Wedding Invite Etiquette: Plus Ones And Guests

Planning a wedding is no easy feat, and deciding on the guest list can be one of the most challenging parts. When it comes to plus-ones, there are a few key considerations to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to understand what a plus-one entails. A plus-one typically refers to a guest's date or romantic interest, but it can also include a family member escorting an older guest or a friend attending with a single person. The number of plus-ones you offer will likely depend on your budget and venue capacity. While it would be ideal to offer a plus-one to every guest, this may not always be feasible.

So, how do you give a plus-one on wedding invites? The key is clear and consistent communication. On the outer envelope, write the guest's name and, if known, the name of their plus-one. If the plus-one is unknown, you can simply write and guest. On the inner envelope, you can also include a note such as You are invited to bring a plus-one or You are invited to bring a guest. It's important to be mindful of the wording and avoid phrases like plus one, opting instead for and guest or invited guest.

Remember, each wedding is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to plus-one etiquette. Be proactive in managing your guest list, consider the needs of your guests, and don't be afraid to set clear criteria for offering plus-ones.

Who Gets a Plus One?

Deciding who gets a plus one at your wedding can be a tricky task. Here is a guide to help you navigate the process:

Married, Engaged, and Cohabiting Guests

As a general rule, spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest should receive an invitation, even if you have never met them. This rule also applies to the spouse or partner of your officiant and the parents of ring bearers and flower girls.

Wedding Party

All members of the wedding party should receive a plus one, regardless of their relationship status. This is a small token of appreciation for their efforts and support.

Additional Guests

If you decide to allow one single guest outside the wedding party to bring a casual date or friend, you should offer this to all single guests to avoid hurt feelings. However, weddings are expensive, and this may not be feasible for your budget. In this case, be clear about who gets to bring a plus one—for example, only allowing single attendants to bring an additional person.

Important Guests

The wedding party, close friends, and family members are all considered important guests and should be offered a plus one, even if they are casual daters or single. This is especially true if they won't know many other people at the wedding.

Guests Who Don't Need a Plus One

Less important guests, such as old friends and coworkers, do not need to be offered a plus one, although it is a nice gesture if it is within your budget. If they are part of a larger friend group that will be at the wedding, they will likely have fun without a plus one.

New Relationships

If you are in a new relationship and have been allowed to bring your partner, find time to politely introduce them to the happy couple. This is the polite thing to do, and it shows your appreciation for the couple footing the bill.

Gift Etiquette

If you are bringing a plus one, your gift budget should reflect that it is coming from two people. However, if your date doesn't know the couple, you may need to pitch in a little extra, as it can be tricky to ask them to contribute.

Seating Arrangements

When creating a seating plan, be mindful of solo guests. Avoid seating them between a married couple or a PDA-heavy pair. Instead, place them between outgoing and friendly couples they will likely get along with to create a communal feel.

Wording the Invite

The wording of your wedding invitations is important, as it lets your guests know whether or not they are invited to bring a plus one. The traditional way to indicate a plus one is to write "and guest" on the outer envelope of the invitation, after the guest's name, e.g., "Mr James R. Smith and guest". If you don't know the name of the plus one, you can simply write "and guest", and then change it to their name on the seating chart and escort cards once they have confirmed their attendance.

If you are sending an online invitation, or an invitation with only one envelope, be sure to clearly address all invitees upfront. If the couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. If you are allowing a guest to bring a casual date, write your friend's name and then "and guest".

Another way to indicate a plus one is to include a note at the bottom of the card or on the back of the invitation, saying "You are invited to bring a guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one". This way, the guest who is invited will understand that the invitation is directed towards them, and once they open the card, they will see that they are invited to bring someone else.

If you are inviting a married couple or a couple in a serious relationship, it is standard etiquette to invite both parties. Address the invitation to both guests by their full names. If you are only close with one half of the couple, it is still polite to invite the other person, even if you haven't met them. If you don't know the name of the plus one, you can simply write the primary guest's name and "and guest".

For unmarried couples, if the couple lives together, address both parties on the outside and inside of the invitation. If they live separately, each party should receive their own addressed invitation. If you don't have their information, it is acceptable to address the invitation to the primary guest only, and include the name of their significant other on the materials inside. If you are unsure of the relationship status, use "invited guest" instead of a name.

When it comes to RSVPs, be sure to include a space for the primary guest to write the name of their plus one. This will help cut out the possibility of a stranger or problem guest showing up at the last minute. It is also helpful to include the exact number of people invited, to avoid any confusion or assumptions about bringing extra guests.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to plus-one etiquette. The most important thing is to be clear and consistent in your wording, so that your guests know what to expect.

Seating Arrangements

If you have guests with plus-ones, try to seat them with others they will get along with. For singles, it can be awkward to be sandwiched between a married couple or a PDA-heavy pair. Instead, place them between friendly, outgoing couples with similar interests. This will create a more communal feel to the event and help them meet people organically.

If you have a friend attending alone who won't know many people, put them at a table with strong conversationalists who will make them feel comfortable. If your wedding is reuniting a group of friends, seat them together so they can catch up.

For elderly guests, ensure they have a place to rest, possibly by designating a separate table for them. Guests in wheelchairs or with other movement issues should have clear and easy access to the dance floor and exit, and their chairs should be removed in advance. Also, account for the needs of any guests with sensory issues.

The immediate family and wedding party should be seated closest to the dance floor, as they will need to participate in toasts, speeches and special dances. The newlyweds may sit at a long rectangular head table, a round table, or a two-person sweetheart table. It's up to you! The groom traditionally sits to the bride's right, with the best man to her left, and the maid of honour to the groom's right.

The parents of the couple often sit at a large family table opposite each other, along with grandparents, the officiant and other close friends. Alternatively, the parents can head their own tables with their close family members and friends. In the case of divorced parents, each can host their own table, smoothly diffusing any potential awkwardness or discomfort.

A seating chart is recommended for weddings with more than 50 guests, and it's a good idea for smaller events too. It will make things smoother and reduce guest anxiety when trying to find a spot to sit. It's also a good way to prevent a post-buffet bottleneck.

Managing Guest Requests

Understanding Plus-One Etiquette

Before you start addressing invitations, it's essential to understand the basics of plus-one etiquette. Traditionally, a plus-one is granted to married, engaged, or cohabitating guests. It is also common to offer plus-ones to wedding party members and outlier guests who won't know many other attendees. Remember, your wedding day should reflect what you and your partner want, so don't feel obligated to give a plus-one to everyone.

Creating a Guest List

Create an "A" list of guests who you feel should absolutely receive a plus-one, such as immediate family members and the wedding party. Then, if your budget and venue space allow, create a "B" list of guests you would like to offer a plus-one if possible. This approach ensures that those closest to you are prioritised while still giving you flexibility.

Communicating Plus-One Privileges

When it comes to letting guests know about their plus-one privileges, the standard practice is to write "and guest" on the outer envelope of the invitation. You can also include a note on the inner envelope or invitation card that says, "You are invited to bring a guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one." Alternatively, you can address the invitation to "Mr. Smith and Guest," and once they confirm their attendance, update the seating chart with the guest's name.

Responding to Guest Requests

Be prepared for guests who do not receive a plus-one to reach out and ask for one. Have a kind and firm explanation ready, such as, "We'd love to include everyone, but our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family. We hope you understand." It's best to deliver this message over the phone or in person, rather than via email.

Seating Arrangements

When creating your seating chart, consider the dynamics between guests and their plus-ones. Avoid seating singles between married couples or PDA-heavy pairs. Instead, place them between friendly, outgoing couples to create a communal feel and help them meet people organically.

Tracking RSVPs

Keep track of your RSVPs and follow up on any unconfirmed plus-one guests. Set up an invitation organisation system that works for you, and double-check RSVPs for completion. If a guest confirms a plus-one but doesn't provide a name, be sure to get that information to finalise your seating arrangements.

Remember, it's your special day, so don't feel pressured to accommodate every request. By following these tips, you can effectively manage guest requests and create a memorable celebration for you and your loved ones.

Plus One Etiquette for Guests

Being invited to a wedding is a wonderful thing, and often, you'll be able to bring a plus one. This is usually a romantic partner, but it could also be a family member or a friend. If you're unsure whether you have a plus one, check the invitation. If it's addressed to "Mr. James R. Smith and guest," then you are allowed to bring someone. If it's addressed only to you, then it's a solo invite.

If you have been given a plus one, make sure you only bring one guest. It's also important that you don't swap out your plus one for someone else. If your original date can no longer attend, politely ask the couple if you can bring someone else. If they say no, accept their decision.

If you are bringing a plus one, your gift should reflect that. If you are two guests, bring a gift that accounts for two people. However, if your plus one doesn't know the couple, you don't need to ask them to contribute to the gift.

When you arrive at the wedding, make sure you introduce your plus one to the couple. It's polite to do so, and it shows your appreciation for their hospitality.

Finally, be mindful of the couple's budget. Weddings are expensive, and the couple has likely spent a lot of money on your attendance, including food and drinks. So, always be considerate and grateful for their invitation.

Frequently asked questions