Selecting Your Bridesmaids: Making The Right Choice

Choosing your bridesmaids can be a daunting task, but it should be an enjoyable experience. While you want everyone to feel special and included, it's important to remember that your wedding is about you and your partner, and it's okay to be a little selfish when making your decision. Here are some key considerations to help you select your bridesmaids:

1. Start thinking early: Give yourself a few months to meditate on your choice. This decision will impact all your pre-wedding events and personal relationships, so take your time and start thinking about it a month or two after your engagement.

2. Make a list of meaningful people: Include your favourite people, regardless of gender. Consider family members like siblings, cousins, or nieces for junior bridesmaids. Categorise them based on how you know them – childhood friends, college friends, adult friends, etc. This will help you visualise who knows who and the weight of each relationship in your life.

3. Set your expectations: Determine the level of involvement you want from your bridesmaids. While it shouldn't feel like a second job, there are certain tasks and responsibilities they will need to take on. Consider your loved ones' availability and commitments. If they are busy with graduate studies, live far away, or have all-consuming life phases, they may not be the best choice if you want active participation in wedding planning and tasks.

4. Select your honour attendant(s): Choose your maid of honour first, as this will make it easier to fill the rest of your bridal party. If you're torn between two people, consider selecting both and assigning duties that play to their strengths and interests.

5. Evaluate your relationships: Consider the qualities of dependability, longevity, and supportiveness in your potential bridesmaids. Pick individuals you are confident you can depend on today, tomorrow, and for years to come.

6. Determine the number of bridesmaids: There is no rule that your number of bridesmaids should match the number of groomsmen. Choose the right people, whether it's a small or large bridal party, based on your vision and preferences.

7. Propose to your bridesmaids: Once you've finalised your crew, officially ask your loved ones to be your bridesmaids. You can make it extra special with proposal gifts or a heartfelt note.

8. Be mindful of budgets: Understand your budget as it will guide how many bridesmaids you can afford. Also, consider the financial commitment expected of your bridesmaids. Discuss with them beforehand if you know they are in a tough spot financially, and offer alternative ways for them to be involved.

9. Consider personalities and compatibility: Think about how your potential bridesmaids will get along with each other and the rest of the wedding party. Aim for a group that is friendly, cordial, and can transition easily between different groups to avoid potential drama or clashes.

10. Create roles for close friends who aren't bridesmaids: If you have friends who won't be in the bridal party but want to honour them, assign them special roles, such as playing music or giving a speech.

Include close male friends

When it comes to choosing your bridesmaids, it's important to remember that there are no rules saying you can't have a close male friend standing by your side as you say your vows. A bride can have a "man of honour" or "bridesman".

If you're considering including male friends in your bridal party, it's a good idea to make a list of the people you feel closest to. Think about the people who have supported you and cheered you on throughout your life, and those you always want to share accomplishments and milestones with. It's also worth considering the expectations you have of your bridal party. Common tasks for bridesmaids include organising the bridal shower and bachelorette party, helping to choose the wedding dress, and providing support in the lead-up to the wedding. Ask yourself whether your male friends would be well-suited to handle these tasks with grace, efficiency, and a good attitude.

It's also worth noting that you don't have to choose a male friend as a bridesman if you don't want to. There are other ways to include close male friends in your wedding. For example, you could ask a musically gifted friend to play a song during the ceremony or give a speech.

If you do decide to have male bridesmaids, you can embrace the break from tradition and have some fun with it. For example, you could do a photoshoot with your male bridesmaids getting ready with you, wearing pink robes and doing face masks.

Consider bridesmaids' availability

When choosing your bridesmaids, it's important to consider their availability and whether they can commit to the role. While it's an honour to be asked, being a bridesmaid also comes with responsibilities and often a financial burden.

First, think about the number of bridesmaids you want to have. This can depend on the size of your wedding. A good rule of thumb is to have four bridesmaids for a wedding with under 60 guests and up to 10 for a wedding of 150-200 people.

Next, consider the people in your life who you feel closest to and would want to support you on your special day. Think about your siblings, cousins, future sister-in-law, and close friends. If you have a large family or friend group, it can be tricky to narrow down your choices without hurting anyone's feelings. In this case, it might be helpful to consider who has been a constant in your life, who you feel most comfortable with, and who has supported you through thick and thin.

Once you have a sense of who you'd like to include, it's essential to have honest conversations with your potential bridesmaids about their availability and willingness to take on the role. Ask them if they feel comfortable with the time and financial commitment involved. Being a bridesmaid typically entails attending events such as the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner, as well as helping with wedding planning and tasks. It can be a significant undertaking, so it's crucial to choose people who are reliable and responsible.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can choose whoever you want to stand by your side. Be mindful of people's feelings, but don't feel obligated to include someone just because they included you in their wedding party or because of family pressure. Ultimately, go with your heart and pick the people you feel will bring you joy and make your day even more special.

Evaluate relationships within the group

When evaluating the relationships within your bridal party, it's important to consider the dynamics and connections between the people you're thinking of choosing. Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Interpersonal Compatibility: Think about the personalities of your potential bridesmaids and how they get along with each other. If there are individuals who may not mesh well or have a history of conflict, it might be wise to reconsider including them all. While your bridal party doesn't have to be best friends, you want to avoid unnecessary drama and stress.
• Group Size and Dynamics: Consider the size of your bridal party and how that may impact the dynamics. A smaller group may foster a more intimate and cohesive bond, while a larger group can bring a diverse range of perspectives and experiences. Decide what feels most comfortable to you and what will create a positive environment.
• Conflict Resolution: Inevitably, there may be disagreements or conflicts within the group. Evaluate how potential bridesmaids handle such situations. Do they communicate openly and respectfully? Are they willing to compromise and find solutions? Choose individuals who can navigate conflicts constructively and maintain a harmonious atmosphere.
• Support and Encouragement: Your bridal party should ideally be a source of support and encouragement for you. Reflect on how each potential bridesmaid interacts with and uplifts one another. Do they celebrate each other's successes, or do they tend to compete or tear each other down? Select individuals who demonstrate genuine happiness for one another and can create a positive and empowering dynamic.
• Shared Interests and Values: Consider the shared interests, values, and experiences of your potential bridesmaids. Do they have common ground that can strengthen their bond? Are there any potential points of contention that may cause friction? While it's not necessary for everyone to be identical, some level of shared interests and values can enhance their connections.
• Geographical Considerations: Take into account the geographical locations of your potential bridesmaids. If they live far apart, it might be challenging for them to connect and participate in group activities. However, if they are scattered across different areas, they can bring unique perspectives and contribute to a diverse and well-rounded group.
• Availability and Commitment: Evaluate the availability and commitment of potential bridesmaids. Do they have the time and willingness to participate in bridal party responsibilities and activities? Choose individuals who can actively engage and contribute to the group dynamic.

Include siblings

Including your siblings in your wedding party is a choice that depends on your relationship with them and whether you want them by your side on your wedding day. If you have a good relationship with your siblings, it might be a nice gesture to include them in your wedding party. However, it is not a requirement, and you should not feel pressured to do so if you don't want to.

If you have a large number of siblings, you might consider asking some to be bridesmaids or groomsmen and giving the others different roles in the wedding, such as doing a reading, escorting elderly family members, or being an usher. This can be a good option if you are not close with all of your siblings or if you want to keep your wedding party small.

If you are the bride, and you are not sure whether to include your future sister-in-law as a bridesmaid, consider your relationship with her and whether it is expected within your families. You could also offer her a different role in the wedding, such as doing a reading during the ceremony or standing on your fiancé's side.

When deciding whether to include your siblings, it is important to be open and honest with them about your decision. If they seem upset, explain your choice calmly and reassure them that you would still like them to play an important part in your special day. Remember, your wedding party should be made up of individuals you depend on and foresee being in your life for the next decade and beyond.

Emphasise reliability

While you may not need your bridesmaids to be heavily involved in the wedding planning process, there will be times when you need to rely on them. So, it's important to choose bridesmaids who you know will be dependable and responsive. Opt for friends who you know will answer your emails, show up when you need them to (or even a few minutes early), and be more than prepared.

It's also worth considering the other responsibilities that come with being a bridesmaid. For example, bridesmaids are usually responsible for organising the bridal shower and bachelorette party, helping to choose the wedding dress, and supporting you in managing pre-wedding jitters. So, when making your decision, think about who would be best-suited to handle these tasks with efficiency and a good attitude.

If you're worried about offending friends who you don't choose to be your bridesmaids, it's worth remembering that there are plenty of other roles that your loved ones can take on. For instance, they could be ushers, ceremony readers, or even witnesses for the marriage license.

Frequently asked questions