Arabian Nights: The Extravagance Of Arab Weddings

Arabic weddings are lavish, multi-day celebrations that are rich in tradition. They are heavily influenced by Bedouin customs and Islamic practices, with some regional variations. The weddings are characterised by multiple pre-wedding and post-wedding events, with the active involvement of the couple's families. While arranged marriages are common, they are not forced, as both parties must consent to the union. The Tulba or Tolbe is a key pre-wedding tradition, where the groom and his family formally ask for the bride's hand in marriage. This is followed by the engagement, henna night, and other rituals before the actual wedding day. The wedding ceremony, known as Katb Al-kitaab or Nikah, involves a short religious ritual and the signing of a marriage contract witnessed by elders from both families. The reception, called Walima, is hosted by the groom's family and includes a grand entrance, traditional dances, and a feast of Arabic cuisine. Overall, Arab weddings are a vibrant and joyous affair, lasting several days and filled with cultural significance.

The Tulba or Tolbe: the groom and his family formally ask the bride's family for her hand in marriage

The Tulba or Tolbe is a pre-wedding ceremony and an important part of Arab weddings. This event is more private and intimate, limited to the closest and immediate relatives of the bride and groom. It occurs after both families have approved and consented to the couple's decision to wed.

During the Tulba, the groom, accompanied by his family members, formally asks the bride, who is surrounded by her family, for her hand in marriage. The families then officially acknowledge and recognise that the two shall marry. This is a significant step in the marriage process, as it involves seeking the blessing and consent of the bride's family, which is necessary for an Islamic wedding.

If both sets of parents agree to the union, someone will read a short prayer from the Holy Quran, called "Surah Al-Fatiha" or "Surah Fatiha", which is recited by everyone present. This is followed by a presentation of refreshments, such as tea, coffee, or cordial, along with sweets or snacks that both families enjoy together. This moment of sharing and celebration symbolises the families' unity and support for the couple's upcoming marriage.

The Tulba is a cherished tradition in Arab culture, even in modern times, as it upholds the values of respect and legitimacy in the marriage process. It serves as a formal request and affirmation of the couple's commitment, marking the beginning of their journey towards a life together.

Henna night: a women-only party where the bride and her female guests have their hands and feet painted with henna

Henna night, also known as Mehndi, is a traditional pre-wedding celebration in both Muslim and Hindu cultures. It is a women-only party where the female friends and relatives of the bride gather to celebrate and have their hands and feet painted with henna. The event is usually held the day before the wedding and is filled with music, dancing, and colourful dresses.

The henna night is a joyous and festive occasion, with guests coming together to wish the bride good health, prosperity, and a happy marriage. The application of henna is believed to have medicinal and cooling properties, helping to relieve stress and calm the bride's nerves before her big day. The darker the stain of the henna, the more love the bride will receive from her partner and in-laws, according to tradition.

During the event, the bride and her female guests will have intricate henna patterns applied to their hands and feet by a professional henna artist or a skilled family member. The designs can include lace patterns, nature-inspired elements, the couple's names, depictions of animals, Hindu gods, and symbolic motifs representing blessings, luck, joy, and love.

In addition to the henna application, the henna night may also feature choreographed dancing, singing, and a variety of foods. The event is usually organised by the bride's family and is a chance for the women on both sides of the marriage to come together and celebrate.

The henna night is a significant tradition in Arab weddings, with similar celebrations also found in other cultures such as Turkish and Jewish weddings. It is a time-honoured ritual that adds to the excitement and delight of the wedding festivities.

The Mahr: a gift of gold from the groom to the bride, which she keeps if they divorce

In Islam, a mahr is a mandatory gift from the groom to the bride, which is often in the form of money, possessions, or teachings of Quranic verses. It is a bride wealth obligation, which the groom must give to the bride at the time of the Islamic wedding. The mahr is specified in the marriage contract signed at the time of the wedding, and it establishes the bride's financial independence from her parents and, in many cases, from her husband. The groom has no legal claim to the mahr, and the bride can use it as she sees fit.

The mahr is typically paid in two parts: the muqaddam, or prompt mahr, which the bride receives at or immediately after the wedding, and the mu'akhar, a deferred amount paid at a later date. The deferred amount is often larger and is intended to provide financial support for the wife in the event of her husband's death or divorce. The mahr is a religious right of the wife and cannot be reduced by the husband.

The amount of the mahr is often negotiated between the parents or guardians of the bride and groom, and it is considered a gift that the groom must give to demonstrate his commitment and seriousness of intention. While the mahr is usually money, it can also be anything agreed upon by the bride, such as jewellery, home goods, furniture, a dwelling, or land.

In the Quran, Surah 4, An-Nisa, verse 4 states: "And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr [obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage] with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allah has made it lawful)."

Katb Al-kitaab: the wedding ceremony, involving a short speech from a sheikh or imam, and the signing of a marriage contract

Katb Al-kitaab, also known as Nikah, is the wedding ceremony in an Islamic marriage. It is considered a crucial ritual and without it, the marriage is technically non-existent. The ceremony involves the couple, a Muslim cleric, and two witnesses for both the bride and groom. The cleric, usually a sheikh or an imam, recites verses from the Quran regarding the vital obligations of the marriage. The ceremony can be likened to the exchange of vows in Western weddings, such as "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health".

During the ceremony, a Dua (prayer) is recited, and both parties are required to agree to the marriage. The family then reads the Surat Al-Fatiha to bless the union. The sheikh or imam also lays out the terms of the marriage, which are outlined in the marriage contract. This contract is then signed by both the bride and groom, ensuring that their marriage is legally recognised both religiously and civilly. The contract outlines the rights and responsibilities of both the husband and wife and can include stipulations on where the couple will live and the physical nature of their relationship.

The Katb Al-kitaab ceremony can be an intimate affair or an elaborate event with extended family and friends in attendance. It is customary to serve dates and other sweets to the guests, along with tea and coffee. The ceremony is usually followed by a grand reception called the Walima, hosted by the groom's family, to wish the newlyweds a prosperous life together.

Walima: the wedding reception, hosted and paid for by the groom's family

Walima is the wedding reception and the final celebration of a Muslim wedding. It is hosted and paid for by the groom's family, and it is a requirement in Islamic tradition. The newlyweds make their first public appearance as a couple, and friends and family from both sides are invited to attend. The reception is an extravagant affair, with floral decor, live music, DJs, dance floors, and sumptuous food.

The dress code for the Walima is elegant and sophisticated. The bride wears a gorgeous lehenga and glittering jewellery gifted to her by her in-laws. The groom usually opts for a formal Western suit or a tuxedo. The guests also dress in a classy manner, with men wearing tuxedos and Western suits, and women wearing Pakistani ethnic dresses such as sharara suits and Anarkali salwar kameez.

The Walima celebration marks the beginning of a new chapter in the life of the newlyweds and is a time for both families to come together and celebrate. The reception is a huge celebration with many relatives and guests in attendance. The venue is an integral part of the wedding, and the decor can be as extravagant or simple as the couple wishes, often including stage decoration, elegant backdrops, floral arrangements, and lighting.

The food served at the Walima is also a significant aspect of the celebration. Pakistani cuisine is known for its rich flavours, with delicious dishes such as tikka, kebabs, chicken yakhni biryani, nihari gosht, haleem, and sweet desserts such as gajar ka halwa, Kheer, and Zarda. The food is considered a reflection of the wealth of the families of the bride and groom.

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