Addressing A Wedding Invitation To A Rabbi: Etiquette Guide

When it comes to addressing a wedding invitation to a rabbi, it's important to consider the formality of the event and the specific title to use. For a formal or orthodox Jewish wedding, using titles when addressing guests is customary. In this case, the invitation would be addressed to Rabbi and Mrs. or Rabbi and Mr. followed by the rabbi's name and their spouse's name. On the other hand, for more casual events, you have the option to skip the titles altogether. It's also worth noting that including the Hebrew date and translation is a traditional element of Jewish wedding invitations, and specifying the time of rituals like the chuppah is common to ensure guests don't miss crucial moments.

Formality: Match the phrasing to the formality of the event

When addressing a wedding invitation to a rabbi, it's important to consider the formality of the event and adapt your phrasing accordingly. Here are some guidelines to help you match the formality of your event:

Formal Wedding Invitation Wording

For a formal wedding invitation, it is customary to use full and proper titles, such as "Rabbi" or "Mr." and "Mrs." The date and time should be written out in full, including the spelling of the month, day, and year. Middle names are also included for a very formal affair. Here's an example of how to address a rabbi and their spouse on a formal wedding invitation:

> Rabbi Michael Goldman and Mrs. Goldman

If the rabbi's spouse is also a rabbi, you would address them as:

> Rabbi Michael Goldman and Rabbi Rachel Goldman

Informal Wedding Invitation Wording

For a less formal or casual wedding invitation, you can be more flexible with titles and names. You may use first names only or a combination of first and last names. Numerals can be used for the date and time, and you can omit middle names. Here's an example of an informal invitation addressed to a rabbi and their spouse:

> Rabbi Michael and Rachel Goldman

If both spouses are rabbis, you could address them as:

> Rabbis Michael and Rachel Goldman

Neutral Wedding Invitation Wording

If your wedding falls somewhere between formal and informal, you can choose a neutral tone. This might include using full names without titles or a combination of titles and first names. You can also use a mix of written-out and numerical dates and times. Here's an example of a neutral wedding invitation addressed to a rabbi and their spouse:

> Rabbi Michael and Mrs. Rachel Goldman

If both spouses are rabbis, you could use the following format:

> Rabbi Michael Goldman and Rabbi Rachel Goldman

Modern Wedding Invitation Wording

Modern wedding invitations often break with tradition and allow for more creative phrasing. You can arrange the wording in a way that feels natural and reflects your personal style. Here's a modern take on addressing a rabbi and their spouse:

> Rabbi Michael and Rachel

If both spouses hold the title of rabbi, you could simply address them as:

> The Goldmans

In conclusion, when addressing a wedding invitation to a rabbi, consider the formality of your event and choose a phrasing style that aligns with it. Feel free to adapt these examples to fit the specific details of your rabbi's name and title.

Hebrew calendar: Include the Hebrew date and consider a Hebrew translation

The Hebrew calendar, also called the Jewish calendar, is a lunisolar calendar used for Jewish religious observances and rituals. It is also used as an official calendar in Israel for religious, agricultural, and civil purposes. The Hebrew calendar is used to determine the dates of Jewish holidays and other rituals, such as yahrzeits and the schedule of public Torah readings.

The Hebrew calendar is based on the appearance of the new moon, with months of 29 or 30 days. As 12 lunar months make up approximately 354 days, an extra lunar month is added every 2 to 3 years to synchronise with the longer solar year. The current Hebrew year, AM 5784, began at sunset on 15 September 2023 and will end at sunset on 2 October 2024.

The Hebrew calendar is a lunisolar calendar, with months based on lunar months and years based on solar years. The calendar year features 12 lunar months, with an additional lunar month added periodically to synchronise with the solar year.

The Hebrew calendar consists of 12 months, each with 29 or 30 days. The months are:

• Nisan
• Iyyar
• Sivan
• Tammuz
• Av
• Elul
• Tishrei
• Cheshvan (or Marcheshvan)
• Kislev
• Tevet
• Shevat
• Adar

During leap years, an additional month, Adar I, is added before the regular 12th month, which is then renamed Adar II.

The Hebrew calendar is used to determine the dates of Jewish holidays, which can only fall on specific weekdays. The Hebrew calendar ensures that these holidays occur at the correct time of year, as mentioned in the Torah.

Including the Hebrew date on a wedding invitation allows guests to refer to the Hebrew calendar and be mindful of any religious observances or rituals that may overlap with the wedding. Additionally, considering a Hebrew translation of the invitation can be a thoughtful gesture, especially if the rabbi and their guests primarily speak Hebrew.

When including the Hebrew date, it is essential to consider the different ways of writing the year. The current year, 5784, can be written using the "major era" as ה'תשפ"ד, or the "minor era" as תשפ"ד.

In conclusion, including the Hebrew date and considering a Hebrew translation on a wedding invitation addressed to a rabbi demonstrates cultural sensitivity and ensures that the rabbi and their guests can refer to the Hebrew calendar when planning to attend the wedding.

Joy and celebration: Emphasise happiness and celebration

When addressing a wedding invitation to a rabbi, the correct form is "Rabbi [Name] and Mrs/Mr [Name]" if the rabbi is married, or "Rabbi [Name]" if they are not. If the rabbi is a woman and her husband is not a rabbi, the form becomes "Rabbi [Name] and Mr [Name]."

When it comes to wedding invitations, the wording is an opportunity to express your style and set the tone for your big day. If you want to emphasise joy and celebration, here are some ideas to keep the focus on happiness:

• Host Line: This line is optional, especially if the couple is hosting the wedding themselves. If you do include it, you can use phrases like "Together with their families" or "Together with their parents." This sets a joyful tone by highlighting the support and love of the couple's community.
• Attendance Request: Instead of the traditional "request the honour of your presence," opt for more celebratory language such as "invite you to share in their joy" or "joyfully request the pleasure of your company." You could even say "Come celebrate with us!"
• Couple's Names: The names of the couple are usually the largest text on the invitation, so they'll be the first thing your guests see. You can add a playful phrase here, like "getting hitched" or "tying the knot."
• Date and Time: While formal invitations usually spell out the date and time, you can add a touch of whimsy by using numerals and a fun phrase like "are getting married on" or "will say 'I do' on."
• Location: After the date and time, include the name and full address of your venue. You can add a playful twist with a phrase like "where the magic happens" or "where love conquers all."
• Reception Details: If your reception is at the same venue, simply say "reception to follow" or "dinner and dancing to follow." If it's at a different location, provide the full address and add a joyful phrase like "let's eat, drink, and be merry!"
• Dress Code: Including a dress code is optional, but if you want to suggest a particular style, you can say something like "black-tie optional" or "cocktail attire encouraged."

Here's an example of how your invitation could look:

> Together with their families,

>

> Olivia Rose Smith and John Michael Reyes

>

> joyfully request the pleasure of your company

>

> as they tie the knot

>

> on Saturday, the seventeenth of August two thousand twenty-four

>

> at half after four in the afternoon

>

> at [venue name and address]

>

> Reception to follow – let's eat, drink, and be merry!

'And' not 'to': Use 'and' between the names of the couple

When addressing a wedding invitation to a rabbi, it is important to follow the correct etiquette. While there are no hard and fast rules, certain guidelines can ensure your invitations are formal and respectful.

What Not to Do: Using "and" Between the Couple's Names

One important thing to avoid when addressing a wedding invitation to a rabbi is using the conjunction "and" between the names of the couple. This is not considered correct etiquette when addressing a married couple.

The Correct Way to Address a Married Couple

Instead of using "and," the traditional way to address a married couple is to use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full formal name. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Goldman".

However, if the wife is the rabbi, her name should come first, followed by her husband's name. For example, "Rabbi Rachel Goldman and Mr. Michael Goldman".

Other Considerations

It is also worth noting that sending a formal invitation to the rabbi and their spouse or partner is considered a thoughtful gesture and proper etiquette. However, they may not attend the reception, especially if they do not have a social relationship with the couple or their family.

Parents: Include both sets of parents to celebrate familial unity

When addressing a wedding invitation to a rabbi, the general format is "Rabbi [Name] and Mrs./Mr. [Name of Spouse]". If the rabbi is a woman, the format is "Rabbi [Name] and Mr. [Name of Spouse]".

Now, onto the topic of including both sets of parents on a wedding invitation to celebrate familial unity. Here are some tips and examples to help you craft the perfect invitation:

Knowing the Hosts

The hosts of the wedding are typically the couple, the bride's parents, or both sets of parents. It is a sign of respect and appreciation to include the hosts' names on the invitation. If both sets of parents are contributing financially to the wedding, it is a thoughtful gesture to honour them by mentioning their names.

Wording Options

There are various ways to word your wedding invitations, ranging from traditional to modern. Here are some examples:

• "James and Hannah Andersen and Angel and Juliana Garcia request the honour of your presence on Saturday, the fifth of October, two thousand twenty-seven, at one o'clock in the afternoon in Bellmont, New Hampshire."
• "Andre and Susan Camacho and Erik and Angela Lancaster invite you to the wedding of [couple's names] on Friday, June 21st, 2027, at 4 pm, 292 East Ocean Avenue, Harbor, Rhode Island."
• "Benjamin and Mary Fuller and Hilary and Becca Hicks invite you to share in the joy when their children unite in marriage on Friday, the eighth of June, two thousand twenty-seven, at five o'clock in the evening."
• "Aaron and Katrina Kelley and Brad and Amanda Stern request the pleasure of your company as their children unite in marriage on Saturday, November 12th, 2027."
• "William and Monica Henry and Caleb and Lillian Wills invite you to the wedding of [couple's names] on Saturday, November 12th, 2027, at 6 pm, 183 East Main Street, Minneapolis, Minnesota."

Format Guidelines

When including both sets of parents, follow these guidelines:

• List the parents' full names, with the father's name first, followed by the mother's name.
• If the couple's parents are divorced and you want to include stepparents, keep each parent on a separate line. Include stepparents on the same line as their spouses.
• The traditional format is "Mr. and Mrs. [Father's Name] and Mr./Mrs. [Mother's Name]". However, you can use modern alternatives like "Dr. [Name] and Mrs./Mr./Ms. [Name]".
• If a parent has passed away, rearrange the wording as they cannot be listed as a host. For example, "Julia French, daughter of Mr. Adam French and the late Iris French, and Austin Mahoney, son of Mr. Camden and Elizabeth Mahoney, request the honour of your presence at their wedding..."

Remember, these are just guidelines, and you can personalise the invitations to match your style and tone. Feel free to mix and match different wording options to create custom invitations that represent you and your partner.

Frequently asked questions