Introducing The Ring Bearer: A Guide

The ring bearer is a wedding party role typically given to young children, usually boys aged between three and eight. However, the role can be performed by girls, adults, or even pets. The ring bearer is responsible for carrying the wedding rings down the aisle during the ceremony, usually on a pillow, and giving them to the officiant or best man at the altar. The ring bearer is often a close relative or friend of the couple, such as the child of the maid of honour or best man. The ring bearer's parents are expected to pay for their outfit and accessories, and it is customary for the couple to give them a gift as a token of appreciation.

The ring bearer's role and history

The ring bearer is a wedding party role typically given to young children, usually boys, who are related to or close with the couple. The child walks down the aisle before the bride, often alongside the flower girl, and carries the wedding rings on a pillow.

The history of the ring bearer tradition is disputed, with some sources claiming it originated in ancient Egypt, where it was customary for treasured jewels to be carried on ornamental pillows during wedding ceremonies. Other sources suggest the tradition began in medieval times, when Northern Europeans would present the bride with her wedding ring on the tip of a sword. Some historians believe that during this period, wealthy families replaced the sword with a pillow as a symbol of their riches, as pillows were considered rare.

In Victorian England, ring bearers were called "pageboys". In addition to carrying the wedding rings, they also held the bride's train and a prayer book. Today, the ring bearer's role is flexible, and they may carry scrolls or signs instead of rings. While young boys are most commonly chosen for the role, it is becoming increasingly common for girls or pets to act as ring bearers.

Choosing a ring bearer

Decide if you want children at your wedding

Firstly, you need to decide if you want children at your wedding at all. If you opt for a child-free event, you can still have a ring bearer and/or flower girl. However, if you are happy to have children at your wedding, you can choose a young ring bearer.

Choose an appropriate age

If you decide to have a young ring bearer, the appropriate age is usually between 2 and 10 years old, but the most common age range is 3 to 8 years old. Younger children may be shy or nervous, while older children are more likely to be comfortable and confident.

Create a list of potential ring bearers

If you have your own children, they could be an obvious choice. Other options include siblings' children, the children of your maid of honour or best man, or children of other close friends or family members. If you don't know any suitable children, consider breaking gender roles and asking a girl to be your ring bearer, or having an adult friend or family member take on the role. You could even include your pet!

Ask the parents

If you choose a child to be your ring bearer, remember that their parents will have a lot of behind-the-scenes work to do, such as purchasing the child's wedding attire and preparing them for the big day. It's important to ask the parents for permission and make sure they are willing to take on this responsibility.

Decide if the ring bearer will carry the real rings

You will also need to decide if you want your ring bearer to carry the real wedding rings or fake rings. Many couples choose to have the best man carry the real rings as a precaution, especially if the ring bearer is very young.

Choose the ring bearer's outfit

The ring bearer's outfit should be consistent with the wedding party's attire and the formality of the wedding. For a formal or semi-formal wedding, a kid-sized tuxedo or suit is traditional. You can also add accessories like suspenders, a bow tie, or a hat. If your budget allows, you may choose to pay for the ring bearer's outfit as a gift.

Give the ring bearer a gift

As a member of the wedding party, it is customary to give the ring bearer a gift. If the ring bearer is a child, consider something they can wear on the wedding day, like a fun pair of sunglasses or quirky socks. For older ring bearers, a personalised memento of their role is a thoughtful gift.

What the ring bearer wears

When deciding what the ring bearer should wear, it's important to keep the formality of the wedding in mind. Traditionally, ring bearers wear a small suit or tuxedo, often a miniature version of what the groom or groomsmen are wearing. This can include a dress shirt, jacket, and necktie or bow tie.

For a more formal wedding, a classic ring bearer suit is a popular choice. For a less formal or outdoor wedding, a more casual outfit such as a linen shirt, lightweight jacket, bow tie, suspenders, and shorts might be more appropriate. If the wedding is on the beach, the ring bearer can wear a seersucker romper and a Peter Pan collared shirt, or a lightweight jacket, shorts, and a bow tie.

If the ring bearer is too young for a suit, he can wear just the pants, a shirt, a bow tie, and suspenders. Alternatively, a toddler's tuxedo can be purchased, although this is less common as toddlers may struggle to carry out their duties and will likely grow out of the outfit quickly.

The ring bearer's outfit should coordinate with the look of the groomsmen, at least within the same level of formality. This could mean matching colours or patterns, or simply ensuring the same level of formality.

Don't forget to include the ring bearer's parents in the conversation about attire. Usually, the ring bearer's parents will pay for their child's outfit, so it's important to give them options at different price points.

How the ring bearer carries the rings

The ring bearer is usually a young boy, typically between the ages of three and eight, though some sources suggest the age range can be stretched to between five and ten. They are often close relatives or friends of the couple, such as nieces, nephews, or the children of close friends.

The ring bearer's primary role is to carry the wedding rings down the aisle to the altar, where they will be exchanged by the couple. The ring bearer usually walks ahead of the flower girl or immediately before the bride. The rings are often carried on a pillow, though boxes, pouches, or other creative methods such as attaching them to a pet's collar are also used.

It is common for the ring bearer to carry fake rings, with the best man or maid of honour carrying the real rings to avoid any risk of losing them. The ring bearer will then present the pillow or box containing the fake rings to the couple or the best man during the ceremony.

In terms of attire, the ring bearer's outfit should complement the wedding party's outfits and be comfortable for the child to wear, taking into account the weather and venue conditions. The ring bearer's parents typically pay for their outfit and accessories.

The ring bearer's gift

• Fun and Practical Gifts: Consider giving the ring bearer something fun and practical that they can use and enjoy. For example, a DIY terrarium, a stuffed animal, a giant bubble kit, or a toy. This will bring a smile to their face and also serve as a memorable keepsake of the wedding.
• Accessories for the Wedding Day: If you want the gift to be something they can wear on the wedding day, opt for accessories that complement their outfit. For instance, a fun pair of sunglasses, quirky socks featuring their favourite character or pattern, or a boutonniere. This adds a nice touch to their overall look and makes them feel special.
• Personalised Mementos: For older children or adults serving as ring bearers, consider a personalised memento as a gift. For example, an engraved frame with their name and their role in the wedding ("Ring Security") will serve as a cherished reminder of the occasion. You could also offer a personalised "Ring Security" t-shirt or badge, especially if they fully embraced their duties with a sense of humour.
• Creative Gifts: Get creative with your gifts! If the ring bearer is a pet, you can attach the rings to their collar or include them in a wagon pulled down the aisle. For human ring bearers, consider a ring pillow with a cute banner or a softball glove for carrying the rings, adding a unique touch to their role.
• Combination of Fun and Serious Gifts: You can also opt for a combination of gifts. For instance, offer a serious, commemorative keepsake for the parents, such as a framed photo of the ring bearer from the wedding, along with a fun gift for the ring bearer themselves, like a toy or something interactive that will bring them joy.

Remember, the ring bearer's gift is a way to express your gratitude and create a lasting memory for those who played a special role in your wedding. Choose gifts that align with their interests and personality, and don't be afraid to add a touch of creativity and personalisation to make it even more meaningful!

Frequently asked questions