Franklin Dean
Wedding planning can be stressful, and one of the most common problems is the issue of plus ones. A plus one is a guest of a guest, usually a partner or a date. While it's nice to allow guests to bring someone, if every guest is allowed a plus one, your wedding guest list will soon double in size. This can be a problem if you have a small venue or are on a tight budget. There are several ways to address the issue of plus ones on your wedding website, such as including an FAQ page, being clear about who is invited, and providing guests with additional information to help them prepare.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Invitations | Address the invitation to the guest by name, rather than a general "you are invited". |
| If a couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. | |
| If a guest is allowed to bring a casual date, write the guest's name and then "and guest". | |
| If a guest is not allowed to bring a date, do not include "and guest" on the invite. | |
| If a guest is not allowed to bring children, address the invitation to the adults only. | |
| If there is an outer and inner envelope, address the outer to the recipient and list all invitees on the inner envelope. | |
| If there is only one envelope, address all invitees clearly and upfront. | |
| RSVP cards | Include a section saying "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honour", and fill in the number of people invited. |
| Include a checkbox for attendance with the guest's name next to it. | |
| Wedding website | Include a dedicated FAQs page to answer essential questions, such as plus ones. |
| Be honest and polite, and provide a reason for not allowing plus ones, e.g. budget or space constraints. | |
| If there are destination wedding details, include FAQs about accommodation and travel. | |
| Seating plan | Foster a comfortable dynamic for solo guests by seating them with people they know or outgoing, friendly couples. |
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What You'll Learn
Addressing invitations to specific individuals
When addressing wedding invitations to specific individuals, it is important to be clear and upfront about who is invited. This is especially important when it comes to plus-ones, as you don't want to leave room for ambiguity or confusion. Here are some tips to help you address invitations to specific individuals effectively:
- Use the correct titles and names: When addressing a married couple, use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's first and last name. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". For unmarried couples living at the same address, list both people on one line, with the person you are closest to first. For example, "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee". On the inner envelope, you can use their first names, such as "Mr. Kim and Ms. Rhee" or "Stanley and Amanda".
- Specify the number of invited guests: If you are inviting a family, include the family name or the parents' names on the outer envelope and list each family member's name on the inner envelope. This is also where you can indicate if children are invited. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson" on the outer envelope and "Alan, Emily, Roger, Chance, Miss Jennifer, and Miss Lily" on the inner envelope. If you are inviting a single person with a plus-one, reserve the "and guest" language for the inner envelope.
- Be mindful of space constraints: If you are short on space, you can use terms like "and Family" or "The Abraham Family" instead of listing each family member's name. However, be aware that not including children's names implies that they are not invited, so be prepared to kindly explain the situation to guests who may not get the hint.
- Utilize the two-envelope system: The outer envelope is reserved for the names of the invitees, while the inner envelope can include additional guests or plus-ones. This helps to avoid the awkwardness of addressing the outer envelope to "Mr. James Smith and Guest". If using only one envelope, be explicit about the number of invited guests, as mentioned earlier.
- Provide an RSVP card: Include an RSVP card or reply card with each invitation to allow guests to confirm their attendance and provide any additional information, such as food allergies or dietary restrictions. This is also where they can inquire about bringing a plus-one if needed.
- Be consistent and clear: Ensure that the names on the envelopes match the names on the RSVP cards and other enclosures. This attention to detail will help avoid confusion and ensure a smooth response process.
Remember, it is considered a breach of etiquette to explicitly state who is not invited on the invitation, website, or anywhere else. Instead, focus on addressing the invitations specifically to those who are invited, and guests will understand the implications.
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Using RSVP cards to indicate the number of invitees
The purpose of the RSVP card is to let the host know whether the invitees can attend the wedding or not. It is important to stick to the designated method of reply and respond using the provided RSVP card.
To indicate the number of invitees, you can add a line on the RSVP card that says, ""_ out of _ attending", with the second blank pre-filled with the number of invitees allowed. For example, "1 out of 2 attending". This way, the guests can indicate the number of people attending and the hosts can plan accordingly.
Another way to indicate the number of invitees is to address the invitation specifically to those invited. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" or "Mr. John Smith and Guest". This way, it is clear that only the named individuals are invited.
Additionally, you can add a section on the RSVP card that says, "We have reserved _ seat(s) in your honour". By filling in the blank with the number of people invited, it becomes clear how many guests are expected. For instance, if only one guest is invited, write "1 seat".
If you are sending paper invitations, you can also include an inner envelope that lists the names of all those who are invited. This could be the guests' names or "and guest" if a plus-one is allowed.
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Explaining the reason for not allowing plus ones
Explaining why plus ones are not allowed at your wedding can be tricky, but there are ways to do it politely. Firstly, it is important to be honest and upfront about your reasons, whether that be budget constraints, limited venue space, or wanting to keep the wedding intimate. You could say something like: "Due to the intimacy of the venue, we are unable to extend invites for plus ones. We hope you understand our decision. Since we want to keep our wedding as intimate as possible, we're only inviting our closest loved ones."
Another approach is to set criteria for who is allowed a plus-one, such as only guests who are married, engaged, cohabiting, or in a long-term relationship. This can be communicated through word-of-mouth before the invitations are sent out. For example, you could say: "We have reserved __ seats in your honour," and fill in the blank with the number of people invited from that party.
If you are worried about hurting feelings, it may be a good idea to consider allowing plus-ones for the evening celebrations only. This way, you can keep your numbers limited during the day but still offer guests the opportunity to bring a date to the evening festivities.
It is also worth noting that some guests may not feel comfortable attending alone, so it is important to put extra thought into your seating plan. Try to seat solo guests with people they know or with friendly, outgoing couples to create a more communal feel.
Finally, it is generally advised to avoid explicitly stating "no plus-ones" on your wedding invitations or website, as this may be considered rude or tacky. Instead, use proper etiquette in addressing your invitations, and handle any questions privately and on a case-by-case basis.
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Offering plus ones to those in serious relationships
Offering plus ones to guests in serious relationships can be a thoughtful gesture, ensuring they feel comfortable and supported at your wedding. Here are some tips for addressing this on your wedding website and in your invitations:
Invitations and Envelopes
The traditional way to indicate a plus one on a wedding invitation is to write "Mr John Smith plus Guest". If there is no "plus Guest" included, it is typically understood that a plus one is not allowed. When inviting couples, it is best to address the invitation to both individuals by name, such as "Mr and Mrs John and Sarah Smith". This makes it clear that only the named guests are invited. For unmarried couples, if they live together, it is customary to include both names on the outer and inner envelopes. If they live separately, each person should receive their own invitation. If you are unsure of the relationship status, address the invitation to the primary guest and include the name of their partner inside.
Online RSVPs and Reply Cards
A practical way to indicate the number of invited guests is to use the reply card or online RSVP system. You can write, "We have reserved __ seats in your honour", filling in the blank with the number of guests you are inviting. This leaves no ambiguity and helps manage expectations.
Wedding Party and Out-of-Town Guests
It is generally considered good etiquette to allow members of your wedding party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen, to bring a plus one, even if their relationship is new. This is a way to thank them for their time and support during the wedding planning process. Similarly, out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees are commonly given plus-one privileges so they don't feel left out or lonely.
Serious Relationships and Long-Term Partners
If your goal is to include the serious partners of your guests, it is considerate to offer them a plus one. Couples who are engaged, live together, or have been dating long-term should be considered for a plus one. If your venue and budget allow, try to accommodate these significant others. It is worth noting that some couples prefer to invite only those in serious relationships and not extend plus ones to casual dates. This can be a personal preference and a way to keep the atmosphere intentional and positive.
Remember, it is essential to be clear and upfront about your guest list and plus-one policy. Be mindful of your budget and venue constraints, and communicate any limitations to your guests respectfully.
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Providing wiggle room for changing relationships
It's important to remember that relationships can change between the sending of invitations and the wedding day. Here are some tips for providing wiggle room for changing relationships:
Addressing Invitations
When addressing invitations, be sure to specify who is invited. If you are allowing a guest to bring a plus-one, write your guest's name and then "and guest". This makes it clear that only the named guest and their plus-one are invited. If a guest's relationship status changes and they begin dating someone new, you can decide whether to extend the plus-one invitation to their new partner.
Wedding Party
The rules about cohabitation, dating, and marriage can be relaxed when it comes to plus-ones for your wedding party. Allowing a bridesmaid or groomsman to bring a new partner, for example, is a small token of appreciation for their support. If you allow one member of your wedding party to bring a casual partner or friend, you should extend this courtesy to all single members of the wedding party.
Immediate Family
Members of the couple's immediate family should generally be allowed to bring a plus-one. This includes both parents of ring bearers and flower girls. If a family member's relationship status changes, they may appreciate the option of bringing their new partner.
Guests Who Don't Know Many People
If you have guests who won't know many people at the wedding, consider allowing them to bring a plus-one. This can make them feel more comfortable and ensure they have a companion to enjoy the event with. If their relationship status changes, they may still appreciate having a plus-one to avoid feeling isolated.
Reserved Seating
Rather than stating "You are invited to our wedding", address the invitation to the person by name and specify the number of seats reserved for them. For example, "We have reserved __ seats in your honour". This allows for flexibility if their relationship status changes and they want to bring a plus-one.
FAQ Page
Your wedding website's FAQ page can be a useful tool for addressing plus-ones. You can explain that due to venue restrictions or budget limitations, you are unable to accommodate additional guests. This provides a polite and tactful reason for not allowing plus-ones while also leaving room for change if circumstances allow for it later.
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