Choosing Your Bridesmaids: Who Makes The Cut?

Choosing bridesmaids is an important part of wedding planning. Bridesmaids are usually the closest friends and family members of the bride, and they play a crucial role in supporting the bride before, during, and after the wedding. While the duties of a bridesmaid can be demanding and expensive, being asked to be one is considered an honour. The number of bridesmaids chosen can vary depending on the bride's preferences, the size of her family, and the number of attendants her partner would like to have. In some cultures, bridesmaids are typically young girls rather than grown women.

Who chooses the bridesmaids?

Bridesmaids are typically chosen by the bride and are usually the most important people in the bride's circle of loved ones, such as best friends or relatives (sisters, sisters-in-law, etc.). In some cultures, such as in Norway, the Netherlands, France, and Victorian Britain, it is customary for bridesmaids to be young girls rather than grown women. In modern English-speaking countries, this role is separate from that of the bridesmaid, and the small child performing it is known as a flower girl.

In some cases, the couple may choose the bridal party together. The bride's partner may also have preferences for the number of attendants they would like to have.

The bride's choice of bridesmaids may also be influenced by the number of groomsmen the groom has chosen, as the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen is usually kept even.

The chief bridesmaid, or maid of honour, is typically the bride's closest friend or sister. In modern weddings, some brides may choose a male friend or brother as their head attendant, using the title 'best man' or 'man of honour'.

What are the duties of a bridesmaid?

Bridesmaids are an important part of the wedding party and are usually the closest friends or relatives of the bride. They are chosen to provide support and assistance to the bride before, during, and after the wedding. While the duties of a bridesmaid can vary depending on the bride's preferences and expectations, there are several traditional responsibilities that are typically associated with the role. Here is a detailed overview of the duties of a bridesmaid:

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Planning and attending pre-wedding parties: This includes the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Bridesmaids are expected to support the maid of honor in planning these events and may also be responsible for covering some of the costs.
• Shopping for bridesmaid attire: Bridesmaids usually shop for their outfits as a group or individually, following the bride's guidelines. They are typically expected to pay for their own attire, including dresses, shoes, and jewellery.
• Attending other pre-wedding events: Bridesmaids are expected to attend as many pre-wedding activities as possible, such as engagement parties, couples' showers, or wedding DIY sessions.
• Booking travel and accommodations: Bridesmaids are responsible for arranging their own transportation and accommodations for the wedding. It is advisable to book these early to ensure convenience and avoid last-minute hassles.
• Emotional support: Wedding planning can be stressful, so bridesmaids play a crucial role in providing emotional support to the bride. They should regularly check in with the bride, offer a listening ear, and provide thoughtful and sensitive support.
• Assisting with wedding planning tasks: While not professional wedding coordinators, bridesmaids may be called upon to help with smaller planning tasks, such as stuffing envelopes, organising escort cards, DIY projects, or accompanying the bride to appointments.
• Buying a wedding gift: Bridesmaids, like other wedding guests, are expected to purchase a gift for the couple from their wedding registry. However, if the wedding is a destination wedding, their presence may be considered a sufficient gift.

Wedding Day Duties:

• Getting ready with the bride: Bridesmaids should be punctual and prepared on the wedding day, helping the bride stay calm and relaxed. They may assist with answering calls or texts, ensuring the bride eats and stays hydrated, and helping her with her dress, shoes, jewellery, and veil.
• Providing snacks and refreshments: If no other arrangements have been made, bridesmaids should take the initiative to provide snacks and drinks for the bride and her support crew, including the mother of the bride and the beauty stylists.
• Participating in the ceremony: Bridesmaids are expected to be on time and follow the cues during the processional and recessional. They may also be assigned specific roles during the ceremony, such as holding the bride's bouquet or the groom's wedding ring.
• Being photo-ready: Bridesmaids should be prepared for group photographs, usually taken after the ceremony during the cocktail hour. They should stick together and follow the photographer's instructions to ensure the couple's time is not taken away from their celebration.
• Mingling with guests: During the reception, bridesmaids should socialise with other guests, enjoy the food and drinks, and participate in guest activities like signing the guest book or visiting the photo booth.
• Giving a speech: While not always required, bridesmaids may be asked by the couple to give a speech at the reception. It is advisable to prepare and practise the speech beforehand.
• Checking in with the newlyweds: Bridesmaids should ensure the couple is well taken care of throughout the reception, offering them food, drinks, and passing them items like tissues or touch-up lipstick as needed.

Post-Wedding Duties:

• Attending post-wedding events: Bridesmaids are expected to attend any post-wedding celebrations, such as a farewell party or a post-wedding brunch.
• Organising leftover items: Bridesmaids may be tasked with returning rental items to vendors, collecting wedding gifts and cards, and ensuring the couple's personal items are safely transported to their hotel room.
• Settling outstanding payments: Bridesmaids should take care of any remaining expenses promptly, such as sharing the cost of the bridal shower or bachelorette party, to avoid inconveniencing others.

What are the costs of being a bridesmaid?

Being a bridesmaid can be an expensive undertaking, with costs adding up quickly. While the expenses will vary depending on the bride's expectations and the location of the wedding, it's important to be aware of the potential financial commitment involved. Here is a breakdown of the costs typically associated with being a bridesmaid:

Bridesmaid Dress and Accessories

The bridesmaid dress is often one of the most significant expenses for bridesmaids. The average cost of a bridesmaid dress is around $208, but alterations can add an additional $70 or more to the final cost. It is also common for bridesmaids to purchase new shoes and accessories to match the dress, which can cost around $120 on average.

Hair and Makeup

Bridesmaids may be expected to have their hair and makeup professionally done on the wedding day. While the bride may cover this cost, it is not uncommon for bridesmaids to pay for these services themselves. On average, bridesmaids can expect to pay around $72 for hair and $60 for makeup.

Travel and Accommodations

If the wedding is not local, bridesmaids will need to factor in travel expenses such as flights, train tickets, or gas money. On average, a bridesmaid spends around $115 on travel to the wedding destination. Additionally, accommodations can cost around $205, although this can be reduced by sharing rooms with other bridesmaids.

Pre-Wedding Events and Gifts

Bridesmaids are usually expected to attend and help plan pre-wedding events such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party. These events can be costly, especially if they involve travel. On average, a destination bachelorette party can cost a bridesmaid nearly $400. Additionally, bridesmaids may be expected to contribute to engagement gifts, bridal shower gifts, and a wedding gift for the couple.

Time Commitment

While not a direct cost, it is important to consider the time commitment involved in being a bridesmaid. Planning, attending pre-wedding events, and providing support to the bride can be time-intensive. It is essential to be realistic about the time and energy you can dedicate to the role before accepting.

Other Miscellaneous Expenses

There may be additional expenses that arise throughout the process, such as costs for decorations, food, or games at pre-wedding events. It is also customary for bridesmaids to treat the bride to drinks, meals, or other activities during the bachelorette party.

Overall, the cost of being a bridesmaid can quickly add up, with estimates ranging from $1,200 to $1,800 or more per wedding. It is important for bridesmaids to be aware of the potential financial commitment and to communicate openly with the bride about expectations and budgets.

What are the origins of the Western bridesmaid tradition?

The tradition of having bridesmaids at weddings is believed to have originated from a combination of factors, including socioeconomic class and status, family size, socialisation standards, and religion.

In ancient times, the bride and all the bridesmaids dressed identically and heavily veiled their faces. This practice is thought to have served the dual purpose of confusing jealous suitors and repelling evil spirits.

In feudal China, bridesmaids were given a more protective role. They dressed like the bride to protect her from being identified and kidnapped by rival clans or hooligans. Once marriages were legally protected, the role of the bridesmaid became more symbolic.

In the Victorian era, the trend of having bridesmaids wear the same colour as the bride began with Queen Victoria, who had her bridesmaids match the colour of her wedding gown.

Another possible origin of the Western bridesmaid tradition is the Biblical story of Jacob and his two wives, Leah and Rachel, who both came with their own maids, as detailed in the Book of Genesis. However, these women were handmaidens (servants or slaves) instead of social peers.

What are the duties of the maid of honour?

The maid of honour is the bride's right-hand woman and has a wide range of responsibilities. Before the wedding, she should be a source of support for the bride, lead the bridesmaids, and ensure all important tasks are completed. She should also be the point of contact for any questions from the bridal party, family members, and guests. The maid of honour is also responsible for planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party, as well as attending pre-wedding events such as dress fittings and the rehearsal dinner. On the wedding day, she has a key role in helping the bride get ready, providing emotional support, and ensuring the bride eats and drinks enough. She may also be responsible for holding the bridal bouquet and the groom's wedding ring during the ceremony, signing the marriage license, and giving a speech at the reception. After the wedding, the maid of honour can assist in delivering cards and gifts to the couple and tying up any loose ends. For a destination wedding, the maid of honour should also book her travel and accommodations and familiarise herself with the location.

Before the Wedding:

• Offer support and assistance to the bride with any tasks and be a listening ear.
• Lead the bridesmaids and mediate any conflicts within the bridal party.
• Be the point of contact for guests' questions and provide essential information.
• Host or co-host the bridal shower with the bridesmaids and keep track of gifts received.
• Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids, taking budgets into account.
• Attend pre-wedding events such as dress fittings and the rehearsal dinner.
• Go wedding dress shopping with the bride and provide honest and respectful opinions.
• Stay organised and keep track of important tasks, such as ordering your dress early.
• Serve as a point of contact for the bridal party, family members, and guests.
• Lend a hand with DIY projects, such as addressing invitations or making centrepieces.
• Prepare a speech for the reception.
• Offer to help the bride with any last-minute tasks, such as packing for the honeymoon.

On the Wedding Day:

• Drop off any reception items, such as toasting flutes or seating cards, at the venue.
• Keep the bridal suite tidy and ensure it is clear of belongings after the bridal party is done getting ready.
• Provide emotional support and help keep the bride calm and relaxed.
• Ensure the bride eats and drinks enough throughout the day.
• Assist the mother of the bride with her hair, makeup, and any other needs she may have.
• Pitch in with social media by taking photos and videos of the behind-the-scenes moments.
• Help keep the couple separated before the ceremony if they are following the tradition of not seeing each other.
• Assist the bride in getting dressed and help her in the restroom if needed.
• Serve as the bride's personal stylist by steaming out wrinkles and placing the veil.
• Keep the wedding rings safe until the exchange of vows.
• Hold the bride's bouquet during the ceremony and give it back when she walks up the aisle.
• Keep the bride hydrated throughout the day.

At the Reception:

• Dance with the bride and encourage others to join on the dance floor.
• Ensure the bride remains stress-free and shield her from any minor crises or issues.
• Give a toast or speech after the best man, relaying your love and respect for the couple.
• Continue to ensure the bride eats and drinks enough throughout the reception.
• Collect and take care of any wedding gifts if necessary.
• Tie up any loose ends, such as ensuring the wedding gown is properly stored or the top tier of the cake is frozen.

After the Wedding:

• Attend the couple's farewell party or post-wedding brunch.
• Organise and return any miscellaneous or leftover wedding items.
• Settle any outstanding payments or bills that need to be split among the bridal party.
• Help the couple during and after their honeymoon, especially if you live nearby.

Frequently asked questions