Who To Invite: Wedding Etiquette For Clergy

When it comes to wedding planning, one of the many questions that arise is whether or not to invite the priest or officiant to the wedding and reception. While it is not mandatory, it is considered good etiquette and a polite gesture to extend an invitation to the priest, especially if they are a close friend or family member. Even if the priest is not well known to the couple, it is still common courtesy to invite them as they play a significant role in the ceremony. However, it is not expected that the priest will attend the entire reception, and they may decline the invitation or leave early.

Invitation etiquette for different types of priests

If a priest is going to be officiating your wedding, it is considered good etiquette to invite them to the wedding reception. This is common courtesy, and while they may decline, it is polite to extend the invitation. This is true whether the priest is a close friend, a stranger, or a hired officiant.

The Officiant

The priest who will be marrying you is called the officiant. This is different from simply inviting a friend who happens to be a priest. You must secure the services of an officiant in advance. It is considered good form to invite them with a printed invitation, and they may appreciate the reminder.

Addressing the Invitation

It is important to address the invitation correctly. Most Catholic priests are addressed as "Reverend Father," but there are many ranks in the Catholic Church and in other denominations. Be sure to find out the correct way to address your priest before sending the invitation. For example, a priest who is a member of a religious order would be addressed as "The Reverend Father".

Spouses and Plus Ones

If the officiant is a friend or close religious figure, it is common sense to invite them to the reception. If the officiant is married, it is polite to invite their spouse, and they should be seated at a prominent table. If the officiant is not married, whether or not to offer a plus one is more flexible.

Other Events

The priest will likely be in attendance at the wedding rehearsal, so they should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. You are not expected to invite them to other events, such as a welcome party or a day-after brunch, but you may choose to do so if they are close to your family.

Whether to invite the priest to the reception

Whether or not to invite the priest to the wedding reception is a question of etiquette that has multiple answers depending on who you ask.

Some sources suggest that it is generally considered polite to invite the priest to the reception, as they played a major part in the wedding ceremony. It is a way to show appreciation for the person who played an integral role in your wedding. It is also a good idea to invite them as it would be awkward to force them to leave after the ceremony when they just played an important role in your life. It is best to invite them before the wedding, as you may not have time to speak to them after the ceremony. However, don't be surprised if they decline—they may have another wedding to officiate, or they may not have a close bond with the married couple and so may not want to stay for the rest of the evening.

Other sources suggest that it is your call as a couple, and that some couples extend the invite and others don't. If you are not close with the priest, you don't have to invite them if you don't want to. If you do invite them, it is also up to you whether or not to invite their spouse or a plus one, depending on your budget and the nature of your relationship with the priest.

If the priest does accept the invitation, it is considered proper etiquette to seat them at a prominent table, such as with the parents of the bride and groom.

Whether the priest is likely to attend the reception

Whether or not to invite the priest to the wedding reception depends on several factors, and it is ultimately a personal decision for the couple to make. Here are some considerations to keep in mind:

Etiquette and Courtesy

It is generally considered polite and good etiquette to invite the priest to the wedding reception, especially if they are a close friend or family member. After all, they played a significant role in your wedding ceremony, and it is a sign of appreciation and courtesy to include them in the celebrations.

Relationship with the Priest

If the couple has a close relationship with the priest, it makes sense to invite them to the reception. This could be the case if the priest is a long-time family friend or has provided pre-marital counselling to the couple, resulting in a stronger connection.

However, if the couple does not know the priest well, the decision to invite them becomes more discretionary. Some couples choose to invite the priest out of courtesy, while others may decide not to, especially if they have only hired the priest for the wedding ceremony.

Practical Considerations

It is important to keep in mind that the priest's attendance at the reception is not guaranteed, and they may decline the invitation. Priests often have busy schedules, and there is a possibility that they have another wedding or commitment to attend after the ceremony.

Additionally, the couple should consider their budget and the size of the wedding. If the wedding is intimate and the budget is limited, the couple may choose to invite only those closest to them, which may not include the priest.

Cultural and Religious Customs

The decision to invite the priest may also be influenced by cultural and religious customs. For example, in some Catholic traditions, it is customary to invite the priest, and specific titles and forms of address are used on the invitation.

Personal Preferences

Ultimately, the decision to invite the priest to the reception is a personal one. The couple should consider their relationship with the priest, their budget, the size of the wedding, and their own preferences. If the couple feels that the priest's presence at the reception would enhance their celebration, they should extend the invitation.

It is worth noting that even if invited, the priest may only stay briefly, such as for cocktail hour, or leave before the meal. This is especially true if the couple does not share a close bond with the priest.

How to address the invitation to the priest

When addressing a wedding invitation to a priest, it is important to use their official title and full name. The way you address the invitation will depend on the type of priest and the religion.

Catholic Priests

For a Catholic priest, the outer envelope should be addressed to "The Reverend Father [Name]" and the inner envelope to "Father [Surname]". If the priest is a member of a religious order, address the outer envelope to "The Reverend Father [Name]" and the inner envelope to "Father [Name]". If the priest is an abbot of a monastery, the outer envelope should be addressed to "The Right Reverend [Name]".

Monsignor

For a monsignor, the outer envelope can be addressed to "The Very Reverend [Name]" or "The Reverend Monsignor [Name]".

Diocesan Priest

For a diocesan priest, the outer envelope should be addressed to "The Reverend [Name]".

Protestant Ministers

For a Protestant minister, the outer envelope should be addressed to "The Reverend [Name]".

Rabbis

For a rabbi, the outer envelope should be addressed to "Rabbi [Name]".

Spouses

If the priest is married, be sure to include their spouse's name on the invitation. The outer envelope can be addressed to, for example, "The Reverend John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe". On the inner envelope, you can write "Reverend Doe and Mrs. Doe".

Whether to invite the priest's spouse

Whether or not you invite the priest's spouse to your wedding depends on several factors, including the nature of your relationship with the priest, the size of your wedding, and your personal preferences. Here are some considerations to help you make an informed decision:

• Relationship with the Priest: If the priest is a close friend or religious figure in your life, it is customary to invite them and their spouse to the wedding. This is a way to honour their presence and role in your special day. However, if you don't know the priest well and have hired them solely for the wedding ceremony, the decision to invite their spouse becomes more flexible.
• Size of the Wedding: Consider the size of your wedding and your guest list constraints. If you have a small and intimate wedding, you may not feel the need to invite the priest's spouse, especially if you are not close to them. On the other hand, if you have a larger guest list and can accommodate more people, inviting the spouse could be a considerate gesture.
• Personal Preferences: Ultimately, the decision to invite the priest's spouse is a personal one. Some couples prefer to keep the wedding more intimate and only invite people they know well. Others may feel obligated to invite the priest's spouse out of courtesy or respect for the priest's role in the ceremony. Discuss your preferences as a couple and decide what feels most comfortable for you.
• Communication with the Priest: If you are unsure about whether to invite the priest's spouse, consider having an open conversation with the priest. They may provide guidance or express their preferences, especially if they have certain expectations or traditions within their religious community. This communication can help you make an informed decision that considers the priest's perspective as well.
• Cultural and Religious Considerations: Take into account any cultural or religious traditions that may influence your decision. For example, in certain cultures or religious denominations, it may be customary to invite the priest's spouse as a sign of respect or hospitality. Understanding these nuances can help you navigate the invitation process more thoughtfully.

When deciding whether to invite the priest's spouse to your wedding, consider your relationship with the priest, the size of your wedding, your personal preferences, and any cultural or religious traditions that may be relevant. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, and you can always discuss your decision with the priest directly to ensure everyone is on the same page.

Frequently asked questions