Etiquette Of Wedding Guest Inviting: A Comprehensive Guide

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. Wedding planners and married couples share their dos and don'ts for creating the perfect guest list. The general consensus is to invite people you love and who bring joy to your life. It's also important to consider your budget and venue capacity when creating your guest list. If you're worried about offending people who didn't make the cut, remember that it's your special day and you shouldn't feel pressured to invite anyone out of obligation.

Who to invite

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is a big task, as the number of guests will impact your venue selection, wedding style, and budget. The more guests you invite, the more you will likely spend, so it's not a decision to be taken lightly. Wedding planner Chanda Daniels notes that creating a guest list is stressful because of all the obligations couples feel they have to meet, such as inviting family members they aren't close to, coworkers, and parents' friends. However, wedding planner Jove Meyer advises couples to remember that "weddings are not a show, they are a celebration of your love, and only those you love and are close to should be included."

So, who should you invite to your wedding? Here are some guidelines to help you decide:

• Invite the people you love: Start by listing the friends and family who come to mind first and who bring joy to your life. These are the people you are excited to have at your wedding.
• Don't invite people you've lost touch with: If you wouldn't take that person out to a $300-plus meal, then they don't need to get a wedding invitation. This holds true even if you were invited to their wedding years ago.
• Consider your budget and venue: Take into account your budget and the type of wedding you're planning. Creating a guest list that fits within your budget and venue capacity may be a quick reality check.
• Don't let your parents add guests you don't know: While parents often have their own ideas about who should be invited, such as distant relatives or coworkers, you shouldn't feel obligated to invite people you've never met. Stand your ground and only invite guests that you and your family want to spend time with.
• Account for plus-ones: Guests living with a significant other, even if they aren't married or engaged, should be invited with a plus-one. Plus-ones for other guests are more discretionary and can be decided on a case-by-case basis or based on the type of wedding (e.g., destination wedding).
• Don't feel obligated to invite children: Decide if you want children at your wedding and, if so, in what capacity. Some venues may not be child-friendly, and you can always invite children on a case-by-case basis.
• Cut anyone who doesn't support you and your partner: Weddings are often family events, but if you have relatives who don't support your relationship, you may decide not to invite them. There should be no drama, negative feelings, or family drama at your wedding.
• Don't worry about giving each family the same number of invitations: Traditional rules about invitation allocations are now more flexible. Every family is different, and their guest lists should be based on the people they want to invite, rather than trying to fill a quota.

Remember, your wedding is about celebrating your love with the people who matter most to you. Don't be afraid to set boundaries and make tough decisions when creating your guest list.

How to word the invitation

The wording of your wedding invitation will depend on the style of your wedding. If your wedding is formal, you may want to choose classic invitations with script, foil elements, and lots of sparkle. On the other hand, if you're going for a casual gathering, you may opt for rustic invitations with muted colours, barnyard graphics, and simple typography. Here are some tips and examples to help you with the wording:

The Host

The first line of the invitation is usually dedicated to the host of the wedding, or the party covering the expenses. Traditionally, this is the bride's parents, but nowadays, it could also be the groom's parents, the bride, the groom, or a combination of all three. There is no official order or requirement to list the names; it's all up to personal preference. If your family has a non-traditional structure, you can accommodate this with creative wording. Here are some examples:

• Including step-parents: Mr. & Mrs. Flores, Mr. & Mrs. Hill, Mr. & Mrs. Byrne and Mr. & Mrs. Lin request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of Talia Flores & Stephen Byrne.
• Honouring deceased parents: Mr. & Mrs. Jon Flores and Mr. Tom Byrne & the late Mrs. Nancy Byrne request the honour of your company at the marriage of their children Talia Flores & Stephen Byrne.

The Couple's Names

When listing the couple's names, the bride's name typically precedes the groom's. Most commonly, the bride's first and middle names are used, while the groom's first and last names are used. This, of course, is up to personal style and whether you're opting for a formal or casual tone. Here are some examples:

• Formal: Talia Camila Flores and Stephen Anthony Byrne.
• Casual: Talia Flores and Stephen Byrne.

Ceremony Details

The most important part of your invitation after the couple's names is the ceremony details. Make sure your guests have no confusion about the date, time, location, and address. Include dress code information if you wish your guests to adhere to a specific style of apparel. You can even add a QR code that links to your wedding website or provides driving directions. Here are some examples:

• Formal: Saturday, the eleventh of June two thousand and twenty-three at twelve o'clock in the afternoon.
• Casual: June 11, 2024, 12:00 pm.

Post-Ceremony Plans

Let your guests know what to expect after the ceremony. It's a great way to set the tone for your reception with clear expectations. Include any relevant information, such as dinner, drinks, dancing, and the address if the reception is at a separate venue. You can also include your wedding website link for more information. Here are some examples:

• Informal: Dinner and dancing to follow.
• Formal: Reception to follow.

Formal and Casual Phrases

Whether your wedding is formal or informal, there are many suitable wording options for your invitations. On the more formal side, you could use classic phrases such as:

• The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of...
• You are cordially invited to celebrate the marriage of...
• We invite you to share in our joy and request your presence at the wedding of...

For more informal greetings and phrases, try something simple and casual, such as:

• You are invited to the wedding of...
• Kindly join us at the wedding of...
• Please come help us celebrate our love.

Examples

Formal Wedding Invitation Examples

• The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Talia Camila Flores and Stephen Anthony Byrne, Saturday, the eleventh of June two thousand and twenty-three at twelve o'clock in the afternoon, Arctic Club Hotel, 700 Third Avenue, Seattle, Washington. Reception to follow.
• Talia Camila Flores & Stephen Anthony Byrne request the honour of your company at the celebration of their union, Saturday, the eleventh of June two thousand and twenty-three at twelve o'clock in the afternoon, Arctic Club Hotel, 700 Third Avenue, Seattle, Washington. Reception to follow.

Casual Wedding Invitation Examples

• Talia Flores and Stephen Byrne invite you to a celebration of their love and commitment, June 11, 2024, 12:00 pm, Arctic Club Hotel, 700 Third Avenue, Seattle, Washington. Dinner and dancing to follow.
• Together with their parents, Talia Flores & Stephen Byrne invite you to share in their joy as they tie the knot, June 11, 2024, 12:00 pm, Arctic Club Hotel, 700 Third Avenue, Seattle, Washington. Dinner and dancing to follow.

When to send invitations

The timing of sending out wedding invitations is crucial, as it impacts not just your schedule, but also that of your guests. Sending out your invites at the right time is one of the most exciting steps in your planning journey. Here is a guide to help you navigate the process:

When to Send Wedding Invitations

The ideal timeline for sending out wedding invitations is six to eight weeks before the wedding. This gives your guests enough time to clear their schedules and make necessary arrangements, such as travel and accommodation bookings. It also allows you to request RSVPs sooner, helping you finalise the headcount, seating charts, and other details before the wedding crunch.

Factors Affecting the Timing

There are a few factors to consider when deciding on the timing of sending out your wedding invitations:

• Destination Weddings or Out-of-Town Guests: If you're having a destination wedding or have many out-of-town guests, it's courteous to send invitations earlier. Mailing the invitations 10-12 weeks in advance is recommended in such cases. This allows guests ample time to plan their travel and accommodations.
• Holidays: If your wedding is around a major holiday, such as Christmas, it's advisable to send invitations earlier (around 3 months) to accommodate your guests' planning needs.
• Save-the-Dates: If you choose to send save-the-dates, the timing of your wedding invitations will be affected. Typically, wedding invitations are sent out at least eight weeks after the save-the-dates.
• RSVP Timeline: Consider the amount of time you want to allow for guests to RSVP. Sending invitations too early may result in guests losing or forgetting the information, while sending them too late may not give your guests enough time to plan.

Additional Tips

• While it's essential to send invitations on time, avoid sending them too early (more than 4-6 months in advance) as this may cause your guests to forget the details or lose the invitation.
• If you're having a destination wedding, give your guests as much notice as possible (up to a year in advance) to allow them to plan their trip effectively.
• If you haven't sent save-the-dates, the recommended timeline for sending wedding invitations is four to six months before the wedding date.

How to address guests

When addressing your wedding invitations, following some simple guidelines will make the job seamless. The style of your wedding will influence the style of addressing you choose. For example, if your wedding is a black-tie, cocktail attire, or semi-formal event, your invitations should reflect that formality.

Full Names and Titles

Write out the full names of your guests, including titles and honorifics if that goes with the desired wedding style. All unmarried women aged eighteen and over should be addressed as "Ms.", while unmarried women under eighteen should be addressed as "Miss". All men should be addressed as "Mr.".

Married Couples

If you are inviting a married couple, their names can appear in either order, although tradition states that the male name comes first.

Couples with Different Last Names

Whether they're living together or not, address the female guest first. If the wife has chosen to keep her maiden name, "Ms." can be used. For unmarried couples with different last names, write their names on separate lines without using "and".

Single Guests with a Plus-One

If you invite a single person and they are welcome to bring a guest, address the envelope to that person "and guest". If you know the name of their plus-one, you should add their name instead.

Families with Children

Even when children are invited, the outside envelope should be addressed only to their parents. Children's names should appear on the inner envelope, with the oldest child's name followed by their siblings in descending order of age. If the children are over 18, they should receive their own invitation.

Guests with Distinguished Titles

Always address guests using their distinguished or professional titles. For example, if your guest is a doctor, their title will appear as "Doctor" followed by their name.

Formal Addressing Rules

If your wedding is formal, there are a few additional rules to follow:

• Use full names (no nicknames)
• Middle names aren't necessary, but if used, they should be spelled out (no initials)
• Spell out all address descriptors (e.g. Street, Avenue)
• Abbreviate titles like Mr., Mrs., Ms., and Jr.
• Write out professional titles like Doctor or Professor

Plus-ones

Deciding on your guest list for your wedding can be a tricky task. Here is a detailed guide to help you navigate the ins and outs of plus-ones.

Who Gets a Plus-One?

Firstly, it's important to remember that not everyone gets a plus-one. Budget and space are usually limited, so you may not be able to offer every guest a plus-one. However, there are some guests who traditionally receive a plus-one:

• Married, engaged, and cohabiting guests. Even if you've never met their partner, it's common to invite them as a couple.
• Members of the bridal party. It's a nice gesture to thank them for their time, love, and energy.
• Outlier guests who won't know many other attendees. It can be awkward to attend a wedding alone, so consider giving a plus-one to guests who may not know many people.
• Close family members. Although this is a case-by-case situation, it's often nice to give family members the option of bringing a plus-one.

Who Doesn't Get a Plus-One?

• Guests who are casually dating. If your guest seems to have a new partner every few months, a plus-one is not necessary.
• Single guests who will know other guests. If your guest is likely to have friends or family at the wedding, they may not need a plus-one.

Tips for Handling Plus-Ones

• Put your plus-one information on your wedding website. Let guests know if they are allowed a plus-one and how to indicate this on the RSVP.
• Be consistent. If you offer a plus-one to one person in a certain category (e.g. the bridal party), offer it to everyone in that category. This avoids any hint of favouritism.
• Be mindful when seating couples and single guests. Avoid seating singles next to couples, as this can be awkward. Instead, seat singles between friendly couples to create a communal feel.
• Be prepared for people to ask for a plus-one. Guests may reach out to ask about bringing a plus-one. Be kind and consistent in your response, and consider each request individually.

Invitation Wording

When addressing invitations, it's important to be clear about who is invited.

• For single guests with a plus-one: Address the invitation to the primary guest's name and "and guest" or "invited guest".
• For unmarried couples: If they live together, address both names on the outside and inside of the invitation. If they live separately, address the invitation to the primary guest and include the partner's name inside.
• If you are unsure of the relationship status: Use "invited guest" to give the primary guest the option of bringing someone.

Remember, your wedding day should reflect what you and your partner want. Don't feel pressured to include plus-ones if it doesn't work for your budget or vision.

Frequently asked questions