Best Man Blues: Unforeseen Wedding Woes

Being a best man is a big responsibility and a great honour. It is a role that is usually given to a close friend or relative of the groom, and it comes with a lot of duties and expectations. From planning the bachelor party to giving a speech, the best man is expected to be the groom's right-hand man and provide support and assistance throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. However, sometimes life happens and the chosen best man may not be able to fulfil their duties. In such cases, it is important to inform the groom as early as possible and offer to help find a replacement or delegate the responsibilities to someone else. While it may be disappointing to have to step down from the role, it is important to remember that the groom's happiness and well-being take precedence.

Bachelor party planning

Planning a bachelor party can seem like a daunting task, but with some preparation and organisation, you can pull off a memorable event for the groom and guests. Here are some tips to help you plan an enjoyable bachelor party:

Talk to the Groom:

First and foremost, have an in-depth conversation with the groom about his preferences, dos and don'ts, and any activities that are off-limits. While you may want to keep some elements as a surprise, it is advisable to loop the groom in on the basic details, such as timing, location, and type of activities. This will ensure that you plan a party that aligns with his interests and wishes.

Finalise the Guest List:

Involve the groom in deciding who will be invited to the bachelor party. Extend invitations to the groomsmen and any other close friends or family members the groom wishes to include. Make sure to get everyone's contact information to send out invitations and keep them updated.

Discuss the Budget:

Understanding the budget is crucial. Send out a Google form or conduct an informal group text to gauge how much each person is willing and able to spend. Remember that the groom's expenses are typically covered by the bachelor party group, so factor that into the overall budget.

Pick a Theme or Party Style:

Determine the general vibe of the party by considering the interests of the groom and the guests. Are they adventurous and keen on an outdoor trip, or would they prefer a more relaxed evening at a bar or a night of exploring the city's nightlife? This decision will influence the choice of location.

Choose a Date and Location:

Select a date and location that works for the groom and the majority of the guests. Try to plan the party one to three months before the wedding to avoid clashing with major wedding planning milestones. Popular bachelor party cities include Miami, Las Vegas, Austin, Chicago, and Scottsdale, but choose a location that suits the group's interests and desired activities.

Book Travel and Accommodations:

Once you have a confirmed guest list and party style, proceed to book any necessary travel and accommodations, such as flights and rental homes. Ensure you have everyone's confirmation before booking to avoid any financial burdens on a smaller group.

Finalise Activities:

Handle the reservations for any activities you plan to include in the bachelor party itinerary. This could be a group dinner, a golf outing, a pool day, a comedy show, a brewery tour, or any other activities that align with the group's interests. Don't forget to schedule some downtime as well!

Confirm Attendees and Share the Itinerary:

A few weeks before the party, check in with the group to get a final headcount and share a detailed itinerary. Include important details such as hotel information, arrival times, and contact info for all attendees. This is especially helpful for multi-day bachelor parties.

Pack and Travel:

Start packing your suitcase or gathering items you need for the party if you're staying local. Don't forget decorations, party swag, or any other supplies you plan to bring. As the host, consider arriving earlier than the guests to handle any last-minute setup or preparations.

Celebrate and Enjoy:

It's time to let loose and celebrate! As the host, you may want to enlist the help of another groomsman to assist you during the party. Enjoy the activities you've planned, and don't forget to capture some memories through photos or videos.

Regroup and Thank the Group:

After the party, send a quick thank-you note to express your appreciation for the guests' time and presence. It's also a good idea to follow up on any missing payments or outstanding expenses once you've had a chance to review your finances post-party.

Groomsmen coordination

Selecting Groomsmen

The groom typically chooses his groomsmen from among his closest friends and relatives. It is considered an honour to be selected, and these individuals form the groom's inner circle, providing support and positive energy throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. When selecting your groomsmen, consider those who you can rely on to fulfil the duties and responsibilities associated with the role.

Groomsmen Duties

The best man, as the leader of the groomsmen, will organise and delegate responsibilities. Groomsmen duties can include:

• Planning and attending the bachelor party
• Attending pre-wedding events such as the engagement party, couples shower and rehearsal dinner
• Booking travel and accommodation for the wedding
• Purchasing or renting their wedding attire
• Helping the groom get ready on the morning of the wedding
• Providing emotional support and encouragement to the groom
• Ushering guests to their seats and acting as a point of information
• Participating in wedding photographs
• Assisting with practical tasks such as transporting gifts, holding the groom's phone, etc.
• Dancing with single guests or bridesmaids at the reception
• Decorating the couple's car
• Helping with post-wedding clean-up and offering rides to guests

Groomsmen Attire

Coordinating the attire of the groomsmen is essential to achieving a stylish and cohesive look for the wedding. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Choose colours that complement the overall wedding palette while allowing the groomsmen to stand out.
• Classic black and white is timeless and elegant, while navy blue is versatile and pairs well with various accent colours.
• Light and dark shades of grey are popular choices, with light grey suits perfect for spring/summer and charcoal grey for autumn/winter.
• Earth tones like brown, beige and olive are ideal for rustic or outdoor weddings.
• For a bold statement, consider colours like burgundy, emerald green or deep plum, ensuring they harmonise with the wedding palette.
• Coordinate accessories such as ties, pocket squares and boutonnieres with the bridesmaids' dresses or other wedding decor elements.
• Involve the bride in the decision-making process to ensure the groomsmen's attire matches her vision.
• Ensure the groomsmen are comfortable in their attire and that all suits are well-fitted.
• Consider personalising the groomsmen's looks with monogrammed items, themed accessories or colourful socks.
• For a budget-friendly option, rent suits or tuxedos, DIY accessories or take advantage of sales and discounts.

Wedding attire selection

Type of Wedding and Location

The type of wedding, whether formal, semi-formal, or casual, and the location, such as indoors, outdoors, or at a specific venue like a church, will dictate the level of formality for the best man's attire. For example, a beach wedding will call for more casual and breathable outfits, while an evening wedding may require more formal attire.

Time of Day

The time of day will also influence the best man's attire. For morning and afternoon weddings, lighter colours and fabrics may be more appropriate, while evening weddings might call for darker suits or tuxedos.

Coordination with the Groom

The best man and the groom typically choose their suits or tuxedos together, ensuring they complement each other. If the groom is wearing a white dinner jacket, the best man might opt for black. If the groom has chosen a double-breasted coat, the best man could go for a single-breasted style. The key is to create a sense of continuity between the two.

Matching the Groomsmen

While the best man's outfit should be distinct, it should also have some matching elements with the groomsmen's suits, creating a unified look for the wedding party. This can be achieved through subtle variations in colours, patterns, or accessories.

Customisation and Tailoring

Custom-made suits or bespoke tailoring can ensure the best man's outfit fits perfectly and aligns with the wedding's theme and colour scheme. This is especially important for the groom, who should stand out from the rest of the wedding party.

Accessories

Accessories such as cufflinks, pocket squares, boutonnieres, ties, and watches can elevate the best man's attire and add a touch of personality. These accessories should complement the overall style and colour palette of the wedding party.

Seasonal Considerations

The season will play a significant role in the fabric and colour choices for the best man's attire. For summer weddings, lightweight and breathable fabrics like linen or cotton in light colours or pastels are ideal. In contrast, winter weddings call for richer fabrics and deeper colours, with accessories like woollen ties and cashmere scarves adding warmth and style.

Grooming

Personal grooming is an essential, yet often overlooked, aspect of wedding attire. A neat and well-groomed appearance will enhance the best man's outfit and show respect for the occasion. A professional shave or beard trim can be considered to complete the look.

Speech delivery

So, you've had to drop out of being best man at a wedding. It happens! Here are some tips on how to deliver your speech, even if you can't make it to the wedding.

• Firstly, check with the couple to see if they would like you to go ahead with your speech, despite not being able to make it to the wedding.
• If they are happy for you to go ahead, ask them if they would prefer a video or audio recording of your speech, or if they would like you to send the speech to someone else to deliver on your behalf.
• If they would like a recording, make sure you film it in good time before the wedding, so that there is time to send it to them and for any technological issues to be resolved.
• Make sure you are in a quiet room with good lighting and that you are well-presented, as you would be at the wedding.
• If they would like someone else to deliver the speech, make sure you send it to them in good time, so that they can practise.
• You could also record yourself delivering the speech and send it to them, so that they can hear the correct intonation and emphasis.
• If you are sending your speech to someone else to deliver, make sure you include clear instructions on the tone of voice and emphasis to use, and any pauses for laughter or applause.
• If you are recording your speech, make sure you practise beforehand, as you won't get another chance!
• Make sure you are clear on the couple's expectations for the speech, including length and content.
• If you are unable to deliver your speech in any format, you could always send a card or gift to the couple, to be opened on the day, with a heartfelt message inside.

Speech Content

• As best man, your speech should be a mix of heartfelt and funny.
• You could start with a joke, to get everyone's attention, and end with a toast to the happy couple.
• Make sure you mention everyone who needs to be mentioned, including the couple, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, and the couple's parents.
• You could include a story about the groom, or a shared experience, but make sure it is appropriate for the audience, as there will be older relatives present.
• Run your speech past a trusted person to check that the tone is right.
• If you are unable to deliver your speech in person, you could include a joke about that in your speech, to get a laugh from the audience.

Good luck with your speech!

Ring safekeeping

If you can't make it as best man at a wedding, one of your duties that will need to be passed on to someone else is ring safekeeping. Here is a detailed guide on ring safekeeping for a wedding:

Firstly, it is important to plan how the rings will be received during the ceremony. The most common tradition is for the best man or maid of honour to hold the rings before the ceremony and hand them to the officiant when called upon. However, if the best man isn't the most reliable person for the job, there are other options. One alternative is to have a young relative, such as a nephew or cousin under the age of 10, carry the rings down the aisle on a pillow. If this is done, make sure the rings are secured tightly to the pillow so they don't fall off. Another option is to give the ring bearer fake rings to carry, so that the real rings are safe from being lost or damaged. The officiant can also carry the rings, which is a good option if you are worried about offending the best man or another family member. Ultimately, it comes down to who you trust the most.

Secondly, it is important to consider how the rings will be carried. The most practical method is to keep them in their original box, as this is easier to find than a ring and less likely to slip through a pocket. Keeping the rings in their box will also help them to retain their sparkle.

Thirdly, it is important to plan when the rings will be handed over. It is not necessary to hand the rings over to the person who will bring them to the wedding months or weeks beforehand. The night before the wedding is a good time to hand over the rings, in their box, to the person who will be in charge of them.

Finally, it is important to consider what to do with engagement rings during the ceremony. One option is to wear the engagement ring on the ring finger, and then place the wedding band on top of it. However, tradition states that the wedding band should be the ring closest to the heart, so the engagement ring would need to be placed on the outside of the wedding ring. This can be adjusted after the ceremony. Another option is to move the engagement ring to the index finger of the right hand during the ceremony, and then replace it over the wedding ring afterwards. However, this increases the risk of the engagement ring falling off as it is not usually worn on this finger. A third option is to leave the engagement ring at home in a safe place.

Frequently asked questions