel room blocks at discounted rates.
• Pre-wedding celebrations: The bridal shower, bachelorette party, and other celebrations leading up to the wedding can cost around $800 each. These expenses include hosting responsibilities, travel, and gifts. If you're planning a destination bachelorette party, be mindful that this can be a significant financial burden for your bridesmaids.
• Wedding gift: While not mandatory, bridesmaids often give a gift to the couple. This can be an individual gift or a group purchase. On average, bridesmaids spend $125 on a wedding gift.

Remember, it's important to be flexible and respectful of your family members' financial situations. If they have concerns about the costs, try to work together to find solutions, such as choosing affordable dress options or limiting the number of pre-wedding events. Being open to compromise will ensure that your family members feel valued and appreciated for their contribution to your special day.

Understanding if they decline

It is completely normal for a person to feel stressed or apprehensive about assuming the role of a bridesmaid. It is a big commitment, and it is natural for your family member to feel overwhelmed. There could be several reasons why your family member might decline your invitation to be a bridesmaid, and it is important to approach the situation with compassion and understanding.

Firstly, it is essential to respect their decision and not pressure them to change their mind. While it is disappointing for you, remember that they might have valid reasons for saying no, such as financial constraints, time commitments, anxiety, or other personal factors. Try to create a safe and non-judgmental space for them to express their concerns and feelings.

If they decline, it is advisable to give them some time and space to process their decision. You could say something like, "I understand, and I want you to know that I value our relationship. I hope we can still celebrate my wedding together, and I would love your support in other ways if you're comfortable." By offering alternative ways for them to be involved, such as helping with preparations or giving a speech, you can make them feel valued and included without the pressure of being a bridesmaid.

Remember, it is important to be considerate of their feelings and respectful of their decision. A sincere and heartfelt conversation can go a long way in preserving your relationship and ensuring that there is no bad blood between you.

Having a follow-up conversation

Asking your family to be your bridesmaids is a very exciting part of the wedding planning process. However, it is important to have a follow-up conversation to ensure that your bridesmaids are aware of the duties and responsibilities that come with the role. Here are some tips on how to approach this conversation:

Choose an Appropriate Time

It is best to have this conversation within the first few weeks of asking your family members to be your bridesmaids. This will give them enough time to consider their responsibilities and discuss any concerns or questions they may have.

Be Clear and Transparent

During the follow-up conversation, it is crucial to be transparent and clear about your expectations. Explain the duties and responsibilities that come with being a bridesmaid, such as attending pre-wedding events, purchasing specific attire, and providing emotional support. Outline the timeline of events, including the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner, so they can plan accordingly.

Address Financial Commitments

Being a bridesmaid often involves significant financial commitments. Be open about the expected costs, such as the bridesmaid dress, travel arrangements, and other wedding-related expenses. If possible, offer flexibility or suggestions for more affordable options to ensure that everyone is comfortable with the financial expectations.

Provide an Opportunity for Questions

Encourage your family members to ask questions or voice any concerns they may have. They may have worries about the time commitment, financial obligations, or other personal factors that could impact their ability to fulfil the role. Create a safe and non-judgmental space for them to express their thoughts and work together to find solutions.

Discuss Any Potential Conflicts

Be mindful that your bridesmaids may have other commitments or events that could conflict with your wedding plans. Discuss their calendars and identify any potential clashes. Work together to find solutions or make adjustments if needed. It is important to be understanding and flexible during this process.

Offer Support and Resources

Provide your family members with resources and support to help them navigate their duties as bridesmaids. This could include sharing checklists, offering to connect them with other bridesmaids, or recommending tools to help with planning and organisation. Let them know that you are there for them and want to make the experience as enjoyable as possible.

Respect Their Decisions

Remember that being a bridesmaid is a significant commitment, and respect your family members' decisions if they have any hesitations or choose to decline the role. Thank them for their honesty and support, and consider asking if there are specific concerns you can address or ways you can adjust your expectations to accommodate their needs.

Maintain Open Communication

Finally, maintain open and honest communication with your family members throughout the wedding planning process. Check in with them periodically to ensure they are doing well and feeling supported. This will help strengthen your bond and ensure that everyone is on the same page as your special day approaches.

Frequently asked questions