Franklin Dean
When addressing a wedding invitation to a lesbian couple, it's important to consider the couple's preferences and the level of formality you wish to convey. If the couple is unmarried and living together, traditional etiquette suggests addressing them individually, with each name listed separately in alphabetical order by last name on the outer envelope. On the inner envelope, you can use their titles and last names. For married lesbian couples, there are a few options. If they have different last names, you can list their names on separate lines in alphabetical order, similar to how you would address an unmarried couple. If they have the same last name, you may choose to address them as Ms. and Ms. followed by their last name, or simply use their first and last names without titles. Another option is to use the plural form, Mrs., followed by their last name. Ultimately, the choice depends on the couple's preferences and the level of formality desired.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Outer envelope | If the couple is unmarried, list names separately in alphabetical order. For example, "Mr. Andrew Jones, Mr. Kevin Marbury". If the couple is married, list names on the same line, just as you would for a heterosexual couple. For example, "Mrs. Sarah Norris and Mrs. Caroline Wallace". |
| Inner envelope | Use titles and last names. For example, "Mr. Jones, Mr. Marbury" or "Mrs. Norris, Mrs. Wallace". |
| Titles | Use "Mr." and "Mr." for married men, "Mrs." and "Mrs." for married women, or "Ms." and "Ms." for unmarried women. For married couples with the same last name, you can use "Messieurs" or "Mssrs" for men, and "Mesdames" or "Mmes" for women. |
| Name order | If you are inviting one member of the couple specifically and their partner as a plus one, list the primary invitee first. Otherwise, list names in alphabetical order. |
| Other titles | If one or both members of the couple are doctors, you can use "Dr." or "Doctor" instead of "Mr." or "Mrs.". |
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What You'll Learn
Outer envelope: Alphabetical listing
When addressing a wedding invitation to a lesbian couple, the same traditional etiquette rules apply as for any unmarried couple or married couple with different last names.
For the outer envelope, the two names should be listed alphabetically on separate lines, for example:
Ms. Joan McDermott
Ms. Theresa Smith
Or, if they share the same surname:
Ms. Jill Smith
Ms. Melissa Smith
If one member of the couple is a doctor, you can replace "Ms." with "Dr." or "Doctor". For example, "Dr. Joan McDermott and Ms. Theresa Smith".
On the inner envelope, you can use titles and surnames, for example:
Ms. McDermott and Ms. Smith
If the couple is married and you are using "Mr. and Mrs." for other invitations, you can use "Mrs. and Mrs." or "Ms. and Ms.". For example:
Mrs. Anna Andrews and Mrs. Emily Andrews
Or:
Ms. Jill Smith and Ms. Melissa Smith
If the couple has a preference for how they are addressed, you can also ask them directly.
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Inner envelope: Titles and last names
When addressing a wedding invitation to a lesbian couple, the general rule is to follow the same guidelines as you would for an unmarried heterosexual couple with different last names. On the inner envelope, you would use titles and last names, similar to how you would address a place card.
For example, if the couple has different last names, you would list their names alphabetically on the outer envelope:
> Ms. Joan McDermott
> Ms. Theresa Smith
On the inner envelope, you would write:
> Ms. McDermott and Ms. Smith
If the couple has the same last name, you can address them as "Ms. and Ms." followed by their shared last name. For example:
> Ms. and Ms. Smith
Alternatively, you can address them by their first and last names, such as:
> Ms. Joan and Ms. Theresa Smith
If one member of the couple is a doctor, you can replace "Ms." with "Dr." or "Doctor". For example:
> Dr. Joan Smith and Ms. Theresa Smith
It is also acceptable to use "Mrs." if one member of the couple identifies as more feminine and would prefer that title.
Remember, these are general guidelines, and it is always best to ask the couple about their preferred way of being addressed if you are unsure. Different same-sex couples may have different preferences, so it is important to be respectful and flexible when addressing wedding invitations.
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Married lesbian couple: Same last name
When addressing a wedding invitation to a married lesbian couple with the same last name, there are a few options you can consider. It's important to remember that there are no hard and fast rules, and you should feel free to ask the couple about their preferences if you're unsure. Here are some common approaches:
- Using "Ms." and their full names: "Ms. Jill Smith and Ms. Melissa Smith". This option allows you to maintain a formal tone while avoiding the use of "Mr. and Mrs.".
- Using "Ms." and their first names: "Ms. Jill and Ms. Melissa". This approach is similar to the traditional "Mr. and Mrs." format and can be a good choice if you want to emphasise their married status.
- Using the plural form of "Mrs.": "Mesdames Jill and Melissa Smith", or "Mmes. Jill and Melissa Smith" for short. This option is elegant and less commonly used, adding a touch of uniqueness to the invitation.
- Using their first names without titles: "Jill and Melissa Smith". This option is more informal and may be suitable if you are close friends with the couple.
When addressing the envelope, you can list their names alphabetically or choose the person you are closest to or inviting primarily as the first name. For example, "Ms. Jill Smith and Ms. Melissa Smith" or "Ms. Melissa Smith and Ms. Jill Smith".
Remember, the most important consideration is to respect the couple's preferences and identities. If you're unsure about their preferred titles or names, it's always a good idea to ask them directly.
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Titles: Dr. or Esquire
When addressing wedding cards, it is considered good etiquette to use titles such as "Dr." or "Esquire" when relevant. This is especially important when addressing the outer envelope of a wedding invitation. The outer envelope should be formal and include the recipient's full name and title. This format works for couples of all genders and feels traditional.
If one member of the couple has a distinguished title, such as "Dr.", it is proper etiquette to address them by that title. For example, if one person is a doctor and uses their partner's surname socially, the outer envelope could be addressed to "Dr. Anne and Mr. Peter Underwood". If both parties are doctors, the outer envelope could be addressed to "Doctors Anne and Peter Underwood". On the inner envelope, you can simply write "Dr. Barker and Mr. Underwood".
If both members of the couple have distinguished titles of equal rank, such as "Dr.", you can list their names in alphabetical order. For example, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Griggs-Smith" on the inner envelope. If one person's title is higher than the other, such as one being a doctor and the other having no title, the person with the title should be listed first, regardless of gender.
When addressing an attorney, use "Esq." after their name. For example, "Michelle Brown, Esq." on the outer envelope. If both members of the couple are attorneys, you can address them as "Esquire" on the outer envelope and "Esquires" on the inner envelope.
It is worth noting that there are no hard and fast rules when addressing wedding invitations to lesbian couples. Some people may choose to avoid using titles altogether and simply use the couple's first names, especially for more casual weddings. For example, "Jill and Melissa Smith" instead of "Ms. Jill Smith and Ms. Melissa Smith". Ultimately, it is up to the couple's preference and the level of formality desired.
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Formality of invitation
The formality of the invitation is a key consideration when addressing a wedding card to a lesbian couple. The level of formality will dictate the tone, language, and format of the invitation. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this:
Formality and Traditional Etiquette:
If you are aiming for a highly formal invitation, traditional etiquette suggests that you address each person in the couple individually. This applies whether the couple is married or unmarried. For unmarried couples, you would follow the traditional format of one name per line, with the names listed alphabetically by their last names. Here is an example:
> Mr. Andrew Jones
> Mr. Kevin Marbury
> 2577 South Queen Street
> York, Pennsylvania 17402
For the inner envelope, you can use titles and last names on separate lines:
> Mr. Jones
> Mr. Marbury
Formality and Married Lesbian Couples:
When addressing a married lesbian couple, the names should typically appear on the same line, similar to how you would address a heterosexual couple. However, you might choose to avoid using "Mrs. and Mrs." or "Ms. and Ms." as it may sound awkward. Instead, you can list their names separately without using titles, especially if they have the same last name. For example:
> Joan McDermott
> Theresa Smith
Alternatively, you can use titles for each individual without combining them into "Mrs. and Mrs." or "Ms. and Ms.":
> Ms. Joan McDermott
> Ms. Theresa Smith
Formality and Titles:
If one member of the couple is a doctor, you can replace "Mr." or "Mrs." with "Dr." or "Doctor." For example:
> Dr. Joan Smith and Mrs. Melissa Smith
If both individuals hold a doctoral degree, you can address them as:
> Doctors Joan and Melissa Smith
Informal Invitations:
If you are opting for a more casual tone, you have more flexibility in how you address the couple. You can simply use their first names, followed by their last name, without incorporating titles. For example:
> Jill and Melissa Smith
Remember, there are no hard and fast rules, and different lesbian couples may have different preferences. If you are unsure, it is always best to ask the couple about their preferred form of address.
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Frequently asked questions
If the couple is married, you can address the envelope as "Mrs. [Name] and Mrs. [Name]". If you are inviting one member of the couple specifically and their partner as a "plus 1", you can write "Mrs. [Name] and Mrs. [Name]".
If the couple is unmarried, traditional etiquette suggests addressing each person individually. Write each name on a separate line, in alphabetical order by surname. For example: "Ms. Joan McDermott, Ms. Theresa Smith".
If one member of the couple is a doctor, it is acceptable to use "Dr." or "Doctor" for that person. For example: "Dr. Jill Smith and Ms. Melissa Smith". If both people are doctors, put "Drs." or "Doctors" at the beginning of the address. For example: "Drs. Jill and Melissa Smith".
