The Best Man: Gender Stereotypes And Traditions

The role of the best man is typically given to a close male friend or family member of the groom. However, this role does not always have to be fulfilled by a man. In modern weddings, it is becoming increasingly common for couples to break away from traditional gender roles. The best man can be anyone the groom chooses, regardless of gender. They may be referred to as a best woman, bridesman, or any other title the couple prefers.

Planning the bachelor party

The best man should also enlist the help of the other groomsmen with logistics and recommendations. It is important to consider the budget of the guests and plan accordingly. For example, a big blowout in Vegas might not be the best option if only a few people can afford to go.

The bachelor party usually takes place one to three months before the wedding, but it is important to start planning at least three to six months in advance to ensure that all necessary bookings and reservations are made.

The best man should also keep in mind that they are not expected to pay for the entire party. The cost is typically split evenly among the attendees, excluding the groom.

• Chartering a boat
• Attending a sporting event
• Going bowling
• A bar crawl
• A camping trip
• A round of golf

Being the groom's confidant

The role of the best man is to be the groom's right-hand man and confidant. This involves being the groom's go-to person and trusted adviser throughout the engagement and wedding planning process. The best man is usually a close friend or relative of the groom, and their role is to support and assist the groom in any way possible before and during the wedding.

As the groom's confidant, the best man is responsible for a range of tasks, including:

• Planning and organising the bachelor party
• Acting as a point of contact for the groomsmen and other members of the groom's side
• Collecting money from the groomsmen and purchasing a gift for the groom
• Helping to choose the wedding attire for the groom and groomsmen
• Holding the wedding rings until they are exchanged during the ceremony
• Standing next to the groom during the ceremony
• Acting as a legal witness to the marriage and signing the marriage certificate
• Delivering a speech at the reception
• Ensuring the groom and groomsmen arrive on time and are where they need to be throughout the day
• Welcoming and greeting guests at the wedding venue
• Helping to organise the wedding photographs
• Being a source of emotional support for the groom

The best man is also often responsible for other small tasks and last-minute requests that may arise, demonstrating the level of trust and confidence placed in them by the groom.

Choosing the groom's attire

Suit or Tuxedo:

The first decision is whether to go for a suit or a tuxedo. Tuxedos tend to be more formal and are typically worn at black-tie events. They usually have satin features such as buttons, lapels, and a stripe down the side of the pants. Suits, on the other hand, are more versatile and can be dressed up or down depending on the occasion. They are also available in a wider range of styles and colours. Consider the formality of your wedding and your personal style when making this decision.

Colour:

The colour of the groom's attire can be chosen to match the wedding colour palette or theme. While classic options like black, grey, and blue are always popular, don't be afraid to explore other colours like tan, green, or cranberry. The season and formality of the wedding can also influence your colour choice. For example, light fabrics in tans, light blues, and greys are perfect for summer or warm-weather weddings, while darker colours like hunter green or navy are ideal for autumn or semi-formal weddings.

Lapels:

Suits and tuxedos typically come with three types of lapels: notch, peak, and shawl. Notch lapels are the most common and contemporary, while peak lapels have a pointed, more fashion-forward look. Shawl lapels, with their rounded edges, are less common but exude sophistication. Consider which style aligns with your personal taste and the overall aesthetic of your wedding.

Accessories:

Accessories are a great way to add a touch of personality to the groom's attire. From belts and suspenders to pocket squares, cufflinks, and boutonnieres, there are plenty of options to choose from. Don't forget to coordinate your accessories with the overall colour scheme and style of the wedding.

Fit:

Ensuring a proper fit is crucial for the groom's attire. Visit a professional tailor to get your body measurements and make sure your suit or tuxedo is tailored to your body type. A well-fitted outfit will not only look more flattering but also make you feel more comfortable and confident on your big day.

Remember, the most important thing is to choose an outfit that makes you feel comfortable and reflects your style and personality. Whether you opt for a traditional suit, a tuxedo, or something more casual, make sure it aligns with the tone and theme of your wedding.

Holding the wedding rings

Before the Ceremony

As the best man, you are responsible for keeping the wedding rings safe until it is time for the couple to exchange their vows. Find a safe place for the rings and triple-check that your pockets don't have any holes! If there is a ring bearer, they will carry the rings down the aisle on a pillow, and you will fasten the rings to the pillow as you line up for the processional. Once the ring bearer reaches the end of the aisle, they will pass the rings back to you for safekeeping until the officiant requests them during the ceremony.

During the Ceremony

If there is no ring bearer, the best man is usually entrusted with holding the wedding rings throughout the ceremony. This duty is a significant honour and requires careful attention. Ensure that you are familiar with the wedding schedule and are aware of when the rings will need to be presented. It is also a good idea to have a backup plan in case of any mishaps, such as having an extra copy of the vows or a ring box.

After the Ceremony

Even after the rings have been exchanged, the best man's duties are not over. It is common for the best man to be one of the two witnesses required to sign the couple's marriage license. This document will then be sent to the county clerk's office, and the couple will receive their official marriage certificate.

General Tips

• Communicate with the couple and the wedding planner to understand the expectations and responsibilities clearly.
• Stay organised and create checklists to ensure nothing is overlooked.
• Enjoy the process and don't be afraid to ask for help if needed.

Remember, the role of the best man is to provide support and assistance to the groom, so don't be afraid to go above and beyond to ensure the wedding rings are safe and the ceremony runs smoothly.

Giving a speech

Being the best man at a wedding is a huge honour and a big responsibility. The best man is the groom's right-hand person and is tasked with ensuring the groom's needs are met before, during, and after the wedding. The best man is usually a close friend or relative of the groom, but there are no rules and the role can be given to anyone the couple feels comfortable with.

The best man's speech is one of the most important parts of the reception and is often the best man's most nerve-wracking moment. Here are some tips to help you prepare and deliver a great speech:

Prepare in Advance

Give yourself plenty of time to prepare your speech. Start by brainstorming ideas and writing down notes. Think about what you want to say about the groom and the couple. It's a good idea to include a mix of humour and heartfelt sentiments in your speech. You can also add in a few cheeky stories about the groom, but be sure to consider your audience and avoid anything too embarrassing or inappropriate. Run your speech by a trusted person to get a second opinion on the tone and content.

Practice Makes Perfect

Once you have written your speech, practice, practice, practice! The more you practice, the more confident and comfortable you will feel when it comes time to deliver your speech. Practice in front of a mirror, time yourself, and make note of any areas where you stumble or need improvement. The more familiar you are with your speech, the easier it will be to deliver it confidently on the day.

Know Your Role

As the best man, you will likely be responsible for a range of duties before and during the wedding, such as organising the stag party, helping to choose the groom's and groomsmen's attire, and keeping the wedding rings safe. Use these duties as an opportunity to add a personal touch to your speech. For example, you could share a funny story about the stag party or a heartwarming moment from when you helped the groom choose his wedding outfit.

Keep it Light and Positive

Remember, the goal of your speech is to celebrate the couple and wish them well. Keep your speech light and positive, focusing on the happy occasion. Avoid any negative comments or stories that might reflect poorly on the couple or any of the wedding guests.

Time it Right

Traditionally, the best man's speech comes after the father of the bride and/or groom's speech and before the maid of honour's speech. Be mindful of the timing of your speech and keep it concise. You don't want to ramble on and lose the attention of your audience. Aim for a speech that is warm, funny, and to the point.

Enjoy the Moment

Lastly, remember to enjoy the moment! Being asked to be the best man is a privilege, and your speech is an opportunity to share your happiness for the couple. Take a deep breath, smile, and savour the experience.

Good luck with your speech!

Frequently asked questions