Junior Rasmussen
Do you take... to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband? is a phrase commonly used in wedding ceremonies, typically by the officiant addressing the groom. The phrase is part of the wedding vows, which are promises exchanged between the bride and groom during the ceremony. The specific wording of the vows can vary depending on cultural and religious traditions, as well as personal preferences. In some traditions, such as Greek and Eastern Orthodox weddings, formal vows are not typically included. However, in most English-speaking countries, the vows are derived from the Sarum rite of medieval England. The vows often include commitments to love, honour, and cherish each other, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, and until death.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Question format | " [Name], do you take [name] to be your lawfully wedded wife?" |
| Response | "I do" |
| Vows | "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." |
| Variations | "to love and to cherish"; "to love, cherish and worship"; "to love, cherish and obey" |
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What You'll Learn
The history of wedding ceremonies
In medieval England, the Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church included wedding vows in Latin, which were to be recited by the priest in the "mother tongue" of those present. These vows have evolved into the traditional Christian vows still commonly used today, which include promises to love and cherish one another, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and until death do them part.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may also include additional phrases, such as "to have and to hold" and "from this day forward." The Episcopal Church in the United States voted in 1922 to remove the word "obey" from the bride's section of the wedding vows, reflecting changing societal norms and views on gender equality.
Hindu wedding ceremonies, on the other hand, involve a range of rituals and traditions that take place over several days. Two weeks before the official wedding day, the bride is sanctified. She wears a white sari and is blessed by female relatives and neighbours who sing to her and remove her jewellery. A few days before the wedding, a wedding canopy is erected, and the bride is anointed with turmeric paste by a priest and married male relatives. On the wedding day, a feast is prepared, and the bride is ritually washed and dressed in a turmeric-coloured sari and a fringed marriage hat. Her father then hands over the dowry to the groom, and the bride is led to the bridal chamber, where her hand is placed in the groom's by her father.
Roman weddings also had unique traditions. It was customary for the bride to appear reluctant, blushing and in tears, rather than beaming with joy. Before the wedding, the bride's father would offer sacrifices to the gods.
While the specifics of wedding ceremonies vary, the exchange of vows, whether spoken or unspoken, is a common thread that unites many cultures. Couples may choose to honour their heritage by incorporating traditional elements or blending rituals from different backgrounds. Ultimately, the decision to marry is a personal one, and the ceremony is shaped by cultural, religious, and individual beliefs and values.
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Wedding vows from different religions
Wedding vows are a meaningful, heartfelt, and personal part of a wedding ceremony. Couples may choose to incorporate traditional vows from their religion or culture, write their own vows, or blend elements from both their backgrounds.
Christian Wedding Vows
Traditional Christian wedding vows are some of the most commonly exchanged vows. They often include phrases such as:
> I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.
Catholic Wedding Vows
Traditional Catholic vows are similar to Christian vows but may include additional phrases such as:
> I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.
Jewish Wedding Vows
In a Jewish wedding, the key moments are the ring exchange and the Seven Blessings (Sheva Brachot), often recited in Hebrew. During the ring exchange, the couple may say:
> Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
An example of a traditional Reform Jewish wedding vow is:
> Do you, [name], take [name] to be your wife/husband, promising to cherish and protect her/him, whether in good fortune or adversity, and to seek together with her/him a life hallowed by the faith of Israel?
Buddhist Wedding Vows
Buddhist wedding vows are not required to be spoken aloud. Whether exchanged silently or out loud, they express a couple's desire to work together toward achieving enlightenment. An example of a traditional Buddhist vow is:
> Today we dedicate ourselves completely to each other, in body, speech, and mind.
Hindu Wedding Vows
A traditional Hindu wedding includes the exchange of floral garlands during the Jai Mala. The exchange of vows is known as the saptapadi, or "seven steps," and typically includes phrases such as:
> Let us take the first step to provide for our household a nourishing and pure diet, avoiding those foods injurious to healthy living. Let us take the second step to develop physical, mental, and spiritual powers.
Greek and Eastern Orthodox Wedding Vows
Greek and Eastern Orthodox wedding ceremonies are traditionally devoid of wedding vows. The ceremony is viewed as the couple's joining through the eyes of God. However, modern couples may opt to exchange verbal vows during a private moment.
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The legalities of a wedding
Officiant
The wedding officiant, often a minister, plays a crucial role in the legal process. They act as an agent of the state, ensuring that the marriage follows local laws and regulations. The officiant is responsible for pronouncing the couple as husband and wife, signing the marriage license, and mailing it to the appropriate state office. This act legalises the marriage in the eyes of the state.
Marriage License
The marriage license is a vital document that authorises the wedding. It must be obtained by the couple before the ceremony and signed by the officiant and witnesses during or after the ceremony. The license is then sent to the relevant state office for registration. This step officially recognises the marriage under civil law.
Vows and Consent
The wedding vows are not only a romantic declaration of love and commitment but also a legal contract between the couple. In many traditions, the vows include promises to love, honour, and cherish each other, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, until death do they part. These vows create a binding agreement that is recognised by both the state and, in some cases, a higher power or religious authority.
Additionally, consent is an essential legal aspect of the wedding. The officiant usually asks if there is any lawful cause why the couple may not be wed and seeks the couple's consent to be joined in marriage. This ensures that both parties are entering the marriage willingly and without coercion.
Witnesses
The presence of witnesses is often a legal requirement. Their signatures on the marriage license attest to their witnessing of the ceremony and the couple's consent. Witnesses play a crucial role in validating the marriage under civil law.
Registration
In some jurisdictions, such as England, marriages are legally recognised if properly carried out and registered within specific religious bodies or by authorised local officials (civil ceremonies). Registration ensures the marriage is officially recorded and recognised by the state.
Legal Implications
Marriage confers various legal rights and responsibilities on the couple. These include filing taxes jointly, making medical decisions for each other, and being responsible for each other's medical bills. Additionally, while pre-existing debt does not automatically transfer to the spouse, joint assets may be affected upon the death of a spouse with significant debt.
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Wedding vows: traditional vs non-traditional
Wedding vows are a unique way for couples to express their love and commitment to each other. While some couples opt for traditional vows, others prefer to write their own, creating a ceremony that is as unique as their love story.
Traditional Vows
Traditional wedding vows are often religious in nature and are usually repeated after the officiant or answered with a simple "I do". These vows typically include promises to love, honour, and cherish one another, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and for better or worse. Here are some examples of traditional wedding vows from different cultures and religions:
- Christian wedding vows: "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death."
- Jewish wedding vows: "Do you, [name], take [name] to be your wife/husband, promising to cherish and protect her/him, whether in good fortune or adversity, and to seek together with her/him a life hallowed by the faith of Israel?"
- Buddhist wedding vows: "Today we dedicate ourselves completely to each other, in body, speech, and mind."
Non-Traditional Vows
Non-traditional wedding vows offer couples the opportunity to express their commitment in a way that truly reflects their relationship. These vows can be non-religious or secular, and can include personal touches such as shared interests, inside jokes, and special memories. Couples may choose to write their own vows separately or together, incorporating cultural elements or phrases that are meaningful to them.
- Start by reflecting on your journey as a couple, including experiences shared, challenges overcome, and dreams for the future.
- Discuss with your partner whether you will write separately or together, and if you will share vows before the ceremony.
- Decide on the length, tone, and whether to include traditional or cultural elements.
- Choose how you will deliver your vows, such as using vow books, cards, or devices.
- Aim to have your vows completed at least three weeks before the wedding day and practice reciting them.
Whether a couple chooses traditional or non-traditional vows, the key is to make them heartfelt and memorable, reflecting their love and commitment to one another.
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The cultural significance of weddings
Weddings are steeped in cultural significance and vary widely across different cultures and regions. They are a profound and meaningful ceremony marking the beginning of a lifelong journey shared by two individuals in love. Weddings are not just about the celebration of love and commitment but also the preservation of tradition and the strengthening of family bonds. They serve as a powerful symbol of hope, joy, and enduring bonds, bringing people together in a shared celebration of life and love.
Wedding traditions and customs differ across cultures, ethnicities, races, religions, and countries. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of vows and rings, a presentation of gifts or offerings, and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony may be followed by a reception. Music, poetry, prayers, or readings from religious texts are also commonly incorporated.
For example, in the Western world, the traditional white wedding, where the bride wears a white dress and veil, is a common custom. In Eastern Orthodox weddings, the ceremony focuses on the couple's joining through the eyes of God, so formal vows are not usually included, although modern couples may opt to exchange private vows. In South Asian weddings, the celebrations are elaborate and colorful. In Buddhist weddings, vows do not need to be spoken aloud, and the couple expresses their desire to work together towards enlightenment. In Jewish weddings, the couple promises to "cherish and protect" each other.
Cultural norms also influence the expected roles and responsibilities within a marriage, shaping how partners interact and support each other daily. Traditions like dowries and bridewealth reflect the economic and social dimensions of marriage, signifying the merging of families and the establishment of financial security. Families often play a critical role in choosing partners, reflecting the importance of social harmony and interconnectedness in marital relationships.
In conclusion, weddings are a collage of love customs, rituals, and symbols that differ across cultures. They are a testament to the diverse tapestry of human experience and the universal desire for connection and belonging.
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Frequently asked questions
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
"Do you, [name], take [name] to be your [wife/husband], promising to cherish and protect her/him, whether in good fortune or in adversity, and to seek together with her/him a life hallowed by the faith of Israel?"
"Today we dedicate ourselves completely to each other, in body, speech, and mind."
A wedding ceremony typically includes an officiant, who guides the couple through their vows, and witnesses, who are usually friends or family members of the couple. The couple may also choose to include additional elements such as music, readings, or cultural traditions.
Non-traditional wedding vows can be personalized to reflect the unique relationship and values of the couple. For example, "I promise to always support your dreams and to create a life together that is full of love, laughter, and adventure."
