Junior Rasmussen
When addressing wedding envelopes, it is important to be mindful of your guests' preferences and comfort. While traditional etiquette dictates specific rules, modern approaches allow for more flexibility and creativity. For same-sex couples, there are a few options to consider. If the couple shares the same last name, you can use the French plural abbreviations Messrs. or Mmes. followed by their full names, such as Messrs. Charles and John Green or Mmes. Anna and Emily Andrews. Alternatively, you can list their names separately on the same line, such as Mrs. Anna Andrews and Mrs. Emily Andrews. If the couple is unmarried and does not share a last name, a common approach is to write each name on a separate line, similar to how you would address an unmarried opposite-sex couple. When in doubt, don't hesitate to ask the couple about their preferred titles and formats to ensure they feel respected and welcomed by your invitation.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Married, same-sex couple with the same last name | Include both first and last names. Place names in alphabetical order based on first names and include "and" to show they are married. Alternatively, order the names based on who you know better. |
| Married, same-sex couple with different last names | Use the French words "Messrs." and "Mmes." which are the plural versions of "Monsieur" and "Madame". Abbreviate as "Messrs." and "Mmes." |
| Unmarried, same-sex couple | Address each person individually. Write each name on a separate line. |
| Titles | Use "Mx." for non-binary guests. Always check each attendee's preferred personal titles. |
| Formality | Outer envelopes are more formal, while inner envelopes are more casual. |
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What You'll Learn
Same-sex couples with the same surname
When addressing wedding envelopes for same-sex couples with the same surname, there are a few options you can consider. Firstly, it's important to note that there are no hard and fast rules, and you should feel free to adapt these suggestions to fit the preferences of the couple in question.
If the couple is married and has chosen to share a surname, you can address them in a similar way to heterosexual married couples. For example, "Mr. and Mr." followed by their shared surname. This is a straightforward and traditional way to address married couples of any gender.
If you are inviting a same-sex couple where both partners have a distinguished title, such as doctors or lawyers, you can address them using their titles. For example, "Doctors Maria and Laura Constantine". If only one partner has a distinguished title, you can still use it, followed by their partner's name, such as "Dr. Rob Jones and Mr. Ryan Jones".
When addressing an unmarried same-sex couple with the same surname, it is customary to write their names on separate lines, similar to how you would address an unmarried heterosexual couple. For example, "Mr. Robert Stewson and Mr. Greg Johnson".
If you are unsure of the couple's marital status or their preferred way of being addressed, it is always a good idea to ask them directly. This way, you can ensure that your envelopes are addressed in a way that feels respectful and comfortable for the invitees.
Finally, when it comes to the inner envelope, you can be less formal. You may choose to use only the couple's first names or one person's name followed by "and Guest" if you are unsure of their partner's name.
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Unmarried same-sex couples
When addressing wedding invitations to unmarried same-sex couples, there are a few options to consider. Firstly, traditional etiquette states that you should address each person individually, writing each name on a separate line without using the word "and". This is the same way you would address an unmarried opposite-sex couple. For example, you could write:
Ms. Holly K. Eason
Mr. R. Stuart Holden
However, if the couple shares the same last name, you can simply write their names with their preferred honorifics, either on one line or two. For example:
Ms. Stephanie Chen
Miss Stephanie Chen
If the couple has different last names, you can write out their full names with their preferred honorifics on one or two lines. For instance:
Ms. Celine Elgin
Ms. Jacqueline Purcell
When addressing same-sex couples, the names may be listed alphabetically or based on who you know better. Additionally, if one member of the couple has a higher rank, they should be listed first. For example, for a doctor, member of the military, or another profession with a title, their name would go first.
It's important to consider the couple's preferences and what they would like to be addressed as. You can choose to be more formal or embrace a more modern approach. Ultimately, the decision is up to you and what you think the couple would appreciate most.
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Gender-neutral titles
When addressing wedding invitation envelopes, it's important to use language that makes your guests feel welcomed, respected, and included. This is especially crucial when planning a gender-neutral wedding or inviting same-sex couples. Here are some tips and examples for using gender-neutral titles when addressing wedding envelopes:
Understanding Gender-Neutral Titles
It's essential to understand the meaning of gender-neutral titles like "Mx." This title is a gender-neutral alternative to "Mr." or "Ms." and can be used to respectfully address non-binary or gender non-conforming guests. Always check with your guests to confirm their preferred personal titles before finalising your wedding envelope addressing.
Same-Sex Couples
When addressing same-sex couples, you can follow a similar format as you would for heterosexual couples, simply adjusting the titles to be gender-neutral. For example, instead of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," you could use "Mx. and Mx. Smith" or simply use their first names, such as "Jamie and Emily Smith."
Unmarried Couples Living Together
If you are inviting unmarried couples who live at the same address, list both people on the same line, with the person you are closest to first. For example, the outer envelope could say, "Mx. Jamie Smith and Mx. Emily Smith," while the inner envelope could be more casual, such as "Jamie and Emily" or "The Smiths."
Gender-Neutral Wedding Party Titles
In addition to addressing envelopes, you may also want to use gender-neutral titles when referring to your wedding party. Instead of "best man" or "maid of honour," consider using terms like "best person" or "person of honour." Other inclusive options include "best woman," "man of honour," "bridesman," "groomswoman," or simply "attendant."
Gender-Neutral Phrases
You can also make your wedding more inclusive by using gender-neutral phrases throughout the ceremony and celebrations. For example, instead of "you may now kiss the bride," say "you may kiss your partner" to make it more inclusive for same-sex couples and to avoid gender stereotypes.
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Same-sex couples with different surnames
When addressing wedding invitations to same-sex couples with different surnames, there are a few options to consider. Firstly, it is important to establish whether the couple is married or unmarried. For married couples with different last names, both names can be written on the same line, separated by the word "and". This format is suitable as many married same-sex couples choose to retain their last names. For example, the outer envelope can be addressed to "Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green".
If the couple is not married but lives at the same address, their names should be listed on two separate lines, indicating that they are not legally married. For instance, the outer envelope can be addressed to "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee", while the inner envelope can use their first names: "Stanley and Amanda".
Another option is to prioritise the invitee with a distinguished title, such as a professional or military title. For example, "The Honorable Josephine Wood and Mr. Jonathan Wood" or "Captains Josephine and Jonathan Wood, US Navy". If both invitees hold titles of equal rank, their names can be listed alphabetically.
Additionally, the order of names can be based on personal preference, such as listing the person you are closest to first or alphabetical order. For example, "Mr. James Owen and Mrs. Emma Lane".
It is worth noting that modern approaches to addressing envelopes are flexible and can be based on the couple's preference. It is recommended to consult with the couple or their family to ensure their preferred names and titles are used.
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Same-sex couples with matching surnames
When addressing wedding invitation envelopes to same-sex couples with matching surnames, there are a few options to consider. Firstly, it is essential to establish whether the couple is married and shares a surname, or if they are unmarried and have different surnames.
If the couple is married and has adopted one last name, it is appropriate to include both their first and last names on the same line, separated by "and". For example, "Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green". You can choose to order their names alphabetically or based on whom you know better.
On the other hand, if the couple is unmarried but lives at the same address, their names should be written on separate lines, indicating that they are not legally married. For instance, "Mr. Stanley Kim/Ms. Amanda Rhee".
When it comes to the inner envelope, you have more flexibility with the format. For married couples, you can use their first names, such as "Charles and John", or simply "The Messrs. Green". For unmarried couples, you may use their first names or just their last name, like "Kim and Rhee".
It is worth noting that wedding invitation etiquette has evolved, and you can choose to prioritise modern and inclusive language. You may opt to skip titles and use only first and last names or embrace gender-neutral titles like "Mx." instead of "Mr." or "Ms.". Ultimately, the most important consideration is to address your guests in a way that makes them feel welcomed and respected.
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Frequently asked questions
You can use the French plural abbreviations: Messrs. for Mr. and Mmes. for Mrs.. For example, "Messrs. Charles and John Green" or "Mmes. Anna and Emily Andrews".
You can write both names on the same line, or on separate lines. For example, "Mr. Joseph and Mrs. Amy Hammond" or "Mr. Joseph Hammond" and "Mrs. Amy Hammond" on separate lines.
Place their names on two different lines. This indicates that they are not legally married. For example, "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee".
Use Mx. as a gender-neutral title. For example, "Mx. Kelly".
The person with the title outranking the other goes first, regardless of gender. For example, "The Honorable Josephine Wood and Mr. Jonathan Wood".
