Deborah Chan
Wedding invitation etiquette is a tricky business. There are a lot of nuances to writing out your guests' names, which depend on their relationship status, titles, and whether or not they're getting a plus-one. The traditional format includes an outer envelope, which is more formal and includes the recipient's full name and title, and an inner envelope, which is less formal and may include just the first name.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Number of Envelopes | 1 or 2 (outer and inner) |
| Outer Envelope Contents | Recipient's Name, Street Address, Return Address, Postage |
| Inner Envelope Contents | Name of Person(s) Being Invited, Invitation, RSVP Card, RSVP Envelope, Additional Stationery |
| Formality | Formal or Informal |
| Titles | Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss, Mx., Dr., Esq., The Honorable, Father, Rabbi, etc. |
| Name Order | Alphabetical, by Preference, or Traditional (man's name first) |
| Abbreviations | Not Traditionally Used, but Now Acceptable for Titles and Addresses |
| Ink Colour | Black |
What You'll Learn
Outer envelope formatting
The outer envelope is the first thing your guests will see when they receive your wedding invitation. Here are some tips for formatting this envelope to ensure it looks elegant and follows proper etiquette:
Full Names
Use the full, given names of your invitees, rather than nicknames. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Johnson" or "Mr. Samuel Johnson and Mrs. Eliza Johnson". If you are inviting a couple with the same last name, you can list them together using the husband's full name, or write out each person's first name. If the couple has different last names, write out each full name with "Mr." or "Mrs." The woman's name can come first, or you can list the names alphabetically.
Use the appropriate titles for your guests, such as "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms.", "Miss", "Dr.", "Esq.", "Rabbi", "Reverend", or "Father". For female children under the age of 18, "Miss" is acceptable. If your guest is non-binary, use the honorific "Mx.". For a widowed woman, it is polite to ask if she prefers to be addressed with her married name or her late husband's name. You can also inquire if she would like to be addressed as "Ms.".
Serious Partners and Plus-Ones
If possible, include serious partners and plus-ones by name on the outer envelope, rather than writing "and guest". This adds a personal touch and ensures that your guests feel welcomed.
Divorced Guests
Be mindful of your guests' marital status. Avoid addressing a guest as "Mrs." if they are divorced. For a divorced woman, it is acceptable to use "Mrs." or "Ms." followed by her ex-husband's last name (if she still uses it) or her maiden name, depending on her preference.
Children
If you are inviting children under the age of 18, include their names in order of age on the second line of the outer envelope. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham. Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany, and Mx. Kelly". If children are over the age of 18, they should receive their own invitation.
Street Addresses
When writing the street address, fully spell out street names (e.g., "Sixty-Seventh Street" instead of "67th Street") and the names of states ("California" instead of "CA"). Avoid abbreviating "North", "South", "East", and "West".
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Inner envelope formatting
The inner envelope is typically more informal than the outer envelope. It is printed with only the recipients' names and contains the invitation, RSVP card, RSVP envelope, and any other additional stationery. When two envelopes are used, the outer envelope is more formal, while the inner envelope is slightly more casual and often includes first names.
If you are addressing a married couple with the same last name, you can use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name, or write out each person's first name. You can also put the wife's name first if you prefer. For example:
- Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Johnson
- Mr. Samuel and Mrs. Eliza Johnson
If the married couple has different last names, write out each full name with "Mr." or "Mrs.". The names can be listed in the order of your preference. For example:
Mr. Frank Smith and Mrs. Grace Apple
For a married couple where the wife has a hyphenated last name, list the hyphenated name last. Either "Ms." or "Mrs." can be used. For example:
Mr. Andy Dwyer and Ms. April Ludgate-Dwyer
If you are addressing a married couple and their children (under 18), use the rules above for the first line. On the second line, list the children's first names in order of age, omitting the last names. For example:
Mr. and Mrs. Michael Randall Carolyn, Julie, and William
For a married couple with children over the age of 18, the children should be listed separately, in the same format as for single individuals.
When addressing a single female, use "Ms." if she is over 18. If she is younger, "Miss" is more acceptable. If the female guest is under 18, her first name can be used on the inner envelope. For example:
Ms. Stephanie Chen (outer envelope) / Stephanie (inner envelope)
When addressing a single male, use "Mr." if he is over 18. If he is younger, no title is necessary. For example:
Mr. James Montgomery (outer envelope) / James (inner envelope)
If you are addressing a divorced woman, you can use "Mrs." if she still uses her married name, or "Ms." if she uses her maiden name. For example:
Mrs. Richard Yarrow / Ms. Leah Warren
For a widowed woman, it is best to inquire if she prefers to be addressed using her married name or her late husband's name. Some widows may also prefer "Ms.".
When addressing a family, the outer envelope can include the family name or the names of the parents. The inner envelope lists the first names of all invited family members. For example:
The Simpson Family (outer envelope) / Homer, Marge, Bart, Miss Lisa, and Miss Maggie (inner envelope)
If you are inviting a couple with distinguished titles, such as doctors, lawyers, or military personnel, the inner envelope can be less formal. You can use titles + last names or first names only (if you are very close to the couple). For example:
Dr. Barker and Mr. Underwood (outer envelope) / Tami and Peter (inner envelope)
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Addressing a married couple
When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to use full names and avoid nicknames. You should also be mindful of any distinguished titles they may have and include these in the address, such as "Dr." or "Esq.". If one of the guests has a hyphenated last name, this should be included in the address as well.
For a married couple with the same last name, you can list them together using the husband's first and last name, followed by "Mr. and Mrs." You also have the option to use both the husband's and wife's first and last names if you want to address them equally. Here is an example of how to format the outer and inner envelope for a couple with the same last name:
Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"
Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"
If the married couple has different last names, you can list their names on the same line with the woman's name first. If their combined names are too long to fit on one line, you can list them separately. Here is an example:
Outer envelope: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"
Inner envelope: "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David"
When addressing a married couple, you also have the option to use "The Mesdames" for two women or "The Mssrs." for two men if they have the same last name. If they have different last names, you can still list their names on the same line, preceded by their appropriate titles. Here is an example:
Outer envelope: "Ms. Lisa Chan and Ms. Angelica Green" or "Mr. Bradley Washington and Mr. Walter Randolph"
Inner envelope: "Ms. Chan and Ms. Green" or "Mr. Washington and Mr. Randolph"
If one of the guests is a doctor, you would list the doctor's name first, regardless of gender. You can choose to spell out "Doctor" or use the abbreviation "Dr.". If both partners are doctors, you can use "The Doctors" or "Drs." followed by their last name. Here is an example:
Outer envelope: "The Doctors Smith" or "Drs. Matthew and Angela Smith"
Inner envelope: "The Doctors Smith" or "Matthew and Angela"
In summary, when addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple, it is important to use full names, include any relevant titles, and be mindful of different name formats depending on their last names.
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Addressing an unmarried couple
When addressing an invitation to an unmarried couple, the format differs slightly from that of a married couple. Here are some guidelines to follow:
Outer Envelope:
If the couple lives together but has different last names, write their names on separate lines, with each name followed by their appropriate title (Mr., Ms., etc.). List the names alphabetically by last name or with the person you are closest to first. If you are equally close to both, default to alphabetical order. For example:
> Mr. Ross Geller
> Ms. Rachel Green
If the couple lives together and shares a last name, write their names on the same line, with each name followed by their appropriate title. Again, list the person you are closest to first, or alphabetically if you are equally close to both. For example:
> Ms. Rachel Green and Mr. Ross Geller
Inner Envelope:
For the inner envelope, you have more flexibility. You can use titles + last names or only first names if you are close with the couple. For example:
> Ms. Green and Mr. Geller
> Rachel and Ross
General Tips:
- Always double-check each attendee's preferred titles and spelling of their names.
- Avoid using nicknames or abbreviations.
- If the couple does not live together, send separate invitations to each guest.
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Addressing a single person
When addressing a wedding invitation to a single person, the guest's title and full name are typically used on the outer envelope, while the inner envelope is more informal. Here are some examples:
Example 1: Without a Plus-One
On the outer envelope: Use the person's preferred title and full name, such as "Ms." for an unmarried woman over 18 or "Mr." for a single male over 18. For example, "Ms. Ali Johnson" or "Mr. James Montgomery".
On the inner envelope: You can use just the person's title and last name, such as "Ms. Johnson" or "Mr. Montgomery".
Example 2: With a Plus-One
On the outer envelope: Use the person's preferred title and full name, and include "and Guest" if they have been offered a plus-one. For example, "Mx. Sam Li and Guest".
On the inner envelope: You can use the first name of the guest and "and Guest", such as "Sam Li and Guest".
Additional Considerations:
- If you are unsure of the person's preferred title, it is best to forgo the title altogether.
- For younger guests, the acceptable title for a female guest under 18 is "Miss", while for male guests under 16 no title is necessary.
- For non-binary guests, the honorific "Mx." is often used, but it is best to check their preferred personal title.
- For widowed or divorced women, it is considerate to ask if they prefer to be addressed using their married name, married title ("Mrs."), or "Ms.".
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Frequently asked questions
For a heterosexual couple with the same last name, use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name, or write out each person's first name. You can also put the wife's name first if you prefer. For a same-sex couple with the same last name, use "Mrs. and Mrs." or "Mr. and Mr." followed by both first names and the couple's last name.
Write out each person's full name with "Mr." or "Mrs." The person's name can go first depending on your preference or whom you are closest to. If one person has a hyphenated name, list the hyphenated name last.
If the guest is an unmarried woman, use "Ms." unless she is younger than 18, in which case "Miss" is more acceptable. If the guest is a single male, use "Mr." unless he is younger than 18, in which case no title is necessary.
For guests who use "they/them" pronouns, Mx. is the correct honorific to use. If you are unsure, it is always best to ask your guest their preference.
