The Dream Wedding: Deciding On Bridesmaids And Maid Of Honor

Choosing your bridal party is one of the most significant decisions you'll make during the wedding planning process. The number of bridesmaids and maid of honour is a crucial aspect of this. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, as it depends on the size and style of the wedding, there are some guidelines and considerations to keep in mind.

On average, North American brides have between three and five bridesmaids, but this number can vary depending on personal preference and the size of the wedding. Some brides opt for a larger bridal party to include all their close friends and family members, while others prefer a more intimate group. It's important to consider your budget, venue size, and formality of the wedding when deciding on the number of bridesmaids. Each additional bridesmaid brings costs for their dress, accessories, food, and gifts.

The maid of honour, typically the bride's closest confidante, has more responsibilities than the other bridesmaids. She assists the bride with wedding planning, dress shopping, organising pre-wedding events, and providing emotional support. While there is usually only one maid of honour, some brides choose to have more, especially if they have multiple close relationships.

Ultimately, the decision on the number of bridesmaids and maid of honour is a personal one, and there is no right or wrong answer. The most important thing is to surround yourself with people who care about you and will help make your wedding day memorable and stress-free.

The average number of bridesmaids

The number of bridesmaids at a wedding can vary, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. The average number of bridesmaids for North American brides is between three and five, but some have more or fewer, and some have none at all. The size of the wedding party can depend on several factors, such as the total number of guests, the size of the venue, the couple's budget, and the level of formality of the event.

The number of bridesmaids can be influenced by the size of the wedding ceremony. A larger wedding may accommodate more bridesmaids, while a small, intimate affair may have just the maid of honor or a small group of bridesmaids. Symmetry and aesthetics are also considerations, as an even number of bridesmaids can enhance symmetry during the ceremony and look better in photos. However, this is not a hard rule, and modern weddings often feature uneven numbers or include bridesmen.

The budget is another crucial factor. Each additional bridesmaid brings costs for attire, accessories, food, gifts, and transportation. Very formal weddings typically have more bridesmaids than casual weddings, and the bride's dress code expectations for her bridal party can also impact the cost.

Ultimately, the decision on the number of bridesmaids is a personal choice. The bridal party should be a group of people that the bride can't imagine her wedding without, and who will provide support and help ensure a joyful and stress-free day.

The maid of honour's duties

The maid of honor is the bride's right-hand woman and has a variety of duties and responsibilities throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. Here is a detailed list of the maid of honor's duties:

Before the Wedding

• Support the bride: The maid of honor should be the bride's confidant and provide emotional support throughout the entire process.
• Lead the bridal party: The maid of honor is responsible for introducing the bridesmaids to each other and spearheading communication. She may also plan some hangouts for the bridal party to bond.
• Compile a bridal party budget: The maid of honor should talk to each member of the bridal party about their budgets and plan pre-wedding activities accordingly.
• Deal with conflicts: If there are any conflicts within the bridal party, it's the maid of honor's job to mediate and ensure the bride doesn't have to stress about it.
• Be a point of contact: The maid of honor should absorb as much wedding information as possible and be the go-to person for any questions from the bridal party, the bride's family, and guests.
• Check in with the bridal party: The maid of honor should connect the bridal party via email or text so everyone can get to know each other.
• Go wedding dress shopping: The maid of honor should attend dress fittings and provide honest and respectful opinions to help the bride find her dream dress.
• Stay on top of important tasks: The maid of honor should be organized and ensure that tasks like ordering bridesmaid dresses are done on time.
• Mediate conflict among the bridal party: The maid of honor is in charge of maintaining peace and assigning tasks to the bridal party.
• Plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party: The maid of honor takes the lead in planning these events, keeping the bride's preferences and the bridal party's budgets in mind.
• Keep track of gifts received: During the bridal shower, the maid of honor should keep a list of gifts and givers to make it easier for the bride to send thank-you notes later.
• Prepare a wedding survival kit: The maid of honor should bring a pack of essentials like Advil, Band-Aids, hair ties, safety pins, and other emergency items to all wedding events.
• Lend a hand with DIY projects: The maid of honor can offer to help with wedding invitations, centerpieces, or favors, making it a fun wedding craft night with the bride.
• Prepare a speech for the reception: The maid of honor is usually expected to give a speech at the reception, so it's a good idea to start jotting down ideas early on.
• Help with the reception playlist: The maid of honor can make a fun night out of this task, drinking wine, and de-stressing with the bride while putting together the reception playlist.
• Offer to pack for the honeymoon: If the bride is overwhelmed, the maid of honor can offer to help with last-minute tasks like packing for the honeymoon or running errands.

On the Wedding Day

• Drop off reception items: The maid of honor should ensure that items like toasting flutes, the registry book, seating cards, or wedding favors are dropped off at the reception venue.
• Keep the bridal suite tidy: The maid of honor should ensure that the bridal suite is tidy and that the bridesmaids' belongings are removed after they're done getting ready.
• Provide emotional support: The maid of honor should keep the bride calm and help her relish in the excitement of the day, popping a bottle of champagne to celebrate.
• Make sure the bride remembers to eat: The maid of honor should check in periodically to see if the bride needs a snack and provide a protein-rich option to fend off hunger pains throughout the day.
• Assist the mother of the bride: The maid of honor can lend a hand with the mother of the bride's hair and makeup, provide her with water, snacks, and champagne, and keep her busy with activities like greeting guests or doing a final walk-through.
• Pitch in with social media: With the bride's permission, the maid of honor can snap behind-the-scenes photos and videos to post on social media, capturing the memories of the day.
• Keep the couple separated before the ceremony: The maid of honor can help the bride out by ensuring she doesn't cross paths with her partner before the ceremony, if they're following that tradition.
• Help the bride get dressed: The maid of honor should ensure that everything the bride needs, from undergarments to shoes to jewelry, is laid out in advance, and assist her in getting ready.
• Provide assistance in the restroom: The maid of honor can lend a helping hand in the restroom, which will likely be needed, especially if the bride is wearing a gown with lots of material.
• Serve as the bride's personal stylist: The maid of honor can jump in to lend a hand with steaming out wrinkles, placing the veil, and other last-minute details.
• Keep the wedding rings safe: The maid of honor may be entrusted with safekeeping one of the wedding rings at some point during the day.
• Take care of the bouquet: The maid of honor can hold the bride's bouquet during the ceremony and give it back to her when it's time to walk up the aisle.
• Keep the bride hydrated: The maid of honor should remind the bride to drink water throughout the day to keep her energy up and ward off any hangovers.
• Dance with the bride: At the reception, the maid of honor can grab the bride for a dance, celebrating their friendship on the ballroom floor.

After the Wedding

Attend the couple's farewell party: If the couple is having a post-wedding bash

The costs of having bridesmaids

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour, but it also comes with a lot of financial responsibilities. The costs of being a bridesmaid can quickly add up, and it's important to be aware of these expenses before accepting the role. Here are some of the costs that bridesmaids typically incur:

The Bridesmaid Dress

The dress is one of the most significant expenses for a bridesmaid. The average cost of a bridesmaid dress is between $130 and $208, and alterations can add an extra $30 to $100. It's worth noting that the cost of the dress can vary depending on the region and the specific requirements of the bride.

Accessories, Hair and Makeup

Bridesmaids are often expected to purchase matching accessories, such as shoes, jewellery, hairpieces, and even specific nail colours. The cost of these items can quickly add up, with the average bridesmaid spending around $120 on accessories alone. Additionally, if the bride requests professional hair and makeup services, bridesmaids may be expected to cover these costs themselves, which can amount to around $72 for hair and $60 for makeup.

Pre-Wedding Events

Bridesmaids play a crucial role in planning and hosting pre-wedding events such as the bridal shower, engagement party, and bachelorette party. These events can be costly, with the bachelorette party being the most expensive. Destination bachelorette parties, in particular, can cost bridesmaids upwards of $1,000. It's important to communicate with the other bridesmaids and the bride to ensure that expenses are managed within your budget.

Travel and Accommodation

If the wedding requires travel, bridesmaids are typically responsible for their transportation and accommodation costs. These expenses can vary greatly depending on the wedding's location and the number of nights stayed. Additionally, the bride may request that bridesmaids stay in a specific hotel or location the night before the wedding, adding to the cost.

Wedding Gift

Despite incurring numerous other expenses, bridesmaids are still expected to purchase a wedding gift for the couple. The average cost of a wedding gift from a bridesmaid is around $125. It is common for bridesmaids to chip in together to purchase a larger group gift or to buy something small from the registry if funds are tight.

Time and Emotional Commitment

While not a direct financial cost, being a bridesmaid requires a significant time and emotional investment. Bridesmaids are expected to provide support and assistance to the bride throughout the planning process and on the wedding day itself. This can include helping with dress shopping, planning events, decorating, and providing emotional support to the bride.

It is important to remember that the costs of being a bridesmaid can vary depending on the bride and the specific wedding plans. Open communication with the bride and other bridesmaids is crucial to managing expectations and ensuring that everyone is comfortable with the financial commitments involved.

How to decide who to leave out

Deciding who to leave out of your bridal party can be a challenging task. Here are some tips to help you navigate this tricky situation:

Be Mindful of Your Budget

Each bridesmaid comes with additional costs, such as their dress, accessories, flowers, food, and transportation. Consider your budget and decide on the maximum number of bridesmaids you can afford before making your selections.

Evaluate Your Venue

The size and layout of your ceremony venue can help determine the appropriate number of bridesmaids. For example, if you're marrying in a small space, having too many bridesmaids may be cramped. Conversely, having only a couple of bridesmaids in a grand ballroom may look disproportionate.

Consider the Formality of Your Wedding

The formality of your wedding can provide guidance on the number of bridesmaids. Very formal weddings typically have more bridesmaids (6-10), while semi-formal to formal weddings usually range from 2-6. For casual weddings, elopements, or registry office weddings, having just one or two bridesmaids or none at all is common.

Examine Friendship Dynamics

Consider the dynamics of your social group and the potential impact of leaving someone out. If you have multiple close friends or siblings, you may want to include them all to avoid hurt feelings. Alternatively, you may opt to have fewer bridesmaids or only include certain individuals to prevent any tension or upset within the group.

Prioritize Practicality

Be practical when choosing your bridesmaids. Consider factors such as their availability, proximity to you, and their ability to commit the necessary time and effort. Also, think about their reliability, especially if you need help with wedding planning and tasks.

Manage Expectations

Be honest and upfront with your expectations of your bridesmaids. Communicate your vision, responsibilities, and any financial commitments early on to avoid misunderstandings and give them the opportunity to opt-out gracefully if needed.

Offer Alternative Roles

To soften the blow of not being a bridesmaid, offer alternative roles to those left out. They can still be involved in important ways, such as helping with wedding flowers, cake tasting, or participating in pre-wedding social events.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to choosing your bridal party. Ultimately, it is your decision, and you should select the people who will support and bring you joy on your special day.

The pros and cons of not having bridesmaids

The number of bridesmaids and maid of honor at a wedding is a personal choice. While some brides prefer to have a bridal party, others may opt to forego this tradition. Here are some pros and cons of not having bridesmaids to consider:

Pros of Not Having Bridesmaids:

Financial Savings:

Not having bridesmaids can result in significant financial savings for the bride. The bride typically covers various costs associated with the bridal party, such as bridesmaid gifts, hair, makeup, bouquets, and other related expenses. By opting for no bridesmaids, these costs can be avoided or allocated to other aspects of the wedding, such as the venue, décor, or honeymoon.

Less Planning and Coordination:

Without bridesmaids, the bride and groom can enjoy a more streamlined planning process with fewer schedules, preferences, and personalities to manage. There will be less stress in coordinating fittings, bachelorette trips, and other pre-wedding events.

Time for Family:

A smaller or non-existent bridal party can lead to more intimate ceremonies, allowing the couple to maximize their time with their closest family members, such as parents, siblings, or cousins, fostering deeper connections.

Avoiding Potential Drama:

Choosing bridesmaids can be a challenging task, as it may create tension among friends and family members who are not selected. Opting for no bridesmaids eliminates this potential source of conflict and the risk of hurting feelings.

Simplicity in Attire Choices:

With no bridesmaids, the couple can focus solely on their attire choices without worrying about matching outfits or pleasing multiple parties.

No Bridesmaid Proposals:

The task of planning and executing creative bridesmaid proposals is removed, saving time, effort, and potential expenses.

Cons of Not Having Bridesmaids:

Missing Out on Tradition:

Not having bridesmaids means deviating from a time-honored tradition, which may be important to the couple or their families.

Reduced Support System:

Bridesmaids typically provide a built-in support system for the bride, offering emotional support and practical assistance on the wedding day. Without them, the bride may need to handle last-minute tasks independently, potentially causing additional stress.

Limited Emotional Support:

Bridesmaids often provide a strong network of emotional support for the bride, especially during the early morning and throughout the wedding day. Their absence may leave the bride feeling less comfortable and at ease.

Reduced Level of Excitement:

Bridesmaids bring a joyful and social dynamic to the wedding. Their absence may result in a slightly more subdued atmosphere, although this can be mitigated with special performances, musicians, or a DJ.

Less Planning Assistance:

Bridesmaids traditionally assist with planning the shower, bachelorette party, and other pre-wedding events. Without them, the couple may need to rely more heavily on event coordinators or handle additional logistics independently.

Frequently asked questions