Asking Bridesmaids: How To Pop The Question Early

Asking your friends to be your bridesmaids is an exciting part of wedding planning, but it's important to consider the timing of your request. While it's tempting to ask as soon as you get engaged, it's generally recommended to wait until you have a date set. This is because your bridal party needs to know if they can commit to the role and it would be unfair to hold their personal calendar hostage until you make your plans. It's also a good idea to wait until you have a solid plan and know the specific details of your wedding, like the colours, themes, and venue, so your bridal party can start planning. The general rule of thumb is to ask your bridesmaids between a year to eight months before the wedding, but if you have a shorter engagement, give your bridal party at least five months' notice.

Asking bridesmaids before setting a date

Asking your bridesmaids to be a part of your wedding party is an important and fun element of planning your wedding. While there is no right or wrong decision, it is generally advised to wait until you have set a date for your wedding before asking your bridesmaids. This is because your wedding date will let your bridesmaids determine whether or not they can commit to the role. They may have prior commitments, such as another wedding, a major life change, or travel plans, that might prevent them from accepting the role.

However, if you have close friends or family members whom you are certain you want as your bridesmaids, and they have been persistently asking to be "officially" invited, you may consider asking them even before setting a date. In such cases, it is recommended to at least have a timeframe or a tentative date in mind so that your bridesmaids can have a better idea of when the wedding will take place.

When asking your bridesmaids, you can be creative with your proposal. From intimate one-on-one chats to grandiose gestures, the proposal should reflect your relationship with your bridesmaids. Some ideas include sending them "Will you be my bridesmaid?" cards or boxes, popping the question with fortune cookies or ring pops, or taking them out for a workshop or class where you can ask them collectively.

Remember to give yourself enough time to plan and consider all the important details of your wedding before making any hasty decisions.

Asking bridesmaids in person

Asking your friends to be bridesmaids is a big deal. These are the women who will be helping you plan, celebrate, and say "I do". While there are many creative ways to ask your friends to be bridesmaids, here are some ideas for asking them in person:

Meeting in Person

If your bridesmaids live close by, it is a good idea to meet with each prospective bridesmaid in person to share the big news. This can be a one-on-one chat where you ask them to be your bridesmaid, or you can make a grand gesture, such as taking your bridal squad out for a workshop or class and asking everyone at once with a celebratory toast.

Gifts

You can also give them a small gift as a token of your appreciation. This could be a simple card with a heartfelt message, a bouquet of flowers with a personalised note, or a curated gift box filled with wedding essentials and goodies. If you and your bridesmaids live near a beach, you could even give them customised t-shirts, tote bags, or swimsuits with iron-on letters that say "bride tribe".

Timing

It is recommended that you wait until you know your wedding date before asking your bridesmaids. This will allow them to have a better idea of whether or not they can commit to the role. It is also a good idea to give yourself a 60-day grace period after getting engaged before asking anyone to be your bridesmaid. This will give you time to think about who you want in your bridal party and how many bridesmaids you would like to have.

Follow-up Conversation

After the initial excitement, it is natural for a person to have some apprehension about assuming the role of a bridesmaid. It is a good idea to meet with each bridesmaid again within the first few weeks of asking to discuss your overall wedding vision and make sure they understand their role and responsibilities.

Sending cards to ask bridesmaids

Sending cards to ask your friends to be your bridesmaids is a great way to show them how important they are to you and get them excited for your big day. Here are some tips and ideas for creating and sending these bridesmaid proposal cards:

Timing

It is recommended to send out bridesmaid proposal cards two to three months after getting engaged. This gives your friends plenty of time to prepare for all the bridal events and potentially save money for any travel or other expenses. However, if you don't have a date set yet, you may want to wait until you have more details about your wedding day before asking your bridesmaids.

What to Write

Your bridesmaid proposal cards can include a heartfelt message about your friendship and how much their presence would mean to you on your special day. Here are some ideas for what to write:

• "It's my turn to pop the question."
• "Help me keep my sht together."
• "I'll only be a happy bride if my best friend is by my side."
• "I can't say 'I do' without you."
• "Plan with me, stand with me, cry with me, laugh with me. Will you be my bridesmaid?"
• "My 'I do' would not be the same without you."
• "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue—and you."

Card Design Ideas

There are many creative ways to design your bridesmaid proposal cards. You can choose something funny, sentimental, or custom-made. Here are some ideas:

• Custom photo card: Personalize the card with a nostalgic picture of you and your friend, along with their name and "Will you be my bridesmaid?"
• Whimsical card: Go for a light and pretty design, such as a card with a floral pattern and rose gold foil lettering.
• Humorous card: Include a joke on the front, such as "I know of a great party with an open bar," and then add "Will you be my bridesmaid?" inside.
• Pop culture-themed card: Take inspiration from movies or TV shows, such as "Bridesmaids" or "Friends," and include a relevant quote or illustration.
• Scratch-off card: Send a card with a lucky penny so they can scratch off a heart to reveal the message.
• Postcard: Design your card to resemble a postcard, especially if you have long-distance friends or a destination wedding.

Mailing or Delivering the Cards

You can either deliver the cards in person or send them by mail. If mailing, pair the card with a small gift or include it in a gift box. Some ideas for gifts or goodies to include are:

• Mini bottle of champagne
• Customized wine glass
• "Bridesmaid" T-shirt or sweatshirt
• Nail polish or press-on nail kit
• Monogrammed slippers
• Personalized jewelry (initial necklaces, lockets, or signet rings)
• Mini bottle of their favorite perfume
• Silk scarf
• Friendship bracelet

Remember, there is no minimum or pressure to spend a lot on your bridesmaid proposals. A cute card with a heartfelt message can be just as meaningful as a basket of goodies.

Bridesmaids assuming their role

Bridesmaids play a crucial role in supporting the bride and should be chosen with care. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to selecting them, here are some considerations to keep in mind:

Timing is Important

It is generally recommended to wait until you know your wedding date before asking your bridesmaids. This allows them to have a better idea of whether they can commit, especially if the date coincides with other commitments or significant life events. Giving yourself a grace period of at least 60 days after getting engaged can help prevent rushing this decision.

Know Your Bridesmaids Well

Take the time to consider your relationships with your prospective bridesmaids. Choose individuals who are close friends or family members, ensuring they are people you can rely on and who will be a part of your life for the long term. This is important as they will not only stand by your side on your wedding day but also potentially assist with various wedding-related tasks.

Communicate Your Vision and Expectations

Once you have selected your bridesmaids, it is essential to communicate your wedding vision and their responsibilities clearly. Be transparent about the specific tasks you need help with, and outline any expectations regarding their availability, financial contributions, and participation in pre-wedding events like dress shopping and fittings.

The Role of a Bridesmaid

Bridesmaids have a range of responsibilities that fall into three main categories: before, during, and after the wedding.

Before the Wedding

Bridesmaids are often involved in pre-wedding events such as the bachelorette party and bridal shower. They may also assist the bride in choosing her wedding gown and offer emotional support throughout the planning process. It is important to note that while bridesmaids can provide feedback and support, they should not be solely responsible for making major decisions like the wedding date, venue, or food choices.

During the Wedding

On the wedding day, bridesmaids typically participate in the processional and may help with greeting and seating guests. They ensure the bride has everything she needs, including refreshments, and may be called upon to assist with the bride's dress, such as holding it up or bustling it during the reception. Bridesmaids may also be expected to attend the rehearsal dinner and give a toast.

After the Wedding

Even after the wedding, the role of a bridesmaid continues. They often help gather personal items, transport gifts, and participate in post-wedding events like a next-day brunch. Creating a digital collection of photos and videos taken by the wedding party is also a thoughtful gesture while the couple awaits their official photos.

Asking bridesmaids before sending save-the-dates

It is important to take your time when deciding on your bridesmaids. Picking your bridesmaids is one of the most important and fun elements of planning your wedding. However, it is also crucial to consider the practicality of your decision. For instance, knowing your wedding date beforehand is essential, as it lets your bridesmaids determine whether they can commit to the role.

If you have a close relationship with your prospective bridesmaids and they have been hounding you about being "officially" asked, it may be okay to ask them to be your bridesmaid before setting a date. In such cases, you could order cute little cards that say, "I'm not sure when, I'm not sure where but I know I want you there! Will you be my bridesmaid?" However, some people may prefer to wait until they have more details about the big day before asking.

If you are planning a destination wedding or a wedding on a holiday weekend, it is advisable to send out save-the-dates earlier, around six to nine months in advance. This will give your guests, including your bridesmaids, enough time to make travel plans. On the other hand, for a local wedding, sending save-the-dates four to six months in advance is generally considered appropriate.

Remember, it is essential to give your bridesmaids a follow-up confirmation once they accept your invitation. This will allow you to discuss their roles and responsibilities and ensure they are comfortable with the commitment.

Frequently asked questions