Handling Wedding Invites: Friends, Kids, And Etiquette

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are a few different scenarios to consider. One such scenario is whether or not to invite children, and how to address the invitations if you do. Including the children's names on the inner envelope of the invitation is the traditional way to indicate that they are invited. However, if you are not inviting children, it is important to be clear about this to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. This can be done by only addressing the parents on the invitation and explicitly stating on your wedding website that the event is adults-only. It is also a good idea to call guests with children to explain your position and give them a chance to plan accordingly.

How to address the invitations to indicate whether children are invited or not

There are a few ways to indicate whether children are invited to your wedding or not. Here are some tips on how to address the invitations accordingly:

Using Inner and Outer Envelopes

Traditionally, wedding invitations include an inner and an outer envelope. The outer envelope is more formal and typically includes the titles and complete names of the invitees. The inner envelope is more informal and may include first names only. When inviting a family with children, the outer envelope is reserved for the parents' names, while the inner envelope lists each child's name. If you are not inviting children, simply omit their names from the inner envelope. However, be aware that some guests may still assume their children are welcome if their names are not explicitly mentioned.

Using Single Envelopes

If you are using single envelopes, all invited parties should be listed on the front. For families with children, you can write "and Family" or "The [Last Name] Family". If you are not inviting children, address the envelope only to the parents, omitting the phrase "and Family".

Including an Adults-Only Announcement

Another way to indicate that children are not invited is by including an adults-only announcement on your wedding website or invitation card. You can also follow up with a phone call to your guests with children to explain that your wedding is adults-only. This helps to avoid any confusion and ensures that your guests understand your preferences.

Sending Separate Invitations to Adult Children

If you are inviting adult children (aged 18 or older) who live with their parents, it is customary to send them separate invitations. This helps to clarify that they are invited as individuals, even if their younger siblings are not.

Using Proper Titles and Names

When addressing wedding invitations, it is important to use the correct titles and full names of your guests. For example, use "Mr." and "Mrs." for a married couple or "Ms." for single women. If you are inviting children under the age of 18, you can use "Miss" for girls, while boys do not need a title until they are 16. For adult children, you can use "Mr." or "Ms." followed by their last name.

What to do if you want to invite some children but not others

If you want to invite some children to your wedding but not others, it's important to be consistent and clear in your invitations. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation:

• Make a rule and stick to it. For example, you could decide to only invite children of immediate family members or those in the wedding party. This rule should be applied across the board to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.
• Be direct and honest in your invitations. Specifically state who is invited to avoid any misunderstandings. For example, you could say, "We are unable to accommodate children beyond our page boys and flower girls."
• Give parents plenty of notice. It's important to let parents know in advance if their children are not invited so that they can make childcare arrangements.
• Address invitations carefully. Only include the names of those who are invited on the envelopes. If you're inviting an entire family, you can address the outer envelope to "The [Last Name] Family" and list each family member's name on the inner envelope.
• Consider your guest list. If you're inviting people who have to travel far or who may struggle with childcare, you may want to reconsider your "no kids" policy.
• Be prepared for some pushback. Not everyone will be happy with your decision, but it's important to remember that it's your wedding and you can't please everyone.

How to communicate that you're not having any kids at your wedding

Communicating that your wedding will be adults-only can be tricky, but there are ways to do it confidently and politely. Here are some tips on how to let your guests know that you're not having any children at your wedding:

Be Direct and Honest

It's essential to be clear and direct when communicating your wishes. Address your wedding invitations properly, and don't be afraid to mention that it's an adults-only event on your wedding website. Consider including two layers of communication on the invitation to ensure clarity. For example, only put the couple's name on the outer envelope, and then add a specific note on the reception card, such as "Adults-Only Reception" or "Our wedding is adult-only, thank you." This reduces the chance of misunderstandings and gives guests more time to arrange childcare.

Specify the Age Group

Since the term "kids" can be broad, it's helpful to specify the age group that won't be attending. Some couples define "kids" as under 18, while others refer to those under 21. Make sure to clearly state the age limit on your wedding website and invitations to avoid any confusion.

Avoid Citing Personal Reasons

Try to avoid making your request about any specific child, as this may come across as offensive to their parents. Instead, use respectful wording that applies to all guests with children.

Address the Wedding Party Members

If you plan to have flower girls or ring bearers, be sure to communicate with their parents about what will happen after the ceremony. If these children are not invited to the reception, it's important to explicitly mention this and perhaps offer to help arrange childcare.

Share the Message Across Multiple Mediums

It's not enough to just include the information on your save-the-dates and invitations. Reinforce the message on your wedding website and in any follow-up messages. Highlight it on your RSVP cards as well, with phrases like "Only Adults Invited" or "Sorry, No Children."

Display Confidence and Compassion

Remember that some guests may be disappointed or unable to attend due to your adults-only request, especially if it's a destination wedding. Stand firm in your decision, but also show understanding. You can explain your reasons or simply state that it's an adults-only event, but acknowledge the difficult decision your guests may have to make.

Examples of Wording

• "Adults only" or "Adults-only reception"
• "Due to the limited capacity of our venue, we are only able to extend an invitation to adult guests."
• "Though we'd love to see your children, we have decided to have an adults-only affair. We hope that with this notice, you will be able to make arrangements and attend our wedding."
• "We love your kids, but you deserve a night out! This wedding is for adults only!"
• "Unfortunately, due to venue restrictions, we won't be able to invite children to the wedding."
• "Our wedding will be adults only so that we can have our dream wedding venue. Know that we love [child's name] dearly, and we're excited to see them again soon!"

How to address wedding invitations with one envelope

When addressing wedding invitations with a single envelope, the names of all invited parties should be clearly stated on the front. This includes guests that are typically only listed on the inner envelope, such as plus-ones and children. If you're short on space, you can replace children's individual names with "and Family" or "The [Last Name] Family".

For a Single Person

Outer envelope: Ms. Ali Johnson

For a Single Person with a Plus-One

Outer envelope: Mx. Sam Li and Guest

For a Married Couple

• Outer envelope: Mr. John and Mrs. Samantha Rivera
• Outer envelope: Mr. and Mrs. John Rivera

For a Married Couple with Different Last Names

• Outer envelope: Ms. Celine Elgin and Ms. Jacqueline Purcell
• Outer envelope: Celine Elgin and Jacqueline Purcell

For an Unmarried Couple Living Together

Outer envelope: Mr. Aaron Triguiero and Mr. Gabriel Reyes

For a Family with Young Children

• Outer envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham
• Inner envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham, Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany, and Mx. Kelly

For a Family with Children 18+

• Outer envelope: Ms. Audrey Abraham
• Inner envelope: Ms. Abraham

How to address wedding invitations with double envelopes

Double envelopes are a traditional way of addressing wedding invitations. The outer envelope contains the mailing address, postage, and return address, while the inner envelope includes the recipients' names and the invitation suite. The outer envelope is more formal, while the inner envelope is slightly more casual and may include first names. Here are some guidelines for addressing double envelopes for different scenarios:

Married Couple:

For a married couple with the same last name, you can use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. If you prefer to address both partners equally, use their individual first and last names.

Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren" or "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

For a married couple with different last names, write their names on the same line with the person you are closest to first, or arrange them alphabetically.

Outer envelope: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David"

Unmarried Couple:

For an unmarried couple living together, list both names on the same line, starting with the person you are closest to or arranging them alphabetically.

Outer envelope: "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Kim and Ms. Rhee" or "Stanley and Amanda"

Single Individuals:

For a single woman, use "Ms." if she is over 18, and "Miss" if she is under 18. For a single man, use "Mr." if he is over 18; otherwise, no title is needed.

Outer envelope for a woman: "Ms. Stephanie Chen" or "Miss Stephanie Chen" (if under 18)

Inner envelope: "Ms. Chen" or "Miss Chen" or "Stephanie"

Outer envelope for a man: "Mr. James Montgomery"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery" or "James"

Family with Children:

When inviting a family with children, you can address the outer envelope to the entire family or specify the parents' names. On the inner envelope, list the names of the invited children in order of age.

Outer envelope: "The Thompson Family" or "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson"

Inner envelope: "Alan, Emily, Roger, Chance, Miss Jennifer, and Miss Lily"

Guests with a Plus-One:

For guests with a plus-one, address the outer envelope only to the person you are inviting. If you know the guest's name, include it on the inner envelope. If not, simply write "and guest".

Outer envelope: "Ms. Jessica Spano"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Spano and guest" or "Jessica and guest"

Frequently asked questions