Rhiannon Hendricks
Gay weddings are now legal in all 50 US states following a landmark Supreme Court ruling in 2015. While gay weddings are similar to heterosexual weddings in most ways, there are some differences. For example, gay couples might not follow the heterosexual tradition of asking for parental permission before proposing. They may also choose to break other wedding traditions, such as the bride being walked down the aisle, and instead create their own rituals, like having two entrances for the happy couple to meet in the middle and walk down the aisle together. When it comes to planning, gay couples may choose to be upfront about their sexual orientation with vendors when gender is a big part of their service offering.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Legal status | Same-sex weddings are legal in all 50 states in the US |
| Planning | Same-sex couples may want gender-specific advice and inspiration for their ceremonies and receptions |
| Traditions | There is no need to subscribe to traditions; do whatever makes you happy |
| Vendors | Choose vendors who celebrate your love and are excited to work with you |
| Guests | You don't need to invite anyone who has expressed negative feelings about your relationship |
| Rituals | Break the rules; adapt rituals and traditions to suit you and your partner |
| Names | You can choose to keep your own last names, adopt your partner's last name, or hyphenate |
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What You'll Learn
Gay weddings are legally recognised in all 50 US states
Planning a gay wedding is similar to planning a heterosexual wedding in many ways. However, there may be some additional considerations for LGBTQ+ couples. For example, when choosing vendors, some couples may wish to be upfront about their sexual orientation, especially if gender is a significant aspect of the vendor's services. There are also dedicated same-gender wedding directories that can help couples find vendors who celebrate and support their love.
When it comes to the ceremony itself, gay weddings are not bound by the same traditions as heterosexual weddings. Couples can choose to incorporate religious elements or make the ceremony entirely secular. They can also get creative with entrances and walks down the aisle, as there is no prescribed way for two people of the same gender to enter or walk together. Ultimately, the format of the ceremony is up to the couple and can be tailored to reflect their unique relationship.
In addition to the legal recognition of gay weddings, there has also been a shift in public opinion towards greater acceptance. As of 2021, a majority of Americans in 47 states supported same-sex marriage, and this support has continued to grow, with two-thirds of Americans polled in 2024 agreeing that it should be legally recognised. This shift in public opinion has been reflected in the media, with numerous TV shows and series featuring same-sex marriages, helping to normalise and celebrate these relationships.
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There is no blueprint for same-sex proposals
Same-sex couples may not request permission from parents to marry, although they may choose to share their intention to propose or marry. This is a notable break from the traditional ritual of a bridegroom getting down on one knee to ask a woman's parents for her hand in marriage.
There is also no blueprint for the wedding ceremony itself. LGBTQ+ couples can choose to have a simple elopement or a grand affair, a civil ceremony or a religious one. They can walk down the aisle together, or make their own entrance. They can have a flower girl, bridesmaids, groomsmen, or none of the above. They can write their own vows, or include religious sentiments.
When it comes to planning, LGBTQ+ couples may face challenges when navigating family, friends, and guests. They may also encounter difficulties finding vendors who are genuinely excited to work with them. However, there are now many resources for LGBTQ+ couples, such as same-sex wedding directories, that can help them find inclusive vendors and venues.
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to propose to, or marry, your same-sex partner. The most important thing is to do what feels right for you and your partner, and to create new traditions that authentically reflect your relationship.
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LGBTQ+ couples don't need to accept the typical wedding package served up to straight couples
LGBTQ+ couples can now legally marry in all 50 US states, thanks to the 2015 Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage. While this is a huge step forward, the wedding industry has been slower to adapt, and LGBTQ+ couples often face a unique set of challenges when planning their big day.
One of the main challenges is finding vendors and venues that are LGBTQ+-friendly and inclusive. While some couples may choose to keep their sexual orientation private when dealing with vendors, others may prefer to be upfront about it, especially if gender is a significant aspect of the services offered. To find inclusive vendors, couples can look for words of support and inclusive representation on websites, images, and social media posts. There are also dedicated same-gender wedding directories that can help couples find vendors by state.
Another challenge is navigating family, friends, and guests. LGBTQ+ couples may need to consider whether to invite anyone who has expressed negative feelings about their relationship. As Meyer, an LGBTQ+ wedding expert, says, "Weddings are a celebration of love. No one should be invited to your wedding if they will show up with anything other than love and support for you and your fiance."
LGBTQ+ couples may also choose to forgo certain traditions associated with heterosexual weddings, such as the bride being walked down the aisle and given away. Instead, LGBTQ+ couples have the freedom and flexibility to create new traditions that reflect their unique relationship. For example, some couples may choose to walk down the aisle together, while others may opt for a simple civil ceremony.
Ultimately, the most important thing for LGBTQ+ couples to remember is that their wedding should be a reflection of their love and what matters most to them. As one person commented, "Think about what matters to you and choose to display that."
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You can choose to come out to your wedding vendors or not
When it comes to planning your LGBTQ+ wedding, you might encounter some challenges when navigating family, friends, and guests. One such challenge is deciding whether to "come out" to your wedding vendors. Ultimately, the decision is up to you and your partner, but there are a few things to consider.
Firstly, you may want to prioritize working with vendors who celebrate your love and are excited to work with you. Browse vendor listings on dedicated same-gender wedding directories, such as engaygedweddings.com, and look for words of support and inclusive representation on their websites, images, and social media posts. If you find a vendor whose work speaks to you, don't be afraid to reach out and tell them about yourself and your partner. Trust your instincts, and if you ever feel uncomfortable during this process, ask the right questions or simply look for another vendor.
Secondly, consider whether gender is a significant aspect of the services offered by the vendor. For example, if you are looking for a caterer, florist, or cake designer, gender may not play a significant role in their services. In such cases, you may choose not to disclose your sexual orientation or gender identity if you feel uncomfortable doing so.
On the other hand, if you are seeking a wedding planner or transportation provider, gender might be more inherently tied to their services. In these cases, you may consider being upfront about your identities to ensure that they can provide services that align with your vision and meet your specific needs.
Remember, your wedding is a celebration of the love between you and your partner, so focus on finding vendors who will treat you with the kindness, equality, and excitement that you deserve.
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You can create your own traditions
One of the best parts about planning a gay wedding is that you have the freedom and flexibility to create new traditions that are unique to you and your partner. Here are some ideas to consider:
The Proposal
For many gay and lesbian couples, there isn't a clear blueprint for how to propose, as you may be the first same-sex couple in your circle to get married. While some couples may choose to follow the traditional ritual of asking for the parents' blessing before proposing, others may simply share their intention to marry without seeking approval. The important thing is to do what feels right for you and your partner.
The Venue
LGBTQ+ couples have the opportunity to break free from the typical wedding venues and create their own vibe. Consider alternative spaces that are inclusive, educated about the LGBTQ+ community, and willing to provide a customised level of service. You can also look beyond the 'preferred suppliers' and choose vendors that align with your values and celebrate your love.
The Ceremony
Gay weddings allow you to break free from obsolete traditions and create your own. You can walk down the aisle together, arm in arm, or even meet in the middle from two separate entrances. You can have a flower girl, only bridesmaids or groomsmen, or choose genderless terms like "attendants" or "party people." It's your day, so do what makes you happy!
The Vows
Whether you choose to write your own vows or include religious sentiments, you have the freedom to customise your ceremony. Modify words of faith to suit your context, or seek out a non-denominational officiant who can help you incorporate faith-driven aspects. You can also include rituals like wearing Mehndi henna or breaking glasses at Jewish weddings, regardless of gender.
The Name
As a newly married couple, you have the option to keep your own last names, adopt your partner's last name, or create a hyphenated last name. Discuss your options with your partner and choose what feels right for both of you.
Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and creating memories that are authentically you. So, feel free to break the rules, be creative, and design a day that reflects your unique relationship.
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Frequently asked questions
Planning a gay wedding is similar to planning a traditional wedding, but with some differences. You might want to consider whether you want to “come out” to your vendors, and whether you want to include any religious elements. You can also choose to have an after-party, which is three times more common in same-sex weddings.
No. You don't need to invite anyone who has expressed negative feelings about your relationship. Weddings are a celebration of love, so only invite people who will show up with love and support for you and your partner.
Browse vendor listings on dedicated same-gender wedding directories, and look for vendors with inclusive language and imagery. You can also go the mainstream route and simply tell vendors about yourself and your partner to gauge their reaction. If you don't feel celebrated, find someone else to work with.
You can include any traditions that resonate with you and your partner, regardless of their original context. For example, Muslims having a same-gender wedding can choose to wear Mehndi henna, and two glasses can be broken at Jewish weddings with two brides or grooms. You can also create your own traditions!
There isn't a blueprint for how to propose in gay weddings, so do whatever feels right for you and your partner. You might choose to propose on one bent knee, or walk down the aisle together from two entrances.
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