Asking Your Best Man: The Right Timing Before Your Wedding

Asking someone to be your best man is a big deal. The best man is expected to be by your side throughout the entire wedding process, from attending pre-wedding events to planning the bachelor party and providing support to the soon-to-be married couple. While there is no rule about when to ask your best man, it is generally recommended to wait until you have set a date and chosen a venue. This gives your best man enough time to plan the stag and make any necessary arrangements. Ideally, you should give your best man about a year's notice, but no less than six months. This allows for any changes in availability or finances and gives them plenty of time to support you during the wedding planning process.

Asking too far in advance

While there is no "rule" about when to ask your best man, it is generally agreed that asking too far in advance is not a good idea. People's circumstances can change a lot over time, and they may not be able to commit to an event that is years away. Asking too early can also cause wedding party drama, and you may end up regretting your choice of best man.

It's best to wait until you have a date and venue confirmed, and then ask around a year before the wedding. This gives your best man plenty of time to plan the stag party, but it's not so far in advance that they can't be sure of their availability. It also gives them time to save up, as being a best man can be expensive. Asking around a year in advance also gives you a chance to change your mind if your friendship changes or you have a falling out.

If you're worried about your chosen best man's circumstances, you can always ask them in person first, and then confirm with a card or gift closer to the time. That way, you can ensure they are still happy to take on the role and are able to commit to the tasks involved.

Asking when you have a date

Asking your best man when you have a date is a great idea, as it gives them plenty of time to plan the stag do and iron out any potential availability issues. It's also a good idea to have a venue and a guest list in place before you ask, as this will help your best man plan.

There's no rule about how early you should ask your best man, but it's probably best to wait until you're within a year of your wedding date. This will help to ensure that your relationships remain stable and that your best man's availability and financial situation don't change. Asking too early could backfire, and you may end up asking the wrong people.

If you're worried about your best man's availability, it's a good idea to ask them about their plans before you pop the question. This will help you avoid any potential conflicts and ensure that your best man can be there for you on your big day.

Once you've decided on your best man, it's time to pop the question! This can be done in a variety of ways, from a simple card to a gift or even a grand gesture. Whatever you choose, make sure it's memorable and reflects your relationship.

Choosing the right person

While there is no hard and fast rule about when to ask your best man, it is generally recommended to wait until you have a date and venue confirmed. This is so that your best man can be aware of the expectations and plan accordingly. It is also a good idea to give your best man plenty of notice so that they can plan the stag do.

Being a best man is a big job and a big commitment, so it's important to choose someone who is up to the task and who you can rely on. Consider who has been there for you in the past and who you would want to support you throughout the wedding planning process. It's also a good idea to think about what you expect from your best man. For example, if you want them to spend weekends helping you choose a venue and negotiate with vendors, then someone with a lot of free time is ideal. If your best friend has just had a new baby, for instance, you might want to lower your expectations or choose someone else.

The best man has a lot of responsibilities, from planning the stag party to taking care of the rings and making a speech, so choose someone who you trust to be responsible. It's also important to remember that you don't have to choose a male friend or family member to be your best man. If you have a female friend or cousin who has always been there for you, you can ask them to be your "best person" instead. Ultimately, it's your day, and you should choose whoever you want to stand by your side.

Obligation vs desire

Obligation vs. Desire

Asking someone to be your best man is a big deal. It's an honour and a privilege, and it's a role that comes with a lot of responsibility. So, when it comes to choosing your best man, you might feel torn between obligation and desire. On the one hand, you may feel obliged to ask a family member or a close friend, even if they're not necessarily the person you truly want by your side on your wedding day. On the other hand, there might be someone you desperately want to choose, but you're unsure if it's the right decision.

First and foremost, it's important to remember that it's your wedding day, and you should be surrounded by the people who matter the most to you. While it's natural to want to avoid offending anyone, this is your special day, and you shouldn't feel pressured to ask someone out of a sense of obligation. Friendships and relationships can change over time, and it's perfectly valid to want to ask someone who has been there for you consistently and will continue to be by your side. Consider who you truly want standing next to you when you say your vows—someone who you can rely on and who will bring you joy and support throughout the entire process.

That being said, it's also essential to be mindful of the responsibilities that come with being a best man. They will be expected to participate in the wedding process, from pre-wedding events to planning the bachelor party and providing support. So, when making your decision, think about who can handle these tasks and who will be responsible on the day. It's not just about choosing your closest friend or family member; it's about selecting someone who can fulfil the duties of a best man and support you in the best possible way.

Ultimately, the choice of your best man should be a reflection of your desires and what will make you happy. While it's important to consider the practical aspects, don't let obligation dictate your decision. Go with your gut, and choose the person who you know will make your wedding day even more special. Remember, this is a day to celebrate love and friendship, so surround yourself with people who embody those very things.

How to ask

There is no rule about how early you should ask your best man, but it is recommended to wait until you have a venue and a date. Asking too far in advance can be a bad idea as people's availability and finances can change. Asking once you have a venue and a date will also help your best man plan. For a spring wedding, it is recommended to ask in the summer before.

Now, how to ask? Asking someone to be your best man is a big deal, so you might want to make a big deal out of it, too. Here are some ideas:

• Plan it around your favourite shared activity. For example, if you've been golfing together for years, ask them while you're out on the golf course.
• Send them a card. This can be a simple way to ask, or you can use the opportunity to tell them how much they mean to you and why you want them to be your best man.
• Give them a gift. There are plenty of "proposal" gifts out there, from personalised t-shirts to whiskey glasses.
• Just ask! Your best man will likely just be happy that you asked and that they get to be there to support you.

Good luck with your wedding!

Frequently asked questions