Wedding Invitation Etiquette: The Bride's Name Takes Center Stage

Wedding invitation wording has evolved to be more creative and whimsical, but some basic elements should be included to make the wording proper and formal. One of the most important elements is the names of the couple, with the bride's name always preceding the groom's name. This tradition stems from the bride's parents usually hosting and paying for the event. However, modern invitations may deviate from this format, especially in same-sex weddings, where alphabetical order or personal preference dictates the name placement.

Bride's name first: Traditionally, the bride's name precedes the groom's

When it comes to wedding invitations, the traditional way is to put the bride's name first, followed by the groom's. This is based on the “ladies first” mentality in Western culture, such as holding the door open for a woman. It is also more traditional for the bride's family to host and bear the expenses of the wedding, so the bride's name comes first as a show of courtesy to them.

In terms of formatting, the bride's surname is often omitted, especially if her parents are hosting, as their last name would already be mentioned in the invitation. The groom's full name is usually written out, unless he specifically requests otherwise. If the groom's parents are hosting, only his first and middle names are used, while the bride's full name is indicated.

For same-sex couples, alphabetical order is often used, or simply what sounds and looks best. Heterosexual and gender-nonconforming couples can also use these methods to modernise and personalise their invitations.

While the above is the traditional way, contemporary norms allow couples more flexibility in how they approach their invitations. For example, the names can be ordered based on how they sound when spoken or for maximum visual appeal on the invitation.

Alphabetical order: For same-sex couples, alphabetical order is a neutral way to list names

When it comes to wedding invitation wording, there are no strict rules, and couples are free to be creative. However, it is essential to include clear and concise information.

For same-sex couples, the traditional rule of listing the woman's name first does not apply. One option is to use alphabetical order, which provides a neutral and structured way to list the names. This approach can be particularly helpful when deciding between two names that could otherwise be listed in either order, such as "Jeff & John" instead of "John & Jeff".

Alphabetical order can be used in various formats. For unmarried couples, each name is usually written on a separate line, just like opposite-sex unmarried couples. For married couples, names are typically written on the same line and separated by "and". For example, "Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith" or "Mrs. Amanda Jones and Mrs. Jane Williams".

If the couple has the same last name, the plural form of the title can be used, such as "The Messrs. Dan and John Smith" or "The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams". These formats are also appropriate when couples have hyphenated last names.

Ultimately, the decision on how to list the names comes down to personal preference, and couples may choose to go with what sounds better or feels right to them. It is also a good idea to consider what the couple is commonly known as among friends and family, as it may feel odd to switch the order just for the invitations.

Honouring deceased parents: To include a deceased parent, the bride or groom's name is listed first, followed by their parent's name

Honouring deceased parents or including their names on wedding invitations is a thoughtful way to keep their memory alive on a couple's special day. Here is some guidance on how to do so:

Wording and Format:

The general format for wedding invitations that honour a deceased parent is as follows:

> [Engaged Person's Name]

> child of [Parent's Name] and the late [Deceased Parent's Name]

> [Engaged Person's Name]

> child of [Parent's Name] and [Parent's Name]

> request the honour of your presence at their marriage.

For example:

> Julia French, daughter of Mr. Adam French and the late Iris French, and Austin Mahoney, son of Mr. Camden and Elizabeth Mahoney, request the honour of your presence at their wedding...

This format can be adapted for same-sex couples by swapping "daughter" for "son" or "bride" for "groom".

Honoring Deceased Parents:

If both parents of the bride or groom have passed away, you can honour them both by listing them as "late":

> [Engaged Person's Name]

> child of the late [Parent's Name] and the late [Parent's Name]

> [Engaged Person's Name]

> child of [Parent's Name] and [Parent's Name]

> request the honour of your presence at their marriage.

If one parent has passed away and the surviving parent has remarried, you can include the step-parent's name as well:

> [Engaged Person's Name]

> child of [Parent's Name] and [Step-Parent's Name]

> the late [Deceased Parent's Name]

> [Engaged Person's Name]

> child of [Parent's Name] and [Parent's Name]

> request the honour of your presence at their marriage.

Other Considerations:

It is important to note that including deceased parents on wedding invitations is entirely optional, and there are other ways to honour them during the wedding celebration. If the parent died a long time ago or the surviving parent has remarried, you may choose not to list them on the invitation at all.

Additionally, less formal invitations may be worded differently, focusing more on celebrating the marriage rather than specifically requesting the guest's presence.

> Fatima and the late Arjun Sharma

> and their families and friends

> invite you to the celebration of their marriage

> on Saturday, July 21st, 2024, at 6:00 pm

> Bluxome Street Winery, San Francisco, California

Ultimately, the most important thing is to go with your heart and do what feels right for you and your partner. Your guests will surely appreciate the thought and effort that goes into honouring your deceased parents.

Honouring divorced parents: Divorced parents are listed on separate lines, with the mother's name first

Honouring divorced parents on wedding invitations can be a delicate task, but it's important to remember that the rules of wedding invitation etiquette are not that complicated and are there to serve as guidelines. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation:

Listing Divorced Parents on Separate Lines with Mother's Name First

When listing divorced parents on a wedding invitation, it is appropriate to list them on separate lines, with the mother's name first. This format is considered standard and helps to avoid any confusion, especially if the parents have different last names. Here's how it might look:

"Ms. Sarah Smith

Mr. John Smith

Request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter"

Including the Bride's Last Name for Clarity

If the divorced parents have different last names, it is a good idea to include the bride's last name to prevent any confusion. This is especially helpful if the mother has remarried and taken a new last name. For example:

"Ms. Sarah Jones

Mr. John Smith

Request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter

Michael Alan Timmons"

Honouring Stepmothers

If your mother has remarried, and you have a stepmother who has played an important role in your life, it is appropriate to include her name on the invitation. In this case, you would list your mother and stepfather on the same line, followed by your father's name on a separate line. An example of this format is:

"Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Jones

Mr. John Smith

Request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter

Michael Alan Timmons"

Keeping the Wording Warm and Gracious

While navigating these family dynamics can be tricky, it's important to remember that your wedding invitation should reflect your love and excitement for your big day. Using warm and gracious wording can help set the tone for your celebration. Here's an example:

"With hearts full of love and joy,

Ms. Sarah Smith

Mr. John Smith

Request the honour of your presence at the wedding of their daughter

Michael Alan Timmons"

Remember, these are just guidelines, and you can always adapt them to fit your unique family situation and the style of your wedding invitation. The most important thing is to create an invitation that represents you and your partner authentically.

Honouring remarried parents: Both remarried parents are listed with their new spouses

If you want to include the names of both remarried parents and their new spouses, the basic rule of thumb is to tread lightly. You don't want to reopen old wounds or bring public attention to this fact, especially if one parent is happily remarried and the other is not. Your safest bet is to list your natural parents' names only and on separate lines. If one parent has been remarried for a significant amount of time and the stepparent has played an important role in your life, it is appropriate to include that person's name on the same line as their spouse.

> Doctor and Mrs. John Hamilton, Mr. and Mrs. David Jacoby request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Michelle Katherine Jacoby to Michael Gavin Jones, son of Mr. and Mrs. Edward Jones.

In this example, the bride's parents are divorced and remarried. The mother and stepfather are listed first, followed by the father and stepmother. The bride's last name is included since it's not obvious what it might be after her parents' divorce.

If the groom also has divorced and remarried parents, you can include them as well:

> Doctor and Mrs. John Hamilton, Mr. and Mrs. David Jacoby request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Michelle Katherine Jacoby to Michael Gavin Jones, son of Doctor and Mrs. Edward Jones.

In this example, the groom's father is also remarried, and his new spouse's name is included.

If you prefer to keep the invitation less cluttered, you can use the fallback "Together with their families" before listing the couple's names:

> Together with their families, Michelle Katherine Jacoby and Michael Gavin Jones request the pleasure of your company at the celebration of their marriage.

This phrasing allows you to honour your remarried parents without having to list all the names, keeping the invitation more concise.

Ultimately, the most important rule is to create a wedding invitation that represents you, your partner, and the big day to come. Feel free to adapt and personalise these examples to fit your unique family situation and preferences.

Frequently asked questions