Being A Best Man: How Often Does It Happen?

Being the best man at a wedding is a huge honour and an important role. The best man is usually the groom's closest friend or relative, and they are responsible for supporting the groom throughout the planning process and on the big day itself. While there are no set rules, the role is typically given to the groom's brother, close relative, or best friend.

The best man is often in charge of planning and organising the bachelor party, as well as serving as a point of contact for the groom's side of the wedding party, which can include groomsmen, family members, and ushers. They may also be asked to help choose and rent or buy wedding formalwear for the groom and groomsmen, and to hold on to the wedding rings for safekeeping until they are exchanged during the ceremony.

On the day of the wedding, the best man is responsible for keeping the groom and groomsmen on schedule, and making sure they are in the right place at the right time. They may also be asked to hold on to the groom's personal items, such as their phone or wallet, and to act as a witness and sign the marriage certificate.

One of the best man's most important duties is delivering a well-crafted and practised speech during the reception, which traditionally comes after the father of the bride and/or groom, and the maid of honour. They may also be expected to be the first one on the dance floor to get the party started.

While the role can be daunting, it is ultimately about supporting the groom and ensuring they have a great day.

Best man duties before the wedding

Being the best man is an honour but it's also a lot of work! Here's a list of duties you'll need to take care of before the wedding:

Help Choose the Suits

As the best man, one of your main duties will be to assist the groom in choosing wedding suits and rounding up the ushers and other important members of the wedding party to go and try them on. It's a good idea to discuss ideas with the couple about the style and whether the groomswear will be bought or hired.

Arrange to Meet the Ushers

You'll need to be aware of who all the ushers and other groomsmen are. Invite the couple and the rest of the wedding party to meet them, and use it as a chance to bond before the wedding planning and stag do planning commence.

Liaise With the Maid of Honour

Although this isn't an official duty, you might want to chat with the maid of honour and see if there are any useful things you can have on hand for the wedding day – such as large umbrellas if the weather looks bad, or gifts for the couple.

Help the Groom with Planning Admin

Traditionally, the best man isn't expected to pitch in with too much of the wedding planning, but that doesn't mean you can't offer to help! You could lend a hand with logistical details like booking vendors, managing RSVPs, or coordinating schedules.

Plan an Epic Stag Do

This is the best man's moment to shine! You'll take the lead in organising the groom's last big night out before he gets married. Check with the groom for a list of people he'd like to attend and think carefully about locations. The best way to plan the stag do is to pick two or three dates and ask the rest of the group who can attend, before picking the date that works for most people.

Write Your Best Man Speech

Get practising so you feel comfortable when it's time to deliver your speech. Start by looking at some best man speech introductions and toasts, and the five things you need to include in between. It's a good idea to run your speech past a trusted person to make sure you've got the tone right.

Organise a Groomsmen’s Gift to the Groom

This isn’t compulsory, but it might be a nice gesture for you to present the groom with a sentimental gift from his groomsmen on the wedding morning. Chat to the ushers and the stags and see if anyone would be up for putting in some money towards it.

Organise Final Fittings

Keep an eye out for any last-minute suit fittings the groom or groomsmen might need. Between wedding planning madness, they might not have the time or energy to chase down those final alterations.

Check in With the Groom

The biggest day of the groom's life is fast approaching, so taking some time out to check in with him is important. As his best man, you are his sounding board for any nerves or wedding anxiety he may be feeling.

Help With the Pre-Wedding Set-Up

Help the couple by picking up any hired items and delivering them to the venue. You might also be asked to help with any set-up at the venue, so be prepared to pitch in and help wherever you can.

Stay Over with the Groom

Traditionally, the best man stays with the groom the night before the wedding. Prepare for this with drinks and snacks, but make sure the groom doesn’t eat or drink anything that could cause an issue the next day.

Best man duties on the wedding day

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and chief assistant on the wedding day. Here are the duties and responsibilities that fall on the best man's shoulders:

Before the Wedding

• Support the groom with wedding attire: Help the groom and groomsmen choose their wedding outfits and schedule fittings. You may also need to organise final fittings for the groom and groomsmen closer to the wedding.
• Plan the bachelor party: The best man typically organises the groom's bachelor party, consulting the groom on his wishes and recruiting the groomsmen to help.
• Coordinate the groom's gift: If the groomsmen decide to get a gift for the groom, the best man often leads this effort by collecting money and choosing the gift.
• Provide emotional support: Listen to the groom's concerns and reassure him, providing a calm and positive energy in the lead-up to the wedding.
• Attend the rehearsal: Be present at the wedding rehearsal and help wrangle the wedding party to ensure the schedule runs smoothly. You may also be expected to make a small toast during the rehearsal dinner.

On the Wedding Day

• Keep the groom and groomsmen on schedule: Ensure everyone gets to the venue on time and help wrangle the groomsmen throughout the ceremony.
• Hold the wedding rings: Keep the wedding rings safe until they are needed during the ceremony.
• Welcome guests: Greet the wedding guests and make sure they feel welcomed.
• Witness the marriage: Act as a legal witness to the marriage and sign the marriage certificate.
• Stand next to the groom during the ceremony: Traditionally, the best man stands next to the groom during the ceremony, slightly behind him.
• Escort the maid of honour: After the ceremony, the best man may be required to escort the maid of honour out of the room ahead of the newlyweds.
• Give a speech: One of the best man's most important duties is to deliver a well-crafted speech during the reception, focusing on the newlyweds and their love story.
• Get the party started: Be the first one on the dance floor and encourage guests to join, mingling and ensuring everyone is having a great time.
• Help with gifts: Assist in collecting gifts from guests and ensuring they are safely stored or transported to the newlyweds' home.
• Decorate the getaway car: Coordinate the decoration of the newlyweds' car, either for their reception exit or for their departure the next day.

After the Wedding

• Return hired items: Help return any hired items, such as suits or decorative details, and ensure rented items are returned on time and intact.
• Check-in with vendors: Ensure all wedding-related expenses are handled and that vendors are tipped and paid.
• Coordinate transportation: Help organise car transportation for the newlyweds to leave the reception.

Remember, the best man is there to support the groom and ensure his wedding day runs smoothly. So, stay organised, be the groom's confidant, and don't be afraid to step in and lend a helping hand wherever needed!

Best man duties after the wedding

While the best man's duties don't end when the wedding does, there are usually only a couple of tasks to complete after the celebrations. Here are some of the key duties of a best man after the wedding:

Return and Clean Suits

If suits were hired, the best man might be asked to help round up and return them, along with any decorative details used at the venue. If the suits weren't hired, the best man may be responsible for taking them to be dry-cleaned as soon as possible.

Take Care of Wedding Gifts

The best man could be asked to safely store the wedding gifts, especially if the couple goes on their honeymoon straight after the wedding. Even if they don't, they may still want the best man to ensure all gifts, cards, the guest book, and any other important keepsakes are collected from the venue and delivered to them.

Check In With Vendors

Once the party is over, the couple will want to leave without interruption. The best man can ensure this happens by checking that all wedding-related expenses are handled and that any outstanding payments are settled.

Coordinate and Decorate the Getaway Car

The best man may be asked to help coordinate car transportation for the newlyweds to leave the reception. They may also enlist the help of the wedding party to decorate the getaway car.

Tie Up Loose Ends

The best man may be asked to help with various tasks at the end of the night and in the days following the wedding. This could include tipping and paying vendors, transporting gifts to the couple's home, and returning any rented attire.

Who can be a best man?

The role of best man is typically assigned to the groom's closest friend or family member, such as a sibling or cousin. However, there is no set rule about who can be the best man. The best man can be anyone the couple feels comfortable with, such as a grandparent or child, and in modern weddings, the role is increasingly being given to anyone who befits it regardless of gender. They may be referred to as a best woman, bridesman, or any other title the couple prefers.

The best man is usually chosen from the groomsmen, who are male attendants to the groom in a wedding ceremony, usually made up of his close friends and relatives. It is considered an honour to be selected as a groomsman, and an even greater honour to be chosen as the best man.

The best man should be someone who holds a significant role in the groom's life and is reliable and supportive. They should be able to commit to the duties and responsibilities associated with the role, which include being the groom's right-hand man throughout the planning process and on the day of the wedding.

How to choose a best man

Choosing a best man can be a tricky task, especially if you have multiple close friends or siblings. Here are some tips to help you decide:

Family is typically chosen over friends

If you have a brother, this might be an obvious choice as your best man. A sibling knows you well, inside and out, and will likely have a good relationship with your partner. They will also be aware of the kind of bachelor party that should be thrown for you. If you have two brothers, you could even have two best men!

Another way to choose is to select a friend you have known the longest. A long-time friend is usually an appropriate choice for a best man. This person has likely been with you through different stages of your life and can be trusted with any scenario.

Choosing a friend who lives nearby can make it easier to communicate about your wedding plans and preparations. They can also provide support and advice and help you make decisions.

Selecting a friend who knows your partner well can ease your wedding plans and make the celebration feel more genuine. During the best man's speech, they will be able to speak about your relationship authentically.

Other factors to consider

• Capability – The best man will need to assist with wedding preparations, so choose someone well-organised, calm, and task-oriented.
• Sociability – The best man will need to relate to other people in an easy and confident manner, so pick someone who is a people person.
• Discretion – The best man will likely give a speech, so if you are worried that someone might say something embarrassing, it is best to choose someone else.
• Practicality – If you are choosing between two friends, consider which one has the most time to commit to your wedding and help with the bachelor party and wedding tasks.

Remember, there is no rule that says you have to choose just one best man. If you are torn between two people, you could have co-best men or do away with the title altogether and just have groomsmen.

Frequently asked questions