Extended Family At My Wedding: Who Should I Invite?

Creating a wedding guest list can be a challenging task, especially when it comes to deciding whether to invite extended family members or not. While some couples prefer to keep their weddings intimate and restricted to close friends and immediate family, others may feel pressured to invite their entire extended family due to family dynamics, traditions, or parental expectations. Ultimately, the decision rests with the couple, and it is essential to remember that it is their special day, which they can choose to celebrate with those they feel closest to and who will support them in their marriage.

It's your wedding, your choice

Your wedding day is one of the biggest days of your life, and you are allowed to do it on your terms. That might mean letting some people down and not extending an invite. You may feel guilty about not inviting certain extended family members to your wedding, but remember that it is your special day, and you should be surrounded by people that love and support you.

Creating your wedding guest list is no small task, and it's normal to have questions. Once you know your venue and how many guests it can accommodate, it's time to start compiling the list. If you have a large extended family, it might feel strange to list out family members by level of importance, but when it comes to making a concise guest list, you may have to do this. You could start by listing extended family members by importance and creating an A-list and a B-list. Immediate brothers and sisters of your parents should be on the A-list, while more distant relatives, like great aunts or uncles, could be on the B-list, especially if you have never met them.

If you're worried about offending certain family members by not inviting them, you can lean on reasons like venue or budget constraints. If you don't want to tell them straight-up that they can't come, you can explain that your venue is small and you're limited on space. This is a safe route to take, especially if your venue can't house a large number of people.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want. If you don't have a relationship with certain extended family members, then don't feel obliged to invite them. It's not an obligation, and it's okay to want to keep your wedding intimate and surrounded by people you know and love. If anyone asks about it, just tell them you are trying to keep it on the smaller side, and you regret that you can't invite everyone.

If you decide to invite certain extended family members who you may not be super close with, you can keep the guest list count low by not giving them a plus-one option. This can help you cut down on numbers while still including those family members.

Ultimately, creating the guest list and choosing who will attend your wedding is a personal choice. Try to keep in mind that this is your big day, and as long as you maintain open communication with your parents, in-laws, and partner, you will find a way to create the guest list that makes the most sense for your celebration.

Be open with parents and in-laws

When it comes to deciding whether or not to invite extended family members to your wedding, it's important to be open and honest with your parents and in-laws. Here are some tips to help you navigate this tricky situation:

• Involve your parents and in-laws in the discussion: It's likely that your parents or in-laws will have strong opinions about who should be invited to your wedding. Instead of trying to guess their preferences, involve them in the conversation from the beginning. This will help you understand their priorities and work together to create a guest list that everyone is happy with.
• Be transparent about the guest list process: Show your parents and in-laws how you're splitting the guest list. Start by listing your friends, as this will surprise them by how quickly it fills up the spaces. Then, ensure that the list is fair between both sides of the family. Be as organised as possible when presenting your thoughts, and be open to their suggestions and feedback.
• Consider creating an A-list and a B-list: Mindy Weiss of Mindy Weiss Party Consultants suggests creating an A-list and a B-list for your guest list. Immediate brothers and sisters of your parents should be on the A-list, while more distant relatives, such as great aunts or uncles, can be on the B-list, especially if you haven't met them. This approach can help you manage numbers and ensure that those closest to you are guaranteed an invitation.
• Discuss the importance of plus-ones: If you're trying to keep the guest list under control, consider limiting plus-ones for extended family members. This can be a sensitive topic, so it's important to handle it with care. One suggestion is to only allow plus-ones for those who are formally attached, such as those who are married or in a long-term relationship.
• Remember that it's your personal choice: Ultimately, creating the guest list is a personal choice, and it's your big day. As long as you maintain open communication with your parents, in-laws, and partner, you can find a solution that works for everyone. Be respectful of their opinions, but don't be afraid to stand your ground if there are certain people you don't want to invite.
• Be mindful of family dynamics: Consider the dynamics within your family and try to make decisions that will minimise potential conflicts. For example, if you invite one aunt or uncle, it may be considered rude not to invite their siblings. Think about the potential impact of your decisions on family relationships and try to find a balance between your preferences and maintaining family harmony.

Remember, open and honest communication is key. By involving your parents and in-laws in the process and considering their input, you can navigate this challenging aspect of wedding planning with less stress and more support.

Make a list of family members by level of importance

Deciding whether to invite extended family members to your wedding can be a nerve-wracking experience. It's important to remember that it's your special day, and you can choose to celebrate it with whoever you want. If you're unsure about who to invite, making a list of family members by level of importance can be a helpful way to narrow down your guest list. Here's a suggested approach to creating that list:

• Immediate family at the top: Start by listing your immediate family members, such as your parents, siblings, and grandparents. These are the people closest to you, and they are likely to be on the A-list.
• Rank cousins by closeness: If you have cousins, consider how close you are to them. Same-age cousins or those you have a good relationship with could be on the A-list, while cousins you rarely see or have a strained relationship with could be on the B-list or even excluded.
• Aunts and uncles: Your parents' siblings are important family members and are generally considered A-list invitees. However, if you have a large number of aunts and uncles or a strained relationship with some, you may need to be more selective.
• Great aunts and uncles: If you have a large extended family, you may have great aunts and uncles. Unless you have a close relationship with them, they can be on the B-list or even excluded, especially if you've never met them.
• Consider other factors: When deciding who to invite, also consider factors like venue capacity, budget, and family dynamics. If you haven't spoken to certain family members in years or have had a falling out, it's reasonable to not invite them.

Here's an example of how your list of family members by level of importance could look:

A-List:

• Parents
• Siblings
• Grandparents
• Aunts and uncles (parents' siblings)
• Same-age cousins or those you are close with

B-List:

• Great aunts and uncles (if any)
• Distant cousins or those you are not close with

Not Invited:

• Family members you haven't spoken to in years
• Family members with whom you have a strained relationship
• Family members who do not support your relationship

Remember, this is just a suggested framework, and you can customise it based on your unique family dynamics and relationships. It's also a good idea to be open and honest with your parents or in-laws about your guest list decisions, as they may have insights or opinions that can help guide your choices. Ultimately, the decision of who to invite is a personal one, and you should choose the people who will make your big day even more special.

Don't invite those you haven't heard from in years

Deciding whether or not to invite extended family members to your wedding can be a difficult task. If you haven't heard from certain relatives in years, you may be wondering if you should invite them to your wedding. Here are some reasons why you might choose not to:

• Maintaining a smaller guest list: Weddings with a smaller number of guests can be more intimate and special. By not inviting extended family members you haven't been in contact with, you can keep your guest list more exclusive and manageable. This can also help reduce costs, as larger guest lists can be more expensive.
• Focusing on close relationships: Your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment with the people who matter most to you. If you haven't heard from certain extended family members in years, it's likely that you don't have a close relationship with them. Prioritising those who you are close to and who have been a part of your life ensures that your day is filled with meaningful connections.
• Avoiding family dynamics and obligations: Weddings can bring up complex family dynamics and obligations, especially if you feel pressured to invite relatives out of a sense of duty. By not inviting extended family members you haven't heard from in years, you can avoid potential family politics and focus on celebrating with those who are truly important to you.
• Respecting your own boundaries: It's important to remember that your wedding day is a personal choice, and you are not obligated to invite anyone out of obligation or pressure. If you don't feel comfortable inviting certain extended family members, trust your instincts and set boundaries that feel right for you and your partner.

Remember, creating a guest list can be a challenging process, especially when navigating family relationships. It's essential to communicate openly with your partner, parents, and in-laws to make decisions that align with your vision for your wedding day. Ultimately, the choice of whether or not to invite extended family members you haven't heard from in years is yours to make, and it's crucial to do what feels right for you.

Lean on reasons like venue constraints

If you're worried about how to navigate not inviting extended family to your wedding, one of the easiest ways to do so is to lean on venue constraints. This is a great excuse, especially if your venue has a low guest limit or you're paying for the wedding yourself.

For example, if your venue has a capacity of 100 people, you can simply say that you would love to invite your entire extended family, but unfortunately, the venue won't allow it. This way, you can place the blame on the venue, rather than on yourself or your family members. It's a delicate way to approach the situation and can help to avoid any hurt feelings or family drama.

When deciding who to invite, it's important to involve your parents or in-laws in the discussion, especially if they are contributing financially. Be open and transparent about the guest list and show them how you've allocated the numbers. Start by listing your friends, and then work with your parents to ensure that the guest list is fair between both sides of the family.

If you're worried about offending certain family members, try to invite in circles of closeness. For instance, you could invite aunts and uncles but not their children, or invite only those cousins who are close to your age. It's generally considered rude to invite some siblings and not others, so if you must invite some aunts and uncles, consider inviting them without a plus-one option to keep numbers low.

Remember, creating the guest list is a personal choice, and it's your big day. As long as you maintain open communication with your family and partner, you can find a solution that works for everyone.

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