Best Man: Brotherly Bond Or Best Friend's Role?

While it is common for grooms to have their brother as their best man, it is not a requirement. The best man is typically the person the groom feels closest to and who will help ease anxieties—this may be a friend, a male relative, or even a female relative. If a groom has multiple brothers, they can all be best men, or the groom can choose one brother over the others. If a groom does not want his brother as his best man, it is recommended that he sets expectations early to avoid family drama and that he finds another role for his brother, such as groomsman, usher, or driver.

You don't have to make your brother your best man

If you are close, your brother will probably already know who you are going to choose, so he won't be put out. If you are not close, he likely won't have been expecting to be asked and won't mind if you've chosen someone else.

If you think your brother will be disappointed, it is best to set expectations early and be upfront. You don't need to apologise or make a big announcement, but it is a good idea to have another role for your brother, such as groomsman, usher, driver, or speech-giver. You could also ask him to give a reading, be the ring bearer, or include him in any surprises you are planning.

It is ultimately your choice, and you can do what you feel is best.

You can have multiple best men

It is becoming more common for grooms to have multiple best men at their weddings. This way, you don't have to choose between the most important people in your life. If you have two brothers, for example, or two close friends, you can honour both relationships without feeling like you're sidelining anyone.

Having multiple best men can also help to spread out the responsibilities. Weddings can be a lot of work, and having multiple best men allows you to divide the workload, making things easier for everyone involved. You can play to their unique strengths, for example, one best man might be great at planning events, while the other is a fantastic public speaker.

There are some potential challenges to consider when having multiple best men. It may be more logistically challenging to manage the duties and responsibilities of multiple best men. Clear and constant communication is essential to ensure everyone understands their role and to avoid any overlap or confusion. It is also important to be mindful of any potential tension or conflict that could arise between the best men themselves or with family and friends who may be upset about the non-traditional arrangement.

• Bachelor Party: One best man can handle planning the bachelor party, while the other manages the guest list, travel, or accommodation details.
• Wedding Day Logistics: Divide duties such as keeping the rings safe, overseeing the groomsmen, and ensuring everyone is where they need to be on time.
• Speech: The best men can either give a joint speech or split the speech, or each can give their own speech, ensuring there is no overlap in content.
• Matching Outfits: Give your best men matching accessories, such as personalised cufflinks, ties, or pocket squares, to make them stand out from the other groomsmen.

You can ask your brother to be a groomsman

It is not necessary for your brother to be your best man, and you can ask your brother to be a groomsman instead. It is your wedding, so it is your decision. You should choose someone who will make you feel comfortable and ease any anxieties. This person should be reliable enough to help with everything from suit rental and stag planning to looking after wedding gifts and making sure your granny has a chair at the drinks reception. This may be your brother, or it may not be. There is no hard etiquette.

If you think your brother will be disappointed about not being the best man, it is best to set expectations early and be upfront. You don't need to apologise or make a big announcement, but it's a good idea to have another role for your brother, such as a groomsman, ready to go. You can also include your brother in other ways, such as by asking him to be an usher, giving a speech, or doing a reading. If you have multiple brothers, you can even have them both take on the role of best man.

If you are not close with your brother, he probably won't be expecting to be asked to be your best man, and he won't mind if you've asked someone else. If you are close, he'll probably already know who you're going to choose, so he won't be put out. Chances are, if you have multiple brothers, it can be hard to choose which one gets the title of best man. There are no rules, so you can have both of your brothers take on the role.

You can ask your brother to give a speech

It is not necessary for your best man to be your brother. You can choose whoever you want for this role, be it a family member or a friend, and you can even decide to have no best man at all. It is your day, so it is your decision.

If you do have a brother, however, and you are not planning on asking him to be your best man, it is a good idea to have another role for him, such as a groomsman, usher, driver, or speech-giver. Asking your brother to give a speech is a great way to include him in your wedding. He can share fun stories from your childhood and offer a unique perspective on your relationship with your partner. If you have multiple brothers, you can ask them to give a joint speech, perhaps with a microphone handoff for a bit of humour.

If you think your brother will be disappointed about not being chosen as the best man, it is best to be upfront and set expectations early. You can simply mention that you have asked someone else to be your best man, without needing to apologise or make a big announcement. You could also ask your brother to be involved in other ways, such as by walking your grandparents down the aisle, giving a reading, or even being the ring bearer.

You can ask your brother to be the ring bearer

While it is common for the best man at a wedding to be the groom's brother, it is not expected or obligatory. If you have multiple brothers, you could have them both take on the role of best man, or you could choose a friend or another family member instead.

If you don't want to make your brother your best man, there are still plenty of ways to involve him in your wedding. You could ask him to be a groomsman, an usher, a driver, a speech-giver, or give him a role in any readings or music. You could also entrust him with the important role of ring-bearer. While this role often goes to younger children, it can be fun to put an adult spin on it, such as asking your brother to serve as an "adult version of ring security". Another idea is to have him escort a younger ring bearer who might not be so confident on their own.

If you do decide to ask your brother to be the ring bearer, it's a good idea to make sure he's reliable and not likely to lose the rings!

Frequently asked questions